Connection

Read a morning routine or two, and you’ll see the shame associated with admitting that you read email first thing in the morning. Many of us do it, and many of us feel we shouldn’t. Although I’m not into the shame game, no matter how you sugarcoat it, checking email first thing just isn’t going to help you be more productive. And that’s because it violates the two most important truths of email.

Email is best done in bulk.
Email is best done when you have less energy, not more. 
Understanding these truths is key to getting at why some email management systems work and some don’t.

Firstly, email is best done in bulk for the same reason that mono-tasking and batching your work are key ways to ensure you’re being as productive as possible. Switching between tasks can effectively(!) help you lose up to 40% of your productivity. Avoid this by doing one thing at once — like email.

The reason email is best done when you have less energy, not more relates to why real productivity is about managing your energy, not your time. Times of peak energy should be used for the most difficult things on your plate, and those that require intense focus. The vast majority of the time, that is not email.

With these truths in mind, here is how I manage the beast that is my email inbox (which runs at a couple hundred emails a day, currently).

My Email Management “System”:

I think of my email in terms of four categories, and I attend to each category accordingly.

Urgent – These are emails I respond to, well, urgently.
Daily – I respond to these in bulk on a daily basis.
Weekly – I respond to these in bulk on a weekly basis.
Never – I do not respond to these.
To better understand each category, here are the types of emails that make up each: 

Urgent and Daily Emails
“Live” projects: Most of us have many projects on our plate in the course of a year in our work, home, and extracurricular lives. However, only a few of those projects are “live” at any given time. The wedding you’ve been planning that takes place in a week, say, or the presentation you’re preparing for Thursday. When a project is “live,” it requires urgent or daily attention. If a project is far-off, in incubation stage, or on the back burner, it doesn’t require such vigilance in your life, or in your email inbox. 
Life-changers: This mixed bag is usually made up of make or break news (your adoption papers were approved! you closed the deal of the year! your mother’s participating in a flash mob!) or opportunity (a significant press opportunity! your favorite author wants to meet you!). You know these when you see them.
Inner circle emails: We all have a circle like this, and the folks inside get top billing, even when emailing their 10th semi-cute baby shot of the week. We all need circles — and emails — like these.
Weekly emails
For the most part, these emails are usually about another person’s agenda. They may include queries from people who want your help on something, pitches to do a job you may or may not want to do, or questions that aren’t urgent in responding to. These are emails you likely do want to respond to, but should not do so on a daily basis if you want to get your own work done.

Never Emails
We all have different standards for what these may be, and their volume varies greatly on whether or not you are someone who receives a regular stream of unsolicited emails.

With the concept of these categories top of mind, I then respond to emails as each category dictates — urgently, daily (in bulk), weekly (in bulk), and never. For me, calling up the powers of the two email truths, email is best done in bulk, and email is best done when you have less energy, has been essential in developing a system that works for me, most of the time. That said, like all good mammals, I regularly get off track. I’ll wake in the middle of the night unexpectedly, and grab my iPhone for a minute that turns into 20. I’ll pull out my phone to take a picture of an unsuspecting baby and wind up responding to an email that certainly doesn’t need my attention. Working to curb my email inbox is the challenge of our digital age.

An Open Letter to Management:

You hired us thinking this one might be different; this one might be in it for the long haul. We’re six months in, giving everything we have, then suddenly, we drop a bomb on you. We’re quitting.

We know the stereotypes. Millennials never settle down. We’re drowning in debt for useless degrees. We refuse to put our phone away. We are addicted to lattes even at the expense of our water bill. Our bosses are not wrong about these perceptions. But, pointing to our sometimes irresponsible spending and fear of interpersonal commitment isn’t going to solve your problem. You still need us. We’re the ones who’ve mastered social media, who have the energy of a thousand suns, and who will knock back 5-dollar macchiatos until the job is done perfectly.

I’ve worked in corporate America, administrative offices, advertising agencies, and restaurants. I’ve had bosses ranging from 24 to 64. I’ve had bosses I loved, and bosses I didn’t. I’ve seen my peers quit, and I’ve quit a few times myself. Here’s what’s really behind your millennials’ resignation letter:

1. You tolerate low-performance

It’s downright debilitating to a high achiever. I’m working my heart out and every time I look up Donna-Do-Nothing is contemplating how long is too long to take for lunch. I start wondering why leadership tolerates this.

Is that the standard here? No thanks.

Fact: Poor performers have a chilling effect on everyone.

2. ROI is not enough for me.

I spent Sunday thinking about how I can make a difference to our customers. Now it’s Monday morning, what do I hear? Stock price. Billing. ROI. Suddenly, my Monday power playlist seems useless. I’m sitting in a conference room listening to you drag on about cash flow.

I was making more money bartending in college than I am at this entry-level job. You say I’ll get a raise in a year if the company hits a certain number? So what? I need something to care about today. Talk to me about how we make a difference, not your ROI report.

Fact: Organizations with a purpose bigger than money have a growth rate triple that of their competitors.

3. Culture is more than free Panera.

Don’t confuse culture with collateral. Yes, I am a cash-strapped millennial who really appreciates free lunch. But I don’t wake up at 6AM every day to play foosball in the break room. I’m not inspired to be more innovative over a Bacon Turkey Bravo.

I need to be surrounded by people who are on fire for what we’re doing. I need a manager who is motivated to push boundaries and think differently. Working in a cool office is really awesome. So is free lunch. But a purposeful culture is more important.

Fact: A culture of purpose drives exponential sales growth 

4. It’s ok to get personal

Treat me like a number? I’ll return the favor. This job will quickly become nothing more than my rent payment. I’ll start living for Friday and counting down the minutes until 5. After a few months of that, I’ll probably have a drunken epiphany and realize I want more out of my life than this.

Then I’ll prove your assumptions right. 8 months in, I’ll quit and leave. Or worse, I’ll quit and stay, just like Donna-Do-Nothing.

That’s not good for either of us. Here’s what you need to know:

I was raised to believe I could change the world. I’m desperate for you to show me that the work we do here matters, even just a little bit. I’ll make copies, I’ll fetch coffee, I’ll do the grunt work. But I’m not doing to help you get a new Mercedes.

I’ll give you everything I’ve got, but I need to know it makes a difference to something bigger than your bottom line.

Signed,

A Millennial

The millennials are telling us what we already know in our hearts to be true. People want to make money, they also want to make a difference.   Successful leaders put purpose before profit, and they wind up with teams who drive revenue through the roof.

Lisa Earle McLeod is the creator of the popular business concept Noble Purpose and author of the bestseller Selling with Noble Purpose: How to Drive Revenue and Do work That Makes You Proud

Gender inequality is not only a pressing moral and social issue but also a critical economic challenge. If women—who account for half the world’s working-age population—do not achieve their full economic potential, the global economy will suffer. While all types of inequality have economic consequences, in our new McKinsey Global Institute (MGI) report, The power of parity: How advancing women’s equality can add $12 trillion to global growth, we focus on the economic implications of lack of parity between men and women.

A “best in region” scenario in which all countries match the rate of improvement of the fastest-improving country in their region could add as much as $12 trillion, or 11 percent, in annual 2025 GDP. In a “full potential” scenario in which women play an identical role in labor markets to that of men, as much as $28 trillion, or 26 percent, could be added to global annual GDP by 2025. MGI’s full-potential estimate is about double the average estimate of other recent studies, reflecting the fact that MGI has taken a more comprehensive view of gender inequality in work.

Even after decades of progress toward making women equal partners with men in the economy and society, the gap between them remains large. We acknowledge that gender parity in economic outcomes (such as participation in the workforce or presence in leadership positions) is not necessarily a normative ideal, as it involves human beings making personal choices about the lives they lead; we also recognize that men can be disadvantaged relative to women in some instances. However, we believe that the world, including the private sector, would benefit by focusing on the large economic opportunity of improving parity between men and women.

A look at some of the highlights from our report:

• MGI has mapped 15 gender-equality indicators for 95 countries and finds that 40 of them have high or extremely high levels of gender inequality on at least half of the indicators. The indicators fall into four categories: equality in work, essential services and enablers of economic opportunity, legal protection and political voice, and physical security and autonomy.
• We consider a “full potential” scenario in which women participate in the economy identically to men and find that it would add up to $28 trillion, or 26 percent, to annual global GDP by 2025 compared with a business-as-usual scenario. This impact is roughly equivalent to the size of the combined Chinese and US economies today. We also analyzed an alternative “best in region” scenario in which all countries match the progress toward gender parity of the fastest-improving country in their region. This would add as much as $12 trillion in annual 2025 GDP, equivalent in size to the current GDP of Germany, Japan, and the United Kingdom combined, or twice the likely growth in global GDP contributed by female workers between 2014 and 2025 in a business-as-usual scenario.
• Both advanced and developing countries stand to gain. In 46 of the 95 countries analyzed, the best-in-region outcome could increase annual GDP by 2025 by more than 10 percent over the business-as-usual case, with the highest relative regional boost in India and Latin America.
• MGI’s new Gender Parity Score (GPS) measures the distance each country has traveled toward gender parity, which is set at 1.00. The regional GPS is lowest in South Asia (excluding India) at 0.44 and highest in North America and Oceania at 0.74. Using the GPS, MGI has established a strong link between gender equality in society, attitudes and beliefs about the role of women, and gender equality in work. The latter is not achievable without the former two elements. We found virtually no countries with high gender equality in society but low gender equality in work. Economic development enables countries to close gender gaps, but progress in four areas in particular—education level, financial and digital inclusion, legal protection, and unpaid care work—could help accelerate progress.
• MGI has identified ten “impact zones” (issue–region combinations) where effective action would move more than 75 percent of women affected by gender inequality globally closer to parity. The global impact zones, which are globally pervasive issues, are blocked economic potential, time spent in unpaid care work, fewer legal rights, political underrepresentation, and violence against women. The regional impact zones, concentrated in certain regions of the world, are low labor-force participation in quality jobs, low maternal and reproductive health, unequal education levels, financial and digital exclusion, and vulnerability of female children.
• Six types of intervention are necessary to bridge the gender gap: financial incentives and support; technology and infrastructure; the creation of economic opportunity; capability building; advocacy and shaping attitudes; and laws, policies, and regulations. We identify some 75 potential interventions that could be evaluated and tailored to suit the social and economic context of each impact zone and country. Tackling gender inequality will require change within businesses as well as new coalitions. The private sector will need to play a more active role in concert with governments and nongovernmental organizations, and companies could benefit both directly and indirectly by taking action.

