Connection

Rigorous studies support four antidotes to escalation:

(1) Separate the initial decision-maker from the decision evaluator. Once you’ve made the initial choice to go to the restaurant or hire the employee, you’re no longer in a neutral position to decide whether to keep investing in that course of action. Since you’re biased in favor of sticking with the slow restaurant, the old car, and the underperforming employee, it’s valuable to delegate the decision to someone who can take an unbiased look at the facts.

In a study of California banks, after clients defaulted on loans, managers tried to turn things around by giving second loans. Having made the initial decision to approve the problem loans, they came to believe that the debtors would come through. This escalation problem was reduced by turnover among senior managers. The new managers had no need to protect their egos and save face: they hadn’t approved the original loans, so they were able to look at them more rationally. They recognized that they should cut their losses by writing off the loans and setting aside funds to cover them.

(2) Create accountability for decision processes, not only outcomes. Many leaders like the idea of holding people accountable for the results they achieve. That way, employees have the freedom to choose different methods and strategies, and we don’t have to monitor their work along the way. The problem with this approach is that it allows employees to make faulty decisions along the way, convincing themselves that the ends will justify the means. Research demonstrates that long before outcomes are known, asking employees to explain their decision processes can encourage them to conduct a thorough, evenhanded analysis of the options.

Process accountability can be applied to our own choices, too. It just means setting some criteria for the decision process in advance. Before arriving at the restaurant, you might agree that you’ll only wait for 30 minutes. Prior to choosing an employee to hire, you could decide how much training this position should receive.

(3) Shift attention away from the self. Once you’ve learned that an initial choice didn’t pan out, your focus immediately turns to your pride and your reputation. Research shows that if you consider the implications of the decision for others, you can make a more balanced assessment.

In Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me), psychologists Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson present a chilling analysis of how police officers and prosecutors reject airtight DNA evidence that proves the innocence of people they imprisoned. It’s painful to look in the mirror and admit that they punished an innocent person. If they focused more on the good they could do for the wrongly convicted people and their families, they might be more open to the possibility that they made an error.

(4) Be careful about compliments. When we praise people for their skills, it can go one of two ways. It can reduce escalation by protecting the ego, allowing people to feel good enough about themselves that they’re comfortable acknowledging a mistake. But it can also increase escalation by inflating the ego, causing people to become cocky: they couldn’t have made a mistake. Which way does it go?

Accept Others

Let’s start with your attitude. If you don’t like people, people won’t like you. That’s simple enough. And to like people, you need to accept them. Then, if you accept them, they’ll accept you. This is what you need to understand about acceptance:

People are not binary. People are not ones or zeros, smart or dumb, worthwhile or worthless. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, positives and negatives, competencies and deficiencies.Everyone is better than you at something. If you have a tough time accepting others, it’s probably because you think you’re superior to them. However, you’re not superior to every person in every way.People are more similar than they are different. At a basic level, almost everyone wants to raise a family, do something meaningful, and enjoy life. This is true across races, creeds, colors, and countries. You probably have lot in common with people you don’t like.People deserve a break. The stressed and unorganized person who doesn’t have the same priorities as you may be dealing with an autistic child, abusive spouse, fading parents, or cancer. Don’t judge people until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. Give them a break instead.We all die equal. At the end of your life, you’re going to be a mass of tissue and bone that reduces to a pile of dust like everyone else, so get over yourself. Death is the great equalizer.

FountainBlue's June 14 When She Speaks, Women in Leadership Series event was on the topic of Millennials in Our Midst. See our notes about millennials and advice about working with millennials.

When I saw my son Tarun forget his lines and freeze up on the big stage at the 2011 Economist Ideas Economy: Information Summit, my heart sank. I wanted to rush up and give him a big hug and say

1. They take a stand not because they think they are always right… but because they are not afraid to be wrong.

Cocky and conceited people tend to take a position and then proclaim, bluster, and totally disregard differing opinions or points of view. They know they’re right – and they want (actually they need) you to know it too.

Their behavior isn’t a sign of confidence, though; it’s the hallmark of an intellectual bully.

Truly confident people don’t mind being proven wrong. They feel finding out what is right is a lot more important than being right. And when they’re wrong, they’re secure enough to back down graciously.

Truly confident people often admit they’re wrong or don’t have all the answers; intellectual bullies never do.

2. They listen ten times more than they speak.

Bragging is a mask for insecurity. Truly confident people are quiet and unassuming. They already know what they think; they want to know what you think.

