Empathic Family & Parenting

"Sesame Street has always had kind of a mission of diversity and inclusion," executive producer Ben Lehmann told TV Guide this spring. "Fostering empathy in young viewers, that's kind of the heart and soul of Sesame Street. ...

The whole idea of the show, is that, if we can give kids these skills - whether they be around letters and numbers, which is our original mission, but also around empathy and giving preschoolers these skills around getting along with others, taking turns, learning when it's not your turn to speak but it's someone else's turn to speak, then we feel like we're helping to create the next generation of empathetic adults."

Expressing Empathy Through Reflection
Reflection is a way of expressing empathy that involves describing the feelings you see. It’s like holding up a mirror to your child to acknowledge,

“What you’re feeling matters. I’m paying attention. I’m interested, and I care.” Here are some phrases you may want to try.

• 1) The gentle inquiry. 
   “You seem [sad, grumpy, worried…]. What’s going on?
• 2) The label and acknowledge.
• 3) The cautious guess.
• 4) The exclamation.
• 5) The general paraphrase.
• 6) The implied ideal.

One of the most important social skills a child can learn is empathy. Being able to understand how another person is feeling and recognizing their needs helps people to connect to one another across race, culture and the diversity that is ever-present and so important to our world.

Throughout the story, Quinn takes the reader on a journey of learning through the example of others, teaching children about empathy, feelings, kindness, compassion, tolerance, respect and recognizing bullying behaviours.

"Our world is so special, we all need to care
about one another and the earth we share.
People together from far and wide,
we're all on this planet, we're on the same side."

Parents, teachers and caregivers often ask how they can encourage young children to be more empathic. Here are some tips:

1. Model how to value feelings
First, whenever possible, show warmth and empathy towards children.

Children are watching others to learn appropriate ways of behaving and interacting, and are known to be influenced by the behaviours they see around them. You can be a good role model by acknowledging and valuing others’ feelings, and showing understanding and sympathy when someone is sad, upset, distressed, frustrated or in need of help....

2. Connect feelings, thoughts and behaviours...

3. Build a ‘climate’ of empathy...

“Generally, men are socialized to develop their survival skills while women are socialized to develop their empathy skills,” explains Sally Cozens, a psychotherapist and social worker.

“Men are taught to ‘step up,’ ‘assert yourself,’ or ‘don’t let yourself be pushed around. This may be good advice in establishing a position in a group of men, but it is contrary to creating trust and intimacy in romantic relationships.”
...
And where there’s emotional intimacy, there’s empathy. And the ability to feel empathetic toward the people we love the most creates a positive feedback loop, making our partners feel loved and respected, and giving us the ability to explore each other’s desires in a trusting way. “Being emotionally aware of and affirming about what women have to say is one of the

By Kat Armstrong

February 8, 2018

But how do we translate this so it’s easy for kids to understand and model? Especially younger children, who lack the cognitive skills to really understand the concept of empathy? There are definitely some age-appropriate things we, as parents, can do.

Help your kids label their feelings.

Kids have the same emotions as we do, and often on a much grander scale. Kids can run the gamut of emotions in a five-minute span. And they often can’t full express the “feeling” they’re feeling. So help them by giving those feelings a name. Sadness, fear, excitement, loneliness – when your kids are experiencing an emotion, try to help them label it, and figure out why they’re feeling the way they are.

Encourage your kids to talk about their feelings! 

As adults, we do this on a fairly regular basis (at least, we should). And I know firsthand that when a kid loses their mind and goes into a fit of rage or anger or despair, your first instinct is to get through the storm and forget it after it’s over. ...

 Honestly, teach good old fashioned politeness...

They’re never too young for charity...

Teaching empathy isn’t something you’ll be able to do in a day, or a weekend, or even a month. It’s about helping your child to understand their feelings, helping them development a connection to the world around them, and just teaching them (everyday!) to be kind, caring little humans.

Jayme Kennedy

When your other half isn’t there for the good moments, you feel their absence even more

If you want to strengthen your relationship with your partner, be empathetic, especially when the other person is experiencing something good. This was the conclusion of an interesting investigation, led by Michael Andreychik from the University of Fairfield in Connecticut.

For years, empathy has stood out as one of the most desired capabilities in the dating world. It is what allows us to put ourselves in another person’s shoes and essentially, help them get through the bad times in their lives.

There’s sense to this. When you are disheartened, you expect the other person to understand and support you (whether they’re a man or a woman, and each in their own fashion, as we saw in an earlier example). But strangely enough, according to Andreychik, it is even more valuable for a person to be there for you in the good times – not just the bad.