A company where people really want to work has one of the most powerful competitive advantages in the game: the ability to hire and field the best team.

Building that advantage can often take years -- decades or more. That’s just the way it is with employer reputations. They’re built career by career, annual report by annual report, crisis by crisis (because every company has one or two of them), and recovery by recovery.

In today’s media-saturated world, however, there is a major exception to the generally slow pace of reputation-building. Companies can become preferred employers virtually overnight thanks to the “buzz factor,” which is as potent as it is fast-acting. In a technology-based company, buzz usually comes with an exciting breakthrough or paradigm-altering product or service. Google, Amazon, and Twitter are perfect examples. Buzz can also come from having a glamorous or prestigious brand, like Chanel or Ferrari.

But across all of these magnetic companies, there are a few big common denominators.

So how does your employer stack up? Do you work for a great company? Here’s how to tell… 

1. Great companies demonstrate a real commitment to continuous learning. No lip service. These companies invest in the development of their people through classes, training programs, and off-site experiences, all sending the message that the organization is eager to facilitate a steady path to personal growth.
   
   
2. Great companies are meritocracies. Pay and promotions are tightly linked to performance, and rigorous appraisal systems consistently make people aware of where they stand. As at every company, the people you know and the school you went to might help get you in the door. But after that, it’s all about results. People with brains, self-confidence, and competitive spirit are always attracted to such environments.
   
   
3. Great companies not only allow people to take risks but also celebrate those who do. And they don’t shoot those who try but fail. As with meritocracies, a culture of risk-taking attracts exactly the kind of creative, bold employees companies want and need in a global marketplace where innovation is the single best defense against unrelenting cost competition.
   
   
4. Great companies understand that what is good for society is also good for business. Gender, race, and nationality are never limitations; everyone’s ideas matter. Preferred employers are diverse and global in their outlook and environmentally sensitive in their practices. They offer flexibility in work schedules to those who earn it with performance. In a word, great companies are enlightened.
   
   
5. Great companies keep their hiring standards tight. They make candidates work hard to join the ranks by meeting strict criteria that center around intelligence and previous experience and by undergoing an arduous interview process. Talent has an uncanny way of attracting other talent.
   
   
6. Great companies are profitable and growing. A rising stock price is a hiring and retention magnet. But beyond that, only thriving companies can promise you a future with career mobility and the potential of increased financial rewards. Indeed, one of the most intoxicating things a company can say to you, as a potential employee, is: “Join us for the ride of your life.”

 And that launches a virtuous cycle. The best team attracts the best team, and winning often leads to more winning. It’s a ride that you and your people will never want to get off.          

There can be little argument that the world is a complex place. The intricate system of markets, companies, and workforces has different challenges and opportunities hidden in just about every corner.

This can be a challenge for anyone looking to lead a business.

Diverse Leadership

A diverse work history in a few different fields with a number of different specialties can often produce managers and leaders that are up to the task of leading a company of any size.

When a leader, like Co-chairman Peter Briger, has this type of diverse experience, the entire company can reap some impressive rewards. The different points of view, stronger understanding of issues, better foresight, enhanced and complete solutions, and ability to seek alternate pathways to success can become strengths that produce flexible organizations.

5 Ways Diverse Experience Makes Leaders Better

Different Points of View

Too often leaders develop an extremely focused mentality. This thought process leads to considering only one course of action on a given topic.

Diverse experience teaches leaders to consider the whole part of the issue.

This can lead to powerful insight into a topic no matter how specific or general it might be. By looking at issues and opportunities from different angles, leaders can decided on a better course of action.

Stronger Understanding

Complicated issues can present interesting challenges for any organization. Knowing why specific issues have developed and how to better avoid future challenges are products of having diverse experience handling similar items.

When a manager is able to develop a background composed of a number of jobs, education, and experience, a more comprehensive approach becomes integrate into issue resolution.

Better Foresight

The ability to predict challenges and opportunities in business is something every manager wants to develop, and different experiences help individuals hone that unique and valuable trait.

Having to handle a slew of different problems, launch different products, and be the face of different companies leads to better foresight. After all, the overall operation of an organization can become more fluid when the leader can see the road ahead.

Enhanced Solutions

Instead of putting a simple solution in place that will only lead to temporary balance, leaders with diverse experience have a way of satisfying the entire issue with one swift action.

Offering enhanced and complete solutions to a variety of potential wins and losses is one of the most valuable tasks a manager or leader can develop.

Solving problems and offering insight to complete a situation are traits that produce a happy workforce and satisfied investors.

Alternate Pathways

Being able to adjust the course of a company from one track to another can be difficult task. Moving outside of a comfort zone can challenge any individual and team.

Diverse experience in leadership helps a company adapt to new trends in the marketplace.

Comfortable leaders can inspire a workforce and a team that is capable of being flexible no matter what changes develop in an industry.

The Value of the Diverse Leader

In the end, a manager with diverse experience helps a company by bringing stronger understanding, better foresight, enhanced solutions, the ability to take alternate pathways, and seeing the different points of view in a situation.

Flexible companies can be powerful forces in any industry, and the entire process starts from the top. Diverse leaders have the skill set and variable experience to make a serious impact on the workforce and company.

There are a ton of qualities that can help you succeed, and the more carefully a quality has been studied, the more you know it’s worth your time and energy.

Angela Lee Duckworth was teaching seventh grade when she noticed that the material wasn’t too advanced for any of her students. They all had the ability to grasp the material if they put in the time and effort. Her highest performing students weren’t those who had the most natural talent; they were the students who had that extra something that motivated them to work harder than everyone else.

Angela grew fascinated by this “extra something” in her students and, since she had a fair amount of it herself, she quit her teaching job so that she could study the concept while obtaining a graduate degree in psychology at UPenn.

Her study, which is ongoing, has already yielded some interesting findings. She’s analyzed a bevy of people to whom success is important: students, military personnel, salespeople, and spelling bee contestants, to name a few. Over time, she has come to the conclusion that the majority of successful people all share one critical thing—grit.

Grit is that “extra something” that separates the most successful people from the rest. It’s the passion, perseverance, and stamina that we must channel in order to stick with our dreams until they become a reality.

Developing grit is all about habitually doing the things that no one else is willing to do. There are quite a few signs that you have grit, and if you aren’t doing the following on a regular basis, you should be.

You have to make mistakes, look like an idiot, and try again, without even flinching. In a recent study at the College of William and Mary, they interviewed over 800 entrepreneurs and found that the most successful among them tend to have two critical things in common: They’re terrible at imagining failure and they tend not to care what other people think of them. In other words, the most successful entrepreneurs put no time or energy into stressing about their failures as they see failure as a small and necessary step in the process of reaching their goals.

You have to fight when you already feel defeated. A reporter once asked Muhammad Ali how many sit-ups he does every day. He responded, “I don’t count my sit-ups, I only start counting when it starts hurting, when I feel pain, cause that’s when it really matters.” The same applies to success in the workplace. You always have two choices when things begin to get tough: you can either overcome an obstacle and grow in the process or let it beat you. Humans are creatures of habit. If you quit when things get tough, it gets that much easier to quit the next time. On the other hand, if you force yourself to push through it, the grit begins to grow in you.

You have to make the calls you’re afraid to make. Sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do because we know they’re for the best in the long-run: fire someone, cold call a stranger, pull an all-nighter to get the company server back up, or scrap a project and start over. It’s easy to let the looming challenge paralyze you, but the most successful people know that in these moments, the best thing they can do is to get started right away. Every moment spent dreading the task subtracts time and energy from actually getting it done. People that learn to habitually make the tough calls stand out like flamingos in a flock of seagulls.

You have to keep your emotions in check. Negative emotions will challenge your grit every step of the way. While it’s impossible not to feel your emotions, it’s completely under your power to manage them effectively and to keep yourself in a position of control. When you let your emotions overtake your ability to think clearly, it’s easy to lose your resolve. A bad mood can make you lash out or stray from your chosen direction just as easily as a good mood can make you overconfident and impulsive.

You have to trust your gut. There’s a fine line between trusting your gut and being impulsive. Trusting your gut is a matter of looking at decisions from every possible angle, and when the facts don’t present a clear alternative, you believe in your ability to choose; you go with what looks and feels right.

You have to give more than you get in return. There’s a famous Stanford experiment where an administrator leaves a child in a room with a marshmallow for 15 minutes, telling the child that she’s welcome to eat the marshmallow, but if she can wait until the experimenter gets back without eating it, she will get a second marshmallow. The children that were able to wait until the experimenter returned experienced better outcomes in life, including higher SAT scores, greater career success, and even lower body mass indexes. The point being that delay of gratification and patience are essential to success. People with grit know that real results only materialize when you put in the time and forego instant gratification.