So they ask open-ended questions that give other people the freedom to be thoughtful and introspective: They ask what you do, how you do it, what you like about it, what you learned from it… and what they should do if they find themselves in a similar situation.

Truly confident people realize they know a lot, but they wish they knew more… and they know the only way to learn more is to listen more.

3. They duck the spotlight so it shines on others.

Perhaps it’s true they did the bulk of the work. Perhaps they really did overcome the major obstacles. Perhaps it’s true they turned a collection of disparate individuals into an incredibly high performance team.

Truly confident people don’t care – at least they don’t show it. (Inside they’re proud, as well they should be.) Truly confident people don’t need the glory; they know what they’ve achieved.

They don’t need the validation of others, because true validation comes from within.

So they stand back and celebrate their accomplishments through others. They stand back and let others shine – a confidence boost that helps those people become truly confident, too.

4. They freely ask for help.

Many people feel asking for help is a sign of weakness; implicit in the request is a lack of knowledge, skill, or experience.

Confident people are secure enough to admit a weakness. So they often ask others for help, not only because they are secure enough to admit they need help but also because they know that when they seek help they pay the person they ask a huge compliment.

Saying, “Can you help me?” shows tremendous respect for that individual’s expertise and judgment. Otherwise you wouldn't ask.

5. They think, “Why not me?”

Many people feel they have to wait: To be promoted, to be hired, to be selected, to be chosen... like the old Hollywood cliché, to somehow be discovered.

Truly confident people know that access is almost universal. They can connect with almost anyone through social media. (Everyone you know knows someone you should know.) They know they can attract their own funding, create their own products, build their own relationships and networks, choose their own path – they can choose to follow whatever course they wish.

And very quietly, without calling attention to themselves, they go out and do it.

6. They don't put down other people.

Generally speaking, the people who like to gossip, who like to speak badly of others, do so because they hope by comparison to make themselves look better.

The only comparison a truly confident person makes is to the person she was yesterday – and to the person she hopes to someday become.

7. They aren’t afraid to look silly…

Running around in your underwear is certainly taking it to extremes… but when you’re truly confident, you don’t mind occasionally being in a situation where you aren't at your best.

(And oddly enough, people tend to respect you more when you do – not less.)

8. … And they own their mistakes.

Insecurity tends to breed artificiality; confidence breeds sincerity and honesty.

That’s why truly confident people admit their mistakes. They dine out on their screw-ups. They don’t mind serving as a cautionary tale. They don’t mind being a source of laughter – for others and for themselves.

When you’re truly confident, you don’t mind occasionally “looking bad.” You realize that that when you’re genuine and unpretentious, people don’t laugh at you.

They laugh with you.

9. They only seek approval from the people who really matter.

You say you have 10k Twitter followers? Swell. 20k Facebook friends? Cool. A professional and social network of hundreds or even thousands? That’s great.

But that also pales in comparison to earning the trust and respect of the few people in your life that truly matter.

When we earn their trust and respect, no matter where we go or what we try, we do it with true confidence – because we know the people who truly matter the most are truly behind us.

Effort creates its own reward.

Hard choices build outstanding reputations.

Luck is occasional, but intent lasts forever.

The angel lies in the details.

The hard choice is always binary.

 

Promises You Intend To Keep

In order to commit with integrity, you must intend to keep your promise. This implies that you must believe the following:

1. You understand the request. If you don’t understand the conditions of satisfaction (including time), then you cannot expect to fulfill them. You are signing a contract that you haven’t read.

2. You have a robust plan. If your plan can be derailed by likely contingencies, then you cannot expect it to withstand their impact. You are hoping for the best, but not preparing for the worst.

3. You have the necessary skills and resources. If you don’t have the required skills and resources, then you cannot expect to finish the job. You are writing a fraudulent check with no funds in your account.

Unless you believe you fulfill each and every one of these requirements, then you cannot make a promise in good conscience. And if at any point during the delivery process you change your mind, you cannot maintain your promise without debasing your word.

Of course, you can make an honest mistake, but you cannot tell an honest lie. You may mistakenly believe that you can deliver when in fact you cannot. But you may not honestly say that you will deliver when you believe you cannot.

There are, unfortunately, too many examples of lack of integrity in organizations:

People leave a meeting where they were tasked with action items muttering, “What are we supposed to do now?”A manager makes a promise, without checking that his team has the skills and resources (especially time) required for the project.A salesperson promises immediate delivery of an item without checking if it’s available.“Priorities shift” and someone applies committed resources to a different task.A small breakdown justifies big delays—the typical “traffic” excuse.Things go off track but nobody notices until it’s too late.

