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SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS
What Your Mama Never Told You. Tips for Concious Connection.
Curated by PAT NOVAK
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He Loves Me, I Love Me Not: How to Date Without Losing Yourself

He Loves Me, I Love Me Not: How to Date Without Losing Yourself | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Here's how to date without "me" being swallowed up by "we." Maintain who you are and what's important to you while maintaining your relationship.

 

I used to think I knew how to date – then, you know, I started dating.


Like most women, I’m independent, ambitious, and some might say I have feminist tendencies. Because of this, when I think about how to date and how the relationship will enhance my life, losing myself during the relationship never crosses my mind. Yet it happens. Every. Single. Time.


It’s a gradual progression: I make microscopic compromises here and there, not realizing the eventual impact they’re going to have on my big picture. In the moment, they’re “no big deal.” I draw a line, then I move it. Before I know it, I’m looking in the mirror and don’t have a clue who I’m seeing. I recognize myself physically, but not emotionally. It’s vile.

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Love vs Lust

Love vs Lust | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"As a psychiatrist, I’ve seen how intense sexual attraction is notorious for obliterating common sense and intuition in the most sensible people.

 

Why? Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate. Studies suggest that the brain in this phase is much like a brain on drugs. MRI scans illustrate that the same area lights up when an addict gets a fix of cocaine as when a person is experiencing the intense lust of physical attraction. Also in the early stage of a relationship, when the sex hormones are raging, lust is fueled by idealization and projection–you see what you hope someone will be or need them to be–rather than seeing the real person, flaws and all."

 

 

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Why Nice Guys Finish Last

Why Nice Guys Finish Last | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"....I knew that nice guys finished last. I mean, it’s basically a cliché at this point, right? Everyone knows it. Poor nice guys."

 

But despite how common this knowledge seems to be, a lot of guysstill don’t seem to have realized it. We see men over and over again playing the role of nice guy. They think that if they move slowly and carefully and show women how respectful and gentlemanly they are, and cater to their every whim and listen to those women and do everything they ask of them, those women will be wooed and will fall for them. Instead, what invariably happens? Well, the same thing that always happen to those who move slow – they get left in the dust.

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5 Ways to Make a Man Feel Really Loved.

5 Ways to Make a Man Feel Really Loved. | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
If you wish to be memorable to me, if you want to inspire my unending devotion, then get to know me---see me, hear me and let me know you see me.

 

Below is a list of ways that a woman can really touch a deep place within me.

 

While I am only speaking for myself and not all men, I have a feeling that at least some—if not most—of this will be pretty universal.

A woman who cares about me enough to pay attention in the way I outline below is where I want to be. I’m just another human being wanting to know that I am safe, that I am appreciated and loved for who I am, that I am welcome and wanted on this planet to share my gifts and give my own love.

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Honesty: The Basis For A Good Relationship

Honesty: The Basis For A Good Relationship | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

That day, I learned how cool it really was to be honest with yourself and those around you. It’s not just a way to manage your life and relationships: with honesty, you can also shine a light against paranoia, fear and anger in the world.

 

My first girlfriend and I had it woven tightly into the fabric of our relationship, and that day, we realized we were doing things damn right.

 

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Living with & Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

Living with & Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. ~Mark Twain 

 

We are a psychologically sophisticated society. Emotional difficulties are now shared openly — not only by celebrities but by your average person. It’s not unusual for people to tell friends that they have an anxiety disorder, anger management problem, depression,panic attacks, phobias, eating disorder, substance abuse problem,OCD or ADD.

 

Yet, there is a widespread psychological disorder that most people know little or nothing about. Why? Because its symptoms are largely interpersonal, causing many to view it as a relationship issue, not a mental health one. Also, people shy away from the term because of its unflattering name: Borderline Personality Disorder.

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Flaash5's curator insight, November 16, 2013 1:48 PM

This is crazy I would never do it!!!

