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With $35k in surgery, man turns self into elf

Luis Padron, 25, has spent huge sums of money on cosmetic surgery in order to resemble an elf.

He has almost spent more than £25,000 on surgery including liposuction on his jaw, a nose job, full body hair removal and operations to change his eye colour. ... He is planning surgery to make his ears pointed, hair implants for a heart-shaped hairline and a limb lengthening operation to make him 6ft 5in tall.

Mr Padron fell in love with the fantasy genre during his early teenage years, while struggling with bullies who mocked him because he dyed his hair and had different dress sense.

But by the end of high school, he claimed his quirkiness led to him being admired, which further fuelled his desire to be different.

He added: 'I was bullied as a child and as an escape I would submerge myself in fantasy movies like Labyrinth and The NeverEnding Story, as well as other fantasy tales.

'Over time things changed, older teens liked me because I was unique and that's what encouraged me to start turning what I felt on the inside into a reality.

From an aesthetic perspective, I think he's executing his goals unusually well, which is largely due to broadened horizons among competent surgeons. There will be more of this in future from the rich (and those willing to tolerate a lifetime of debt). But I must say his is a rather sickly and emo-looking sort of elf. It's like he set out to turn his body into an illustration rather than an embodied creature; the details require "a £4,000-a-month ritual applying creams, dyes and treatment," according to the Daily Mail.

Such measures can hide human problems, too. Without making any judgement on this chap's motives or concerns or what-have-you, let me just point out that the price drops to like $75 if you're OK being a fat elf.

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Russian sex toys, flying dinosaurs, and Barbara Bush's missing toes, in this week's tabloids

Reese Witherspoon doesn't like making love on camera, Julia Roberts is dreaming of an affair in Africa, Barbara Bush only has eight toes, and George Clooney is spending $1.3 million for the delivery of his coming twins.

Yes, it's getting harder to sort fact from fiction in this week's tabloids, where reality is an inconvenient truth easily avoided.

Barry Manilow is caught in a "gay bigamy scandal!" screams the 'National Enquirer,' which claims that the singer's partner Garry Keif had a secret wife. But that wife died in 2005, 11 years before Keif tied the knot with Manilow. So there was no bigamy. Just a widower getting married, with no scandal.

Ellen DeGeneres and partner Portia de Rossi allegedly had a "screeching public fight" that was "caught on camera," the 'Enquirer' claims. But its photo just shows the two women sitting in a car, looking perfectly calm and unflustered. What more proof could you want?

Russian Embassy staff "play with sex toys!" claims another 'Enquirer' headline, after intrepid reporters dug through a trash can outside the Russian consulate in New York. But as a host of discarded passport applications found in the trash show, the garbage was discarded by visitors to the consulate and anyone walking along the street, so the Kegel balls the reporters claim to have found, "meant to strengthen a woman's vaginal walls and heighten sexual experiences," could have been dumped there by anyone.

The 'Globe' proclaims it has uncovered a "Chuck Berry Autopsy Bombshell" and "cover-up" revealing that the singer "died of AIDS." But Chuck Berry was buried without an autopsy, you say. Yes, and that's the cover-up. "Berry's burial without an autopsy has triggered the scandalous suspicion the sex-crazed Maybellene singer died of AIDS," the 'Globe' explains.

Scandalous indeed - but whose "suspicion" is this? "He lived a reckless life sexually," says an unnamed source. "There's a strong belief that's what killed him." Presumably because at 90 years of age he was in the prime of life, taken before his time. What else could possibly have killed him? If it wasn't Vladimir Putin's assassins, it must have been AIDS.

Alleged "serial rapist" Bill Cosby has undergone a surgical face lift and skin-lightening treatments "to help charm his sex attack jury," reports the 'Globe,' based on the guidance of a cosmetic surgeon "who hasn't treated the accused predator." Or maybe it's just a photo of Cosby taken in strong sunlight that appears to make his skin tones look lighter?

Singer Wynonna Judd "has been hiding a major drug secret - her wild-child daughter has been busted for meth!" claims the 'Enquirer.' Can Judd really be blamed for "hiding" such news? What was she supposed to do? Take out full-page adverts in the tabloids proclaiming her pride at her daughter's arrest?