Integrity Means “No Surprises”

Imagine you made a promise with integrity, but something happens and you now believe that your commitment is at risk. How do you preserve your integrity?

You do it with an apology.

An integrity-preserving apology requires much more than a quick “Sorry.” Expressing regret is a good start, but not nearly enough. To honor your word you must announce the breakdown immediately, explain what happened, accept accountability, and minimize the damage to your creditor–that is, the person to whom you made the promise.

Reverse the situation and put yourself in the shoes of the creditor. If someone who made a promise to you realizes he will probably not deliver, what would he have to do to keep yourtrust?

I have asked this of thousands of professionals, and practically all of them replied along the following lines: “If my promisor thought that her commitment was at risk, I would like her to tell me right away. I would like her to come to me and,

1. Explain what changed and why it was unpredictable.

2. Inquire as to what problems this creates for me and what she could do to solve them.

3. Offer a new commitment that preserves efficiency and takes care of me.”

I then ask my clients if they have ever received an apology like this. “Never!” they usually complain. “The deadline comes and goes, I don’t get what I was promised, and the other person doesn’t show up. Worse yet, if I complain, he gets angry and blames me for not understanding that he had a problem—always caused by circumstances outside of his control!”

Righteous indignation feels good, but it blinds you to your own behavior. It is much easier to demand that others honor their word than to do it yourself. I then ask the same clients if they have ever given an apology like this. An embarrassing silence ensues.

Integrity As Competitive Advantage

One of my clients commissioned a survey asking microchip customers to name the most reliable supplier. The customers favored company X. A statistical analysis revealed something shocking: X’s delivery record wasn’t better than that of its competitors. Why did customers assess X as more reliable?

Every time an account manager discovered that she couldn’t deliver a product by a promised date, she immediately called the client to apologize and make alternative arrangements. Employees never hid a delay from their customers; instead, they were proactive. They assumed responsibility and did what they could to correct the situation. This policy reaped enormous rewards in terms of client loyalty.

Bone healing is a great metaphor here: If you take good care of a fracture, the bone becomes stronger than it was before. If you take good care of your promises, the relationship becomes stronger than it was before.

Integrity As Love

I was working in Zurich the week before my daughter Sophie’s sixteenth birthday. My client asked me to stay over the weekend to facilitate some difficult conversations. This meant I would miss my daughter’s party, a party that I had promised to attend. I committed to respond to my client by the next morning.

I called Sophie, pictured at left, and explained the situation. I told her that if she wanted me to come back, I would do as I had promised. But then I asked her if there were anything at all that she would want to do with me, that would be even better than having me at the party. “Oh yes,” she gloated, “Let’s go… skydiving!”

I stayed in Zurich with my client. Luckily, we couldn’t do the tandem jump because she had to be over eighteen. But we did take an acrobatic glider ride, which was only marginally better. Sophie squealed with delight for 45 minutes, while I screamed in terror for what felt to me like 4.5 hours.

It is unconscionable to behave with integrity toward adults but not toward children. Yet, how many times do we break our promises to our children (whom we love dearly) without apologizing properly?

The same dynamic applies in organizations. Do you know anybody who thinks that he needs to keep his promises toward his peers and managers, but who also thinks that he can be excused when he deals with subordinates?

If you can state something as a technical problem that has a solution – a task to be completed – then eventually this problem can and will be solved by computer:

Finding a good restaurant in Topeka.Running a cashier’s station at the grocery store.Landing a plane.Filing a sales and expense report.Operating an assembly line.Diagnosing a disease.Making a profit through arbitraging a security or some other asset.Driving a car.Spotting a tax deduction.Summarizing a news story or an academic article.

It shouldn’t be a mystery where all the salaried jobs have gone, because problem-solving jobs like these – jobs that pay perfectly good wages to human beings, or at least used to – are virtually all being automated away. It’s not a question of whether enough computer power will be available to solve these problems, only of when.

There are only two ways to “beat the clock” against the kind of galloping automation already consuming so many jobs. One way is to become very good at dealing with interpersonal issues – people skills. We are all much more interconnected, and our economic activities are more and more interdependent. So resolving the people-to-people issues that plague organizations and groups of cooperating people is a skill that is likely never to go out of style, and it's obviously beyond the capabilities of any conceivable computer.

