Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy
3.6K views | +0 today
Follow
 
Scooped by Loula Koteas
onto Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy
Scoop.it!

Porcupine Intimacy

Porcupine Intimacy

 

Freud considered the great philosopher Schopenhauer`s porcupine fable a great metaphor for conveying the challenges, pathologies and hopes for human intimacy.

As a constant reminder of the prickly nature of human intimacy he kept a statue of a porcupine on his desk.

In my therapy practice, more often than not, people show up because of interpersonal problems, that is, difficulties in their familial, professional, social and romantically intimate relationships.

And more often than not I point out to them that there has to be enough room for hate in loving relationships.

Huh?

Most people look puzzled when they hear this. But it`s a phrase I have borrowed and paraphrased from the New York poet Molly Peacock because it is brief and to the point and resonates well with people. I go on to explain that it means that all relationships {originally Freud`s assessment] require us to harbour contradictory feelings for the same person.

Then I go on to cite Schopenhauer`s porcupine fable and explain how the dilemma of closeness between the porcupines is a great metaphor for boundaries and contradictory feelings in relationships.

 

Consider an ordinarily loving mother who may experience occasional feelings of hostility towards her infant because the child`s constant crying and crankiness has caused her to lose sleep.

When a mother can acknowledge and not disavow the ambivalence of her feelings for her baby, she will be less likely to do physical or emotional harm than a mother who would disavow her ambivalent feelings.

Grateful but

Similarly, consider the loving son who worked daily with his father but avoided the man socially. This troubled the son because he loved his father dearly. His dad had proudly made him CEO of the family business and he was grateful to his father for the financial rewards.

Through therapy the son was able to come to terms with the guilt-provoking repressed hate he felt for his father who had never entertained the notion that his son may, in fact not be interested in following in his father`s professional footsteps.

Eventually, the son came to accept that his autonomy often couldn`t bear the closeness that his dependance on his father demanded. Paradoxically, he began looking forward to spending more time with his father socially.

All this to say that every relationship - whether it`s marriage, friendship, the relation between parents and children – is a thorny affair.

Loula Koteas's insight:

Porcupine Intimacy

 

Freud considered the great philosopher Schopenhauer`s porcupine fable a great metaphor for conveying the challenges, pathologies and hopes for human intimacy.

As a constant reminder of the prickly nature of human intimacy he kept a statue of a porcupine on his desk.

In my therapy practice, more often than not, people show up because of interpersonal problems, that is, difficulties in their familial, professional, social and romantically intimate relationships.

And more often than not I point out to them that there has to be enough room for hate in loving relationships.

Huh?

Most people look puzzled when they hear this. But it`s a phrase I have borrowed and paraphrased from the New York poet Molly Peacock because it is brief and to the point and resonates well with people. I go on to explain that it means that all relationships {originally Freud`s assessment] require us to harbour contradictory feelings for the same person.

Then I go on to cite Schopenhauer`s porcupine fable and explain how the dilemma of closeness between the porcupines is a great metaphor for boundaries and contradictory feelings in relationships.

 

Consider an ordinarily loving mother who may experience occasional feelings of hostility towards her infant because the child`s constant crying and crankiness has caused her to lose sleep.

When a mother can acknowledge and not disavow the ambivalence of her feelings for her baby, she will be less likely to do physical or emotional harm than a mother who would disavow her ambivalent feelings.

Grateful but

Similarly, consider the loving son who worked daily with his father but avoided the man socially. This troubled the son because he loved his father dearly. His dad had proudly made him CEO of the family business and he was grateful to his father for the financial rewards.

Through therapy the son was able to come to terms with the guilt-provoking repressed hate he felt for his father who had never entertained the notion that his son may, in fact not be interested in following in his father`s professional footsteps.

Eventually, the son came to accept that his autonomy often couldn`t bear the closeness that his dependance on his father demanded. Paradoxically, he began looking forward to spending more time with his father socially.

All this to say that every relationship - whether it`s marriage, friendship, the relation between parents and children – is a thorny affair.

loulakoteas.com

more...
No comment yet.
Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy
Your new post is loading...
Your new post is loading...
Rescooped by Loula Koteas from The Psychogenyx News Feed
Scoop.it!

What Explains U.S. Mass Shootings? International Comparisons Suggest an Answer

What Explains U.S. Mass Shootings? International Comparisons Suggest an Answer | Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy | Scoop.it
Americans advance a lot of theories for why they have so many more gun deaths than other countries do. The answer is lying in plain sight.

Via Luis Valdes
more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by Loula Koteas
Scoop.it!

Three Ways for Children to Try Meditation at Home

Three Ways for Children to Try Meditation at Home | Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy | Scoop.it
There are many apps, classes and books to guide children in meditation, but it is easy (and free) to start at home.
more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by Loula Koteas
Scoop.it!

How to Recover From a Narcissistic Parent

How to Recover From a Narcissistic Parent | Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy | Scoop.it
The effects of emotional neglect by narcissistic parents are particularly pernicious and difficult to acknowledge, let alone overcome.
more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by Loula Koteas
Scoop.it!

A Yale psychologist's simple thought experiment temporarily turned conservatives into liberals

A Yale psychologist's simple thought experiment temporarily turned conservatives into liberals | Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy | Scoop.it
Business Insider France est un site d’information sur l’économie, les technologies, les entrepreneurs, l’innovation, les découvertes et bien plus encore. En texte, en images, en vidéos et en graphiques, de l’actualité essentielle et percutante.
more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by Loula Koteas
Scoop.it!