Comedian Don Rickles, who died earlier this month, "took to the grave" several "shocking secrets" including his disappointment not to become host of 'The Tonight Show,' reports the 'National Examiner.' Perhaps they should have read this week's 'Globe,' which claims: "Don Rickles Told All Before He Died!" and proceeds to explain his disappointment at being snubbed by 'The Tonight Show.' It seems that everyone knew Rickles' "secrets" long ago.

The tabloids continue their mastery of international geopolitics this week, with the 'Enquirer' cover headline screaming: "What Trump Doesn't Know!" You expect that the 60 pages of this week's edition wouldn't be nearly enough to cover what Trump doesn't know, but the "Enquirer Special Investigation" turns out to be what Trump could have read in any paper or found online for several weeks: a trail of mysteriously dead Russians who may in some way be linked to possible interference with the 2016 U.S. presidential election. Admittedly, it seems safe to assume that Trump doesn't know this because by his own admission he barely reads newspapers and gets much of his "news" from 'Fox & Friends.' "Putin Assassins Kill 10 in Election Hacking Cover-Up1" reads the headline, inspired by "FBI special agent Chris Watts' testimony on March 30 to the Senate Intelligence Committee" in which he advised: "Follow the trail of dead Russians." Except his name isn't Chris Watts - it's Clinton Watts. And he's a former FBI special agent, who is now a national security expert with the Center for Cyber and Homeland Security at George Washington University and an advisor at the Foreign Policy Research Institute. If the 'Enquirer' can get those two very public details wrong, how can we trust them when they tell us that "sex and orgies" have aged golfing ace Tiger Woods, singer Carnie Wilson's "23-pound breast implants" have "exploded," or that Pamela Anderson is "quitting Hollywood to live as prisoner with Wikileaks fugitive" Julian Assange?

The 'Globe' cover declares President Obama and Hillary Clinton "Guilty of War Crimes!" though the actual story is a slipperly slope of backsliding from reality. The duo aren't in fact "guilty" of "crimes against humanity" because they are simply under investigation "at the International Criminal Court in the Hague, Netherlands," the 'Globe' concedes. Except neither Obama or Hillary are actually under investigation there. The duo's alleged crime? Funnellng sarin gas to Syria's Bashar al-Assad. Except that as the 'Globe' story progresses, it makes clear that Obama and Hillary never supplied weapons to al-Assad, but allegedly routed weapons from former Libyan dictator General Gaddafi to "Syrian rebels fighting Assad." In other words, Obama and Clinton sent nothing to al-Assad. But the 'Globe' claims that "some of Gaddafi's weapons fell into Assad's hands - and were used in the murderous April 4 sarin attacks." Even if this were true - and we know from bitter past experience how weaponry supplied by the U.S. to Afghanistan rebels fighting the Russian occupation ended up in the hands of the Taliban - it would not incriminate Obama or Clinton in war crimes. It's reassuring to know that 'Globe' readers are discerning enough to understand the truth behind such misleading stories.

News you can use comes to us courtsey of the 'Globe,' which claims that "Barbara Bush only has 8 toes!" This bombshell revelation comes from the former First Lady's own granddaughter, Jenna Bush, who publicly stated: "My grandma is missing a toe on each foot." This is the sort of story that screams out for a proper tabloid investigation. Was she born with only eight toes, or did she have ten and has lost two along the way? Were they surgically removed for cosmetic purposes to help her lose weight and squeeze into impossibly small Louboutins? Were they cut off by kidnappers when she was secretly snatched by the Democratic National Committee, whish sent the severed toes to President George H.W. Bush as proof that she was still alive? Or were they stolen by President Obama and Hillary Clinton as part of a toes-for-ransom pay-to-play deal with Vladimir Putin? Enquiring minds want to know.

Fortunately we have the intrepid investigative team at 'Us' magazine to tell us that Vanessa Hudgens wore it best, Katherine Heigl's favorite animal on her Utah ranch is Hamlet the pig, actress Candice Patton carries lipstick, keys and passport in her simple canvas backpack, and that the stars are just like us: they shop, take out the trash, and pose for selfies. Oh, those down-to-earth stars!

'Us' devotes its cover to its favorite Princess Grace wannabe Royal, actress Meghan Markle, revealing "all the secrets of Markle's road to royalty" and "The Making of a Princess." The secrets? Listen to Prince Harry's advisers telling her not to comment to the media and to stop blogging, which royals require her to curtsey on meeting, and how to address the Queen: "Your majesty" on introduction, and "Ma'am" thereafter. Nothing she couldn't have picked up on the interwebs in under two minutes. Because that's all it takes to make a Princess.

