I’m leading a retreat September 26th to September 29th at Camp Delaney, Sun Lakes State Park, Washington, on the theme of Exploring Self Compassion.
Self compassion is essential if we are to have compassion for others. It is also a powerful tool for transforming our lives, freeing us from fear and resentment and unleashing a more joyful and creative approach to life
On this retreat we’ll explore, step-by-step, how to cultivate self-compassion. We’ll learn to become more mindful of our own suffering, and to accept it without reacting. We’ll explore how to hold our suffering in mind compassionately, and how to imbue our minds with a compassionate awareness.
A new study using functional MRI shows that individuals diagnosed as psychopaths can turn off their empathy at will.
In the end, the research suggests that people with the psychological diagnosis can have the same areas of their brain activated as healthy individuals can. But the research does not go into whether the study's psychpathic participants could actually feel empathy on demand, rather than just regions of their brains being activated. "Psychopathy may not be so much the incapacity to empathize, but a reduced propensity to empathize, paired with a preserved capacity to empathize when required to do so," said Valeria Gazzola, one of the study's authors.
A Six-Session Training Course for Transforming Your Relationship with Yourself
6.5 CE credits available!
Why does it feel so natural to be compassionate and kind to those we care about—yet so hard to treat ourselves the same way? "Our culture teaches us to use self-criticism for motivation and to build self-esteem by constantly measuring ourselves against everyone else," says Dr. Kristin Neff. "We need to re-learn the essential skill of being genuinely nurturing and supportive toward ourselves." With Self-Compassion Step by Step, this groundbreaking researcher reveals the clinically proven power of self-kindness, with practical training for cultivating an enduring and unshakable sense of your fundamental human worthiness.
Self-Compassion: The Mainstay of Happiness and Well-Being
Course objectives:
Define self-compassion as a practice to increase happiness, optimism, and curiosity in our lives, while decreasing anxiety, depression, and stress.
Discuss how self-compassion motivates with love—providing clear vision and nurturance needed to reach our full potential
Discuss how to turn toward our emotions withcuriosity, openness, and non-judgement to counter the Default Mode Network.
Define empathy, self-esteem, loving kindness, and equanimity as related to compassion for ourselves, our loved ones, and all beings.
Practice and utilize guided meditations and experiential exercises in mindfulness meditation, loving kindness, interconnectedness, and working with difficult emotions as a way to embrace our lives and cultivate kindness toward ourselves.
Tahoe is my place for self-reflection – where is yours?
Empathy is ultimately other-regarding, but I’m convinced that mastering it begins with understanding yourself – your emotions, your desires, your flaws. And for me, it includes understanding how lucky I am to have Tahoe in the first place. In this way, empathy is hard: it takes awareness and perspective. It takes space. But in our world of relentless demands and distractions, it’s far easier to become self-absorbed than self-aware. Which is why it’s essential that we create this space for ourselves – in big ways and small – so that we can use our understanding of ourselves to better understand and serve others.
Sometimes it’s easier to take care of others than it is to take care of ourselves. Nowhere is this more true than with postpartum women.
How many times have I caught myself saying to a client, if you were only half as good at taking care of yourself as you are of others, you would feel better? How many women have looked back at me with tired eyes that seemed to say, “Really? I have nothing left to give.”
Recently I came across the work of Kristen Neff, Phd and her focus on self-compassion. Dennis Tirch also does this work, but Kristen’s “self-compassion breaks” resonated with our work with postpartum women.
Perspectives Issue 11: March, 2013 In This Issue Self-Empathy Fundamentals Upcoming Workshops Spring into Change: Coaching group starts in April Know...
Have you ever attempted self-empathy and found that you just end up getting stuck in unpleasant feelings and a swirl of repetitive thoughts? A number of people have reported this experience to me. Let’s define self-empathy and break it down a bit more into its fundamental elements.
Self-empathy is meant to allow space for you to experience all that is alive in you with acceptance and honor for that experience.
Self-empathy isn’t meant to be an elixir that removes unpleasant feelings.
Abstract. The aim of these two studies was to evaluate the effectiveness of the Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) program, an 8-week workshop designed to train people to be more self-compassionate.
Methods: Study 1 was a pilot study that examined change scores in self-compassion, mindfulness, and various wellbeing outcomes among community adults ...
Results: Study 1 found significant pre/post gains in self-compassion, mindfulness, and various wellbeing outcomes. Study 2 found that compared with the control group, intervention participants reported significantly larger increases in self-compassion, mindfulness, and wellbeing. Gains were maintained at 6-month and 1-year follow-ups.
To gaze at yourself is a joyous and poignant; eye opening and secretive; promising and sobering plunge into self-awareness. Here's a soul stirring exercise!
