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What Your Mama Never Told You. Tips for Concious Connection.
Curated by PAT NOVAK
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The Blessing of a Broken Heart: How Pain Can Lead to Healing

The Blessing of a Broken Heart: How Pain Can Lead to Healing | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
If we take it upon ourselves to see what inside of us they are pointing toward, all grievances become opportunities for healing and loving ourselves.

 

“Never fear shadows. They simply mean there’s a light shining somewhere nearby.” ~Ruth E. Renkel

 

My last break-up was on April 16th, 2012.

I remember the date because on the evening of April 17th, as I sat with a blotchy red face and tears in my eyes, my dad told me I soon would remember that day and be glad I was no longer sad. “Men are like buses,” he said. “If one leaves you behind, rest assured another will come.”

I found his support very touching, but it did little to console me. If this guy was a bus, it was the bus I wanted to be on, period. That day, on my dad’s couch for the second night in a row, I slept a total of an hour and cried for about eight.

 

I found the break-up pretty surprising and abrupt. After not more than a strange feeling, and a day during which I sensed an uncomfortable distance, I said to my then boyfriend, “I feel that you might not be in love with me,” to which he responded, “Maybe.”

PAT NOVAK's insight:

A relationship break-up can be a real shock to your belief system  and self-image, 

 

Its even harder when we have abandoned ourselves.during the relationship.

 

One of the biggest lessons I learned from a break-up, was the importance of  Self Care.

 

I had been programmed to take care of others and not myself.

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3 Relationship Red Flags That Should Send You Running

3 Relationship Red Flags That Should Send You Running | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

You've found your soul mate, you've been together for a while, and you feel like you're ready to take it to the next level. Maybe even marriage -- eek! Is he the prefect life-long partner for you? Wouldn't we all love a crystal ball to show us exactly what to expect from a man in the future. I've known women who fretted over doubts all the way up to the altar who went on to enjoy long, fulfilling marriages. And I've known women who were 100 percent sure of their man only to find out they'd ignored some pretty important red flags along the way.


The thing is, sometimes a red flag looks a little, well, gray. And chances are there might be something about your man that makes you wonder a little. But you kind of want to just give him a pass because you don't want to be hypercritical -- and because you really love him, dammit! Sometimes those little things can turn into a big deal later on. Here are 3 red flags you're better off facing right now, before you let things go any further.

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A Common Way A Wonderful Relationship Can Fall Apart

A Common Way A Wonderful Relationship Can Fall Apart | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Astrid, divorced and in her late 40s, was having her first Skype session with me. She was obviously very anxious as she told me the story of her three-year relationship.

 

"Douglas lives in Los Angeles and I live in New York. We met through mutual friends and fell in love. Even though we live on opposites coasts, we've managed to spend a lot of time together, since we both travel for work. Recently, my company agreed that I can work from L.A., and I've been planning on moving in with Douglas. But since I told him, our relationship has been in turmoil. I don't understand what's happening. Why is he pulling back? I thought he'd be so happy to have me there."

I had a feeling about why Douglas was pulling back, but I needed to experience Astrid and Douglas together to be sure. I asked Astrid to see if Douglas would join us in a Skype session. He agreed.

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How to Detect Lies - Signs of Deception

How to Detect Lies - Signs of Deception | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Lie detector expert and former federal law enforcement investigator Janine Driver tells us the subtle ways to spot deception.

 

1. He Sounds a Little Funny


Liars are sometimes called "fast talkers," but the speed of their speech varies as much as an honest person's within a conversation. Yet liars will alter their speech rates within a single sentence. Typically a liar might begin to speak slowly, because he's trying to figure out his lie—but once it comes into his head, he tries to spit it out as fast as possible. 

Pace isn't the only speech pattern that can trip up a deceiver. Research has shown that a person's vocal tone will waiver from baseline in up to 95 percent of all deceptive statements. If your partner's baritone is on the rise, you may be facing a fib.

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The Science Of “Happily Ever After”: 3 Things That Keep Love Alive

The Science Of “Happily Ever After”: 3 Things That Keep Love Alive | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"As Daniel Jones, author of Love Illuminated, explains: we spend youth asking “How do I find love?” and midlife asking “How do I get it back?”

Anyone in a relationship or who plans on being in one needs to know how to keep love alive over the long term.

 

But how do you learn the secret to this?

Everyone is happy to explain “how they met” but few give the details on “how they stayed together.”

 

So let’s look at what science has to say.


Read more: http://www.businessinsider.com/the-science-of-happily-ever-after-3-things-that-keep-love-alive-2014-4

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10 Things Men Need To Start Doing To Become Gentlemen Again

10 Things Men Need To Start Doing To Become Gentlemen Again | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"How to be a gentleman in the 21st century, minus any creepy, unintended sexism."