You have to lead when no one else follows. It’s easy to set a direction and believe in yourself when you have support, but the true test of grit is how well you maintain your resolve when nobody else believes in what you’re doing. People with grit believe in themselves no matter what and they stay the course until they win people over to their way of thinking.

You have to meet deadlines that are unreasonable and deliver results that exceed expectations. Successful people find a way to say yes and still honor their existing commitments. They know the best way to stand out from everyone else is to outwork them. For this reason, they have a tendency to over deliver, even when they over promise.

You have to focus on the details even when it makes your mind numb. Nothing tests your grit like mind-numbing details, especially when you’re tired. The more people with grit are challenged, the more they dig in and welcome that challenge, and numbers and details are no exception to this.

You have to be kind to people who have been rude to you. When people treat you poorly, it’s tempting to stoop to their level and return the favor. People with grit don’t allow others to walk all over them, but that doesn’t mean they’re rude to them, either. Instead, they treat rude and cruel people with the same kindness they extend to anyone else, because they won’t allow another person’s negativity to bring them down.

You have to be accountable for your actions, no matter what. People are far more likely to remember how you dealt with a problem than they are how you created it in the first place. By holding yourself accountable, even when making excuses is an option, you show that you care about results more than your image or ego.

Bringing It All Together

Grit is as rare as it is important. The good news is any of us can get grittier with a little extra focus and effort.

Is grit really that important? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below as I learn just as much from you as you do from me.

You want a cohesive team. You’ve read everywhere (including this site) that companies and teams with a strong culture, and a tradition of sharing successes and information, outperform those where employees are only looking out for themselves. But how can you build that kind of team culture in an age when job-hopping is the norm, and your most talented team members will only be there until the next great opportunity comes along?

By focusing on employees and putting in the work to build a strong culture–even if you know each individual team member may not stick around for long. That advice comes from Aaron Harvey, co-founder and partner at the digital ad agency Ready Set Rocket.

In advertising, a rapidly changing industry with a large population of millennials, it’s a fact of life that employees don’t stick around, Harvey says. The agency’s 25 employees have an average tenure of two to three years. So Ready Set Rocket works particularly hard to instill a strong company culture even though its personnel is in a constant state of flux.

How do you build a culture of togetherness in a rapidly changing group? Here’s Harvey’s approach:

Employees in general and millennials in particular always want to know the greater meaning of whatever they’re spending their time and effort on. So when assigning a task always explain why it’s needed, Harvey advises. “This shines light onto why seemingly remedial tasks are important for the project, the client, and the company as a whole,” Harvey says. “Everyone wants to make an impact on the future of the company, and giving this context allows employees to see the big picture.” (If you can’t really explain why a task is important in the scheme of things, consider eliminating it.)

You’ll need to build trust quickly in an organization with short tenures and honesty is one great way to do that, Harvey explains. “Share what’s working and what’s not and why,” he says. “Identify holes in their capabilities and push them by assigning tasks that help them grow.” Since today’s job-hopping employees are deeply interested in developing their own skill sets, they’ll be motivated by the opportunity to learn.

“Find out what your employees are interested in accomplishing, assess how their individual goals best fit the company’s goals, and set them up to achieve their goals,” Harvey advises. “When your employees can walk away with tangible skills, it will reflect well on both them and your company.” For example, he says, if an employee wants to gain a new certification or skill set that will be useful on the job, make sure there’s time in that employee’s schedule to study.

“Take the time to make sure your employees know what their growth path looks like, and educate them on opportunities to earn bonuses and raises,” Harvey says. “You can do this by providing a clear and accurate description of their current job and the next logical position. Then, tailor a growth plan to the employee’s personality, so that each employee has a unique plan to help advance their careers.”

Knowing what’s expected of them so as to grow in your company will build your employees’ confidence, Harvey says. Maybe they’ll even stick around a little longer.

“The most important part of managing a team is understanding each individual's personality and assessing how much mentorship each will need to be successful,” Harvey says. “Some people excel when you give them the freedom and space to make mistakes, whereas others will need weekly check-ins to stay on task. Slow down for the ones who need it and make sure you give them the extra time to ask questions and understand every project or assignment.”

Ready Set Rocket also creates informal mentoring opportunities by holding weekly partner meetings that are optional but open to all employees. Those who want to can come in and talk about the business, its people, or their own growth or challenges. “This gives them access to some of the most successful and creative minds in the company, and allows us to form relationships outside of formal meetings,” Harvey says.

“We have a program called ‘Ready Set Reach,’” Harvey says. “We have mandatory, paid volunteer days where we split the office into small groups of people who don't typically work together. This allows new relationships to form and strengthens existing ones.”

A happy employee is a more effective employee, so commit to your employees’ happiness for however long you have them. “Think about the factors that lead to happiness, such as flexibility and a solid work/life balance,” Harvey says. “Then find ways for them to achieve their own personal happiness at work.

One big step is giving employees the freedom they need to take care of themselves and their families. It might be as simple as giving them time off to exercise during the day, or take a relative to the doctor if needed. “Doing so will motivate them to work harder,” Harvey says.

A beautiful speech by Sundar Pichai - an IIT-MIT Alumnus and Global Head Google Chrome:

The cockroach theory for self development

At a restaurant, a cockroach suddenly flew from somewhere and sat on a lady.

She started screaming out of fear.

With a panic stricken face and trembling voice, she started jumping, with both her hands desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach.

Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her group also got panicky.

The lady finally managed to push the cockroach away but ...it landed on another lady in the group.

Now, it was the turn of the other lady in the group to continue the drama.

The waiter rushed forward to their rescue.

In the relay of throwing, the cockroach next fell upon the waiter.

The waiter stood firm, composed himself and observed the behavior of the cockroach on his shirt.

When he was confident enough, he grabbed it with his fingers and threw it out of the restaurant.

Sipping my coffee and watching the amusement, the antenna of my mind picked up a few thoughts and started wondering, was the cockroach responsible for their histrionic behavior?

If so, then why was the waiter not disturbed?

He handled it near to perfection, without any chaos.

It is not the cockroach, but the inability of those people to handle the disturbance caused by the cockroach, that disturbed the ladies.

I realized that, it is not the shouting of my father or my boss or my wife that disturbs me, but it's my inability to handle the disturbances caused by their shouting that disturbs me.

It's not the traffic jams on the road that disturbs me, but my inability to handle the disturbance caused by the traffic jam that disturbs me.

More than the problem, it's my reaction to the problem that creates chaos in my life.

Lessons learnt from the story:

I understood, I should not react in life.
I should always respond.

The women reacted, whereas the waiter responded.

Reactions are always instinctive whereas responses are always well thought of.

A beautiful way to understand............LIFE.

Person who is HAPPY is not because Everything is RIGHT in his Life..

He is HAPPY because his Attitude towards Everything in his Life is Right..!!

When it comes to communication, less is sometimes more. The best leaders aren’t those who make the longest speeches or are the most verbose in their rhetoric, but those who make the words they use work hard to motivate everyone on the team. Good leaders understand the importance of clear and concise communication and are able to quickly and effectively deliver their messages to those around them. In my experience, the following tips can help leaders use words more effectively in pursuit of their goals.

The first priority of any leader should be to create a solid strategy and a clear plan for carrying it out. Without the ability to come up with a strategy, no leader — no matter how charismatic or eloquent — will be able to motivate his or her team to achieve success. By clearly defining what success looks like and the path the team needs to take to achieve it, leaders set themselves and everyone around them in the right direction.

Once you have created a solid strategy, you need to trust those who report to you to follow the plan. All too often, I see bosses who think that leadership means micromanaging every aspect of a project. However, constantly watching over the shoulders of direct reports not only takes a leader’s attention away from where it needs to be — on the higher-level strategy and overall direction of the project — but also makes managers feel that they don’t have the leader’s trust. Rather than constantly checking in on employees and trying to micromanage their every move, the best leaders delegate tasks to people they can trust and then allow those talented individuals a chance to shine.

As FDR once said, “Overstate and bore; understate and score.” In this succinct statement, he summed up what the best leaders have always known. Too much verbosity can cause team members to mentally switch off. Instead, the best leaders use a few well-chosen words to motivate their teams.

Good leaders think before they speak, so that none of their words are wasted. When an umpire yells “Strike three!” there is no need to add “Yer out!” That’s what a third strike means. We’re all guilty of adding redundant words to our speech, but with a little practice, leaders can get used to choosing their words more wisely to make sure they are not about to say something repetitive and boring.

The best leaders heed George Orwell’s rules of effective writing in both their written reports and their speeches. These include “Never use a long word where a short one will do,” “If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out,” and “Never use a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.” By getting quickly to the point and speaking in language that everyone can understand, leaders can communicate necessary information to their teams without taking up too much valuable time or causing team members to mentally switch off through boredom.

In the business world, how you communicate your brand, your products, or your services all comes down to word choices. And great leaders understand how to simplify their messages by communicating with fewer words.

Barbara Cortland broke the world record – in 1983, she wrote 23 novels. She was 82 years old. Two novels a month that year.

Altogether she wrote 723 published novels. Her last at age 97. When she died a year later there were 160 unpublished novels still waiting to be published.

Did people like her work? Depending on what estimate you use, she sold between 600,000,000 and 2,000,000,000 books. Most of her books were romance novels.

Was she creative? Was she an artist? I don’t know if those questions matter.

