Discover Nonviolent Communication
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Discover Nonviolent Communication
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a continuation of the practices of Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr.
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Rescooped by Greg Brooks-English from Radical Compassion
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Open Your Mind to Close-Mindedness

Open Your Mind to Close-Mindedness | Discover Nonviolent Communication | Scoop.it

I don’t think we should be down on people whose minds are closed. Learning is painful, I suspect. At least, uncomfortable. Which is a level of distress. Learning – neurologically speaking – is an event of neural plasticity.


Via Jim Manske
Greg Brooks-English's insight:

Often times when others don't respond in the way we hoped, we can can get discouraged and frustrated.  Instead, when this happens, we can focus our attention on where life is responding in ways we appreciate.  There is great personal power in making this choice.

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Why Normal Is a Myth~Agustín Fuentes, Ph.D.

Why Normal Is a Myth~Agustín Fuentes, Ph.D. | Discover Nonviolent Communication | Scoop.it

The myth of normal tells us that that being within the range of what is considered "normal" is a core feature of successfully being a member of society—and that is simply not true. The myth of normal is very strong and very wrong. 

 

Being “normal” is usually assessed by one’s being in or around the average for any given trait: height, weight, body type, sexuality, physicality, sociability, etc. And we largely assume that, with a few exceptions, it is best to be as normal as possible to fit in with those around you. In this notion, the average for any given trait, and maybe one, or two, standard deviations from that norm is fine, but once you get far away from the average, there is something wrong—you are not being human the right way.

 

This premise results from two misconceptions:

A very poor understanding of the range and patterns of actual human biological and behavioral variation.An assumption that the average in any population or group is more or less a measure of the “right” biological and social way to be. 

The insidious social practice that emerges from these two misconceptions is the tendency of social groups, and societies at large, to punish or peripheralize those individuals who fall outside of what is considered “normal”—often with serious psychological and social impacts on those consequently labeled/recognized as “deviant.”

 

Many have argued that this tendency to ostracize those outside of the norm is just a reflection of our evolutionary ancestry—our tendency to be more comfortable with those more “like us” and to be wary of those not “like us.” This may well be the case, but what if the modern myth of normal has overshot our basic evolutionary history of wariness toward the unknown? What if it has inserted an overly narrow vision, by defining what is “normal” and “right” within groups and populations in much too constricted a range?

 

The current myth of normal tries to extinguish the very variation (biological and behavioral) that is core to our species’ ability to evolve and adapt to so many different challenges.

 

There are some extreme variants in human biology and behavior that are truly problematic in serious ways (neurological defects and pathological psychoses, for example). But those are few and far between. Here, in tackling the myth of normal, I am talking about our overemphasis on constraining the range of human variation into too narrow a band—mistaking “average” for a value statement, and forgetting that it is merely a statistical description.

 

For example, we often think about things like “normal” weight, height, and gender-specific behavior as indicators of physical, psychological, and social health, but are they? What is “normal” in this context?

 

Let’s use a straightforward example: Height and weight. Humans as a species are enormously variable, with some populations averaging under five feet in height and others averaging over six feet; and, on average, men are about 10-15 percent larger than women. So there is a huge range in our species and some patterns, based on sex. Within any single population we expect to see less overall variation in height than in the whole species, but the same pattern based on sex. However, even within a relatively homogenous population there can be substantial variation in height.

 

Consider: If you line up all males and female adults in a population, there is usually about a 70 percent overlap in height—meaning that the statistically average male is taller than the statically average female. However, if you actually go out and select thousands of individual people at random in this population and just look at their heights in he absence of any other data, you are going to be able to accurately determine their sex by their height alone only about 30 percent of the time. Yes, the tallest are likely to be men and the shortest, women—but this does not get you anywhere near 100 percent of the actual variation. This means that being a tall woman or a short man, while statistically out of the norm, is not by any means uncharacteristic—or abnormal. It is a regular part of the distribution of variation. Tall women and short men are normal.

 

Weight is even more complicated. Currently we use BMI (the relationship of height to weight) as a measure of overall health. This assumes that there are easily identifiable, and normal, relationships between height and weight in regards to being a healthy human. But weight and health, while related, is not a simple relationship, and BMI does not differentiate between a body builder and a couch potato whose height and weight may be the same but for very different reasons. It is very apparent that while BMI does work for those at the very extreme of the height/weight relationship range, it is not a great measure of health in most of its range.

 

If we are getting “normal” so wrong for things as easy to measure and understand as height and weight, what about things like gender identity, sociability, imaginative interests, etc.? Is there one average (and thus “right”) way to be a boy or a girl? No. Gender is a highly complex and broad spectrum with individuals being a mix of a range of elements from across the feminine-masculine spectrum—average patterns exist, but they are statistical measures, not assessments of happiness, success and contentment. Should everyone be expected to feel more or less the same in social situations, have more or less the same number and types of friends? Of course not—there are many feasible options for sociability, and most people within that broad range do just fine. Is it evolutionarily, socially, or psychologically better to force oneself to be interested in the books, movies, themes, and ideas that are held as “normal” in a given society? It might make some people more comfortable, but it does not necessarily lead to flourishing and happiness in most individuals.

 

It is the very human ability to range far and wide in body and mind that has enabled us to do so well as a species, and the myth of normal cuts that range down to a minimal “norm.” Again, I am not arguing that anything goes—rather, that by continuously imagining that there is a direct connection between the statistical norm and the “right” way to be, we are making the lives of many people, across the range of variation for any given trait more difficult, and denying them a seat at the table. 

 

Humans are remarkably diverse—it has served us well in the past, it is with us in the present, and it will benefit us in the future. Don’t deny variability: Enjoy your spot at any place on the continuum and know that being different is in fact a normal part of being human.