The other way to beat the clock is not to focus on solving problems but on discovering them. Discovering new problems is something that computers can’t really do, and are unlikely to be able to do in your lifetime. Discovering new problems is otherwise known as “creativity.” Andcreativity, graduates, is one of the most important keys to generating economic value. By its very definition, creativity involves solving a problem that wasn’t there before.

Maintaining a creative and open-minded outlook and relating well with other people are likely to be extremely important skills in whatever career path you choose, bar none.

Launch a business on your own, even as a free-lancer, and you won’t be able to land a customer until you’ve discovered some problem you can solve better than a computer, and you have enough interpersonal skills to convince someone else that you can.If you go into sales, your prospect will be able to use computer power to solve the problem of evaluating your product’s capabilities, but you’ll still be able to generate value if you can converse with her in such a way as to discover new problems to solve.Go into finance, and your computer will solve the problem of making profitable trades based on trends and probabilities, but you can generate value yourself by thinking creatively about financial problems that haven’t yet been solved.If you go into teaching, computers will take over more and more of the problem of basic instruction, but you’ll still be able to generate value as long as you can come up with new pedagogical perspectives, or you can creatively improve a student’s performance through your personal relationship.Even if you’re graduating pre-med, you won’t be able to generate economic value for long simply by solving the problem of operating a scalpel or interpreting a CAT scan. Rather, you’ll need to discover new problems, perhaps by doing research, or perhaps simply by listening more creatively to a patient’s own description of her symptoms, human to human.

1. Creative leaders may be somewhat (or very) rebellious, but in a good way, if that makes sense. They’re rebellious in that they tend to be uncomfortable with traditional rules and conventions. They want to do new things, or at least old things in new ways.

What I’m not saying: Creative leaders get to be obstinate jackasses. I don’t care if you think you’re Pablo freaking Picasso, it’s going to be harder to be creative when someone has judo chopped you in the windpipe because of your incessant and jackass-ish obstinacy.

2. Creative leaders are ambitious, but in any number of ways. 
Ambition can take many forms; some of them attractive, others, not so much. It could be influence, team success, need for recognition, need for adulation, etc. This one can go either way. I feel like I’m about to give “the talk” to Luke Skywalker about the Force and the Dark Side. Sorry, Andy Janning, no such luck today.

3. They make associations others wouldn’t. You might see this especially clearly when creative leaders have locked their minds on some dilemma or quandary. They’re imaginative, sometimes playful, and general have oodles of ideas, many of which leave you scratching your head wondering if they were serious or not. And then three seconds later you realize they might be accidentally brilliant.

4. Their minds are like, a roller coaster baby baby, I wanna ride. (90′s Red Hot Chili Peppers reference free of charge) Some studies have shown that creatives may have a greater tendency to experience emotions more intensely and have more fluctuations in moods and emotional state. Translation: They might be moody. They can also have self-confidence issues.

5. Details, deatils. Sometimes creative folks may need to some help from the more put-together among us to actually fill in the details and take a project all the way across the finish line because Mr. Rollercoaster hopped in line for a different ride already before that annoying teenager gave him permission to unbuckle from the one he was on.

6. They want to kick ass (when they’re not being moody little beyonces as mentioned above). Their creativity is often kicked into gear because they’re trying to accomplish something, solve a problem. They feel a need — a real need — to find a way to solve a thing once they’ve put their mind to it.

7. Mental stamina. Related to the above, they can have bursts of creative mental energy that allows them to focus for extended periods of time on a given conundrum or preoccupation.

8. They’re like gymnasts. Yes, it’s true. Creative leaders have a propensity to don grown-up singlets and prance around the house every third weekend.

I’m kidding. (I hope) They’re often flexible. They tend to roll with the punches and adapt as they’re rolling. Many times they’ll be able to see different aspects of issues and will throw out options that sound ridiculous at first, but then….boom. Oh? The situation just changed? Woohoo! Another chance to be creative.

Why does it matter? If our workplaces are truly habitats for humans, then it’s super important for us to work hard to understand the different sorts of folks with whom we get to work every day. Those oddball creative people are no different. Well, actually, I guess they kind of are. But that’s a good thing.

The pacesetting leader expects and models excellence and self-direction. If this style were summed up in one phrase, it would be “Do as I do, now.” The pacesetting style works best when the team is already motivated and skilled, and the leader needs quick results. Used extensively, however, this style can overwhelm team members and squelch innovation.