She loved doing it else she would not have done it. And people loved her work else she would not have sold around a billion or so books. Is Art a question or an answer?

Picasso might know. He said “the less Art there is in painting, the more painting there is.”

In other words, just do it. Leave behind everyone else’s definitions or else you will drown in them.

Why listen to him? He made 50,000 works of art in his life. On average two per day.

Is being prolific a requirement of being creative? No, not at all. Many great writers and artists have their master works and then they are done. Others…more prolific.

Jimi Hendrix made around 70 albums before he died at age 27. Mozart composed over 600 pieces in his lifetime. Charles Schulz made 17,897 Charlie Brown strips before he died.

I want to be like them. The cruelest thing is that blank page each morning. To create something that never existed before out of complete nothing.

People say, “everything has already been written”. Everything has already been said.

But that’s a lie.

I think every outline has already been written. But each human has a unique fingerprint.

Just putting that fingerprint on an outline makes it yours, different, unique. And through practice and vulnerability, you make that fingerprint something others want to see.

I don’t know if there is such a thing as rules of creativity. I look back on the past 15 years. I’ve published 17 books and maybe 2000-3000 articles. And today I sit here and can’t think of any “rules”.

Fortunately I can steal some rules and splash my own pompous interpretation on them.

So I’ll turn to Picasso and see what he has to say:

A) “Unless your work gives you trouble, it is no good.” - Picasso

I love this quote. “Trouble” means so many things. Maybe people will not like you. Maybe you are experimenting too much. Maybe the trouble is for you – is what you are doing too new?

How could Barbara Cortland write 700 romance novels? And they are all formulaic. But that is where the trouble begins.

In all 700 books, two lovers meet. But a problem happens that keeps them apart. Cortland had to come up with 700 different problems to keep her lovers apart. And then solve them.

In every thriller, John Grisham is required to have a scene where the hero is completely at the mercy of the villain. In every James Bond movie, Bond is tied up and about to die at the hands of the bad guy.

If they solve the problem in the same way each time then they lose their creativity. The “trouble” is: the artist has to solve the problem in a new way, different than any solution before it.

The bigger the trouble, usually the better the outcome.

I lost a lot of money earlier this year when a business I was involved in failed. It was big trouble.

So I poured myself into other projects that I would've forgotten about or not cared about. So far, the outcomes are incredible. Thank you, bad company, for that horrendous loss.

Am I getting into enough trouble with this article?

The trouble with THIS article is that it is egotistical to write on creativity. Since what do I know? I know nothing.

So I solve it by passing the buck to Picasso and Barbara Cortland and Mozart and try to piece together the clues on creativity they left us.

I am the student. They can be my teachers.

B) “Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist”. - Picasso

Kurt Vonnegut did nothing correct in his novels. His peers before him would have elaborate plots, floral descriptions, deep characters.

In Vonnegut’s classic, “Slaughterhouse Five”, the hero is wimpy guy who goes in and out of time and space and in the middle of it all, experiences the slaughter of Dresden.

Despite, time travel and space travel, Slaughterhouse Five is ultimately a memoir that breaks all the rules.

But Vonnegut said, “You can’t break the rules of grammar until you know the rules of grammar”.

He only wrote the book after many years of following the traditional “rules” of science fiction and then more traditional fiction writing.

As Shawn Coyne write in “The Story Grid”, every genre has its obligatory scenes. Don’t break them. Be creative around them.

When Luke was at the mercy of Darth Vader…BAM!...”I. am. Your father.”

But is that art then? If we follow a formula? Shawn makes the point that Steve Jobs followed the very strict genre of the phone before making an iPhone, a work of art.

Elon Musk followed the genre of the car before making his first Tesla.

There’s magic in taking what’s been done a billion times before and doing it your way.

C) “Action is the foundational key to all success.”

I know too many people who have an idea for a book, or a show, or a business. But “when I have time” or “it’s too late for me”, ignoring that Barbara Cortland wrote 23 books in her 82nd year.

The one thing in common from anyone above is that they wrote every single day. It’s hard to sit down every day and…sit. Blank paper. Blank canvas. Blankness.

And then…if you do something…it might suck. It might be the worst thing you ever do.

Kobe Bryant, one of the greatest basketball players of all time, has an incredible world record: he’s missed more shots in professional basketball than any other player. He’s missed over 13,000 shots.

So taking action is more important than anything else.

Nothing => Thinking => Doing => Finishing => Repeat is a daily practice for…I don’t know.

But I hope I can do it every day.

D) “To copy others is necessary, but to copy oneself is pathetic.”

I wrestle with this. People ask me, "what is a problem for me?" This is a problem.

Sometimes I look back at a post and think, “people liked that. I should do that style again.”

I hate that feeling.

I need to do “D” more often. Every time Picasso felt comfortable, he changed styles completely. His “blue period” is nothing like “cubism” is nothing like his “Surrealism” (see “Drawing for Guernica”).

I’m sure each period borrows from the others. But he was not a lone genius.

While Picasso may be the father of cubism, he was standing on the shoulders of Cezanne and Matisse, both competing with them and trying to outdo what they had done before.

He copied them, and left his old style behind, forming a new meld which became what we now think of as Cubism. And then he left that behind, never to return to it.

To be fair, Barbara Cartland, perhaps did copy herself too much. The last two decades of her life, while prolific, resulted in less sales. But who can say? She loved what she did and wanted to keep doing it.

On the same topic, Picasso once said, “Success is dangerous. One begins to copy oneself, and to copy oneself is more dangerous than to copy others. It leads to sterility.”

I need to figure out what to do next. Maybe that’s why I’m exploring all of these masters of reinvention.

Reinvention is scary. And it’s risky. But it is unavoidable. I'm scared right now.

E) “The chief enemy of creativity is good taste.”

When “50 Shades of Grey” was on its way to selling 40,000,000 copies everyone hated it.

I wrote an article about why it was a great work of literature. I got emails that said, “this is why America is falling apart – people with no education are liking drivel like this.”

Ok.

And yet 40,000,000 people thought reading it would make their lives better. And the average sales for this year’s National Book Award finalists is 5,000 copies.

Sales aren’t everything. I get it. And sometimes a work of art can be intended for the few and not the many.

But the arbiters of taste are all using the past as their metrics. The future is still a blank slate. Else we’d be there.

F) “Everything you can imagine is real.”

Elon Musk wants to die on Mars. “Just not on impact,” he says.

Ok, maybe he will and maybe he won’t. But he made a rocket that can get him there. The first advance in rocket technology in 40 years.

He’s making batteries and solar cells that can fuel the rocket. He’s launched rockets into space and electric cars that can go from 0 to 60 in 3.2 seconds.

I don’t know. Maybe he will get there.

One time I wanted to pitch an idea directly to the CEO of HBO. On the way there, I ran into a friend of mine and told her where I was going.

She said, “You can’t do that!” I can’t just go over my boss and his boss and his boss and his boss and his boss.

But I did.

And he said, “yes”.

Most of the time, people say “No”. In almost everything I’ve done, I’ve gotten 20 Nos for every Yes.

Is this good or bad? Maybe I should try to get more Yesses. Ok. I’ll try. Maybe it will happen.

Picasso also says, “I am always doing things I can’t do, that’s how I get to do them.”

My daughter lost a tennis match the other day with her school.

I asked her, “What did you learn?”

She said, “What do you mean? I was disappointed.”

If she always sticks to only what she can do (a safe, consistent serve instead of a harder one that will miss more) then she will never get better at what, right now, she can’t do.

It’s the can’ts that add up to a win or a loss. The “cans” just keep you in the box of what was safe.

In 1953, Picasso gave up painting. He thought forever. For the first time in his life, he started writing poetry. Then singing.

Was he good? Probably not. He went back to painting. But turned a “can’t” into an “I did it”.

G) “Accidents, try to change them — it’s impossible. The accidental reveals man.”

Real life is not in a self-help book. Or in an article on the “10 ways to be a leader”.

It’s the accidents that allow you to measure who you are as a person. Or as a creator. It’s when betrayal and disappointment visit you that you can test what you are made of, process it, transform it.

I wonder sometimes, “can people change?” Because normally I don’t like people who do things that I find dishonest.

But I’ve been dishonest. I’ve been despicable. I hope I can change.



How to put these quotes to work? How to be creative?

For me: I have my daily routine.

I wake up and I’m grateful. I try to think every day of new things to be grateful for.

I sleep well, exercise, and try to eat well.

I try to love the people in my life. It’s hard. There are “accidents”. But maybe it gets easier with practice.

I try to be creative.

I bow down and surrender to what I can’t control.

And then at each of these things, I try to improve 1% - which means nothing – what is the math of gratitude?

But here's the math. Compounding 1% a day in X, makes X 38 times better in a year.

Because this 1% gets me in that scary void of “can’t”. How to be most grateful when a business fails. Or someone sends me hatemail. Or Claudia is upset at me (I'm not good at any of the above).

How?

And then I sit here. And I try to find a new vein to bleed from. Or I take everything in my house and throw it away. Sometimes that works also.

You get all kinds of happiness advice on the Internet from people who don’t know what they’re talking about. Don’t trust them.

Actually, don’t trust me either. Trust neuroscientists. They study that gray blob in your head all day and have learned a lot about what truly will make you happy.

UCLA neuroscience researcher Alex Korb has some insights that can create an upward spiral of happiness in your life. Here’s what you and I can learn from the people who really have answers:

1) The Most Important Question To Ask When You Feel Down

Sometimes it doesn’t feel like your brain wants you to be happy. You may feel guilty or shameful. Why?

Believe it or not, guilt and shame activate the brain’s reward center.