It takes courage to leave behind the projections, prognoses and prophecies of other people and blaze your own trail!
Cultivating an authentic relationship with yourself requires mindfulness and compassion. Be kind to yourself and your body — releasing negative behavior and thoughts is the healthy first step. Start now by forgiving yourself …
According to psychologist-researcher Kristin Neff, self-compassion consists of three components: self-kindness; recognizing our common humanity; and maintaining a balanced, mindful awareness. Essentiallyself-compassion is compassion turned inward.
How do we respond when things happen to us? With self-criticism, excessive guilt, and rumination? Or with acceptance and kindness?
In "Self Compassion: The New Science of Wellbeing," two psychologist discuss the evidence that being kind to onesel f enhances relationships, academic performance and emotional resilience. The discussion is open to all St. John's students, faculty and staff:
Thursday, April 11, 2–3:15 p.m. (Common Hour) D'Angelo Center, Room 306, Queens Campus
Comment parvenir à être plus résilient ? En cultivant la compassion envers soi-même et en étant conscient dans le présent. Un article qui rejoint la philosophie bouddhiste : si j'ai de la compassion envers moi-même, j'en aurai plus facilement envers les autres. Dans ce cas précis, ce sont deux psychologues qui évoquent ce sujet, pas le Dalai Lama...
Applying self-compassion toparenting can be incredibly valuable, according to psychologist and author Kristin Neff, Ph.D, in her book Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind.
It’s especially helpful if you’re raising a child who’s under 5. As Neff writes, “Raising infants and toddlers, with their constant need for supervision, picky food habits, tantrums, not to mention dirty diapers, has to be one of the most challenging jobs around.”
Are you your own worst enemy at times? Spend 4 minutes with Nonviolent Communication trainer Rodger Sorrow learning about self-empathy and why it's so helpful...
If you look under the Self-Help heading on Amazon, you'll find roughly 5,000 books listed under the subhead Self-Esteem. The vast majority of these books aim to not only tell you why your self-esteem might be low, but to show you how to get your hands on some more of it. It's a thriving business because self-esteem is, at least in Western cultures, considered the bedrock of individual success. You can't possibly get ahead in life, the logic goes, unless you believe you are perfectly awesome.
Self compassion is at the root of all happiness and fulfillment. It's opposite - judgement and criticism create shame which keep you stressed and unable to find the happiness you want
Are you highly self-critical? Do you beat yourself up over failures? Do you work too much and push too hard without giving yourself time to breathe? Do you feel the need to compete, outperform others, and move ahead of the pack? We live in a society that regularly sends us the message to achieve more, work harder, win, be perfect, be the best. There is of course nothing wrong with having goals and dreams to pursue. However, most of us don't stop to consider whether our self-critical and competitive attitude is actually helping us achieve these goals or whether it might actually be standing in our way. New research suggests self-compassion may be a far superior alternative.
1) For instance, you might think that taking a stern approach with yourself about your smoking habit would help to achieve your aim. However, a recent study revealed that smokers who offer themselves self-compassion rather than self-condemnation were able to reduce their smoking more than control subjects (Kelly et al, 2010).
It’s come to my attention in the last month or so that I have a deep lack of compassion. Not for others, but for myself.
When it comes to lavishing acknowledgement upon my friends, I’m always there. When it’s time to dole out words of praise to family, I’m always the first in line. Even when a stranger is accused of committing an act of hate, I try to put my judgements aside, and come with compassion. I’m not always successful at these things, but more often than not, my heart is in the right place.
When it comes to self-compassion however, things are a little more . . . complicated. I don’t know if it’s cultural, societal, or just the way my family raised me, but being selfless to the point of near martyrdom, is preferable to excessively doting on oneself. Sure I can pay myself a compliment. And genuinely recognize when I’ve accomplished something to be proud of. But this type of self acknowledgement is tied to DOING, which is tied to self-esteem. And as I’ve learned very recently, self-esteem and self-compassion are two VERY different things.
Learn to overcome self-defeating impatience with yourself.
ou may find that you sometimes lose patience with yourself. You want to think, feel, or act differently than you do; and so your inclination is to tell yourself to just be different in those ways. When this doesn’t happen, you become frustrated and try harder. Rather than making progress, you just end up being harsher with yourself. Despite your intentions, this approach won’t help.
What you are failing to take into account is the part of you that’s not ready to change. Whatever its reason is, it will probably just feel intimidated by your self-bullying. So, you need to approach it gently.
Harvard psychologist Christopher Germer, in his book The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion, suggests that there are five ways to bring self-compassion into your life: via physical, mental, emotional, relational, and spiritual methods. He and other experts have proposed a variety of ways to foster self-compassion. Here are a few:
Comfort your body. Eat something healthy. Lie down and rest your body. Massage your own neck, feet, or hands. Take a walk. Anything you can do to improve how you feel physically gives you a dose of self-compassion.
