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What Your Mama Never Told You
Curated by PAT NOVAK
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Money: The great relationship wrecker

Money: The great relationship wrecker | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Financial conflict predicts divorce better than any other marital issue. But such arguments are about so much more than money, says Melissa Leong. Here's why you just have to dive in

 

When Heidi Hess was 18-years-old, she married a currency trader.


He was almost 10 years older and handled their savings and investments. She managed their day-to-day finances. She paid the bills, bought groceries for their Toronto home and shopped for their three kids.

Money talk: 20 questions to ask your significant other

She dreamed of vacationing. But he travelled for work and didn’t want to spare the money. She wanted to renovate. He put a bucket down when the ceiling leaked.


“We never said, ‘Let’s sit down and really hear what it is that each of us want. You’re saying you want to travel and I’m saying as the sole financial provider, we don’t have it. If you want to take that holiday, what can we cut? How we can we work as a family to make that happen?’ We never had that in-depth conversation.”

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Single moms (and other strong women) need alpha males

Single moms (and other strong women) need alpha males | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

The other night my single mom friend Sarah and I were IMing about how we prefer men who are aggressive in bed.


“I’m the CEO of my entire life!” Sarah complained. “Do you know how hot it is to let someone else take over for 20 minutes?”


“It’s not just in bed – give me a vacation from my life for a while,” I responded. I was referencing my weekend date — a guy I met on OKCupid named Lou who I have pretty much nothing in common with but proved to be the perfect Saturday night activity. For the past few months I’ve been in a dateless funk fueled by disappointment that a love interest didn’t pan out and a long, grey, life-filled winter. Despite being little of what I am looking for in the long-term, this Sicilian-born, Harley-riding electrical engineer from Queens charmed me with a witty profile, flirty and articulate messages and pics that suggested — quite accurately, I found — a darling smile and a 6’3″ body built like a brick shit house...

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» 7 Sure Signs of a Commitment-Phobe

» 7 Sure Signs of a Commitment-Phobe | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Hunting for husband material? These signs suggest hunting elsewhere.

 

Amy told me about a recent conversation with the man she thought she wanted to marry:

“Am I the crazy one here? Why do I feel needy and desperate when I talk to him all of a sudden? I thought he loved me! I don’t get it. He practically lives with me and I’ve never even seen his place! I’ve never met a man who spent so much time and energy trying to win me over. He took me on some amazing dates and made love to me in ways I never even thought possible! I fell in love with him! I love him!"


But when I suggested we have dinner with my parents, I didn’t hear from him for a week! He disappeared. No phone, no text, no email. What the heck? I don’t even know where he was for the last week. He travels a lot for work… But before this, he’d call me from wherever he was. Then, out of the blue, he called me Sunday night to say he’s “not ready” to meet my parents. He says, ‘Can’t we just keep things like they were? I love you, baby, but I really like things the way they are now. Why do you have to screw it up?’”

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How You're Ruining Your Relationship

How You're Ruining Your Relationship | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Plus: 5 ways you block love.

 

Are you creating a wedge between you and the men who love you? If you're favoring your masculine side too much, you sure are!

We all want to experience true love. Being in a healthy, loving relationship is an absolutely magical feeling. But if you're a strong, capable, independent woman, you could be unknowingly blocking yourself from love.

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Ask a Guy: What Do Guys Like In a Girl?

Ask a Guy: What Do Guys Like In a Girl? | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

What do guys like in a girl?  What makes a guy want to date a girl versus not seeing her as “girlfriend material”?  What do men want in a woman that makes them see them as a catch?”

 

There are going to be differences from guy to guy, but I’m going to try and keep the discussion of “what men want” to the most universal items possible.

I think it’s important to make the distinction between what men want in a relationship andwhat men want with a woman.  Moreover, we also need to factor in what men want in their life.

We need to look at all three areas because they are interconnected.  When you know what men want, then you’ll naturally know what makes a man choose one girl to be his girl for the long term.

First, what do men want in their life?


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Melissa Moore's curator insight, April 2, 2013 4:51 PM

Cool segment for a female lead show...'Ask a Guy' - 

Ari Meier's curator insight, July 30, 2013 11:07 PM

The inside scoop, what do guys like in girls?