The authoritative leader mobilizes the team toward a common vision and focuses on end goals, leaving the means up to each individual. If this style were summed up in one phrase, it would be “Come with me.” The authoritative style works best when the team needs a new vision because circumstances have changed, or when explicit guidance is not required. Authoritative leaders inspire an entrepreneurial spirit and vibrant enthusiasm for the mission. It is not the best fit when the leader is working with a team of experts who know more than him or her.

The affiliative leader works to create emotional bonds that bring a feeling of bonding and belonging to the organization. If this style were summed up in one phrase, it would be “People come first.” The affiliative style works best in times of stress, when teammates need to heal from a trauma, or when the team needs to rebuild trust. This style should not be used exclusively, because a sole reliance on praise and nurturing can foster mediocre performance and a lack of direction.

The coaching leader develops people for the future. If this style were summed up in one phrase, it would be “Try this.” The coaching style works best when the leader wants to help teammates build lasting personal strengths that make them more successful overall. It is least effective when teammates are defiant and unwilling to change or learn, or if the leader lacks proficiency.

The coercive leader demands immediate compliance. If this style were summed up in one phrase, it would be “Do what I tell you.” The coercive style is most effective in times of crisis, such as in a company turnaround or a takeover attempt, or during an actual emergency like a tornado or a fire. This style can also help control a problem teammate when everything else has failed. However, it should be avoided in almost every other case because it can alienate people and stifle flexibility and inventiveness.

The democratic leader builds consensus through participation. If this style were summed up in one phrase, it would be “What do you think?” The democratic style is most effective when the leader needs the team to buy into or have ownership of a decision, plan, or goal, or if he or she is uncertain and needs fresh ideas from qualified teammates. It is not the best choice in an emergency situation, when time is of the essence for another reason or when teammates are not informed enough to offer sufficient guidance to the leader.

1. Be clear about the issue. To prepare for the conversation, you need to ask yourself two important questions: "What exactly is the behavior that is causing the problem?" and "What is the impact that the behavior is having on you, the team or the organization?" You need to reach clarity for yourself so you can articulate the issue in two or three succinct statements. If not, you risk going off on a tangent during the conversation. The lack of focus on the central issue will derail the conversation and sabotage your intentions.

2. Know your objective. What do you want to accomplish with the conversation? What is the desired outcome? What are the non-negotiables? As English philosopher Theodore Zeldin put it: A successful conversation "doesn't just reshuffle the cards: it creates new cards." What are the new cards that you want to have in your hands by the end of the conversation? Once you have determined this, plan how you will close the conversation. Don't end without clearly expressed action items. What is the person agreeing to do? What support are you committed to provide? What obstacles might prevent these remedial actions from taking place? What do you both agree to do to overcome potential obstacles? Schedule a follow up to evaluate progress and definitively reach closure on the issue at hand.

3. Adopt a mindset of inquiry. Spend a little time to reflect on your attitude toward the situation and the person involved. What are your preconceived notions about it? Your mindset will predetermine your reaction and interpretations of the other person's responses, so it pays to approach such a conversation with the right mindset—which in this context is one of inquiry. A good doctor diagnoses a situation before reaching for his prescription pad. This applies equally to a leader. Be open to hear first what the other person has to say before reaching closure in your mind. Even if the evidence is so clear that there is no reason to beat around the bush, we still owe it to the person to let them tell their story. A good leader remains open and seeks a greater truth in any situation. The outcome of adopting this approach might surprise you.

4. Manage the emotions. Most of us were likely raised to believe that emotions need to be left at the door. We now know that this is an old-school approach that is no longer valid in today's work environments. It is your responsibility as a leader to understand and manage the emotions in the discussion. The late Robert Plutchik, professor at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine, created a Wheel of Emotionsto show that emotions follow a path. What starts as an annoyance, for example, can move to anger and, in extreme cases, escalate to rage. We can avoid this by being mindful of preserving the person's dignity—and treating them with respect—even if we totally disagree with them. 

In some cases, you may have to respond to a person's tears. In the video "How To Handle Tears At Work," Anne Kreamer, author of It's Always Personal: Navigating Emotion in the New Workplace, provides several strategies. These include acknowledging the tears rather than ignoring them, offering the person a tissue to provide an opportunity to gather his or her thoughts, and recognizing that the tears communicate a problem to be addressed.

5. Be comfortable with silence. There will be moments in the conversation where a silence occurs. Don't rush to fill it with words. Just as the pause between musical notes helps us appreciate the music, so the periodic silence in the conversation allows us to hear what was said and lets the message sink in. A pause also has a calming effect and can help us connect better. For example, if you are an extrovert, you're likely uncomfortable with silence, as you're used to thinking while you're speaking. This can be perceived as steamrolling or overbearing, especially if the other party is an introvert. Introverts want to think before they speak. Stop talking and allow them their moment—it can lead to a better outcome.   

