SEX | DATING | RE...
Follow
14.3K views | +3 today
SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS
What Your Mama Never Told You
Curated by PAT NOVAK
Your new post is loading...
Your new post is loading...
Scooped by PAT NOVAK
Scoop.it!

Tips for Being a Better Conversationalist and Why You Need Them

Tips for Being a Better Conversationalist and Why You Need Them | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Good Small Talk Makes Us Likable, but It's Easy to Get Rusty—How to Avoid Dominating and Being Dominated in a Conversation

 

There is an art to elegantly starting, sustaining and ending a dialogue with strangers or friends. Experts call it conversational intelligence. Others call it the gift of gab. Hard as it may be for chatty people to believe, not everyone is born with it. For many, it takes study and practice.

 

Some people dismiss small talk as mere chitchat, an unnecessary and annoying waste of time. Many men consider it a female thing. But experts say casual conversation is essential social grease—a ritual that helps us connect with friends, colleagues and people we've just met.

 

more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by PAT NOVAK
Scoop.it!

How to Cuddle with a Woman After Sex

How to Cuddle with a Woman After Sex | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"You might've made her toes curl, but there's a good chance you're blowing what comes next, Captain DeathSpoon. Lindsay Nolan explains what it takes to make a woman happy in bed once the fun part's over"

 

Thousands of years, yet men and women still haven't figured out how to sleep together after we've slept together. I want to say that both sexes are equally to blame. But I've been with men who snored when drunk, who commandeered the thermostat, and who warned me that "the involuntary twitch in my left knee might result in me literally kicking your ass." Alas, I'm starting to think this is all you guys' fault.


Read More http://www.gq.com/news-politics/mens-lives/201308/how-to-cuddle-with-a-woman-after-sex-august-2013#ixzz2bRhWExjy

 

more...
Loving Links - Married dating guru's curator insight, August 9, 2013 4:09 AM

Suprising how many men get this bit wrong

Scooped by PAT NOVAK
Scoop.it!

4 Overlooked Relationship Red Flags

4 Overlooked Relationship Red Flags | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Not just your partner's actions, but your own actions and feelings can be relationship red flags.

 

In my twenties, I started dating a man I really liked – although in retrospect, I’m not sure if I really liked him or I just liked that he really liked me. (Of course, that was the first ignored red flag.) As I got to know this young man – let’s call him Fred – I asked him about some of his past relationships. He told me a story about his previous girlfriend that went something to the tune of: she’d cheated on him but had felt so guilty that she tearfully confessed her misdeeds to him. Fred didn’t break up with her but expressed his extreme hurt, anger and mistrust throughout the rest of the relationship. His ongoing hurt and mistrust was genuine, but what he failed to tell his then-girlfriend is that he had also cheated on her.

 

In fact, in all of Fred’s stories about his life, he never seemed to speak about mistakes, learning lessons or owning any personal responsibility.

Are these things deal breakers? Taken individually, not necessarily. But each was a red flag I chose to ignore.

more...
PAT NOVAK's comment, August 7, 2013 3:30 PM
How many times have you done the first one? Lying to yourself? You see the red flag, but you start making excuses.
PAT NOVAK's comment, August 7, 2013 3:30 PM
How many times have you done the first one? Lying to yourself? You see the red flag, but you start making excuses.
Rescooped by PAT NOVAK from DAILY NEW REALITY
Scoop.it!

The Four Things That Kill a Relationship Stone Dead

The Four Things That Kill a Relationship Stone Dead | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

A recipe for divorce: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.

For over 40 years the psychologist Professor John Gottman has been analysing relationships, both good and bad.

 

He's followed couples across decades in many psychological studies to see what kinds of behaviours predict whether they would stay together in the long-term or were soon destined for the divorce courts

 

.Amongst the factors he identified, four have stood out, time and time again. When Gottman sees a couple's communication overrun with these, the chances are they will divorce in an average of around six years from their marriage.

 

more...
Ted Thomas's curator insight, July 29, 2013 6:15 AM

Relationship killers...

Modern Love Guide's curator insight, July 29, 2013 3:21 PM

This is so good and so true.

Garth Sanginiti's curator insight, August 1, 2013 10:01 PM

Good advice from Professor John Gottman to help strengthen relationships.

Scooped by PAT NOVAK
Scoop.it!

