The ELizabethan TImes | The Elizabethan Times |



    Alas! The long war has finally come to an end. After a hard nine years of fighting, we have beaten the Irish and forced them to surrender. Our ever-growing country is now growing stronger, and we have improved our fighting tactics since the Desmond Rebellions. This war was a big win for us. Not only have we won our rights to remain with our same cultures and religion, but the overall pride for England has swelled. The Catholics absolutely abhor our Protestant religion, and they are nonetheless threatened by our increasing power.
      Our new weaponry also gave us a huge advantage while fighting. Our sharp-edged swords stabbed the opponents straight through the side and made them drop onto the ground, decreasing the men fighting for the Irish. Because our vigorous country has become so independent, we were able to afford muskets which helped us to defeat the stubborn Irish. 

     The satisfaction and delight that came from our men was a sight to be remembered. They were so pleased to come home, and especially grateful to see their families once again. If you couldn't tell by the pride in the way those men walked on their way back to their hometown, then you could tell by the glorious smile that lit up each and every one of their face's. After nine years of utter madness and chaos, the war has finally ended, keeping the nations at peace and leaving England the most powerful.





    Last nights game, where the undefeated Knights played the worst team in the league, the Bucks.During the game, the Bucks miraculously beat the Knights with a score of 6-4. At the beginning of the game, the Knights were up from the beginning. The first play of the game, the Knights ran it down for a score. During that half, they scored three more times, leaving the bucks in the dust, as usual.

  When they were having their mid-game talk, something must’ve hit the Bucks. During the second half of the game, they dominated. The score was unreal, the most points scored in a half ever. They scored six points, and with the amazing defense, they held the Knights from getting no farther than mid-field. This game was the biggest upset so far in football history. Final score of the game was 6-4 Bucks.




                                                    Crime and Punishment

    Yesterday, a former criminal named Eric Forsberg was arrested for the theft of Fairfield County's highest noble, Sir Palumbo. Forsberg was found on the path leading away from Sir Palumbo's estate, riding the cow like a horse. Luckily, a police official was residing in a nearby home and spotted the known criminal, and had no choice but to assume that the large animal was stolen.

     Forsberg, after being contained, was recognized by his blonde hair and missing thumb on his left hand, due to a punishment from a past crime of shoplifting bread from a market.

    Sir Palumbo requests that Forsberg be sentenced to the punishment of quartering, a severe punishment that would not be justified if it weren't for Forsberg's reputation as a criminal. Quartering is the harshest punishment to date, which consists of public torture, followed by public dismemberment by horsepower.

    While Forsberg awaits his punishment, he is being held in Town Square by a Scold's Bridle. Even though this method of public humiliation and discomfort is usually meant for women accused of witchcraft and adultery, Sir Palumbo requested that Forsberg be sentenced to the Brank while awaiting his final punishment.

    Forsberg's quartering will be on the Friday after this coming Friday, and is open to anyone who is interested in watching. The whole community is encouraged to make an appearance, if possible. And not to worry, Sir Palumbo's cow, Bessie, is safe and at home where she belongs.




                                           Sumptuary Law Consumes the Country

    For many years, we, as English citizens, were allowed to dress any way that we pleased, even if it meant spending a fortune on imported fabrics. It is such a luxury to hold the soft silk cloaks in your hands and watch the gold embellishments shine in the light. Unfortunately, we are still sectioned off into four major social classes: Monarchs, Nobles, Merchants, and Laborers. Each class, as you know, dresses similar, but the extravagance of every piece of clothing changes depending on the amount of money spent. Monarchs are known to dress in high quality linens, sold by the ell, with gold embroidery covering every inch, while laborers make clothes out of any cloth they can afford. Higher ups often look down upon those who cannot afford affluent items, especially clothing. However, it has become a tradition, if you will, for poor classes to spend pound after pound to buy the same clothes as the nobles. This in fact created tremendous amounts of debt throughout the laborers and merchants.

     A typical English woman wears many layers. In order for a woman to be fully dressed, she must wear a corset, hoop skirt, and a heavy linen dress. The most popular accessory to wear is a ruff, my fellow folk’s men. These large, gauze wings make or break your social reputation. Our dear Queen Elizabeth, for example, owns the biggest, most lavish ruff, but the underclassmen own smaller, more reserved ones. Moreover, English men have many different styles of clothing depending on their social class, just like women. Their under-clothes consist of a shirt and a corset, for they don’t have nearly as many layers on underneath their actual clothes. Instead, they usually wear much more over top. For most men this will include trousers, a doublet, and a hat. As stated before, the bigger the ruff, the higher the title.

    It is to my knowledge that Queen Elizabeth and the Parliament recently imposed a new law, the Sumptuary Law, which will regulate personal spending. It is said to lessen the pressure on lower class people to spend more money on clothing than they can’t afford. This way, it will become easier to judge individuals by their clothing, for everyone in the same class is dressed in the same materials. The Sumptuary Law also depicts certain fabrics and colors that each social ranking is allowed to wear. When I spoke with the lovely Queen Elizabeth about this matter, she stated, “I certainly hope that this new law will also discourage the demand for imported fabrics and lessen the demand for wool. Thus, allowing the ‘left over’ money to be used on important government issues such as supplying horses for the military.” It surely seems as though our majesty fully supports this new idea of telling English citizens what to wear. On the contrary, Mr. and Mrs. Merriman, middle class citizens of Warwickshire, believe that this new law will not last very long, for it will cause disagreements between the social classes. “What good will come of this?” Mrs. Merriman questions, “I can assure you that this will not turn out for the better.”

    Clearly, the new sumptuary law will change our lives. However, it is in your hands if you choose to make it for the better rather than for the worse. It is a fairly important matter to discuss and therefore, I advise you to think long and hard about your decision