6. Preserve the relationship. A leader who has high emotional intelligence is always mindful to limit any collateral damage to a relationship. It takes years to build bridges with people and only minutes to blow them up. Think about how the conversation can fix the situation, without erecting an irreparable wall between you and the person. 

7. Be consistent. Ensure that your objective is fair and that you are using a consistent approach. For example, if the person thinks you have one set of rules for this person and a different set for another, you'll be perceived as showing favoritism. Nothing erodes a relationship faster than perceived inequality. Employees have long-term memories of how you handled situations in the past. Aim for consistency in your leadership approach. We trust a leader who is consistent because we don't have to second-guess where they stand on important issues such as culture, corporate values and acceptable behaviors.

8. Develop your conflict resolution skills. Conflict is a natural part of human interaction. Managing conflict effectively is one of the vital skills of leadership. Have a few, proven phrases that can come in handy in crucial spots.

9. Watch your reaction to thwarting ploys. In a Harvard Business Review article, Sarah Green lists nine common mistakes we make when we conduct a difficult conversation. One of these mistakes is how we handle thwarting ploys, such as stonewalling, sarcasm and accusing. The best advice is to simply address the ploy openly and sincerely. As the author says, if the ploy from your counterpart is stubborn unresponsiveness, you can candidly say, "I don't know how to interpret your silence." Disarm the ploy by labeling the observed behavior.

10. Choose the right place to have the conversation.Calling people into your office may not be the best strategy. Sitting in your own turf, behind your desk, shifts the balance of power too much on your side. Even simple body language, such as leaning forward toward the person rather than leaning back on your chair, can carry a subtle message of your positive intentions; i.e., "We're in this together. Let's problem solve so that we have a better workplace." Consider holding the meeting in a neutral place such as a meeting room where you can sit adjacent to each other without the desk as a barrier. Don't exclude the coffee shop.

11. Know how to begin. Some people put off having the conversation because they don't know how to start. The best way to start is with a direct approach. "John, I would like to talk with you about what happened at the meeting this morning when Bob asked about the missed deadline. Let's grab a cup of coffee tomorrow morning to chat." Or: "Linda, I want to go over some of the issues with XYZ customer and some concerns that I have. Let's meet tomorrow morning to problem-solve." 

Being upfront is the authentic and respectful approach. You don't want to ambush people by surprising them about the nature of the "chat." Make sure your tone of voice signals discussion and not inquisition, exploration and not punishment.

12. Train other leaders on how to handle the difficult conversation. There are dozens of good books written on this crucial topic, such as Difficult Conversations: How To Discuss What Matters Most and Crucial Conversations: Tools For Talking When Stakes Are High. Pick up two or three copies for your corporate library and encourage leaders in your organization to develop this important skill. 

Leadership is not just a set of learned skills, a series of outcomes,a career, a profession, or a title. Leadership, at its core, is about character: specifically, a character attuned to its ethical responsibilities to others. The kind of character that, in regard to others, always tries to do the right thing, for the right reason, on purpose.

They suggest ten virtues or traits of character and as such they describe not just a leader's behavior but a clear sense of the way a leader thinks; the beliefs and motivations behind their actions. They note that these virtues are fragmentary in that they can exist apart from one another and rarely does any leader possess all of them. 

1. Deep Honesty. Not just truth-telling but a bias for the truth. "It describes the leader's basic commitment to the truth, and a sense of shame or anger when deceitfulness replaces truth-telling." (James Burke, Johnson & Johnson) 

2. Moral Courage. "Here one confronts a multitude of things that terrify people: fear of criticism or embarrassment; fear of poverty or job loss; fear of losing friends or being ostracized—even fear of being seen to be in the wrong. Overcoming self-doubt can be an expression of courage." Courageous leaders hold fast to their values and purpose even when there is no certainty that they will prevail. Courage is of particular importance because unlike the virtue of honesty, is not an aim in itself but it supports other moral claims. As such, philosopher Robert Merrihew Adams describes courage as a "structural virtue." (Abraham Lincoln and Rosa Parks) 

3. Moral Vision. Great leaders not only "exhibit moral courage, they are also able to understand the meaning of the values they fight for and the importance of ethics in both human life and in the life of organizations and communities." They understand the consequences of ethical values and are able to share it with others. (Winston Churchill) 

