of [relationship] ‘vigilance’ include calling at unexpected times to see who s/he was with, having their friends check up on him/her, dropping by unexpectedly to see what s/he is doing, not letting s/he out of their site at a party. Examples of [relationship] violence include: hitting the [person] who made a pass at [their partner], slapping the [person] who made a pass a their partner, threatening their partner, and getting his/her friends to beat up the person who was interested in their partner.
Other tactics of ‘mate guarding’ include the ‘concealment of a mate’ (e.g., not taking them out to the party where other males/females will be present), ‘monopolizing of a mate’s time’ (e.g., spending all their free time with their partner so that they cannot meet anyone else), verbal threats, (e.g., threatening to break up with him/her if they ever cheat…), derogation of competition, (e.g., pointing out to their partner the other man/woman’s flaws), resource display, (e.g., buying them an expensive gift), appearance enhancement, (e.g., making themselves ‘extra attractive’ for their partner), sexual inducement, (e.g., performing sexual favors to keep their partner around), physical signs of possession, (e.g., holding their partner’s hand when other men/women are around), and possessive ornamentation, (e.g., asking their partner to wear a ring signifying that s/he is taken).
Men and women differ in how frequently they perform these mate-guarding tactics. Men are more likely than women to attempt to conceal their mates, use possessive markings, (e.g., asking her to wear his jacket), display resources, threaten rivals, and use physical violence toward rivals as tactics of mate guarding. Women are more likely than men to enhance their physical appearance and flirt with other men as tactics of mate guarding.
Our study of 107 newlywed married couples explored predictors of the intensity of effort a person allocated to mate guarding. Men married to young and physically attractive women, those high in reproductive value, mate-guarded them most intensely. These men were more likely than other men to conceal their mates, display emotional outbursts at the slightest signals of infidelity, and threaten other men with violence. Examples of the specific actions these men performed include:
(1) Refusing to take her to the party where other men were present, (2) Insisting that she spend all her free time with him, (3) Yelling at her for talking to another man, (4) Telling her that he would die if she ever left him, (5) Derogating the other man’s intelligence, (6) Staring coldly at the other guy who was looking at her.
Just as women’s youth and physical attractiveness figure heavily in men’s initial mate preference, they also determine the intensity of effort men devote to holding on to her.
Buss, David. "The Murderer Next Door: Why The Mind Is Designed To Kill." Penguin Press; New York, 2005. (p. 146 - 147)
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