Leadership and Spirituality
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Leadership and Spirituality
What role does spirituality play in leadership? It makes the leader whole and fill the hole in the whole of the organization
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Scooped by Ivon Prefontaine, PhD

Avoid getting caught up in drama by releasing the need to be right

Avoid getting caught up in drama by releasing the need to be right | Leadership and Spirituality | Scoop.it

    “Concern yourself not with what is right and what is wrong but with what is important.” ~Unknown

I remember quite distinctly the point where my rational self, less invested in the discussion, took a step back and pointed out that I was descending down the path of needing to prove that I was right.

It was precisely when I started seeing the other commenter as needling my position and attacking the ideas as mine.

What started out as an appeal to respect cultures that celebrate death as a normal part of life turned into a mud-slinging event the moment I ceased to educate and instead went down the road of righteous anger.

Even if one were to keep our social network to the closest friends and family members, there will inevitably come the time when, as we scroll through our Facebook feed, we encounter something that we disagree with.

If we are not careful about the way we react or respond to these kinds of things, drama will arise.

And oh, such drama it was! Despite not participating any further once some ganging up occurred and outright insults were being flung, I came away from the debacle more furious with myself than anyone else.

In hindsight, it really was hilarious the way it quickly descended into a playground squabble where the crux of the matter was “I’m right, you’re wrong!”

But unlike childhood fights where it is rare that full-blown grudges develop (notice how children make up and play together easily?) the issues that adults tend to have petty fights over are a bit more complicated, simply because we are way more invested in it.

It isn’t over a fire truck belonging to us that can be easily shared with another child. It is occasionally belief systems and ideologies that define us and so we do not take too easily to them being challenged.

I later received a long message from the other person that was essentially an attempt at civility after the earlier descent into childishness, but while the absence of trolling was a nice welcome, here too was another invitation to engage further in another bout of drama.

Ignoring the comments about my character and only clarifying issues I felt were relevant to the earlier discussion, I refused to bite.

What I’m slowly learning, and I am quite a slow learner when it comes to social interactions, is that personal affronts are key to the development of drama, and how we choose to respond to what the other person doles out will determine our state of being.

This isn’t something solely confined to social media interactions either; Facebook, Twitter, and other sites like them are all just platforms where our interactions take place. Unnecessary drama and squabbles did not appear after the Internet but are simply magnified by it.

If you decide earlier on that personal attacks will not hurt you and that you will not yourself fling them, you’ll be much more likely to have a discussion that’s conducive for education and sharing of ideas.

These attacks often come out innocuously enough. An adept practitioner of shade can fling one at you with much subtlety, and so control is necessary in ensuring that you are always on the right road.

Unfortunately, I have yet to be gracious enough to not throw shade myself, and thus the initial eruption of drama was precisely due to my lack of control. I’m not referring to one’s personal direction of a discussion; you cannot control what the other party will perceive or retaliate with. I am referring to our grip over our own reactions and choices.

The moment we choose to take the issues personally, we cease to participate in civil discourse as we insist upon the particular details that we feel attack our characters.

We feel the need to yell that we are right rather than strive to seek and communicate truth.

With that said, however, I am certainly not excusing those who choose to create conflict rather than communicate peacefully. Once you see things heading down that awful road, it is best to simply disengage and leave because nothing fruitful will come out of it.

What matters at this point, I feel, is how you resolve your position, and it isn’t about how you appear to other people who may be watching (or reading the thread), but how you now feel about your beliefs and ideas.

Are ad hominem attacks ever conducive to the truth? The moment we associate ego and pride with our various ideologies, we miss the mark.

In a world of multivariate opinions, beliefs, and philosophies, friction is bound to occur when these ideas inevitably collide.

There are certain fields more volatile than others, like politics and religion, and they require careful treading. When in the thick of drama, especially with drama-hungry spectators egging us on, we lose the point and indulge instead in a battle of wits over who can yell the loudest in being right.

To keep drama at bay, it is necessary to maintain that while ideas form much of what we think we are, they are merely constructs that only help us make sense of life and do not essentially form who we are.

It is perhaps worth bearing this in mind whenever we feel the urge to take something personally.

Source:  http://tinybuddha.com/blog/avoid-getting-caught-up-in-drama-by-releasing-need-to-be-right/

Ivon Prefontaine, PhD's insight:

Being right is quite different than each of us having a different perspective on the same event. We each bring our own autobiography which filters experiences. This is like a personal curriculum in school when we are teaching and learning. Awareness of bias rather than elimination is important.

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The Fundamental Truths that Precede Happiness

The Fundamental Truths that Precede Happiness | Leadership and Spirituality | Scoop.it
Practical Tips for Productive Living

Via Susan Taylor
Ivon Prefontaine, PhD's insight:

It is all about mindfulness and learning who I am. In my being, there is something that cannot be duplicated by anyone.

Susan Taylor's curator insight, January 7, 2014 11:28 PM

Certain fundamental truths must be discovered before you can find true happiness.


  1. It's impossible for anyone else to define YOU.  You are the only one in this world who gets to say who you are.
  2. You were born with everything you need.  There is nothing you are missing.
  3. Perfection is a man-made illusion; we are beautifully imperfect beings.
  4. You are NOT your thoughts.  Your mind doesn’t define you, nor does it control you.
  5. Your beliefs can be modified to lift you up.  Whatever you believe to be true about yourself and life in the long-term becomes your reality.
  6. The past and future do not exist.  Now is the moment.
  7. Your calling in your life is to fully express who you already are.  Your uniqueness, in every respect, is your gift.
  8. Challenges are gifts for your growth.  Without challenges you cannot unlock your full potential.
  9. Forgiveness is choosing happiness over hurt.  We forgive others to free ourselves and walk into compassion and love by doing so.
  10. Surrender is the essence of a happy life.  Letting go is not giving up.