Empathy is the ability to understand and respect the perspective of others. It is at the root of a child’s ability to be kind and compassionate. A child’s sense of empathy appears early in life, which can be seen in the way that infants cry when they hear another baby cry or when they try to console one another on the playground.

Studies have found that when young children take another person’s perspective and apply it to their interactions, they are more likely to succeed in social settings and are better-liked by their peers.

Show your child empathy. Listen carefully as he talks, acknowledge what he says and ask him questions about his feelings and thoughts. As they get older, children’s capacity for empathy can mature through social interactions, although for some children it happens more naturally than for others. Have a picnic with your child. You can invite a few of his furry friends or action figures over and ask him about his day. If he tells you about a difficult encounter, ask him how he felt and what he thinks the other person in the situation felt, and have him tell you what he could do the next time.

Ways of Teaching Empathy to kids:
1. Teach the kids Emotions:

Your little one can’t empathize with others unless they know what emotions are and how to put words into emotions to express. As a parent, keep expressing yourself and also talk to them about their emotions that they show.

For example say “I can see that you are disappointed that mommy did not take you to the park to play”. “Mom was helpless and anxious the moment the car did not start.” Kids do not hear emotions at the beginning but later, they learn to deal with it and grow in it. Share your emotions with your kids and help them observe the distress in others too.

2. Do things Together while watching TV or Reading Book:

3. Discuss what Everyone feels after a Dispute: 

4. Respect for Those who Seem Different: 

5. Be an Example:

6. Respect for those Who can’t Speak for Themselves:
7. Write Thank-You Notes:
8. Enhance their Emotional Vocabulary: 

9. Praise Each other Daily:

10. Do not Over Do It

Empathy is the ability to identify and respect the feelings of others. When discussing the middle-school years, people often think of mood swings, unpredictable feelings and selfish tendencies.

While many adolescents may seem to be more concerned about their own feelings than anyone else’s, a study published in the journal Developmental Psychology found that young people’s ability to apply empathy to interactions and relationships is developing during the teenage years. Understanding where others are coming from and respecting their perspectives is one of the most essential skills that a person can have. Helping your middle-schooler develop her empathy can contribute to her overall success.

Show your adolescent empathy in action

First, be intentional about showing empathy. Modeling empathy is one of the best ways of creating it in a relationship. You can do this by showing care and concern for your mate. Express gratitude for any thoughtful actions. Be an active listener, showing an interest in your mate’s life. Do your part to create a bond of peace;   

Second, be intentional about asking for empathy. Ask your mate to sit and talk about your day. Share feelings openly and encourage your mate to ‘sit with your feelings’ without rescuing you. Listen actively to their feelings, showing concern and care for them. Listen deeply for their innermost thoughts and feelings; 

Third, rid your relationship of empathy destroyers. Eliminate empathy destroyers such as criticism, neglect and sarcasm. If you are upset with your mate, bring those issues to the fore in a constructive way. Stop all forms of passive-aggression and hostility, eliminating any speech that hurts the other;   

Talk About Feelings
“The gateway to empathy is emotional literacy,” said Michele Borba, an educational psychologist and the author of numerous parenting books, including UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World.

A simple way to foster emotional literacy is by promoting face-to-face communication in the age of texting and smartphones. “Digital-driven kids aren’t necessarily learning emotions when they pick emojis,” Borba said. “Make it a rule in your house to always look at the color of the talker’s eyes because it will help your child tune in to the other person.” 

Another key aspect is teaching kids to identify their own emotions early on. “Use emotional language with kids. Say things like, ‘I see you’re really frustrated,’ or, ‘I see you’re really mad,’” Laura Dell, an assistant professor at the University of Cincinnati’s School of Education, told HuffPost.

Experts are still not agreed on when exactly kids develop the all-too-important quality of empathy, but a new study has suggested that adults have quite a large impact on children exhibiting this ability early in life.

More specifically, attentive adults engaged with kids in social situations can help youngsters demonstrate this quality earlier than the age of four, which is when previous studies say children start to show empathy. Being able to empathise, understanding others' emotions and perspective, is key for socialising.

Developmental psychologist Elia Psouni and her colleagues assessed if children showed empathy in its simplest form, by determining if the kids could comprehend that another person has a false belief about something because they lack information.

Effective communication, also known as non-violent communication, involves switching the focus from your partner to yourself.