Deanna Dahlsad's curator insight, November 17, 2013 12:28 AM

I find this article more than a bit misleading as it does not identify how truly rare Borderline Personality Disorder is; that said, the article does break things down easily -- so easily, in fact, these are decent relationship tips for many relationships.

Creative Counseling's curator insight, June 9, 2015 8:17 PM

Overview of Borderline Personality Disorder

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Has Contempt Crept into Your Communications? Watch Out!

Has Contempt Crept into Your Communications? Watch Out! | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Contempt is one of the most destructive emotions when trying to resolve conflict. How to recognize it, understand it and eliminate it from your communication.

 

Contempt is a relationship killer. It can and does destroy marriages. It can wound a child’s self image, poison the workplace, and push your friends away.

 

 

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The 11 Differences Between Dating a Girl vs a Woman

The 11 Differences Between Dating a Girl vs a Woman | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

Recently, I wrote a post on “The 11 Difference Between Dating a Boy vs a Man“. The post can have the genders swapped and most points would still apply. However, we can’t deny that there are some fundamental differences between men and women – from how we are socialized to the chemical and hormonal differences that naturally occur...

 

A boy is attracted to girls. A man is attracted to women. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up. Also, this isn’t to say that a woman won’t ever have “girlish” or immature tendencies or vice versa. This post refers to one’s maturity and most points would also apply if you switch the genders as well.

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Ashley Cleins's comment, December 6, 2013 2:25 AM
hi beautiful
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5 Things Your Husband Wishes You Knew (but Won’t Tell You)

5 Things Your Husband Wishes You Knew (but Won’t Tell You) | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin explores five unexpressed needs of married men."

 

There are many things your husband would love you to know about him. Sometimes though, he just won’t tell you. Even those in the best of marriages are often surprised when they realize they don’t know everything there is to know about their spouse. Is he purposely not sharing these things with you or has it been awhile since you had a deep conversation together? While the answer may be different for each couple, here are five things most men want their wives to know:

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3 Ways to Know When a Relationship Isn’t Right for You

3 Ways to Know When a Relationship Isn’t Right for You | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
If you’re agonizing about whether or not to stay in a relationship, follow these three steps.

 

“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.” ~Lao Tzu


I was going out with a wonderful man. He was generous and caring and had a great sense of humor. He treated me well and attended to my every need.


But something just wasn’t right. I battled with myself for over a month.


Every time a fear surfaced about how quickly things were moving, I smoothed it over with a shrug or a hug or a reminder of how lucky I was to have found someone with whom to share my life.

 
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Get Your Ex GirlFriend Back: 8 Crucial Tips You Absolutely Should Not Ignore

Get Your Ex GirlFriend Back: 8 Crucial Tips You Absolutely Should Not Ignore | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
If you really want to get your ex girlfriend back, here are 8 crucial tips that you better don't ignore! Getting your ex girlfriend back is possible, but it is really important that you don't make the wrong move.

 

Don’t be annoying

 

Now that you really want her back it doesn’t mean that you can follow her all the time and tell her how you love her still! And it doesn’t mean you have to call her everyday and express your feelings for her.


She will find it really annoying...

 

 

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Why Relationships Break Up

Why Relationships Break Up | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Relationship attraction and break-up is complicated. The reflection of ourselves plays a major role in why relationships come together and fall apart.

 

There are many perspectives on why relationships don’t always last, and more than one theory has validity to it. I’m going to present a theory I call the “broken mirror” theory.


Attraction has many levels to it, as well as a deep psychology underlying what draws us to certain people. But one general concept seems to have more influence in attraction than others: the people we are attracted to are mirrors of ourselves and our histories.


 

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Why Do Good Women Pick the Wrong Men?

Why Do Good Women Pick the Wrong Men? | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

Why do great women pick people who treat them poorly? Smart, beautiful, incredible individuals – who give 110% to a man who in return, are only half-vested, part-time, and approach the relationship with a “me”, not “we” mentality.