'People' magazine brings us its annual "Most Beautiful Woman' issue, proclaiming actress Julia Roberts its 2017 winner, with a cover photo that absolutely hasn't been retouched in the slightest, no wrinkles removed, no forehead creases softened, no blemishes and aging altered - au natural. As if.

Leave it to the 'Examiner' to tell us that Australian scientists are building "a real Death Star ray," and that flying prehistoric predators "have survived the end of the dinosaur age - and are still out there!" Giant pterosaurs have reportedly been spotted across the globe, states the magazine, beneath the understated headline: "Golden Dragons Rule the Night Sky." These giant winged creatures have popped up in Oregon, Idaho, and as far afield as Papua New Guinea. Why haven't they been discovered sooner? "Because they are mainly noctural and rare," the 'Examiner' explains. Like Barbara Bush's missing toes, perhaps?

Onwards and downwards . . .

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Python Humble Bundle - a bunch of ebooks for $1

Humble Bundle has a good sale on Python books right now. For $1 or more, you get three No Starch Python ebooks. There are more books offered at the $8 and $15 level.

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Site turns any image into an animated waving flag

Flag Waver accepts uploaded images or URLs and turns them into an on-screen waving flag. There are advanced options for wind and hoisting! Sadly, you cannot export or save animations.
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Map of favorite Disney princesses by US state

What political insights can we glean from this map of favorite Disney princesses in each US State?

From Decluttr:

In second place is Pocahontas, one of the few American Disney princesses. She topped searches in 7 states, including the state Pocahontas is set in, Virginia.The most popular princess overall is Elsa from Frozen, who topped searches in 8 states. That's no real surprise considering how popular Frozen is!

Interestingly, geography seems to play a part in which princess a state prefers. For example, Sleeping Beauty is super popular in the Midwest, while 'cold' princesses like Elsa and Snow White are popular in sunshine states like California, Nevada and Texas. Maybe watching them helps people cool down during a heatwave!

Beauty and The Beast's Belle is the most popular princess in six states, including Arizona, Oregon and Idaho. We think she'll become more popular after the new movie has been in cinemas for a few weeks though.

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Synagogue vandalism suspect is accountant with a master's degree

Stuart Wright has two tattoos, writes Sam Charles of The Chigaco News: one says "Jesus is love" and the other is a swastika. This educated accountant from the suburbs was arrested late February and charged with a hate crime after someone smashed the window of a downtown synagogue and stuck swastikas on the doors.

Wright graduated from Hinsdale Central High School in 2003 and went on to the University of Iowa. He later received a master's degree in accounting from DePaul University.

According to Wright's LinkedIn profile, he worked as an accountant for four companies between June 2012 and September 2015. He became a certified public accountant in 2013 and his license is valid until September 2018, according to state records.

Property records show Wright's father - a retired investment banker - owns a five-bedroom, six-bathroom house with a three-car garage in west suburban Oak Brook. It has been for sale since February 2016 with a price tag of nearly $1.5 million.

These lonely rich kids, with their SUVs and dreamy resentments, so mollycoddled they don't even notice the cameras: this is Trump's hottest demo and you'll be hearing more from it soon.

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Al Franken sending Jeff Sessions letter "to have him explain himself"

When asked this morning on CNN about Attorney General Jeff Sessions' lie regarding his communication with Russia, Sen. Al Franken was generous. "At the very least, this was extremely misleading." Franken also said, "During the campaign, he made a bald statement that he had not met with the Russians. That's not true."

Franken will be sending Sessions a letter "to have him explain himself."

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TMZ Live: Kim Kardashian: Crime Scene Photos Surface!

ON TODAY'S SHOW Bill Clinton Breaks Down In Tears Jay Z & Beyonce Take On Mardi Gras! Aaron Carter Attacked Onstage! David Cassidy: Drunk Onstage?

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How trolls like Milo Yiannopoulos monetize your hate, and what to do about it

This week's edition of the always, always-excellent On the Media podcast featured an interview (MP3) with notorious (and self-confessed) media manipulator Ryan Holiday, whose book, Trust Me, I'm Lying: Confessions of a Media Manipulator describes his career in PR, in which he perfected the art of making terrible people rich by getting decent people to hate them. (more…)

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Guess Who This Cute Kid Turned Into!