 


Via Jim Manske
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Twitter / Occupy Salt Lake: War is peace. Freedom is s ...

War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength. That makes about as much sense. #OSLC #OWS http://t.co/OC3AvIse
May 18 via Twitter for iPhone Favorite Retweet Reply

War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength. That makes about as much sense. #OSLC #OWS http://t.co/OC3AvIse (War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength.
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Life at Work: Tip 6: Feelings are Friends!

Life at Work: Tip 6: Feelings are Friends! | Discover Nonviolent Communication | Scoop.it
'Feelings are Friends!' by Locana http://t.co/dQLGuQd0 #NVC...
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WATCH: Arianna Huffington Interviews The Dalai Lama

WATCH: Arianna Huffington Interviews The Dalai Lama | Discover Nonviolent Communication | Scoop.it
His Holiness the Dalai Lama sat down with Arianna Huffington at St. Paul’s Cathedral in London to celebrate his Templeton Prize, and discuss the importance of a productive conversation between spirituality and science.
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Compassionate Communication by Marshall Rosenberg || Northwest Compassionate Communications

Compassionate Communication by Marshall Rosenberg || Northwest Compassionate Communications | Discover Nonviolent Communication | Scoop.it
I'm a jackal far too often: http://t.co/yvOB5Cch #NVC...
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» A Tribute to the Leadership Responsibility of Mother’s: Joe Wilner | Radical Compassion

» A Tribute to the Leadership Responsibility of Mother’s: Joe Wilner | Radical Compassion | Discover Nonviolent Communication | Scoop.it
Mothers are a unique leader of their children and family. They fill a crucial role of teaching future generations the power of living a loving and compassionate life.   This is because mothers live with a sense of love that is unmatched by most.
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Self Compassion: why being gentle to yourself is the foundation of happiness

Self Compassion: why being gentle to yourself is the foundation of happiness | Discover Nonviolent Communication | Scoop.it

By JULIA BUENO  

It took me a very long time to work out the difference between being kind to myself and actually being kind to myself. I used to think a long hot bath, a yoga class or a new pair of shoes would suffice to ease a low patch or quieten my noisy inner critic

 

. These gestures may have helped a bit, but they remained just that – actions representing a kindness rather than actions that also felt kind to myself when I did them. I could practise yoga for an hour and still feel bad. I might even feel rubbish at yoga and leave a class feeling even worse. Learning to be truly kind, compassionate, and even loving toward myself meant some pretty hard work.

 

================================

This ‘self-compassion’ starts off as a skill,
and like many other skills, a tricky one to
start with but well worth the effort put in.

===================

 


Via Edwin Rutsch, Jim Manske
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How Awe Stops Your Clock: Sarah Estes and Jesse Graham

How Awe Stops Your Clock: Sarah Estes and Jesse Graham | Discover Nonviolent Communication | Scoop.it
The experience of vastness slows perception of time...

 

It might be time to pencil in "awe cultivation" on your to-do list. Although religious thinkers like Søren Kierkegaard cast awe as a state of existential fear and trembling, new research by psychologists at Stanford and the University of Minnesota shows that experiencing awe can actually increase well-being, by giving people the sense that they have more time available. That sounds much more enjoyable than trying to power through one more hour on Redbull and fumes. Just what is this elusive emotion, and how can one nurture it in our time-pressed world?

 

Although awe has played a significant role in the histories of religion, art, and other transcendental pursuits, it has received scant attention from emotion researchers. Noting the paucity of data, social psychologists Dacher Keltner and Jonathan Haidt developed a working prototype in a 2003 paper, delineating awe's standing in the research taxonomy. After reviewing accounts of psychological, sociological, religious, artistic, and even primordial awe (awe toward power), the researchers surmised that awe universally involved the perception of vastness and the need to accommodate the experience into one's present worldview. That is, awe is triggered by some experience so expansive (in either a positive or negative way) that one’s mental schemas have to be adjusted in order to process it.

 

Nearly ten years later, awe research is beginning to come into its own. The self-help market has continued to grow quickly, and research on positive emotions has kept apace. Even corporations and politicians have taken note of some of the ways that emotion research links into everything from productivity to voting and buying behavior. So it should come as no surprise that psychologists are now experimenting in domains formerly left to clergy, clinicians, and artists.

 

More @ http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=how-awe-stops-the-clock&WT.mc_id=SA_CAT_MB_20120926


Via Jim Manske
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Peaceful Origami Paper Garden - My Modern Metropolis

Peaceful Origami Paper Garden - My Modern Metropolis | Discover Nonviolent Communication | Scoop.it
Have you ever seen a flower bed made entirely of paper? Well, look no further!
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Someone once asked the Dalai Lama what surprises him most. This was his response:

"Man, because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.
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John Kinyon Reflects on the Essex Retreat « NVC Mediation

John Kinyon Reflects on the Essex Retreat « NVC Mediation | Discover Nonviolent Communication | Scoop.it
John Kinyon Reflects on the Essex Retreat. Thank you, East Coast immersion program participants! I took such energy from our recent intensive training (May 4-8) in Essex, Massachusetts. There seemed to be a new level of ...
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African Nonviolence and the WRI | War Resisters' International

African Nonviolence and the WRI | War Resisters' International | Discover Nonviolent Communication | Scoop.it
Support WRI!African Nonviolence and the WRI http://t.co/gNJ8aoMn http://t.co/SooJZyxW...
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The Chemical That Makes You Fall In Love | Radical Compassion

The Chemical That Makes You Fall In Love | Radical Compassion | Discover Nonviolent Communication | Scoop.it
Our brains are awash in a sea of hormones. Is it any wonder love still baffles us? But, here's some news you can use: Don't look for the perfect partner. Look for someone who wants to trade oxytocin.
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