4. Compassion and Care. The ability to connect with and resonate to the needs of their followers. Leadership is a relationship. (Oprah Winfrey) 

5. Fairness. Leaders should be fair in executing policies across the board. Fairness reinforces followers' trust. Everyone is special but not different. (Dwight D. Eisenhower) 

6. Intellectual Excellence. Great leaders are teachable. They listen. "The vice that corrodes leadership, is self-sufficiency: a smug lack of interest in new information and the dismissal of others' opinions, especially when they challenge one's own views." (Franklin D. Roosevelt) 

7. Creative Thinking. A tendency toward independence and creativity in thinking. It may show itself "in new ways of accomplishing organizational goals, and even of redefining those goals." In periods of great change a "premium is placed on leaders who can come up with original solutions or approaches." (Herb Kelleher) 

8. Aesthetic Sensitivity. This virtue is not just an appreciation of the creation of beauty, but an ability to leverage it for the organizations advantage. "By paying attention to the aesthetic dimensions of their enterprise, outstanding leaders pioneer new products and services and actively shape the tastes of millions." (Steve Jobs) 

9. Good Timing. This, like courage, is another structural virtue. It is necessary for the pursuit of any worthy goal. "Like deep honesty, good timing defies superficial outer appraisal. A leader who waits the precise moment to act may appear indecisive to those who urge a quicker response. Such a leader must also have the courage to weather criticisms." (Charles de Gaulle) 

10. Deep Selflessness. The willingness to sacrifice oneself. In moments of great organizational uncertainty or crisis, a leader's self-sacrifice "could send a clear message as to what kind of conduct is needed to overcome the crisis and how earnestly the leader is committed to the cause of the organization. It conveys to followers the leader's strong conviction that 'we can do it,' and is an earnest invitation to participate." (Martin Luther King Jr.)

The United States has the world’s strongest military, and this will be the case for decades. We also are fortunate to be at peace with our neighbors and to have the protection of two great oceans.The U.S. has among the world’s best universities and hospitals.The U.S. has a reliable rule of law and low corruption.The people of the United States have a great work ethic and “can do” attitude.Americans are among the most entrepreneurial and innovative people in the world – from those who work on the factory floors to the geniuses like Steve Jobs. Improving “things” and increasing productivity is an American pastime. And America still fosters an entrepreneurial culture where risk taking is allowed – accepting that it can result in success or failure.The United States is home to many of the best businesses on the planet – from small and middle sized to large global multinationals.The United States also has the widest, deepest, most transparent and best financial markets in the world. And I’m not talking about just Wall Street and banks – I include the whole mosaic: venture capital, private equity, asset managers, individual and corporate investors, and the public and private capital markets. Our financial markets have been an essential part of the great American business machine.

...

America, however, does not have a divine right to success

Great potential and past glory do not guarantee future success. This is true for companies, and it is true for countries. America does not have a divine right to success -- we have some serious issues to address. Our immigration policy is flawed. We have yet to find a way for law-abiding but undocumented immigrants to stay in this country. And it is alarming that approximately 40% of those who receive advanced degrees in science, technology, engineering and math at American universities are foreign nationals with no legal way of staying here even when many of them would choose to do so.

We need five- to 20-year intelligent infrastructure plans (electrical grids, roads, tunnels, bridges, airports, etc.) for our cities, states and federal government. We also need better opportunities for all our citizens, and that can’t happen when 50% of our high school students in the inner cities fail to graduate. And without rational, long-term fiscal policy, including cost-effective reform of our entitlement programs – it will not be possible to establish a proper safety net and to create the incentive for consumers to responsibly take care of their health. It also is time to reform both the individual and corporate tax codes, which are confusing, inefficient and costly. Our corporate tax policies are, at the margin, driving capital overseas, just as, at the margin, our immigration policies are driving brainpower back overseas. The good news is that all these problems are known, and they are solvable. Fixing these issues would greatly increase American prosperity for decades. I also suspect it would improve income equality, a cherished American ideal.

 

No mercenaries. Only hire people who truly believe in the mission of the company; test them on this in the interview process. While someone who is highly talented but concerned only with their own success may get a lot done, that person is often disruptive and toxic to an organization.

Smarter than you. Seek employees who know much more about the area they are being hired into than you; you will learn from them.

Accomplished. Look for people who have a real accomplishment or two in their life that they can point to -- such as being part of a team that shipped a major product. Such achievements show they know what it takes to succeed.