SWITCH THE FOCUS FROM ANGER TO EMPATHY

Exhausted from all the conflict, Loteanu tried a different approach: “effective communication.” Also known as non-violent communication, she says the technique involves resolving frustrations with empathy instead of anger.

“I started to talk more about my feelings and my needs without making any judgments about him,” Loteanu says.

A Canadian study found that younger siblings caused increased levels of empathy in older siblings. Take that, sibling rivalry!

But, a recent study published in Child Development has revealed a slight, but notable increase in empathy for kids who have a younger sibling. So, maybe despite all the sibling fighting and rivalry, younger siblings might be good for our kids after all.

In the aftermath of this week's school shooting, here is straight talk for parents about helping their kids through this trauma

First, give comfort and empathy to any child who is frightened. What makes kids of all ages feel more fearful is not having their feelings acknowledged or validated. If your daughter reacts to the news of the school shooting with fear, tell her you understand her fear. Don’t dismiss it and tell her that she has nothing to worry about because her school is safe. Let her know that you fully understand her feelings.

As valuable as it is to talk about the joys of romance, dating and sex, the responsibilities that come with these pleasures can’t be overlooked. Empathy, awareness and a genuine respect for the desires of one’s partner are foundational to consensual intimacy and healthy relationships.

Research shows that partners who empathize with one another’s negative emotions experience greater satisfaction with their relationships. When we go through tough times, it’s reassuring to know that our closest companion is with us every step of the way. As the saying goes, “misery loves company”.

But what about when everything is going great? When we’re feeling happy and joyous? If our partners vicariously feel these positive emotions as well as the negative, how does this affect our relationships?

In a recent study, Michael Andreychik of Fairfield University in Connecticut, USA, decided to find out...

The results of the study showed that people who reported empathizing with their partner’s negative emotions were more satisfied with their relationships. The effect of empathizing was not negligible, but neither was it especially powerful. The effect of empathizing with the partner’s positive emotions, however, was five times stronger!

But the turkey feasts don’t have to be combative, says Traci Ruble of Half Moon Bay, a therapist and founder of Psyched in San Francisco. And she and counterpart, Edwin Rutsch from the Culture of Empathy in El Cerrito, advocate not to nix the holiday meal.

Instead, the two put out a role-playing video teaching families how to listen to each other, instead of fighting about Trump’s transition team whether Clinton should have been locked up over her emails. 

“I actually don't believe in ‘no politics,’ rule,” Ruble said. “We think everyone should get five minutes at the table, where everyone gets to speak in a structured conversation. Everyone else has to listen with empathy. What happens when we feel heard? Our nervous system calms down. When somebody understands, even if they don't agree, they feel known.”

By Lisa Fernandez

Ways of Teaching Empathy to kids:
1. Teach the kids Emotions:

Your little one can’t empathize with others unless they know what emotions are and how to put words into emotions to express. As a parent, keep expressing yourself and also talk to them about their emotions that they show.

For example say “I can see that you are disappointed that mommy did not take you to the park to play”. “Mom was helpless and anxious the moment the car did not start.” Kids do not hear emotions at the beginning but later, they learn to deal with it and grow in it. Share your emotions with your kids and help them observe the distress in others too.

2. Do things Together while watching TV or Reading Book:

3. Discuss what Everyone feels after a Dispute: 

4. Respect for Those who Seem Different: 

5. Be an Example:

6. Respect for those Who can’t Speak for Themselves:
7. Write Thank-You Notes:
8. Enhance their Emotional Vocabulary: 

9. Praise Each other Daily:

10. Do not Over Do It

I clearly remember listening to my then 2-year-old daughter as she was comforting her doll. She sounded out the cries of her doll and followed it with, “I got you. You’re safe.”

My heart was melting as she gave her doll the same care I gave her when she would cry from a scraped knee or when feeling frightened. I realize now that this is a form of empathy, as she was empathizing with her “crying” baby and using what had comforted her when she had cried.

As parents we often get caught up with academics—feeling that children must learn how to read early on and solve math problems to succeed—but we forget about the life skills that are needed and not learned in a school book.

Here are four steps you can take to guide your child towards successful relationships:

1. Be a model....

2. Name the feelings....

3. Be patient....

4. Take space....

Unlike self-help quick fixes and pop culture “cures,” this methodology is proven, based on cutting-edge relational science.

Using a three-step dialogue process of

• mirroring,
• validating and
• empathizing –

eliminating negativity from your interactions and approaching your partner with curiosity instead of judgment – you not only grow more present and intimate with each other, but begin to heal and grow the neural pathways in the brain.