As a student of the language, I believe we’re living in a golden age for stock phrases, cliches and buzzwords — lifeless, pre-packaged English, which I have mastered, if you catch my drift.

Let me make myself clear. This is not your father’s set of annoying expressions, although, in the final analysis, it is what it is. Just sayin’.

First, let’s drill down to the historical roots of the problem. Quite frankly, people have been getting their cliche on since Stonehenge, the prehistoric world’s most buzz-worthy public works buy-in, officially known as “No Big Stones Left Behind.”

At first, the chronically disadvantaged Stonehenge community went all negative and dismissed the idea of arranging ginormous stones in a circle as a non-starter. As a result, the entire rock collection was thrown under the bus.

Truth be told, this damaged the Stonehenge brand, not to mention the bus axle. Talk about a buzzkill. It was almost as if these people had been living in a cave or under one of those rocks.

Then a light bulb went off among the Stonehenge chattering classes. This changed the culture, and within a matter of centuries, the project morphed into a no-brainer, although, to be perfectly honest, it would have blown their minds to learn that Stonehenge would go viral and be on every German tourist’s bucket list.

Thomas Jefferson has ownership over the next great leap forward. The big reveal came in a newly discovered text. Declaration of Independence 2.0 begins: “So, when in the course of human events it becomes all good going forward to man up over Britain fatigue ...”

Then Lincoln upped the ante at Gettysburg: “Back in the day, our fathers went all in and brought forth on this continent ...”

Now, 100 years later, the use of canned phrases from hell on steroids has reached epic, if not epidemic proportions, let alone toxic levels. It increases exponentially 24/7 as more and more people drink the Kool-Aid.

Most blameworthy are the s-o-o-o overemployed TV pundits. Buzzword-istas, if you will. It freaks me out to hear them contaminate the language — literally. They talk about ground games, game-changers and doubling down. Are they auditioning to be sports analysts?

Or opticians? Politicians are scolded for “bad optics.” Do they need glasses? Better lighting? No. These super-hip talking heads are saying in their own iconic way that something looks bad. Totally. Wait, let me walk that back a bit — I mean “absolutely.”

At the end of the day, formulaic language keeps those of us in the know on the same page. But what about the less fortunate 99 percent? What do they bring to the table? Diddly squat.

In actual fact, the buzzword-challenged must play catch-up. Which goes to an entirely different narrative.

Look, I’m raising troubling questions and opening a rare window on trite language for the shrinking middle class and the disenfranchised.

We all want a diverse society with a level playing field, though I worry that the playing field will be littered with glass from that shattered glass ceiling.

It’s all about speaking truth to power, and I can do this only if I stick to my talking points, even as I sense you’re wandering off into la-la land. If you think this paradigm shift has taken English to the next level, you couldn’t be any more wrong. Am I making sense?

No? OK, I get it, believe me, I get it. I feel you. If anyone has been bent out of shape by this column, I’m sorry. I’ve been indulging in hackneyed language porn. My bad. I take full responsibility. Mistakes have been made ... by my staff.

I’m willing to pivot and be at the epicenter of the solution. I don’t want to kick the can down the road because I’m not sure the can would pass the sniff test after rolling through all that muck.

That being said, let me end this very unique cautionary tale by pushing the envelope outside the box toward an exit strategy. I am cautiously — no, make that guardedly — optimistic.

Bottom line: What has been one of the great all-time languages is fast becoming an unmitigated disaster. So let’s start speaking English again, not in pre-packaged phrases but with the richness that comes from creating fresh combinations of words.

I mean I hope that’s your take-away. Seriously.

Reg Henry is off today.


Peter Leo of Squirrel Hill, a retired Post-Gazette columnist and occasional Portfolio contributor, can be reached at peterleo11@comcast.net.