Before this serious stud was turning things upside down on the small screen, he was just another blond boy growing up in Bridlington, England. Can you guess who he is?

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Lady Gaga to Super Bowl Body Shamers ... Bite Me!

They called her "fat," "flabby" and worse ... but Lady Gaga has a message for all the trolls who body shamed her Super Bowl halftime performance ... GO BACK UNDER YOUR BRIDGE!! The singer is finally firing back at the haters who pointed out that her…

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Texas Lt. Gov. Taps Texas Rangers for Tom Brady Jersey Hunt

One of the most powerful men in Texas is calling in the big guns to bring back Tom Brady's allegedly stolen Super Bowl jersey ... with the Lt. Gov. of Texas reaching out to the TEXAS RANGERS!  Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick -- the 2nd highest ranking…

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NFL's Whitney Mercilus' Super Bowl Warning ... Beware the Booty Clubs! (VIDEO)

Houston Texans star Whitney Mercilus is dishing out some advice to the Falcons AND the Patriots -- stay out of Houston's legendary booty clubs ... until AFTER the big game!!!  Whitney's great -- he says the nightlife in Houston is incredible…

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Near-mint copy of infamous Nazi torture bondage comic book cover (1944) estimated to fetch $200k at auction

Someone has already bid $80,000 on a near-mint copy of Suspense Comics #3 from 1944, with a cover by Alex Schomburg. This is the type of comic book that led to the moral panic resulting in a senate hearing on the rampant sexual perversion and violence in comics and the collapse of the comic book publishing industry, as chronicled in David Hadju's excellent book, The Ten-Cent Plague: The Great Comic-Book Scare and How It Changed America.

In 2015, a copy of Suspense #3 in similar condition sold for $173,275.

Here's a complete scan of the issue, in case you are interested. There's nothing lurid inside, other than some light homoerotic bondage.

From Heritage Auctions' website:

Suspense Comics #3 Mile High Pedigree (Continental Magazines, 1944) CBCS NM- 9.2 White pages. This white-hot Golden Age issue, driven by the "classic" Nazi bondage/torture cover by Alex Schomburg, has been climbing the list of Overstreet's Top 100 Golden Age Books for years. It's currently at #26, up from #38 in 2012, and #63 in 2007. It's no surprise that the Mile High Copy is the finest known, but that there is a Mile High Copy at all will be a surprise to some. Until recently the common opinion was that a Mile High Copy of the iconic issue didn't exist! Overstreet rates it "scarce", and Gerber goes even further, assigning it a "9" or "very rare"! CGC hasn't certified a higher grade than VF 8.0 for the book, although we have been fortunate enough to have offered the impressive Pennsylvania Copy in 2015, a CBCS VF/NM 9.0, which realized a record-setting $173,275! But the Mile High takes it up even another notch! L. B. Cole provided interior art. Overstreet 2016 NM- 9.2 value = $100,000. CGC census 4/17: 0 in 9.2, none higher.

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Think of Glasswire Pro as the heavily fortified gateway to your family network

Nobody messes with your family network. Nobody. And GlassWire Pro is a powerful ally in the fight to protect everyone on your network from snoops and hackers.

Most antivirus products scan your files for traces of malware, but GlassWire Pro goes a step further by keeping constant tabs on your network access to stop threats at their source. You get notifications when your computer accesses new services or if any network system files change, and it tracks all network activity while you're away so you can verify nothing fishy happened during your absence.

GlassWire Pro also enables monitoring of remote connections, so you can keep an eye on web hosts and file servers, as well as other computers on your network. With activity visualization and detailed logs, you can track threats easily. And most importantly, since you can use it with up to 3 PCs, it's a great defense for less experienced users in your family.

GlassWire Pro is available now in the Boing Boing Store.

Explore more best-sellers in the Boing Boing Store:

Protect Your Internet PrivacyTigerVPN ($29)Burn That Old Disney VHS Collection Onto Your ComputerVHS Digitization Software ($21)Jumpstart A New CareerLearn to Code: 2017 Bundle (Average Price~$20)
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Video from camera falling from airplane and landing in pig pen

An oldie but goodie. I was expecting the GoPro logo to pop up at the end.