Company culture fit. The way they communicate, manage, work, etc. fits how your company operates on a daily basis. This is not about whether they are a fun person to hang out with in your free time.

Diverse. Look for employees with varied backgrounds and experiences who can bring fresh perspectives and new ideas.

To make a clear request you must utter it in the first person, using direct language and addressing it to a specific person. You must specify observable conditions of satisfaction, including time. It helps if you explain your purpose for asking, and, if and when you arrive at an oral contract, always ask the other sign it.

Although there are many ways to ask, the most effective ones follow a common pattern:

In order to get A (a want or need),I ask that you deliver B by C.Can you commit to that?

It may sound odd to ask like this; you can adjust your language to suit your culture. For example, the production manager might have addressed the plant manager as follows: “I am running behind schedule. I don’t see how to catch up without some extra help. In order to finish the job I need some overtime. Can you authorize a second shift for the next three weeks?”

Time to Commit

A well-formed request demands a clear response. There are only three possible answers:

Yes, I commit.No, I decline.I can’t commit yet because,
a. I need clarification.
b. I need to check; I promise to respond by X.
c. I want to propose an alternative.
d. I can make it only if I get Y by Z.

Anything else is a weasel promise. Here are some interesting ways by which people often say, “No, I don’t commit.”

Yes, I’ll try.OK, let me see what I can do.Seems doable.Let me check into it.Someone will take care of it.

When you declare, “I commit,” you assume the responsibility to honor your wordunconditionally. You take on an obligation to deliver on your promise; or if you can’t, to do your best to take care of the requestor.

When you declare, “I decline,” you might still try to do what you were asked, but you don’t commit. You do not give the requestor the right to hold you accountable. It is much better to have a clear “no” than to get bogged down in a wishy-washy “I’ll do my best.”

There are many good reasons to decline. You may not have the resources; you may not have the skills; you may have a conflict with a previous commitment; you may anticipate problems; or you may just not want to do it.

When you are not ready to say “yes” or “no” right away, you may:

Ask for clarification if the request is unclear to you. For example, if I ask you to help me with a project, you might ask, “What kind of help do you need?” or, “When do you need my help?”Promise to respond by a certain time if you need to check your resources, obtain commitments from others, or assess whether you can deliver to specifications. For example, if I ask you to prepare a report, you might answer, “Let me check if I have the information available. I’ll get back to you in an hour.”Counteroffer with an alternative proposal to satisfy the need behind the request. For example, if I ask you to meet today, you might respond: “I am not available today. Could we meet tomorrow? Or if it’s urgent, we could speak by phone.”Commit conditionally if your commitment depends on factors outside of your control. For example, if I ask you deliver a rush order, you can commit to do it only if I authorize overtime.

Clear commitments don’t mean that everything will work out. Life is unpredictable, so even the most impeccable commitments can break down. In my next post, I will explain how you can preserve effectiveness, trust, and integrity even when you can’t fulfill your promise.

1. “I want to be a leader, but [insert random excuse here.]“

I like big buts and I cannot lie, you other brothers can’t deny…

Except in this situation here, where the buts are subconscious parachutes. If you really, truly want to lead, then lead. Brilliant, right? I’ve yet to hear of an organization telling someone to stop demonstrating leadership ability.

2. “I need a title to lead.”

Repeat after me: A title does not make you a leader any more than dressing in a bedazzled white jumpsuit makes you Elvis.

I think the fixation comes from so many years within which rigidly hierarchical power structures squelched any and all initiative, independent thought, etc. But it’s 2013 kids. Sure, there are still some really anal organizations, but they’re increasingly full of anal people who dig that sort of thing. For the rest of us, there are options. And when you find yourselves situated somewhere, you can lead, regardless of whether you have what would be considered a formal leadership title or not.

3. “I try to lead but no one follows me.”

Keep this in mind too: leadership may not look exactly like what you thought it would or should.

You’re not going to walk in in the morning and within one hour have every teammate decked out in kilts and blue face paint ready to go to battle. A good place to start would be to read up on servant leadership. A guy named Greenleaf is most responsible for bringing it into the modern era conversation on leadership.

4. The path to leadership is paved by making fewer mistakes.

False.

5. Leaders make fewer mistakes.

False again. They’re human.

So what does that mean for you? It means that if you’re really a leader, you’re going to lead, regardless of what some silly nameplate or awful business card says. Additionally, you’re not going to fall into the trap of thinking that leading is just telling others what to do when in fact it’s more about serving others. So be human. Be you. Serve others. Lead well. The rest will take care of itself.