Via The Upward Spiral:

Despite their differences, pride, shame, and guilt all activate similar neural circuits, including the dorsomedial prefrontal cortex, amygdala, insula, and the nucleus accumbens. Interestingly, pride is the most powerful of these emotions at triggering activity in these regions — except in the nucleus accumbens, where guilt and shame win out. This explains why it can be so appealing to heap guilt and shame on ourselves — they’re activating the brain’s reward center.

And you worry a lot too. Why? In the short term, worrying makes your brain feel a little better — at least you’re doing something about your problems.

Via The Upward Spiral:

In fact, worrying can help calm the limbic system by increasing activity in the medial prefrontal cortex and decreasing activity in the amygdala. That might seem counterintuitive, but it just goes to show that if you’re feeling anxiety, doing something about it — even worrying — is better than doing nothing.

But guilt, shame and worry are horrible long-term solutions. So what do neuroscientists say you should do? Ask yourself this question:

What am I grateful for?

Yeah, gratitude is awesome… but does it really affect your brain at the biological level? Yup.

You know what the antidepressant Wellbutrin does? Boosts the neurotransmitter dopamine. So does gratitude.

Via The Upward Spiral:

The benefits of gratitude start with the dopamine system, because feeling grateful activates the brain stem region that produces dopamine. Additionally, gratitude toward others increases activity in social dopamine circuits, which makes social interactions more enjoyable…

Know what Prozac does? Boosts the neurotransmitter serotonin. So does gratitude.

Via The Upward Spiral:

One powerful effect of gratitude is that it can boost serotonin. Trying to think of things you are grateful for forces you to focus on the positive aspects of your life. This simple act increases serotonin production in the anterior cingulate cortex.

I know, sometimes life lands a really mean punch in the gut and it feels like there’s nothing to be grateful for. Guess what?

Doesn’t matter. You don’t have to find anything. It’s the searching that counts.

Via The Upward Spiral:

It’s not finding gratitude that matters most; it’s remembering to look in the first place. Remembering to be grateful is a form of emotional intelligence. One study found that it actually affected neuron density in both the ventromedial and lateral prefrontal cortex. These density changes suggest that as emotional intelligence increases, the neurons in these areas become more efficient. With higher emotional intelligence, it simply takes less effort to be grateful.

And gratitude doesn’t just make your brain happy — it can also create a positive feedback loop in your relationships. So express that gratitude to the people you care about.

(For more on how gratitude can make you happier and more successful, click here.)

But what happens when bad feelings completely overtake you? When you’re really in the dumps and don’t even know how to deal with it? There’s an easy answer…

2) Label Negative Feelings

You feel awful. Okay, give that awfulness a name. Sad? Anxious? Angry?

Boom. It’s that simple. Sound stupid? Your noggin disagrees.

Via The Upward Spiral:

…in one fMRI study, appropriately titled “Putting Feelings into Words” participants viewed pictures of people with emotional facial expressions. Predictably, each participant’s amygdala activated to the emotions in the picture. But when they were asked to name the emotion, the ventrolateral prefrontal cortex activated and reduced the emotional amygdala reactivity. In other words, consciously recognizing the emotions reduced their impact.

Suppressing emotions doesn’t work and can backfire on you.

Via Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long:

Gross found that people who tried to suppress a negative emotional experience failed to do so. While they thought they looked fine outwardly, inwardly their limbic system was just as aroused as without suppression, and in some cases, even more aroused. Kevin Ochsner, at Columbia, repeated these findings using an fMRI. Trying not to feel something doesn’t work, and in some cases even backfires.

But labeling, on the other hand, makes a big difference.

Via Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long:

To reduce arousal, you need to use just a few words to describe an emotion, and ideally use symbolic language, which means using indirect metaphors, metrics, and simplifications of your experience. This requires you to activate your prefrontal cortex, which reduces the arousal in the limbic system. Here’s the bottom line: describe an emotion in just a word or two, and it helps reduce the emotion.

Ancient methods were way ahead of us on this one. Meditation has employed this for centuries. Labeling is a fundamental tool of mindfulness.

In fact, labeling affects the brain so powerfully it works with other people too. Labeling emotions is one of the primary tools used by FBI hostage negotiators.

(To learn more of the secrets of FBI hostage negotiators, click here.)

Okay, hopefully you’re not reading this and labeling your current emotional state as “Bored.” Maybe you’re not feeling awful but you probably have things going on in your life that are causing you some stress. Here’s a simple way to beat them…

 

3) Make That Decision

Ever make a decision and then your brain finally feels at rest? That’s no random occurrence.

Brain science shows that making decisions reduces worry and anxiety — as well as helping you solve problems.

Via The Upward Spiral:

Making decisions includes creating intentions and setting goals — all three are part of the same neural circuitry and engage the prefrontal cortex in a positive way, reducing worry and anxiety. Making decisions also helps overcome striatum activity, which usually pulls you toward negative impulses and routines. Finally, making decisions changes your perception of the world — finding solutions to your problems and calming the limbic system.

But deciding can be hard. I agree. So what kind of decisions should you make? Neuroscience has an answer…

Make a “good enough” decision. Don’t sweat making the absolute 100% best decision. We all know being a perfectionist can be stressful. And brain studies back this up.

Trying to be perfect overwhelms your brain with emotions and makes you feel out of control.

Via The Upward Spiral:

Trying for the best, instead of good enough, brings too much emotional ventromedial prefrontal activity into the decision-making process. In contrast, recognizing that good enough is good enough activates more dorsolateral prefrontal areas, which helps you feel more in control…

As Swarthmore professor Barry Schwartz said in my interview with him: “Good enough is almost always good enough.”

So when you make a decision, your brain feels you have control. And, as I’ve talked about before, a feeling of control reduces stress. But here’s what’s really fascinating: Deciding also boosts pleasure.

Via The Upward Spiral:

Actively choosing caused changes in attention circuits and in how the participants felt about the action, and it increased rewarding dopamine activity.

Want proof? No problem. Let’s talk about cocaine.

You give 2 rats injections of cocaine. Rat A had to pull a lever first. Rat B didn’t have to do anything. Any difference? Yup: rat A gets a bigger boost of dopamine.

Via The Upward Spiral:

So they both got the same injections of cocaine at the same time, but rat A had to actively press the lever, and rat B didn’t have to do anything. And you guessed it — rat A released more dopamine in its nucleus accumbens.

So what’s the lesson here? Next time you buy cocaine… whoops, wrong lesson. Point is, when you make a decision on a goal and then achieve it, you feel better than when good stuff just happens by chance.

And this answers the eternal mystery of why dragging your butt to the gym can be so hard.

If you go because you feel you have to or you should, well, it’s not really a voluntary decision. Your brain doesn’t get the pleasure boost. It just feels stress. And that’s no way to build a good exercise habit.

Via The Upward Spiral:

Interestingly, if they are forced to exercise, they don’t get the same benefits, because without choice, the exercise itself is a source of stress.

So make more decisions. Neuroscience researcher Alex Korb sums it up nicely:

We don’t just choose the things we like; we also like the things we choose.

(To learn what neuroscientists say is the best way to use caffeine, click here.)

Okay, you’re being grateful, labeling negative emotions and making more decisions. Great. But this is feeling kinda lonely for a happiness prescription. Let’s get some other people in here.

What’s something you can do with others that neuroscience says is a path to mucho happiness? And something that’s stupidly simple so you don’t get lazy and skip it? Brain docs have an answer for you…

 

4) Touch People

No, not indiscriminately; that can get you in a lot of trouble.

But we need to feel love and acceptance from others. When we don’t it’s painful. And I don’t mean “awkward” or “disappointing.” I mean actuallypainful.

Neuroscientists did a study where people played a ball-tossing video game. The other players tossed the ball to you and you tossed it back to them. Actually, there were no other players; that was all done by the computer program.

But the subjects were told the characters were controlled by real people. So what happened when the “other players” stopped playing nice and didn’t share the ball?

Subjects’ brains responded the same way as if they experienced physical pain. Rejection doesn’t just hurt like a broken heart; your brain feels it like a broken leg.

Via The Upward Spiral:

In fact, as demonstrated in an fMRI experiment, social exclusion activates the same circuitry as physical pain… at one point they stopped sharing, only throwing back and forth to each other, ignoring the participant. This small change was enough to elicit feelings of social exclusion, and it activated the anterior cingulate and insula, just like physical pain would.

Relationships are very important to your brain’s feeling of happiness. Want to take that to the next level? Touch people.

Via The Upward Spiral:

One of the primary ways to release oxytocin is through touching. Obviously, it’s not always appropriate to touch most people, but small touches like handshakes and pats on the back are usually okay. For people you’re close with, make more of an effort to touch more often.

Touching is incredibly powerful. We just don’t give it enough credit. It makes you more persuasive, increases team performance, improves yourflirting… heck, it even boosts math skills.

Touching someone you love actually reduces pain. In fact, when studies were done on married couples, the stronger the marriage, the more powerful the effect.

Via The Upward Spiral:

In addition, holding hands with someone can help comfort you and your brain through painful situations. One fMRI study scanned married women as they were warned that they were about to get a small electric shock. While anticipating the painful shocks, the brain showed a predictable pattern of response in pain and worrying circuits, with activation in the insula, anterior cingulate, and dorsolateral prefrontal cortex. During a separate scan, the women either held their husbands’ hands or the hand of the experimenter. When a subject held her husband’s hand, the threat of shock had a smaller effect. The brain showed reduced activation in both the anterior cingulate cortex and dorsolateral prefrontal cortex— that is, less activity in the pain and worrying circuits. In addition, the stronger the marriage, the lower the discomfort-related insula activity.