 

The world works in funny ways. I blame it on mankind’s zealous oversimplification of complex problems. When we discover that a part of our culture is flawed, if we find that the way things are is not ideal, we label it as wrong, making a 180-degree turn in the opposite direction.

 

Take, for example, the concept of being a gentleman, being chivalrous and whatnot. It’s no secret that many individuals – women and men included – feel that any blatant differentiation between men and women constitutes as sexist. For good reason, many people (hopefully, soon to be all) believe that men and women should be treated equally. - See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/10-things-men-need-to-start-doing-to-become-gentlemen-again-grgs/#sthash.jsIqWnEJ.dpuf

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Dating Expression.Club's curator insight, June 15, 2014 8:28 AM

Guys, if you want to be successful in meeting a Filipina, then read this article. It is a perfect example of how a Pilipina likes to be treated.

Follow these steps and remember to dress the part and you won't be lonely for long!

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The Secret Life of Women: How Men Can Finally Understand Female Emotions -

The Secret Life of Women: How Men Can Finally Understand Female Emotions - | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Lion Goodman discovers the key o understanding how women communicate and how men can speak their language.

 

I was talking with my friend and colleague, John, about my relationship, and its challenges. I smiled and said, “Women’s emotional reactions have baffled men forever.”


With his typical wise and cosmic perspective, he smiled, and asked, “Would you like to understand feminine emotion?” What? Someone who actually understands women’s emotions? And can explain them? I said. “Lay it on me, Bro!”

A few minutes into his discourse, I stopped him to get a tape recorder. I knew I had to share this information with other men. We really need to learn about this major difference between men and women. It will save us SO much trouble. If it enlightens you, please share it with all the men you know. - See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/finally-insight-womens-emotions-lal/#sthash.6380IX35.dpuf

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7 Things Men Really Really Want In A Relationship

7 Things Men Really Really Want In A Relationship | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"Open any beauty magazine and you'll see article upon article about what women want in relationships and how to get that. But there's rarely a space for men to express their relationship needs. Thanks to MindBodyGreen for creating that space. Here are 7 things that men really want in a relationship."

 

 

1. To feel like your hero

 

We don’t want to be your Clark Kent. We want to be your Superman. We want you to see us as leaping tall buildings in a single bound and catching bullets. We want to carry you in our arms and show you the world. Or at least feel that way. And I know it’s our job to get there, but nothing gives us more strength than a woman who creates a space that makes us feel invincible. If you make us feel invincible, we’ll make you feel like you’re the most beautiful creature on this planet.

 

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Is This Habit Keeping You Single?

Is This Habit Keeping You Single? | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

Tired of waiting? Tired of affirmations, positive thinking, blind dates, and online dating?


 "Everyone has something challenging they are facing. Your acceptance of your current situation with grace and patience opens you to love and support."

 

I know it is easy to lose faith when you have just broken up with another disappointing lover. I realize that it is easy to panic when 40 is approaching and you want a baby worse than anything. Of course it feels unfair when you think someone tossed you into the desert without your ok. Distant memories of fruitful times of abundance may torture you and make you want to give up.

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5 Ways We Push Away Relationships (And What To Do About It)

5 Ways We Push Away Relationships (And What To Do About It) | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"Is your primary intent in being in a relationship to get love, or is it to share your love with your beloved? If it's to get love -- due to your own self-abandonment -- then your challenge in attracting your beloved is to learn to love yourself and share your love.

 

Most of us would love to be in a loving, committed relationship. Yet, for many, this seems to be elusive. There are some good reasons for this.

 

1. We Attract at Our Common Level of Self-Abandonment or Self-Love
Do you abandon yourself in one or more of these four ways?

 

- Staying focused in your head rather than being present with your feelings in your body

- Judging yourself harshly, putting a lot of pressure on yourself

- Turning to various addictions to avoid your feelings and to fill up inner emptiness

 - Making others responsible for your happiness and self-worth

  

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10 Signs You're In The Wrong Relationship

10 Signs You're In The Wrong Relationship | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"Let's face it: When we're newly coupled up, we tend to look at our partner -- and the budding relationship itself -- through a pair of proverbial rose-colored glasses."


Any flaws we detect in our partner are all too easily written off: He shies away from introducing you to his immediate family? It will happen when it happens. She has a tendency to leave dirty dishes and shoes scattered around the house? You're neat and orderly enough for the both of you.


But once you get real about your relationship and consider it for all that it is -- and all that it isn't -- there are some issues that are just too serious to overlook. Below, dating and marriage experts weigh in with 10 red flags they say should be cause for concern in any relationship.

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When Your Partner Stops Giving: The Silent Pain of Emotional Withholding

When Your Partner Stops Giving: The Silent Pain of Emotional Withholding | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"The  suffering caused by emotional withholding can be more excruciating than verbal or even physical abuse. How to recognize it—and what to do."