How to Win Friends and Lovers (Mainly Lovers) With Your Online Profile

How to Win Friends and Lovers (Mainly Lovers) With Your Online Profile | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

Like all dating, online dating sucks. Like, really, really sucks. You have to go on so many dates with people who wear inappropriate amounts of thumb rings* and make a big deal out of being lactose intolerant and then eat half your cheesecake. And those aren't the worst because you at least get a story out of it. Mainly it's just a lot of being bored and thinking "I shaved my feet for this??" Really, it sucks.

 

But you do it if you want to date because as terrible as the first date is — third dates are usually pretty fucking (literally?) fun. And for that to happen, you need a good profile."

more...
No comment yet.
Rescooped by PAT NOVAK from DAILY NEW REALITY
Scoop.it!

5 Ways to Get Intimate that Don’t Involve Having Sex.

5 Ways to Get Intimate that Don’t Involve Having Sex. | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"One of the things that has come up is the difficulty of achieving true intimacy with another person. While many immediately think of sex when they hear the word intimacy, I often think that sex is a barrier to achieving intimacy.

 

It shouldn’t be the case.

 

Ideally, sex should bring two people closer together but often times it does the opposite. I am reminded of the Rilo Kiley song “Portions for Foxes”: And the talking leads to touching/ And the touching leads to sex/And then there is no mystery left.

 

Sadly, that is often what happens especially when the sex comes too early in a relationship..."

more...
Melanie Darter's curator insight, July 21, 2013 3:31 AM

raises some very good points about intimacy in relationships and offers some practical suggestions...a good way to exemplify Erikson's Intimacy stage of development

Scooped by PAT NOVAK
Scoop.it!

Learn the Art of Intellectual Foreplay

Learn the Art of Intellectual Foreplay | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

By Tonya Leigh

 

 “Words really flattering are not those which we propose but those which escape us unthinkably.” ~Ninon de L'Enclos

 

Suddenly, I realized that the people sitting around that table possessed something that I didn’t: a passion for life coupled with an arsenal of intellectual and conversational skills that had somehow escaped me during my over three decades on this earth.

 

As I watched the playful and at times tense (think Italians flailing their arms around in the air and the French shrugging their shoulders and rolling their eyes) exchange of ideas and opinions, I made another observation. The most captivating woman in the room was not necessarily the most beautiful one or the one carrying the Birkin (now don’t get me wrong, I love a Birkin). She was the one who knew how to use her passion paired with words to charm the audience.

more...
Dr. Amy Fuller's curator insight, July 15, 2013 2:11 AM

My favorite parts of thiis lovely tranformational narrative:


  • In France, words are used as play.  It’s not just what you say, but how you say it.  It didn’t take me long to realize that my direct American-style way of speaking was often viewed as rude (or dull) in a French conversation.  The French have a way of adding humor, wit and charm to very serious topics, making it easier to digest.
  • Conversation is like a dance.  Sometimes, you must let others take the lead but always keep up, unless of course, you don’t like the dance.
  • So, here’s my challenge for you.  Begin to weed out all those things you’ve been taught you should know and begin to indulge yourself in what truly inspires you.
Ari Meier's curator insight, July 30, 2013 11:03 PM

Mind sex

Loving Links - Married dating guru's curator insight, August 25, 2013 8:48 AM

Well worth readin

Scooped by PAT NOVAK
Scoop.it!

Confessions of a Love Junkie: Recovering from Love Addiction

Confessions of a Love Junkie: Recovering from Love Addiction | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Love is not an obsession or a possession. True love fuels a sense of freedom and joy. It is a process of intimate liberation.

 

“The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others” ~Sonya Friedman


Love is a funny thing. According to modern day psychologists and cognitive neuroscientists alike, the consensus is that it is just as easy to become addicted to “falling in love” as it is to get hooked on “street drugs.” But I think maybe my favorite drug is love.


Guess they’d call it my drug of “choice.” The irony in that statement is beyond comprehension. Any one of us who has fallen in love, or struggled with addiction on some level, knows damn well that choice seems to have very little to do with it.

more...
Dr. Amy Fuller's curator insight, July 9, 2013 4:09 PM

This is a first person account of needing love so much that it killed the love forcing her into a journey to grow in self-understanding. 

"Real intimacy and connection begins internally. When we seek for our happiness, our acceptance, and contentment from outside ourselves we will never be satisfied. The journey starts with the first step of moving toward ourselves."

Rescooped by PAT NOVAK from DAILY NEW REALITY
Scoop.it!