"Camera falls from a sky diving airplane and lands on my property in my pig pen. I found the camera 8 months later and viewed this video."

(via Kottke)

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Raspberry Pi 3 can do crazy things - learn some of them here

The Raspberry Pi Foundation has done outstanding work packing a fully capable desktop computer into a package the size of a deck cards-especially one that only costs $35. But if you already have a working laptop, why should you care? Oh, how much you have to learn. Besides operating well as a compact digital media hub, the Raspberry Pi is an exceptional tool for Internet of Things construction, programming robots, hacking, and a whole slew of other cool stuff thanks to accessible, general-purpose inputs and outputs, and an open-source operating system.

If you are planning on ordering one of these single-board wonders (or impulsively bought one without any idea of what to do with it), this Raspberry Pi 3 training bundle will give you a nice taste of what you can do with it. Here's some of what you'll learn:

Cybersecurity fundamentals with a Raspberry Pi equipped with Kali, the Linux distribution focused around network penetration testingHow to link several Raspberry Pi boards together to perform complex parallel computationsAdvanced networking and web development techniques that use the Raspberry Pi as a file and web serverRaspberry Pi-powered roboticsThe foundations of IoT devices

With over 20 hours of instructional material spread across six targeted courses, you'll get more than a taste of what this delicious platform is capable of. Get the Complete Raspberry Pi 3 Training Bundle for 91% off-just $19.

Explore other Best-Sellers in our store:
Coding + DevelopmentLearn to Code 2017 Bundle (Pay What You Want)Accessories Twisty Glass BluntD-I-Y CourseRaspberry Pi 3 Course
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Mr. McFeely in 'Mister Rogers' Neighborhood' 'Memba Him?!

David Newell is best known for playing the speedy delivery man Mr. McFeely -- opposite Fred Rogers -- in the long running PBS children's show "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood." Guess what he looks like now!

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Good, inexpensive silicone kitchen sink strainer

I like almost everything OXO makes. This silicone kitchen sink strainer ($8) was a welcome replacement for the wire mesh one we had, because some of the wires had broken. Those little protruding wires hurt when they poke your finger. The OXO strainer is made of soft silicone and that won't hurt you. To clean the collect food debris, just pop the cup inside out in the trash. One reviewer on Amazon said it is still in good condition after four years of use.

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TMZ Live: Chris Brown: Alleged Violent Death Threat

ON TODAY'S SHOW Tom Brady: The $500k Missing Jersey David Cassidy: The Sad Reality Miles Teller Vs. Ryan Gosling Donald Trump: Meeting With The Enemy

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'Flip or Flop' Star Tarek El Moussa Cleans, then Sells Houses ... Alone (PHOTOS)

"Flip or Flop" star Tarek El Moussa's the only pretty mug you'll see on the flyer pimping his real estate biz ... Christina's apparently been kicked to the curb. TMZ got its webbed hands on Tarek's ad that started circulating in the O.C. ...…

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Techdirt's "I Invented Email" gear

Techdirt, a fearless source of excellent technology news and commentary, is being sued for $15M by Shiva Ayyadurai, who claims to have invented email -- he is represented by Charles Harder, a key figure in the Gawker-killing legal campaign that Peter Thiel financed, and who is also representing Ivanka Trump in her $150m lawsuit against The Daily Mail. (more…)

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Wale Says Trump is Uniting the Country (VIDEO)

Wale believes President Trump is a "wild person," but says there's a silver lining in it all. We got the rapper Wednesday night at The Nice Guy in WeHo, and he views the anti-Trump movement differently than most. He says it's created a unity among…

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Dennis Rodman Pleads Guilty In Wrong Way Freeway Crash

Dennis Rodman just pled guilty to multiple criminal charges in his wrongway freeway incident -- and dodged a BULLET ... TMZ Sports has learned.  As we previously reported, the ex-NBA star was charged with hit and run stemming from a July 20th…

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Snoop Dogg, DJ Khaled, Ja Rule Bring It For Super Bowl Celeb B-ball Game

Snoop Dogg, DJ Khaled and Ja Rule hooped it up in Houston for Super Bowl Weekend. The trio was joined by other celebs and athletes, including Doug Flutie, at NFL'er Antonio Brown's Celebrity SuperSlam Basketball Game at Joe K Butler Sports Complex…

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