 ___

Confession: I’ve been holding out on you. When I wrote The 7 Deadly Signs of a Dysfunctional Relationship, I left out the eighth: emotional withholding. A reader pointed this out in a haunting comment. Sara wrote:

What’s missing from this discussion is the kind of dysfunction that isn’t tyrannical but instead quietly sucks out your integrity and self-respect because there are NO fights or fireworks. This is the passive-death non-relationship in which every dissatisfaction you express is completely ignored or casually dismissed. Not with a bang but a whimper……….

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The 7 Deadly Signs of a Dysfunctional Relationship

The 7 Deadly Signs of a Dysfunctional Relationship | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"How to recognize the signs of a rotten relationship---before it's too late"

 

Relationship hell is the worst, right? For anyone who’s been there—and I know I’m not alone—there’s nothing more heartbreaking than the sickening feeling of something warm growing cold, something sweet going sour, something compassionate turning contemptuous, something supportive becoming destructive, and your source of love and healing becoming the cause of toxic damage. Suddenly, what seemed to be working so well is not, like the shiny car you drive off the dealer’s lot that collapses down the road in a heap of broken parts. “But I was just in heaven,” you say. “How did I get to this infernal place?”

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10 Signs Your Boyfriend is a Jerk

10 Signs Your Boyfriend is a Jerk | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
It's time for a cold, hard dose of reality.

 

They say nice guys finish last and—for most of us—that’s probably true, considering the not-so-nice ones we’ll often date before meeting Mr. Right. In fact, for reasons that are largely intangible, even the most intelligent, self-possessed women have fallen for classic jerks at some point.

In retrospect, most of us are able to understand that these guys weren’t right for us, but getting to that place probably wasn’t easy. It’s because of that we decided to put together a primer to help other women gauge whether the guys they’re dating right now are good ones, or total a-holes. Read on, dear friends, for 10 signs your boyfriend is an unequivocal jerk.



Read more: http://www.stylecaster.com/signs-your-boyfriend-is-a-jerk/#ixzz30omMWvdo

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How to Court a Good Man: What to Do---and What Not to Do -

How to Court a Good Man: What to Do---and What Not to Do - | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
A reader said there were no good guides to courting a good man. So Thomas Fiffer wrote one.

 

A good man, as the saying goes, is hard to find. Well, not really. There are millions of good men out there. Millions. Good men whose intentions are honorable. Good men whose behavior towards women is kind and respectful. Good men who appreciate love and value commitment. Good men who hew to a code of morality and decent conduct in their personal and professional lives. Good men who don’t need to be bad boys to prove themselves. And these good men are not hiding. They’re everywhere, in plain sight. The young cashier at the supermarket who asks how your day is going. The guy jogging along the bike path who smiles as you pass by. The weary commuter coming home on the late evening train with a bunch of flowers on the empty seat next to him. Some of these good men are already taken. But many are not. Many are available and looking for a good partner—a person who shares their values, appreciates their efforts, and treats them with respect. Recently, a reader wrote in to The Good Men Project and asked if we could provide her with a guide to how to court a good man. - See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/how-to-court-a-good-man-5-dos-and-5-donts-fiff/#sthash.fAp9QlJJ.dpuf

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9 Ways We Set Ourselves Up To Be Controlled in Relationship

9 Ways We Set Ourselves Up To Be Controlled in Relationship | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

Do you often feel like others are controlling? Or do you feel like the pressures of life are too much? Do you give your power away to others and feel helpless?

If so, this post will shed light on how you might be setting yourself up to feel controlled by others and life circumstances. Taking your power back can change everything!

Most of us are not conscious of how we give our power away. And that’s why articles like this one are so important.

 
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The One: 10 Traits Your Ideal Soul Mate Should Have

The One: 10 Traits Your Ideal Soul Mate Should Have | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"Finding your soul mate is basically finding that one person (arguably one of several) who has the right traits – traits that are relevant to you as an individual. In other words: You have to find a person whom you can put up with and who, more importantly, can put up with you,"


Plus all that lovey-dovey stuff, of course. If love isn’t much more than the way that you perceive a person, then you need to find someone who you can perceive as being amazing for as long as you live. Just as importantly, you need to find a person who can put up with all of your sh*t.

Because, let’s be honest, we all have a lot of sh*t that our soul mates will need to put up with. Here are 10 traits that your soul mates should have and that, ipso facto, you should have in his or her eyes:

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7 Deadly Mistakes Lonely Men Make

7 Deadly Mistakes Lonely Men Make | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"Why some guys can never find or keep a girlfriend"

 

Men who cannot find or keep girlfriends categorically make seven mistakes regarding women. 