5 Early Warning Signs You’re With a Narcissist

5 Early Warning Signs You’re With a Narcissist | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
It's not easy loving someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Dr. Craig Malkin offers a helpful guide to catching the signs of NPD early on in a relationship.

 

Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I learned that the formal diagnostic label hardly does justice to the richness and complexity of this condition. The most glaring problems are easy to spot — the apparent absence of even a shred of empathy, the grandiose plans and posturing, the rage at being called out on the slightest of imperfections or normal human missteps — but if you get too hung up on the obvious traits, you can easily miss the subtle (and often more common) features that allow a narcissist to sneak into your life and wreak havoc.

more...
Ted Thomas's curator insight, July 8, 2013 7:42 AM

You need to know this...

Scooped by PAT NOVAK
Scoop.it!

5 Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure in Your Relationships

5 Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure in Your Relationships | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

When I was younger I often felt inadequate and “not good enough” to be friends, lovers, or business partners with certain people.  Sometimes I simply couldn’t understand what others saw in me.  I was very insecure.

 

I ended many promising relationships because of my insecurity.  In my mind, it felt easier for me to end it before they did.  Walking away rather than risking the heartbreak of rejection was how I justified my behavior to myself.  But after awhile, as I grew emotionally, I began to realize that I wanted and needed the comfort and support of long-term relationships.

 

So what did I do, and what can you do if insecurity is damaging your relationships?

more...
Ted Thomas's curator insight, July 2, 2013 4:12 PM

Feeling unworthy is always a problem...

Scooped by PAT NOVAK
Scoop.it!

That Look Boys Give Girls But Pretend They Don’t

That Look Boys Give Girls But Pretend They Don’t | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"That’s the point where you really know, you really, really know, that you’ll be able to tell everything you need about a man’s feelings from the way he looks at you. It’s when you’ll stop demanding frivolous gestures and “I love you,” because on the rare occasion you notice him looking at you like that, you know it’s all you’ll ever need..."

more...
Scooped by PAT NOVAK
Scoop.it!

How Does Sex Differ from Intimacy?

How Does Sex Differ from Intimacy? | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

Are sex and intimacy different things? Can you have one without the other? Or does one lead to another? It seems that there are many conflicting opinions on the roles of sex and intimacy within a relationship (and out of one, too). It seems that there are many conflicting opinions on the roles of sex and intimacy within a relationship (and out of one, too). It is difficult to really get to the bottom of this problem because no two people have exactly the same ideas on sex. In a traditional framework, sex would come with long-term commitment, or marriage, which would be associated with the couple having an intimate connection with each other (and usually wishing to procreate)....

PAT NOVAK's insight:

Intimacy requires vulnerability and feelings, for it to be truly present in a relationship. Sex, on the other hand, does not.

more...
Gwendolyn Owens's curator insight, May 7, 2013 9:14 AM

How Does Sex Differ From Intimacy? Stories Your Mother Never Told You

Scooped by PAT NOVAK
Scoop.it!

Stop Pushing Away Love!

Stop Pushing Away Love! | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"When my client Sandra came to me she was desperate. She thought her boyfriend was going to break up with her soon and she didn’t know what to do. She was an extremely beautiful girl, yet she felt insecure and worried constantly that her partner would cheat..."

 

"...By the time we started working together, she was spending most of her days in bed in a state of constant anxiety. She would wake up and immediately check his facebook and instagram profiles to look for evidence that he was interested in other girls. Even though she didn’t find it, she wouldn’t stop."

 

SHE WAS CAUGHT IN A VICIOUS CYCLE OF RELATIONSHIP SABOTAGE. IT GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS:

PAT NOVAK's insight:

Great article by Nicole Moore, how our own low self esteem sabotages our relationships and what to do about it!

more...
Ari Meier's curator insight, July 30, 2013 11:06 PM

How not to sabotage your relationships.

Scooped by PAT NOVAK
Scoop.it!

6 Toxic Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Normal

6 Toxic Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Normal | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"There’s no class in high school on how to not be a shitty boyfriend or girlfriend. Sure, they teach us the biology of sex, the legality of marriage, and maybe read a few obscure love stories from the 19th century on how not to be.

 

But when it comes down to actually handling the nitty-gritty of relationships, we’re given no pointers… or worse, we’re given advice columns in women’s magazines.