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Looking for Mr. Right when all you see is Mr. Wrong

Looking for Mr. Right when all you see is Mr. Wrong | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

By Sophia Elise and Lady Sarah

 

The elusive search for Mr. Right keeps women on a relationship treadmill. Even when they feel they have located the perfect partner, they realize later that he was not. Sometimes, instead of kicking Mr. Wrong to the curb, and going out in search of another Mr. Right, they choose to waste their time in an attempt to transform this Mr. Wrong into the Mr. Right they yearn for. Unfortunately, there is no switch to flip, button to push or magic that can be done to turn him into the right guy. Waiting for him to transform himself into Mr. Ideal will not happen either, at least not in this century.

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6 Signs You’re Dating A Narcissist

6 Signs You’re Dating A Narcissist | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

He may come off as the charming nice guy, but be on the lookout for these behaviors.

 

"I didn't see it coming," said Gina (not her real name). "The chemistry was through the roof, the sex off the charts! I thought he was my soul mate. And then he disappeared. I'm devastated." My client Gina had dated another narcissist, a man who cared more about his needs than hers, a guy who ran for the hills when Gina began to fall in love.

 
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Mad About You: The Upside of Jealousy

Mad About You: The Upside of Jealousy | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Just the right amount of jealousy can keep you and your mate from drifting apart, but there's a fine line between crazy in love and just plain crazy

 

The Upside of Jealousy
How does this seemingly unpleasant emotion benefit your twosome? Like so.

 

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How To Fall In Love (And Stay In Love)

How To Fall In Love (And Stay In Love) | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

Want to walk into the sunset ever after with that special person? Let me share a few pointers with you right now.

Begin With The End In Mind

 

"I want to remind you of a very powerful success principle that works in any area of your life. It says that you should always begin with the end in mind."

 

Read more: http://bit.ly/12GTRM0

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Why You Are Struggling in Relationships

Why You Are Struggling in Relationships | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

Pain, rejection, loneliness, abandonment are some of the many things that couples feel when struggling in relationships.

It’s difficult indeed to ignore such emotions, especially when they become a pattern. Many of us are unaware of their root cause and that the key to having a truthful, loving relationship with our partner is to mirror the nurturing relationship we have with our inner child.

The inner child is a very powerful voice that resides deep in our being. It talks to us about fear, hurt, needs that are not being met, the safety that it is longing for and the love that it hungers for.

Read more: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-6894/Why-You-Are-Struggling-in-Relationships.html

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5 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship

5 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
“Toxic” doesn’t only entail obvious damage like physical abuse, stealing, or name-calling. It also represents the internal turmoil that results from an unhealthy relationship.

“Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own, instead of someone else’s.” ~Billy Wilder

I’ve had my share of toxic relationships, or at least what I thought was toxic. Is it fair to say you have too? My guess is that we’ve all endured the company of people who were not shooting for our highest good.

As for me, the relationships that were the most debilitating and unhealthy gave me the feeling that I wasn’t taking care of myself spiritually, mentally, or physically like I should.

Read more: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/5-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-relationship/
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The Whole Point of Every Relationship (is probably not what you think it is).

The Whole Point of Every Relationship (is probably not what you think it is). | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
The whole point of a relationship is to set each other free.

At least enough to gain some intellectual insight that (hopefully) translates over time into a living breathing shift of being.

Turns out, it’s not about making each other happy, or any other kind of imagined perfection. It’s about helping the person in front of you be everything they truly are.

Here are some ways to do that.


Read more: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2012/11/the-whole-point-of-every-relationship-is-probably-not-what-you-think-it-is/
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The Relationship Lessons We Learn Too Late

The Relationship Lessons We Learn Too Late | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
You can't go back in time and fix all the romantic missteps of the past. But you can avoid them from now on.

Lesson #5: Own Up To Your .000001673928 Percent

When you're talking to yourself or your friends, your relationship dynamics seem really clear. Because...every single piece of evidence points to him being the one to blame for the house being a wreck and your being overtired. At night, you do the cooking and cleaning and the homework and bath for the kids. He eats! That's what he does! He eats! And then he reads a book to the kids and turns off the light. In other words (which are really the same thoughts), you are the giver. He is the taker. He is the problem.

Except that is never exactly the truth...

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/relationships/The-Relationship-Lessons-We-Learn-Too-Late/2#ixzz2BhoDXL2r
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How Does Sex Differ from Intimacy?