No.6 : Failure to Understand What She Is Not

 

A girlfriend is not: a hostage, a secretary, a mother, a maid, your child, or an escort.  You cannot treat them like any of those things and if you do, you will not have them for long.

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10 Things Women Should Stop Accepting

10 Things Women Should Stop Accepting | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"I'd like to start this off by saying that I believe it is 100% the responsibility of an individual to control their own actions. If a man is going to be a gentleman, he should be a gentleman towards everyone – not just a certain type or class of people. It is dependent on who he is, not who they are."

 

That being said, today’s dating world is tricky. People talk about courtship and romance as if it is some fabled tale of unicorns and leprechauns. The truth is, these things are alive and well, and we find them if we stop settling for less than we deserve, and have the discipline to be patient and only accept the love and respect we should receive.

 

If women accept less, then (some) men will continue to do less. Here are a few suggestions to help bring back chivalry and romance.

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11 Surprising Things You Never Knew About Flirting

11 Surprising Things You Never Knew About Flirting | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
There's definitely an art to flirting—and we have the science to back it up.

 

News flash: Flirting works. In fact, studies suggest that flirting skills could be even more important than looks in helping you attract a partner. And experts agree: 


"It's not the most physically appealing people who get approached, but the ones who signal their availability and confidence through basic flirting techniques like eye contact and smiles," says Monica Moore, M.D. 

If you want to master the game, here's a good place to begin: Read up on these interesting facts about flirting:

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What the Hell IS 'Conscious Uncoupling,' Anyway?

What the Hell IS 'Conscious Uncoupling,' Anyway? | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

 

By Sonya Rhodes, PhD., and Susan Schneider


"Conscious uncoupling." The term sounds so ridiculous: New Age-y, pretentious, righteous -- I could go on and on. Although I've worked as a couples therapist for eons, I have to admit that I never heard of "conscious uncoupling" before Gwyneth Paltrow used it to describe what she and Chris Martin have been up to lately. As I see it, the term means that couples confront their irreconcilable differences by looking into themselves instead of blaming their partners. Each partner takes a reflective, conscious stance toward what role he or she has played in the dissolution of the couple. This is actually a pretty radical point of view when you consider that when nearly all people talk about their divorces, there's always some element of blaming their partner.

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The Truth About Passive-Aggressive Behavior

The Truth About Passive-Aggressive Behavior | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"Passive-aggressive behavior is an extremely troublesome but misunderstood phenomenon. People frequently accuse each-other of engaging in it without really understanding what it is. On the other hand, when they encounter the real thing, they’re unable to recognize it and are therefore victimized by those who employ it."

 

So who is a passive-aggressive person, really? Essentially, it’s someone who engages in the indirect expression of anger. This person is unable to acknowledge to themselves or to others that they are angry, so they unconsciously bury this feeling deep in their psyche. Unfortunately, buried emotions have a way of leaking out, as I’ll soon demonstrate.

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15 Relationship Red Flags You Should Never Ignore

15 Relationship Red Flags You Should Never Ignore | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"Ever feel as though you always find yourself in situations with the slightly shady? Take off the rose-colored glasses and pay attention to these bright red flags. Your sanity (and friends who care about you) will thank you."


1. Boundaries, What Are Those?

Whether it's a "joke" at your expense, language you don't appreciate, or pressing you to share information you have been clear you deem private, anyone who doesn't respect your right to your own space (emotional, personal, physical or mental) is going to have you going from 0-to-frustrated in no time.

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The Real Reason Dudes Who Like You Disappear

The Real Reason Dudes Who Like You Disappear | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

You're dying to know, aren't you?

 

You've been there-slash-know exactly how this goes down: Girl meets guy, guy asks girl on first date, they have a bomb ass time. Guy asks girl on second date, makeout sessions ensue. Guy asks girl on third date, which also goes swimmingly, and then girl never hears from him again. He might have died for all she knows. This leaves girl bummed/hurt/confused/and repeatedly asking her friends "Why would he do that? It's so unlike him!"


Now's the time to remind yourself that you didn't invest that much time into this relationship, and that this scenario unfortunately comes with the territory of dating. But that doesn't make it feel any less crappy after someone disappears after the first few dates.

 

 

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Relationships: Why We Cheat.

Relationships: Why We Cheat. | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

'"when we start even just thinking about cheating, that's when the cheating starts

 

Let’s get into a place where we can talk about cheating in relationships.

Let’s not talk about all the cheating that other people are doing, or all the times that we’ve been cheated on.

 

Let’s talk about something we are less alright with: talking about our own cheating.

 

Because if we really sit down and are honest with ourselves, we know that everyone cheats.

 

We are cheaters.

We can lie to ourselves and say, no that wasn’t really cheating because of this reason over here…

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