So hug someone today. And do not accept little, quick hugs. No, no, no. Tell them your neuroscientist recommended long hugs.

Via The Upward Spiral:

A hug, especially a long one, releases a neurotransmitter and hormone oxytocin, which reduces the reactivity of the amygdala.

Research shows getting five hugs a day for four weeks increases happiness big time.

Don’t have anyone to hug right now? No? (I’m sorry to hear that. I would give you a hug right now if I could.) But there’s an answer: neuroscience says you should go get a massage.

Via The Upward Spiral:

The results are fairly clear that massage boosts your serotonin by as much as 30 percent. Massage also decreases stress hormones and raises dopamine levels, which helps you create new good habits… Massage reduces pain because the oxytocin system activates painkilling endorphins. Massage also improves sleep and reduces fatigue by increasing serotonin and dopamine and decreasing the stress hormone cortisol.

So spend time with other people and give some hugs. Sorry, texting is not enough.

When you put people in a stressful situation and then let them visit loved ones or talk to them on the phone, they felt better. What about when they just texted? Their bodies responded the same as if they had no support at all.

Via The Upward Spiral:

…the text-message group had cortisol and oxytocin levels similar to the no-contact group.

Author’s note: I totally approve of texting if you make a hug appointment.

(To learn what neuroscience says is the best way to get smarter and happier, click here.)

Okay, I don’t want to strain your brain with too much info. Let’s round it up and learn the quickest and easiest way to start that upward spiral of neuroscience-inspired happiness…

Sum Up

Here’s what brain research says will make you happy:

Ask “What am I grateful for?” No answers? Doesn’t matter. Just searching helps.
Label those negative emotions. Give it a name and your brain isn’t so bothered by it.
Decide. Go for “good enough” instead of “best decision ever made on Earth.”
Hugs, hugs, hugs. Don’t text — touch.

So what’s the dead simple way to start that upward spiral of happiness?

Just send someone a thank you email. If you feel awkward about it, you can send them this post to tell them why.

This really can start an upward spiral of happiness in your life. UCLA neuroscience researcher Alex Korb explains:

Everything is interconnected. Gratitude improves sleep. Sleep reduces pain. Reduced pain improves your mood. Improved mood reduces anxiety, which improves focus and planning. Focus and planning help with decision making. Decision making further reduces anxiety and improves enjoyment. Enjoyment gives you more to be grateful for, which keeps that loop of the upward spiral going. Enjoyment also makes it more likely you’ll exercise and be social, which, in turn, will make you happier.

So thank you for reading this.

The typical workday is long enough as it is, and technology is making it even longer. When you do finally get home from a full day at the office, your mobile phone rings off the hook, and emails drop into your inbox from people who expect immediate responses.

While most people claim to disconnect as soon as they get home, recent research says otherwise. A study conducted by the American Psychological Association found that more than 50% of us check work email before and after work hours, throughout the weekend, and even when we’re sick. Even worse, 44% of us check work email while on vacation.

A Northern Illinois University study that came out this summer shows just how bad this level of connection really is. The study found that the expectation that people need to respond to emails during off-work hours produces a prolonged stress response, which the researchers named telepressure. Telepressure ensures that you are never able to relax and truly disengage from work. This prolonged state of stress is terrible for your health. Besides increasing your risk of heart disease, depression, and obesity, stress decreases your cognitive performance.

We need to establish boundaries between our personal and professional lives. When we don’t, our work, our health, and our personal lives suffer.

Responding to emails during off-work hours isn’t the only area in which you need to set boundaries. You need to make the critical distinction between what belongs to your employer and what belongs to you and you only. The items that follow are yours. If you don’t set boundaries around them and learn to say no to your boss, you’re giving away something with immeasurable value.

Your health. It’s difficult to know when to set boundaries around your health at work because the decline is so gradual. Allowing stress to build up, losing sleep, and sitting all day without exercising all add up. Before you know it, you’re rubbing your aching back with one hand and your zombie-like eyes with the other, and you’re looking down at your newly-acquired belly. The key here is to not let things sneak up on you, and the way you do that is by keeping a consistent routine. Think about what you need to do to keep yourself healthy (taking walks during lunch, not working weekends, taking your vacations as scheduled, etc.), make a plan, and stick to it no matter what. If you don’t, you’re allowing your work to overstep its bounds.

Your family. It’s easy to let your family suffer for your work. Many of us do this because we see our jobs as a means of maintaining our families. We have thoughts such as “I need to make more money so that my kids can go to college debt-free.” Though these thoughts are well-intentioned, they can burden your family with the biggest debt of all—a lack of quality time with you. When you’re on your deathbed, you won’t remember how much money you made for your spouse and kids. You’ll remember the memories you created with them.

Your sanity. While we all have our own levels of this to begin with, you don’t owe a shred of it to your employer. A job that takes even a small portion of your sanity is taking more than it’s entitled to. Your sanity is something that’s difficult for your boss to keep track of. You have to monitor it on your own and set good limits to keep yourself healthy. Often, it’s your life outside of work that keeps you sane. When you’ve already put in a good day’s (or week’s) work and your boss wants more, the most productive thing you can do is say no, then go and enjoy your friends and hobbies. This way, you return to work refreshed and de-stressed. You certainly can work extra hours if you want to, but it’s important to be able to say no to your boss when you need time away from work.

Your identity. While your work is an important part of your identity, it’s dangerous to allow your work to become your whole identity. You know you’ve allowed this to go too far when you reflect on what’s important to you and work is all that (or most of what) comes to mind. Having an identity outside of work is about more than just having fun. It also helps you relieve stress, grow as a person, and avoid burnout.

Your contacts. While you do owe your employer your best effort, you certainly don’t owe him or her the contacts you’ve developed over the course of your career. Your contacts are a product of your hard work and effort, and while you might share them with your company, they belong to you.

Your integrity. Sacrificing your integrity causes you to experience massive amounts of stress. Once you realize that your actions and beliefs are no longer in alignment, it’s time to make it clear to your employer that you’re not willing to do things his or her way. If that’s a problem for your boss, it might be time to part ways.

Bringing It All Together

Success and fulfillment often depend upon your ability to set good boundaries. Once you can do this, everything else just falls into place.

Close your eyes and imagine sitting around a table with 450 people who are all close to your age, going through roughly the same developmental milestones you are and who all share a strong lifelong passion of yours: to improve the state of the world. But each person at the table is from a completely different city in the world and representing 160 different countries. 

ACM 2015, which was held August 12-17, 2015 in Geneva, Switzerland and was hosted by the World Economic Forum (WEF), was a-once-in-a-lifetime conference that brought together 450 young leaders (between ages 20-30), each from a different city and representing 160 countries. The conference consisted of five days of international discussions, knowledge sharing from the WEF, leadership development, very lively (yet respectful) debates, bonding, cultural awareness and worldly perspectives told from personal experiences - all set to the backdrop of the Swiss Alps. I could go on and on about the overall experience – the rich Swiss chocolate and decadent cheeses, the beautiful scenery, the impressive WEF headquarters, or the the opportunity to learn from 449 other young leaders in a literal melting pot of motivated change makers – but instead of torturing you with the details, here are 17 key takeaways from the conference:

The WEF created Global Shapers, a young leadership organization composed of young professionals between the ages of 20-30, as a way for "millennials" to self organize for impact and to have a seat at the table. Of course, in true WEF and Global Shapers fashion, many discussions centered around leadership - how to become a better leader and the true characteristics of a real leader. Here are only a few of the key takeaways about leadership. Some were received from observation and some were told to us by incredible people who have overcome unimaginable odds, like Mark Pollock:

1. "He who knows the why to live can put up with the how. If we know our purpose, we can withstand almost anything to achieve it" - even blindness, physical handicaps, heartbreak or professional stresses. 
2. "Sometimes in life we don’t have the luxury of choosing our challenge. Sometimes, the challenge chooses us. What matters is what we decide to do when we are faced with the challenge." If we stop and think about it, life really is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react.
3. Think about this formula for overcoming a challenge: "Start with being realistic, continue by being optimistic and finish by being a competitor." Give it a serious try. I promise it will help 95% of the time. 

The Global Shapers community and the WEF are focused on the future of our world. Would we expect anything less from an organization that is "committed to improving the state of the world" and to shaping our world for the better? Here are a few fascinating takeaways about technology, most given by Professor Schwab himself:

1. "Before, technology came like waves in an ocean. Today, technology comes like a tsunami."
2. "We are living in a completely interconnected world. We also live in a very destructive world where there is a changing power struggle." This helps put things into perspective, especially as we seek out to shape the world. 
3. "We are living in a technology revolution. And in this, we are connected by a revolution that changes us."
4. "Cybersecurity is no longer an issue of if your website/company is going to get hacked, it’s an issue of when. The real question now is “how resilient is your company to an attack?”'
5. "It’s no longer a question of if technology will touch all facets of our lives. It’s a question of ethics".  Meaning, what do we consider to be morally acceptable? And, how will we implement these ethics as our society creates technological advances?

The crux of the Global Shapers and the WEF's initiatives are centered around change. Here are a few lessons learned regarding change:

1. "All (disruptive) changes have an impact on human beings. And we are living in a constantly changing world" - an excellent reminder as we interact with others. Often, we do not know how people are reacting to changes. It's important to be patient and seek first to understand. 
2. "Some people do not understand or accept change. If we do not accept change, we will become negative. And if we focus on the negative, we have already missed the opportunity."
3. "Be positive. In order to be positive we must define a strategy and a purpose for our lives." - planning really is 75% of the work...
4. "In order to shape (aka change) the world - or our world - we must love. Loving means accepting people as they are." It's really that easy. But, more difficult to execute...