Write a letter to yourself. Describe a situation that caused you to feel pain (a breakup with a lover, a job loss, a poorly received presentation). Write a letter to yourself describing the situation without blaming anyone. Acknowledge your feelings.
Give yourself encouragement. If something bad or painful happens to you, think of what you would say to a good friend if the same thing happened to him or her. Direct these compassionate responses toward yourself.
Practice mindfulness. This is the nonjudgmental observation of your own thoughts, feelings, and actions, without trying to suppress or deny them. When you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, accept the bad with the good with a compassionate attitude.
Forgiving and nurturing yourself can set the stage for better health, relationships, and general well-being. Self-compassion yields a number of benefits, including lower levels of anxiety and depression. Self-compassionate people recognize when they are suffering and are kind to themselves at these times, which reduces their anxiety and related depression.
Applying self-compassion to parenting can be incredibly valuable, according to psychologist and author Kristin Neff, Ph.D, in her book Self-Compassion: Stop
Applying self-compassion to parenting can be incredibly valuable, according to psychologist and author Kristin Neff, Ph.D, in her book Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind.
It’s especially helpful if you’re raising a child who’s under 5. As Neff writes, “Raising infants and toddlers, with their constant need for supervision, picky food habits, tantrums, not to mention dirty diapers, has to be one of the most challenging jobs around.”
A growing body of research, including new studies by Berkeley's Juliana Breines and Serena Chen, suggest that self-compassion, rather than self-esteem, may be the key to unlocking your true potential for greatness.
If you look under the "Self-Help" heading on Amazon, you'll find roughly 5,000 books listed under the sub-head "Self-Esteem." The vast majority of these books aim to not only tell you why your self-esteem might be low, but to show you how to get your hands on some more of it. It's a thriving business because self-esteem is, at least in Western cultures, considered the bedrock of individual success. You can't possibly get ahead in life, the logic goes, unless you believe you are perfectly awesome.
Kristin Neff, PhD, is an associate professor at the University of Texas, Austin, and is the author of Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind (Morrow, 2011). She has been practicing Buddhist meditation since 1997, and has co-created a program on Mindful Self-Compassion with her associate Chris Germer at Harvard University. In addition to her book, she has also created an audio program with Sounds True, Self-Compassion, Step by Step (A Six-Session Training Course for Transforming Your Relationship with Yourself).
We all have issues and problems that cause us pain, but suffering through them is optional. Self-compassion provides another option.
Our sorrows and wounds are only healed when we touch them with compassion.” ~Buddha
I have always struggled with self-compassion. In fact, I’m not even sure I have been aware of it all that much throughout my life.
I’ve always thought the only way to truly grow was to push myself, both physically and mentally, so without even realizing it, I set myself up for that.
I would not study for my university exams until the night before. I would take it easy and not make enough money until it got to the stage that I had to almost create a miracle to pay my next credit card bill. I would push my partner until our relationship was at a breaking point so I could then save it.
It was almost like I wanted to prove to myself that I was a hero in someway.
Writer of http://www.stressbubbles.com, presents a new series on self-compassion. The idea of 'self-care' is a strange, uncomfortable concept for most people to grasp, especially women, but not caring properly for oneself figures prominently in stress and health outcomes.
Meet Dr Barbara Markway! She's a psychologist who did a 1 year self-compassion project.
Please tell us about your self-compassion project.
I loved Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project, and I thought the idea of focusing on one thing for an entire year made a lot of sense. I chose self-compassion because I was anything but self-compassionate! I was way too hard on myself. I was perfectionistic. I equated my worth with what I accomplished. And I was battling chronic pain after neck and back surgeries that didn’t work. Trying to motivate myself with the force of a whip just wasn’t working any more.
Metta meditation is a core practice for many people, and if you meditate or participate in a contemplative tradition, the concept of “self-compassion” is probably very familiar to you. Most versions of metta begin with one’s self as the object of compassion. As the well-known meditation teacher Jack Kornfield explained, “If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.
The logic of self-compassion is very sound. If you want to be compassionate to others, you must be compassionate to yourself first. You simply cannot give what you do not already have. As Pema Chodron has explained “in order to have compassion for others, we have to have compassion for ourselves.” Strong metta always includes the meditator in some sense.
this time this space's comment January 25, 2013 11:37 PM
Children do what we do, not what we say. Compassion is an important quality to instill in children. The way we do that is largely through role modeling self-compassion as well as kindeness to others.
Being proud of your work and showing some self-esteem and confidence will get you a long way in life, but at the office, sometimes it's the ability to forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes that's more valuable than pure ego. Self-compassion can help you learn and grow, which is key to succeeding in any career.
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