 

Yes, it’s trial-and-error from the get-go. And if you’re like most people, it’s been mostly error...

 

 Below are six of the most common tendencies in relationships that many couples think are healthy and normal, but are actually toxic and destroying everything you hold dear. Get the tissues ready."

more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by PAT NOVAK
Scoop.it!

7 Truths Women Have To Learn The Hard Way

7 Truths Women Have To Learn The Hard Way | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
The author of the unforgettable story collection The News from Spain explains the tough realities we all need to figure out. By Joan Wickersham

 

1. You Have A Good Girl And A Bad Girl Inside You, And The Good Girl Is Usually The One Who Gets You Into Trouble


The good girl waits to be called on. She takes no for an answer. She doesn’t want to disturb anyone. She carries maturity and good citizenship to the point of paralysis. She holds herself in check, tells herself, "Don’t you dare." The bad girl dares. The bad girl shocks me, and I have a lot to thank her for. She said, "I love you," and she said it first. She said, "I quit this job." She said, "I’ve been working on this book for eight years and it stinks and I’m throwing out the manuscript and starting over." When I look back at the things I regret -- the jobs I wanted and didn’t go after, the editors with whom I never got in touch, the misunderstandings I didn’t try to clear up, the interesting people I never talked to -- I can see how often the good girl was in charge: cautious and correct, and wrong.

more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by PAT NOVAK
Scoop.it!

How Just One Night's Poor Sleep Can Hurt a Relationship

How Just One Night's Poor Sleep Can Hurt a Relationship | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

Study tracked couple's sleep and their arguments to reveal how the damage was done.

 

"Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open." —George Bernard Shaw


People are usually at their worst after a bad night's sleep, but what does that do to their intimate relationships?

more...
Sharilee Swaity's curator insight, August 5, 2013 11:16 PM

Just one bad night's sleep can lead to relationship problems -- just one night! This is pretty amazing information, and for any couples with chronic sleep problems, it does help to explain a lot. 

 

 

Scooped by PAT NOVAK
Scoop.it!

Generation Hookup.

Generation Hookup. | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

 

“Romantic goals change from finding boyfriends to finding hook up buddies… a guy we don’t actually really like, but we think he is really attractive and hot and good in bed.”     ~ Student at University of Pennsylvania

 

"The death of love and romance for our youth is not really news. I have been witnessing the diminishing numbers of kids choosing to partner for over a decade within my own kids. They were among a small minority of their peers in high school that had steady boy and girl friends. As singles at the University, they both reported how dating was dead.

 

This generation of college students doesn’t believe in romance. How could they when everyone they know is hooking up? This new form of relationship is actually just sex without the relationship. "

more...
Loving Links - Married dating guru's curator insight, August 25, 2013 8:46 AM

more lovinglinks clients in the future..

Scooped by PAT NOVAK
Scoop.it!

Why Am I Attracted to Bad Boys (or Bad Girls)?

Why Am I Attracted to Bad Boys (or Bad Girls)? | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

How to Avoid Toxic Relationships That Go Nowhere


"Unfortunately, more and more people find themselves in harmful and destructive relationships. Clients will tell me they repeatedly have love relationships with a person who later turns out to be abusive or addictive in some way. One woman said she frequently meets men who are initially exciting and interesting, only to find out later they are "drunks, liars or cheaters." A man said he continually dates women who are "gold-diggers," only interested in his wealth."


Some people actually have a predisposition to "subconsciously" attract unhealthy relationships into their life. They seem to have a magnetic compass that draws them to abusive or codependent relationships...

 

more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by PAT NOVAK
Scoop.it!

Dating Don'ts: 13 Types Of Texters To Be Wary Of

Dating Don'ts: 13 Types Of Texters To Be Wary Of | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"As if dating wasn’t hard enough – you throw in a portable, typed-word machine and suddenly it’s pandemonium. Tones, intentions, invitations all get jumbled in this lawless land of shorthand communication. Suddenly the guy you’re dating’s “C u later” message means he’s dumping you when he really just wanted to let you know he’d see you at 8p.m. for Chinese food.

 

Oh texting, how you make things much, much more complicated than they have any right to be. I can’t tell you the hours my friends and I have spent reciting, decrypting, bemoaning, and conjuring up an honors thesis on a five-word text message."

more...
Ari Meier's curator insight, July 30, 2013 11:01 PM

Daters, look out for these 13 types of texters!

Scooped by PAT NOVAK
Scoop.it!