As a truly global organization, there were many lessons on society. Here are a few choice enlightenments: 

1. "We have to think in global terms, but act locally" - true change comes from the local level. And, some of the most impactful change comes from changing ourselves first. 
2. "(As a society) we must build a new identity. Building a new identity means we accept and thrive under different diversities." I can personally attest to the powerful impact that diversity - diversity in backgrounds, cultures and professions - has in shaping our personal and professional lives. Through diversity we learn patience, understanding and how to love and appreciate people and things that are different from us. 
3. "What the world needs now are bridge builders, shapers and teachers." 
4. "We have (to take the responsibility) to shape our own personal identity, and in shaping this new identity we must remember that we have a personal responsibility to each other."
5. "The biggest danger of human kind is to lose the human connection." Be in the moment. After all, it is rumored that Einstein once said (or alluded to) "I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction...".

All in all, here were the five themes that resonated through the conference:

• It is important to have a purpose and strategy.
• It is important to have fun.
• It is important to collaborate.
• It is important to trust - the true cornerstone of any prosperous relationship.
• Above all, it is important to love - this is the foundation to all human interactions and the cornerstone to all great societal advancements. 

As similar as all "millennials" are – young, motivated, and entrepreneurial-minded (for the most part) – we are each incredibly diverse. Imagine what being  among 450 millennials, each representing a different city and hailing from 160 different countries, was like - think of the richness of the conversations! Envision the exchange of valuable ideas, different perspectives learned and the stories we could hear about worlds and cultures we have only dreamed about. And, imagine these stories being told by someone who is so much like us that when we speak to them we feel as though we’re speaking to a long-lost friend. That’s what the World Economic Forum's Global Shapers' 2015 Annual Curator’s Meeting (ACM 2015) was like. To apply for a local Global Shapers hub near you, go here. 

Toxic people defy logic. Some are blissfully unaware of the negative impact that they have on those around them, and others seem to derive satisfaction from creating chaos and pushing other people’s buttons.

As important as it is to learn how to deal with different kinds of people, truly toxic people will never be worth your time and energy—and they take a lot of each. Toxic people create unnecessary complexity, strife, and, worst of all, stress.

“People inspire you, or they drain you—pick them wisely.” – Hans F. Hansen
Recent research from Friedrich Schiller University in Germany shows just how serious toxic people are. They found that exposure to stimuli that cause strong negative emotions—the same kind of exposure you get when dealing with toxic people—caused subjects’ brains to have a massive stress response. Whether it's negativity, cruelty, the victim syndrome, or just plain craziness, toxic people drive your brain into a stressed-out state that should be avoided at all costs.

Studies have long shown that stress can have a lasting, negative impact on the brain. Exposure to even a few days of stress compromises the effectiveness of neurons in the hippocampus, an important brain area responsible for reasoning and memory. Weeks of stress cause reversible damage to brain cells, and months of stress can permanently destroy them. Toxic people don’t just make you miserable—they’re really hard on your brain.

The ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct link to your performance. TalentSmart has conducted research with more than a million people, and we’ve found that 90% of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress in order to remain calm and in control. One of their greatest gifts is the ability to identify toxic people and keep them at bay.

It’s often said that you’re the product of the five people you spend the most time with. If you allow even one of those five people to be toxic, you’ll soon find out how capable he or she is of holding you back.

You can’t hope to distance yourself from toxic people until you first know who they are. The trick is to separate those who are annoying or simply difficult from those who are truly toxic. What follows are ten types of toxic drainers that you should stay away from at all costs so that you don’t become one yourself.

The Gossip

“Great minds discuss ideas, average ones discuss events, and small minds discuss people.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Gossipers derive pleasure from other people’s misfortunes. It might be fun to peer into somebody else’s personal or professional faux pas at first, but over time, it gets tiring, makes you feel gross, and hurts other people. There are too many positives out there and too much to learn from interesting people to waste your time talking about the misfortune of others.

The Temperamental

Some people have absolutely no control over their emotions. They will lash out at you and project their feelings onto you, all the while thinking that you’re the one causing their malaise. Temperamental people are tough to dump from your life because their lack of control over their emotions makes you feel bad for them. When push comes to shove though, temperamental people will use you as their emotional toilet and should be avoided at all costs.

The Victim

Victims are tough to identify because you initially empathize with their problems. But as time passes, you begin to realize that their “time of need” is all the time. Victims actively push away any personal responsibility by making every speed bump they encounter into an uncrossable mountain. They don’t see tough times as opportunities to learn and grow from; instead, they see them as an out. There’s an old saying: “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.” It perfectly captures the toxicity of the victim, who chooses to suffer every time.

The Self-Absorbed

Self-absorbed people bring you down through the impassionate distance they maintain from other people. You can usually tell when you’re hanging around self-absorbed people because you start to feel completely alone. This happens because as far as they’re concerned, there’s no point in having a real connection between them and anyone else. You’re merely a tool used to build their self-esteem.

The Envious

To envious people, the grass is always greener somewhere else. Even when something great happens to envious people, they don’t derive any satisfaction from it. This is because they measure their fortune against the world’s when they should be deriving their satisfaction from within. And let’s face it, there’s always someone out there who’s doing better if you look hard enough. Spending too much time around envious people is dangerous because they teach you to trivialize your own accomplishments.

The Manipulator

Manipulators suck time and energy out of your life under the façade of friendship. They can be tricky to deal with because they treat you like a friend. They know what you like, what makes you happy, and what you think is funny, but the difference is that they use this information as part of a hidden agenda. Manipulators always want something from you, and if you look back on your relationships with them, it’s all take, take, take, with little or no giving. They’ll do anything to win you over just so they can work you over.

The Dementor

In J. K. Rowling’s “Harry Potter” series, Dementors are evil creatures that suck people’s souls out of their bodies, leaving them merely as shells of humans. Whenever a Dementor enters the room, it goes dark, people get cold, and they begin to recall their worst memories. Rowling said that she developed the concept for Dementors based on highly negative people—the kind of people who have the ability to walk into a room and instantly suck the life out of it.

Dementors suck the life out of the room by imposing their negativity and pessimism upon everyone they encounter. Their viewpoints are always glass half empty, and they can inject fear and concern into even the most benign situations. A Notre Dame University study found that students assigned to roommates who thought negatively were far more likely to develop negative thinking and even depression themselves.

The Twisted

There are certain toxic people who have bad intentions, deriving deep satisfaction from the pain and misery of others. They are either out to hurt you, to make you feel bad, or to get something from you; otherwise, they have no interest in you. The only good thing about this type is that you can spot their intentions quickly, which makes it that much faster to get them out of your life.

The Judgmental

Judgmental people are quick to tell you exactly what is and isn’t cool. They have a way of taking the thing you’re most passionate about and making you feel terrible about it. Instead of appreciating and learning from people who are different from them, judgmental people look down on others. Judgmental people stifle your desire to be a passionate, expressive person, so you’re best off cutting them out and being yourself.

The Arrogant

Arrogant people are a waste of your time because they see everything you do as a personal challenge. Arrogance is false confidence, and it always masks major insecurities. A University of Akron study found that arrogance is correlated with a slew of problems in the workplace. Arrogant people tend to be lower performers, more disagreeable, and have more cognitive problems than the average person.

How to Protect Yourself Once You Spot ‘Em

Toxic people drive you crazy because their behavior is so irrational. Make no mistake about it—their behavior truly goes against reason, so why do you allow yourself to respond to them emotionally and get sucked into the mix?

The more irrational and off-base someone is, the easier it should be for you to remove yourself from their traps. Quit trying to beat them at their own game. Distance yourself from them emotionally, and approach your interactions with them like they’re a science project (or you’re their shrink if you prefer that analogy). You don’t need to respond to the emotional chaos—only the facts.

Maintaining an emotional distance requires awareness. You can’t stop someone from pushing your buttons if you don’t recognize when it’s happening. Sometimes you’ll find yourself in situations where you’ll need to regroup and choose the best way forward. This is fine, and you shouldn’t be afraid to buy yourself some time to do so.

Most people feel as though because they work or live with someone, they have no way to control the chaos. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Once you’ve identified a toxic person, you’ll begin to find their behavior more predictable and easier to understand. This will equip you to think rationally about when and where you have to put up with them and when and where you don’t. You can establish boundaries, but you’ll have to do so consciously and proactively. If you let things happen naturally, you’re bound to find yourself constantly embroiled in difficult conversations. If you set boundaries and decide when and where you’ll engage a difficult person, you can control much of the chaos. The only trick is to stick to your guns and keep boundaries in place when the person tries to cross them, which they will.

Everybody makes mistakes—that’s a given—but not everyone learns from them. Some people make the same mistakes over and over again, fail to make any real progress, and can’t figure out why.

“Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.” – Bruce Lee
When we make mistakes, it can be hard to admit them because doing so feels like an attack on our self-worth. This tendency poses a huge problem because new research proves something that commonsense has told us for a very long time—fully acknowledging and embracing errors is the only way to avoid repeating them.

Yet, many of us still struggle with this.

Researchers from the Clinical Psychophysiology Lab at Michigan State University found that people fall into one of two camps when it comes to mistakes: those who have a fixed mind-set (“Forget this; I’ll never be good at it”) and those who have a growth mind-set (“What a wake-up call! Let’s see what I did wrong so I won’t do it again”).