How Does Sex Differ from Intimacy? | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

Are sex and intimacy different things? Can you have one without the other? Or does one lead to another? It seems that there are many conflicting opinions on the roles of sex and intimacy within a relationship (and out of one, too). It seems that there are many conflicting opinions on the roles of sex and intimacy within a relationship (and out of one, too). It is difficult to really get to the bottom of this problem because no two people have exactly the same ideas on sex. In a traditional framework, sex would come with long-term commitment, or marriage, which would be associated with the couple having an intimate connection with each other (and usually wishing to procreate)....

PAT NOVAK's insight:

Intimacy requires vulnerability and feelings, for it to be truly present in a relationship. Sex, on the other hand, does not.

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Gwendolyn Owens's curator insight, May 7, 2013 9:14 AM

How Does Sex Differ From Intimacy? Stories Your Mother Never Told You

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Stop Pushing Away Love!

Stop Pushing Away Love! | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"When my client Sandra came to me she was desperate. She thought her boyfriend was going to break up with her soon and she didn’t know what to do. She was an extremely beautiful girl, yet she felt insecure and worried constantly that her partner would cheat..."

 

"...By the time we started working together, she was spending most of her days in bed in a state of constant anxiety. She would wake up and immediately check his facebook and instagram profiles to look for evidence that he was interested in other girls. Even though she didn’t find it, she wouldn’t stop."

 

SHE WAS CAUGHT IN A VICIOUS CYCLE OF RELATIONSHIP SABOTAGE. IT GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS:

PAT NOVAK's insight:

Great article by Nicole Moore, how our own low self esteem sabotages our relationships and what to do about it!

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Ari Meier's curator insight, July 30, 2013 11:06 PM

How not to sabotage your relationships.

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5 Ways To Know If You're Ready For Love

5 Ways To Know If You're Ready For Love | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
I talk about relationships pretty much all day, every day. When it comes to dating and love, everyone asks the same question: Where are all the good men? You guys, this question sucks. It is the wrong question.

 

Why? Because even if there was the perfect location, that wouldn't really help you move toward the relationship you want. You'd just end up hanging around the frozen food aisle of the supermarket or going to a couple of baseball games in full makeup, and let's be real, if that worked, you'd be so married that by now you'd be sick of your husband.

 

The problem is not that you're not meeting enough men -- it's that you're not meeting enough men because you're failing to ask the right question. And that question is: Are you ready for a great love relationship?


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How to Know When You've Found Your Soul Mate

How to Know When You've Found Your Soul Mate | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

Many of us have pondered the concept of soul mates before. What is a soul mate? Do I have one? And if so, where is mine? The idea that there is one special person created just for you is too juicy not to consider. I definitely believe in soul mates, but my definition extends beyond the traditional idea of The One.

 

What I believe is that a soul mate is a person with whom you are unexplainably drawn to be in relationship. Soul mates are brought into your life so that you can grow and expand into the best version of yourself.

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Melissa Moore's curator insight, April 2, 2013 4:31 PM

Possible phoner:  Soul mates are an expired concept...can there really be just 1 person for each of us in the world? 

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10 Types Of Men Who (Fortunately) Won't Marry You

10 Types Of Men Who (Fortunately) Won't Marry You | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

Have you ever wondered if there are guys out there that simply will not marry you? Are there certain men from whom you should just stay away because chances are, the relationship is going to be an exercise in frustration for you? You are not alone -- many women think about this all the time. And yes, there are certain types of men that you should just plain avoid because if you were playing the odds, the odds say these guys are just not going to seal the deal with you.


Here are 10 types of men that I, as a professional matchmaker, would recommend you steer clear of:

 
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Mr. Right Is Not Real

Mr. Right Is Not Real | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Is your Prince Charming a no-show? That's because men are people—not fictionalized characters. Learn why you may need to wake up from your romantic fantasy to find true love

 

You might have a list that goes like this: "Hot. Smart. Rich. Sweet. Likes his mom. Has hair. Tall-ish." It's your ideal guy, in bullet points, and if you can't find someone who's able to check off every single quality, well then, you'll just have to keep looking. We put our Barbie and Ken dolls away ages ago, but the perfect-mate idea still looms—so much so that it's even popping up in some women's therapy sessions. "I've seen many women who are fixated on finding Mr. Right," says clinical psychologist Jennifer Taitz, Psy.D.