The Stupid Things You Do When Dating (and How to Fix Them)

The Stupid Things You Do When Dating (and How to Fix Them) | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

Our emotions and hormones are powerful forces that can make us do things that may feel right but are not actually in our best interest. On a regular basis you may think you're attracted to someone when you're not, make yourself uglier when you're trying to look good, and generally cause yourself grief while dating despite your best intentions. Here's a look at how you cause these problems and what you can do to fix them.

more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by PAT NOVAK
Scoop.it!

Feng Shui For Lovers

Feng Shui For Lovers | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

By Kartar Diamond 

 

"Much has been written about how the ancient Chinese art of feng shui can improve your love life. In fact, “more love” is second only to “increasing income” as the most popular reason people seek out the services of a feng shui consultant.

 

First, let’s define what feng shui really is and then outline both the obvious and non-obvious ways in which it works. Literally translated as “wind and water,” feng shui is actually a natural earth science and a metaphysical art form. It is a sophisticated set of theories and practices, which involves making home and workspace feel comfortable, productive, and life enhancing. The trickle down affect is that people end up healthier, happier, and more prosperous"

more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by PAT NOVAK
Scoop.it!

11 Signs You Really Love Them

11 Signs You Really Love Them | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
8. When you spend hours in bed on Saturday night in a pool of potato chips, Coca-Cola and Sour Patch Kids, binge-watching your favorite Netflix shows. The world feels right.

 

1." No matter how much time passes between the last time you saw them and the next time you will see them, either way you can’t wait to see them again. You’re excited to hang out with them and you’re excited to play in their hair, to smell them, to hold their hand."

more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by PAT NOVAK
Scoop.it!

Are You Ready To Let Love Into Your Life?

Are You Ready To Let Love Into Your Life? | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

I hear over and over from women who email or meet with me: "Why can't I allow myself to be vulnerable with men?" Or: "How come I feel like running every time he seems to take our relationship to the next level?

 

Theresa, an outgoing twenty-nine year old, reflects on an interesting trend she has noticed in romantic relationships when she says, "I always tend to go for guys who don't make a lot of money. I think it's because I like to be in control of money. I like to know a guy needs me or might depend on me."...


For a relationship to be balanced, partners must be able to depend on one another and feel they are needed and appreciated for support they give. If they have been let down in the past, the prospect of needing someone can be frightening. Women with a fear of depending on their partner usually aren't aware of it. Often they complain that their partner is not meeting their needs.

more...
Scooped by PAT NOVAK
Scoop.it!

Money: The great relationship wrecker

Money: The great relationship wrecker | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Financial conflict predicts divorce better than any other marital issue. But such arguments are about so much more than money, says Melissa Leong. Here's why you just have to dive in

 

When Heidi Hess was 18-years-old, she married a currency trader.


He was almost 10 years older and handled their savings and investments. She managed their day-to-day finances. She paid the bills, bought groceries for their Toronto home and shopped for their three kids.

Money talk: 20 questions to ask your significant other

She dreamed of vacationing. But he travelled for work and didn’t want to spare the money. She wanted to renovate. He put a bucket down when the ceiling leaked.


“We never said, ‘Let’s sit down and really hear what it is that each of us want. You’re saying you want to travel and I’m saying as the sole financial provider, we don’t have it. If you want to take that holiday, what can we cut? How we can we work as a family to make that happen?’ We never had that in-depth conversation.”

more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by PAT NOVAK
Scoop.it!

Single moms (and other strong women) need alpha males

Single moms (and other strong women) need alpha males | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

The other night my single mom friend Sarah and I were IMing about how we prefer men who are aggressive in bed.


“I’m the CEO of my entire life!” Sarah complained. “Do you know how hot it is to let someone else take over for 20 minutes?”


“It’s not just in bed – give me a vacation from my life for a while,” I responded. I was referencing my weekend date — a guy I met on OKCupid named Lou who I have pretty much nothing in common with but proved to be the perfect Saturday night activity. For the past few months I’ve been in a dateless funk fueled by disappointment that a love interest didn’t pan out and a long, grey, life-filled winter. Despite being little of what I am looking for in the long-term, this Sicilian-born, Harley-riding electrical engineer from Queens charmed me with a witty profile, flirty and articulate messages and pics that suggested — quite accurately, I found — a darling smile and a 6’3″ body built like a brick shit house...

more...
No comment yet.