And while your friends see that your relationship is unhealthy, and your rational mind does too, you just can’t seem to get out.  You know deep down inside that the person is not right for you, but make justifications and excuses over and over again.  You stay. You try even harder. You’re hooked.

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How We Teach Men To Abuse Women In Relationships

How We Teach Men To Abuse Women In Relationships | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
We're constantly sending children subliminal messages that not only is it OK to abuse woman — it's what they want. So what happens when these kids grow up and enter into relationships of their own? You guessed it… and it isn't pretty.

 

Think you're not part of the problem? Think again.

The headlines are everywhere: Rape is the worst of crimes against women—against humanity, in fact. We know this intrinsically, but when we read those headlines as adults—long after we have been inculcated with messages that violence against women is actually silently accepted—we give them less weight, and even place blame on the victims. This attitude is, in so many ways, enabled and monstrously encouraged by society, by men, and by women themselves. The worst part: Most people are unaware of it.

 

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10 Ways To Know He's Into You

10 Ways To Know He's Into You | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"Admittedly, it can be hard to read people these days. Does it matter how long it took to return your text? Did they just give you attitude because they only sent one word, or are they just really busy?

 

Is he really into you, or is he just playing you? And, how can you tell?

 

Below are a few general things to pay attention to when a man is courting you, that may help you realize whether or not he is really into you. I hope this insight is helpful, you know, since I’m a man and all."

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10 Ways To Spot A Selfish Dater In Disguise.

10 Ways To Spot A Selfish Dater In Disguise. | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Before your eyes the person you thought had the same plans for the future as you did, suddenly does a "rules" switch-a-rue, but maybe you can catch it before it goes that far.

 

A Selfish Dater is someone who wants to be in a relationship as long as

the relationship revolves around them.


When you met this person, they probably stated that they were finally ready to find the “one”, settle down, get married and have children. Since you were also on this same wanting-to-settle-down-path, hearing this was music to your ears...

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7 Most Overlooked Relationship Killers

7 Most Overlooked Relationship Killers | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

By Terri Orbuch, PhD


It’s been said that money and sex are the leading relationship killers. True? Perhaps.


But, like death by a thousand paper cuts, little things kill relationships, too.


For nearly three decades, I’ve had a front-row seat to thousands of relationships. My ongoing research—a long-term study funded by the National Institutes of Health since 1986—gives me the opportunity to study, closely and over time, critical patterns in marriage and divorce, romance and relationships. Today, here’s what I know for sure:


Small stuff is a big deal.

 
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Ashley Cooper's curator insight, December 26, 2013 5:01 AM

If you have a good relationship then work to keep it good. 

http://v24k.com/see/why-he-is-not-Romantic

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Where has all the courting gone?

Where has all the courting gone? | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Courting is a much sweeter term than ‘dating’. It sounds like it has more intent, more like an agreement that two people enter into with a future in mind. – Kim Cattrall.

 

The way I used to react to it is as follows (imagine me saying this stuff, to myself, out loud, yes, out loud):

 

“Call me old fashioned, but shouldn’t there be some courting when it comes to dating, seduction, love, relationships, etc?

It used to be considered a standard when dating with the goal of a long term relationship. I guess not anymore.

What happened?!

I am serious. Where is the damn effort these days? At least act like you are trying for heaven’s sake.”

 

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Ari Meier's curator insight, December 10, 2013 3:02 PM

The Old Art of Courting Has Died in Today's Hookup Culture.

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The Problem with Being Swept Off Your Feet

The Problem with Being Swept Off Your Feet | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

The problem is that only a narcissist can come in and sweep a woman off her feet.

 

Think about that phrase, “He swept me off my feet.”

That means he left you ungrounded, unbalanced. That stinks.

 

Only a narcissist, someone who must be seen as amazing, can enter and shower someone with that much adoration and attention.