"By paying attention to mistakes, we invest more time and effort to correct them," says study author Jason Moser. "The result is that you make the mistake work for you."
Those with a growth mind-set land on their feet because they acknowledge their mistakes and use them to get better. Those with a fixed mind-set are bound to repeat their mistakes because they try their best to ignore them.

Smart, successful people are by no means immune to making mistakes; they simply have the tools in place to learn from their errors. In other words, they recognize the roots of their mix-ups quickly and never make the same mistake twice.

“When you repeat a mistake it is not a mistake anymore: it is a decision.” – Paulo Coelho
Some mistakes are so tempting that we all make them at one point or another. Here are 10 mistakes almost all of us make, but smart people only make once.

#1 - Believing in someone or something that’s too good to be true.

Some people are so charismatic and so confident that it can be tempting to follow anything they say. They speak endlessly of how successful their businesses are, how well liked they are, who they know, and how many opportunities they can offer you. While it’s, of course, true that some people really are successful and really want to help you, smart people only need to be tricked once before they start to think twice about a deal that sounds too good to be true. The results of naivety and a lack of due diligence can be catastrophic. Smart people ask serious questions before getting involved because they realize that no one, themselves included, are as good as they look.

#2 - Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Albert Einstein said that insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Despite his popularity and cutting insight, there are a lot of people who seem determined that two plus two will eventually equal five. Smart people, on the other hand, need only experience this frustration once. The fact is simple: if you keep the same approach, you’ll keep getting the same results, no matter how much you hope for the opposite. Smart people know that if they want a different result, they need to change their approach, even when it’s painful to do so.

#3 - Failing to delay gratification.

We live in a world where books instantly appear on our e-readers, news travels far and wide, and just about anything can show up at our doorsteps in as little as a day. Smart people know that gratification doesn’t come quickly and hard work comes long before the reward. They also know how to use this as motivation through every step of the arduous process that amounts to success because they’ve felt the pain and disappointment that come with selling themselves short.

#4 - Operating without a budget.

You can’t experience financial freedom until you operate under the constraint of a budget. Sticking to a budget, personally and professionally, forces us to make thoughtful choices about what we want and need. Smart people only have to face that insurmountable pile of bills once before getting their act together, starting with a thorough reckoning as to where their money is going. They realize that once you understand how much you’re spending and what you’re spending it on, the right choices become clear. A morning latte is a lot less tempting when you’re aware of the cost: $1,000 on average per year. Having a budget isn’t only about making sure that you have enough to pay the bills; smart people know that making and sticking to a strict budget means never having to pass up an opportunity because they’ve blown their precious capital on discretionary expenditures. Budgets establish discipline, and discipline is the foundation of quality work.

#5 - Losing sight of the big picture.

It’s so easy to become head-down busy, working so hard on what’s right in front of you that you lose sight of the big picture. But smart people learn how to keep this in check by weighing their daily priorities against a carefully calculated goal. It’s not that they don’t care about small-scale work, they just have the discipline and perspective to adjust their course as necessary. Life is all about the big picture, and when you lose sight of it, everything suffers.

#6 - Not doing your homework. 

Everybody’s taken a shortcut at some point, whether it was copying a friend’s biology assignment or strolling into an important meeting unprepared. Smart people realize that while they may occasionally get lucky, that approach will hold them back from achieving their full potential. They don’t take chances, and they understand that there’s no substitute for hard work and due diligence. They know that if they don’t do their homework, they’ll never learn anything—and that’s a surefire way to bring your career to a screeching halt.

#7 - Trying to be someone or something you’re not. 

It’s tempting to try to please people by being whom they want you to be, but no one likes a fake, and trying to be someone you’re not never ends well. Smart people figure that out the first time they get called out for being a phony, forget their lines, or drop out of character. Other people never seem to realize that everyone else can see right through their act. They don’t recognize the relationships they’ve damaged, the jobs they’ve lost, and the opportunities they’ve missed as a result of trying to be someone they’re not. Smart people, on the other hand, make that connection right away and realize that happiness and success demand authenticity.

#8 - Trying to please everyone.

Almost everyone makes this mistake at some point, but smart people realize quickly that it’s simply impossible to please everybody and trying to please everyone pleases no one. Smart people know that in order to be effective, you have to develop the courage to call the shots and to make the choices that you feel are right (not the choices that everyone will like).

#9 - Playing the victim. 

News reports and our social media feeds are filled with stories of people who seem to get ahead by playing the victim. Smart people may try it once, but they realize quickly that it’s a form of manipulation and that any benefits will come to a screeching halt as soon as people see that it’s a game. But there’s a more subtle aspect of this strategy that only truly smart people grasp: to play the victim, you have to give up your power, and you can’t put a price on that.

#10 - Trying to change someone. 

The only way that people change is through the desire and wherewithal to change themselves. Still, it’s tempting to try to change someone who doesn’t want to change, as if your sheer will and desire for them to improve will change them (as it has you). Some even actively choose people with problems, thinking that they can “fix” them. Smart people may make that mistake once, but then they realize that they’ll never be able to change anyone but themselves. Instead, they build their lives around genuine, positive people and work to avoid problematic people that bring them down.

Bringing it all together

Emotionally intelligent people are successful because they never stop learning. They learn from their mistakes, they learn from their successes, and they’re always changing themselves for the better.

Do you operate from a growth mind-set or a fixed mind-set? What other mistakes do smart people never make twice? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below as I learn just as much from you as you do from me.

A struggling organization hires a female leader, and she inherits a company in crisis. She can’t quickly generate the momentum needed to fix the problems. The Board of Directors replaces her with a seasoned, white male. This is what Michelle Ryan and Alexander Haslam, of the University of Exeter, call the “glass cliff,” the theory that women are more frequently hired into precarious roles, not positioned to succeed, and eventually replaced with men.

Ryan and Haslam also argue that a woman’s typically more inclusive, collaborative qualities are the reason she was hired in the first place. Companies in crisis are looking for leaders who can bring the whole team along. But when a quick turnaround is unsuccessful and she gets “pushed off the cliff,” the episode can perpetuate the false notion that women leaders are less capable than men.

Women from Jill Abramson at The New York Times to Sallie Krawcheck, former head of Merrill Lynch and Smith Barney, have fallen into this pattern. Some speculate that Mary Barra at General Motors or Marissa Mayer at Yahoo could be the next victims of this dynamic.

As a female leader in the predominantly male enterprise software industry, I have developed techniques over the years to manage my own career and to advise younger women to avoid the most common pitfalls. Below are highlights of my process before jumping into a new role and top tips for being a woman in a mostly male environment.

Before Taking That Role: Do Your Homework.

An executive leadership role at a company with huge potential for growth is a valuable opportunity. But even if the company has a respectable brand and a reputable past, it’s your job to be “buyer beware” before you say “yes.” Gain a firm understanding of what you’re inheriting. Hold the organization under a magnifying glass and scrutinize the opportunity. Ask yourself the following questions:

Who are you replacing? Did the previous person leave of their own free will or were they let go? Get an idea of their experience, successes, and failures within the organization.

Do you believe in the team that’s in place? Are they the kind of people you want to work with? Make sure you spend enough time with the team to get a feel for their strengths and weaknesses, and ensure that you have enough buy-in with them to hit the ground running.

What are the organization’s short- and long-term goals? Before entering a role, it’s important to understand expectations. What does the organization need to accomplish in the next few months or years? Do you feel like you’d have the resources and support to meet those expectations and goals? Did you feel like you were fully aligned with the board and senior management on the goals during the interview process? Are you passionate about what you are going to take on? The job will be challenging, so early alignment is essential for everything you’ll build upon.

What’s the financial state of the company? You should have working knowledge of past financial performance and an idea of quarterly projections for the upcoming year. Since financial goals are commonly aligned with organizational goals, expectations for the role could likely hinge on financial performance metrics. Ask yourself if this is something you’d like to invest in.

Once on Board: Don’t Be Your Gender, Be a High-Ranking Executive. 

Acknowledge differences, and get to work. While gender differences exist, they don’t have to dominate your thoughts or behavior, or the way you view yourself or others. Instead of identifying as a person confined to or defined by your gender role, think of yourself as a human being in a high-ranking role.

Recognize that universal business skills are gender neutral. Whether you were hired to “save” the company or to keep it on track, you are incredibly accomplished and qualified in your work. Trust your expertise and confidently lead your team. Once you’ve made a decision, stick to your guns. Know when to take responsibility. Be open to advice from your team and employee feedback. Ignore the expectation of failure and focus on job you do best. Have some fun. Be yourself. Be a woman. And if you have family, remember they come first: not because you are a woman, but because they are your family.

Don’t sweat the haters. Everywhere you go, you’ll encounter some people who will try to throw you off your game with nasty remarks, inappropriate comments or other insidious behavior. My technique has always been to wear blinders. Ignore the small stuff. We’re in a changing society, and the only way to drive change is to hold ourselves to a higher standard. You can’t control others; the only person you can control is yourself.

Use differences to your advantage. Don’t be afraid to dress like yourself; be as feminine as you’re comfortable being. I like the fact that now I can wear heels and a skirt to the office. Learn to be comfortable around men: go to the cigar bars, and tolerate conversations about sports. Try to assert yourself by offering a different perspective: a joke, or an observation about opera.

Most of all, stay positive! Stick to your guns. Keep your eye on the ball. Ignore obstacles. Try your best. It’s up to us to break the barriers, and there are more barriers breaking now than ever.

This post originally appeared in Forbes on July 7, 2014.