Sleep Scientist Warns Against Walking Through Life 'In An Underslept State'

Sleep Scientist Warns Against Walking Through Life 'In An Underslept State' | Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy | Scoop.it
"Human beings are the only species that deliberately deprive themselves of sleep for no apparent gain," says sleep scientist Matthew Walker. His new book is Why We Sleep.
more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by Loula Koteas
Scoop.it!

Log In or Sign Up to View

See posts, photos and more on Facebook.
more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by Loula Koteas
Scoop.it!

The doctor will analyze you now

The doctor will analyze you now | Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy | Scoop.it
A health center for native Alaskans brought mental and physical care under one roof, with impressive results. Why isn’t it more popular?
more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by Loula Koteas
Scoop.it!

Why Teen-Agers Are the Worst

Why Teen-Agers Are the Worst | Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy | Scoop.it
Elizabeth Kolbert on “The Teenage Brain: A Neuroscientist’s Survival Guide to Raising Adolescents and Young Adults,” by Frances Jensen.
more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by Loula Koteas
Scoop.it!

Rethinking infidelity ... a talk for anyone who has ever loved

Rethinking infidelity ... a talk for anyone who has ever loved | Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy | Scoop.it
Infidelity is the ultimate betrayal. But does it have to be? Relationship therapist Esther Perel examines why people cheat, and unpacks why affairs are so traumatic: because they threaten our emotional security. In infidelity, she sees something unexpected — an expression of longing and loss. A must-watch for anyone who has ever cheated or been cheated on, or who simply wants a new framework for understanding relationships.
more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by Loula Koteas
Scoop.it!

It's a Really Bad Idea to Tell Students Words Are Violence

It's a Really Bad Idea to Tell Students Words Are Violence | Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy | Scoop.it
A claim increasingly heard on campus will make them more anxious and more willing to justify physical harm.
more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by Loula Koteas
Scoop.it!

Helping Those Who Hoard

Helping Those Who Hoard | Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy | Scoop.it
In a city where most people live close together, in small spaces, hoarding is a problem that affects everyone — and solving it isn’t that simple.
more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by Loula Koteas
Scoop.it!

American Psychological Association

APA Fellow Charlotte Patterson has conducted groundbreaking research on child development, most notably on the topic of children of lesbian an
more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by Loula Koteas
Scoop.it!

What Makes a Good Life: Revelatory Learnings from Harvard’s 75-Year Study of Human Happiness

What Makes a Good Life: Revelatory Learnings from Harvard’s 75-Year Study of Human Happiness | Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy | Scoop.it
"The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier."
Loula Koteas's insight:
A good life is built with good relationships...
more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by Loula Koteas
Scoop.it!

NowThis

NowThis | Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy | Scoop.it
Why are people in Japan literally working themselves to death?
Loula Koteas's insight:
Burn out Japanese style!
more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by Loula Koteas
Scoop.it!

Mindfulness for Children

Mindfulness for Children | Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy | Scoop.it
Children of all ages can benefit from mindfulness. It can help parents and caregivers, too. Here are tips for children and adults of all ages for how to be more present.
more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by Loula Koteas
Scoop.it!

Why We Are So Easily Manipulated by the Polticis of Fear

Why We Are So Easily Manipulated by the Polticis of Fear | Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy | Scoop.it
The instinct to protect ourselves easily overwhelms the rational thinking our brain also does, as we shape our choices about who and what to vote for, or against.
more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by Loula Koteas
Scoop.it!

MEDITATION MUSIC FOR POSITIVE ENERGY l CLEARING SUBCONSCIOUS NEGATIVITY l RELAX MIND BODY

6 HOURS MEDITATION MUSIC FOR POSITIVE ENERGY l CLEARING SUBCONSCIOUS NEGATIVITY l RELAX MIND BODY - 874 Meditation & Healing Music . 8 HOURS MEDITATIO
more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by Loula Koteas
Scoop.it!

Sleep Scientist Warns Against Walking Through Life 'In An Underslept State'

Sleep Scientist Warns Against Walking Through Life 'In An Underslept State' | Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy | Scoop.it
"Human beings are the only species that deliberately deprive themselves of sleep for no apparent gain," says sleep scientist Matthew Walker. His new book is Why We Sleep.
more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by Loula Koteas
Scoop.it!

Log In or Sign Up to View

See posts, photos and more on Facebook.
more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by Loula Koteas
Scoop.it!

Attention, Students: Put Your Laptops Away

Attention, Students: Put Your Laptops Away | Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy | Scoop.it
Researchers Pam Mueller and Daniel M. Oppenheimer found that students remember more via taking notes longhand rather than on a laptop. It has to do with what happens when you're forced to slow down.
more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by Loula Koteas
Scoop.it!

Age of First Exposure to Pornography Shapes Men's Attitudes Toward Women

Age of First Exposure to Pornography Shapes Men's Attitudes Toward Women | Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy | Scoop.it
The age at which a boy is first exposed to pornography is significantly associated with certain sexist attitudes later in life, but not necessarily in the way people might think.
Loula Koteas's insight:
The older a man is before seeing a naked lady has shown that the more promiscuous he will b come...
more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by Loula Koteas
Scoop.it!

Lorem ipsum dolor sit er elit lamet, consectetaur cillium adipisicing pecu, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ull...

Lorem ipsum dolor sit er elit lamet, consectetaur cillium adipisicing pecu, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ull... | Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy | Scoop.it
Description
Loula Koteas's insight:
Insight
more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by Loula Koteas
Scoop.it!

In Turkey, crackdown threatens academia

In Turkey, crackdown threatens academia | Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy | Scoop.it
Psychologists raise awareness of the purging of thousands of academics from their jobs.
more...
No comment yet.