 

You see, the truth is, most people, when interested in someone, will be curious, will show up and want to get to know someone at a reasonable pace, they won’t glom on, declare their love right away and lay on the gifts and adoration.

 

- See more at: http://theboulderpsychic.com/2013/10/21/the-problem-with-being-swept-off-your-feet/#sthash.wVkRSXbJ.dpuf

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Why Not Me? On Men and Relationships

Why Not Me? On Men and Relationships | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

Nick Jurczak explores several reasons why a relationship depends on more than just the desire to have one.

 

What makes me, out of everyone else so damn special? Why am I able to achieve something that they cannot? Facebook reinforces these sorts of questions because when each of us sees someone enter a relationship they ask, “How can someone like that get a relationship and I can’t?” This is something that I have to deal with often and quite frankly it’s irritating and I’m sure that I am not the only college student, man or woman, who really has to deal with something like this.

 

Do you wanna know why you’re not in a relationship at this exact time and place? Here may be some reasons:

 

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Ashley Cleins's comment, December 6, 2013 2:26 AM
very nice
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3 ways you may be lying to yourself, settling in love & not even know it

3 ways you may be lying to yourself, settling in love & not even know it | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Are you making these 3 big mistakes and possibly settling in love? Click to read what they are and learn what to do instead to be lucky in love.

 

Love .What a wonderful and confusing thing!

Just when we think we have a grasp on understanding ourselves, the way we relate to others, how to be in relationship, things come along to turn it all upside down.

 

Especially when we have so many conflicting messages and advice coming in around how to navigate our love lives.

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Too Many Texts Can Hurt A Relationship, But <3 Always Help

Too Many Texts Can Hurt A Relationship, But <3 Always Help | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Texting tough topics to a mate can backfire, but emoticons of love make a relationship stronger.

 

Texting has become such a normal way to communicate that it's hard to imagine that we ever used our voices to tell our better halves, "Hey, I got the milk."

 

But when it comes to a committed relationship, researchers say it's better not to lean too heavily on the texts for the tough stuff. Stick to "I <3 U" rather than "I M sooo disappointed in you!!"

 

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Flaash5's curator insight, November 16, 2013 1:52 PM

 I think texting is great because you can save what was being said and you can think about it more later.

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The 11 Differences Between Dating a Boy vs a Man

The 11 Differences Between Dating a Boy vs a Man | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

When I was in my early twenties, if a guy acted aloof, called back only sometimes and showed minimal interest, I would get hooked. You could say I was addicted to the bad boy/ unavailable boy/ player. I was drawn to what psychotherapist, Ken Page terms as “attractions of deprivation” – when we are drawn to people who embody the worst emotional characteristics of our parents. Basically, the theory explains that we are attracted to people who can wound us the same way we were wounded in our childhood, as our psyche tries to recreate the past void and save us by changing its ending...

 

 

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Date Three Men At Once? Only If You Really Want The Ring.

Date Three Men At Once? Only If You Really Want The Ring. | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

 

Ladies, feel free to let your copy of "The Rules" remain strategically tucked away behind all those other books you haven't picked up in years. The days of worrying about when to return a call or accept a second date are long gone. 

 

Rori Raye, dating coach and author of the Have the Relationship You Want series, says there is a sure-fire way to alleviate all of that old-school angst that sabotages any hopes of having a long-term relationship with a man. You must circular date! You don't know what that means? Well, you've come to the right place.

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16 Silly Bad Habits That Can Hurt Your Relationship

16 Silly Bad Habits That Can Hurt Your Relationship | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Are you subconsciously doing things that could hurt your relationship? See these bad habits to know if you’re hurting your lover without realizing it.

 

When you fall in love with someone, you can’t see their bad habits, at least not until you’re past the stage of infatuation.

And likewise, your partner won’t see the bad in you because they’re so smitten by you and your love for them.


But once the rose tinted veil of infatuation sweeps past your eyes, it’s only then that the nagging habits start to reveal themselves.

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