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Anyone Criticizing Ben Affleck’s Acceptance Speech Doesn’t Understand Marriage

Anyone Criticizing Ben Affleck’s Acceptance Speech Doesn’t Understand Marriage | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

Did you see Ben Affleck’s speech accepting the Best Picture award last night? If not, he made a moving and authentic statement about marriage. Read more about it here.

The part that has people in a tizzy is this:

 

"I want to thank you for working on marriage for ten Christmases. It’s good, it is work, but it’s the best kind of work, and there’s no one I’d rather work with."

PAT NOVAK's insight:

So True.. So Honest.

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Laura Brown's comment, February 27, 2013 3:35 PM
How do you read it? I just get a big blob of a pop up window. No way to close it that I can see.
PAT NOVAK's comment, February 28, 2013 10:36 PM
What link? It goes right to the article for me.
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Let's Talk About The Orgasm

Let's Talk About The Orgasm | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
In 2009, I walked onto the TED stage and gave a talk that included video of a Danish pig inseminator. The topic of the talk was orgasm, and the video related to a centuries-old debate over "upsuck."

 

The same goal-directed, out-of-the-box thinking that led to the sow stimulation plan, that led Masters and Johnson into the lab with their cervical caps and six bold women, lies squarely at the heart of TED.- Mary Roach   
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Ari Meier's curator insight, July 30, 2013 11:09 PM

We talk about this all the time (maybe...)but it's still misunderstood.

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Even Cupid Wants to Know Your Credit Score

Even Cupid Wants to Know Your Credit Score | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
The credit score, once a little-known metric, has become a factor in dating decisions, eclipsing traditional priorities like a good job or shared interests.

 

“Credit scores are like the dating equivalent of a sexually transmitted disease test,” said Manisha Thakor, the founder and chief executive of MoneyZen Wealth Management, a financial advisory firm. “It’s a shorthand way to get a sense of someone’s financial past the same way an S.T.D. test gives some information about a person’s sexual past.”

 

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What behavior signals if a woman or man is interested in someone?

What behavior signals if a woman or man is interested in someone? | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Via Do Gentlemen Really Prefer Blondes?: Bodies, Behavior, and Brains--The Science Behind Sex, Love, & Attraction: The number one tip-off that a woman was interested in a man for more than friendship was her own speaking rate.

Did she talk smoothly and quickly (a good sign), or hesitantly and awkwardly?

A short but interesting piece.

Read more: http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/04/what-behavior-signals-if-a-woman-or-man-is-in/
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Expert: Guys don’t want casual sex!

Expert: Guys don’t want casual sex! | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Most men aren't sex-crazed Casanovas, a researcher argues. They're in search of relationships, not one-night stands.

He’s got one thing on his mind and one thing only: sex. Namely, how to get it as often and with as many different women as humanly possible. He’s become a staple of modern comedies, from “Porky’s” to “American Pie” to “Superbad,” and he’s what research psychologist Andrew P. Smiler calls the “Casanova stereotype.”

This popular conception of young men is the subject of Smiler’s new book, “Challenging Casanova: Beyond the Stereotype of the Promiscuous Young Male.” This stereotype “tells us that guys are primarily interested in sex, not relationships,” he writes. “This contributes to the notion that guys are emotional clods who are incapable of connecting with their partners because, hey, they’re just guys, and guys are only interested in sex. “ The result is the belief that “guys shouldn’t be expected to achieve any type of ‘real’ emotional intimacy with their partners.”

Read more: http://www.salon.com/2012/11/18/expert_guys_dont_want_casual_sex/
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Laura Brown's comment, December 2, 2012 3:20 AM
Where do they find these guys? I don't seem to be finding men like this. The only men I meet are unavailable to all to available.
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7 Strategies to Transform a Broken Heart

7 Strategies to Transform a Broken Heart | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
By Ronald Alexander

How can you mend a broken heart? How can you stop the rain from falling down? How can you stop the sun from shining? …Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again. - the Bee Gee’s 1971 Hit Song

When we suffer a deep loss or trauma our hearts can literally feel that they have been shattered into a million pieces. Or we feel that our heart has broken open and we are bleeding metaphorically. At times it can even be difficult to breathe. Our heart is both a living organ that is our life source as well as an emotional mind/body metaphor referred to when we experience heartache and sorrow. It’s as if the heart that beats to an electrical energy wave becomes short circuited and burns out, flares out or is broken into many tiny pieces.

Read more: http://omtimes.com/2012/11/7-strategies-to-transform-a-broken-heart/
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