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What Your Mama Never Told You
Curated by PAT NOVAK
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5 Ways To Ruin A Perfectly Good Relationship

5 Ways To Ruin A Perfectly Good Relationship | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"Before we gained love sense, it was hard to offer an incisive explanation for how love fails. Theories that concentrate on bad behavior and lack of communication skills focus on the symptoms of couple distress rather than the root cause: the overwhelming fear of being emotionally abandoned, set adrift in the sea of life without safe harbor."


What we’ve missed for so long is that discord is almost always an unconscious protest against floating loose and an attempt to call, and even force, a partner back into emotional connection. Here are some of those signs of discord:

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The Secret To Staying In Love

The Secret To Staying In Love | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

Anyone who has ever heard the dreaded phrase "I love you but I'm not in love with you' at the end of a relationship can take heart from the results of a new study which confirm what really makes love last."

 

The trick to staying in love is not about grand gestures, but about all the small things that show you care. According to a two-year study, cuddles and cups of tea are the glue that makes it stick.

 

It is the simple things such as saying "thank you", recognising the time and effort needed to do everyday mundane tasks, along with surprise gifts and small acts of kindness such as making a cup of tea which are highly-valued.

PAT NOVAK's insight:

"Staying In Love Is All About The Small Gestures, Study Reveals - Cuddles And Cups Of Tea"

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How To Get Over A Breakup And Move On With Life

How To Get Over A Breakup And Move On With Life | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
10 great tips and tricks to get you over a breakup and begin moving on.

 

Maybe you just got dumped, or perhaps you had the unfortunate task of breaking up with someone. Whether it was long or short term, the end of a relationship can be heart breaking. Someone who was once so close to you is now gone, and that can almost feel like a death sometimes. And in a way it is—it’s the death of love. It may feel like you’ll never get over it, but I can assure you that you will in time. One thing you can do is try and make it easier on yourself by applying some of the following tips to your post-breakup life. I’m not saying that they’ll make you feel spectacular in ten minutes’ time, but they’ll certainly make it easier to move on.

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Women Love Bad Boys: The Psychology Behind Why Women Go For The Assh*les

Women Love Bad Boys: The Psychology Behind Why Women Go For The Assh*les | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"Maybe Tucker Max isn’t your specific type, but let’s face it — girls (on some level) are into bad boys. We love the chase, the challenge and the excitement that that they offer. Tucker Max is the epitome of an assh*le; he embraces his personality and leverages it to get girls. But why are we wired to be attracted to the bad boys, and more importantly, do nice guys really always finish last?"


Apparently, bad boys “are a potent mix of confidence, indifference, mystery, intrigue and most importantly, excitement.” Dr. Kanan Khatau Chikhal, a clinical and health psychologist, believes that this attraction resonates with a certain kind of woman.

PAT NOVAK's insight:

"Bad Boys " typically are more comfortable in their masculine energy.. Which also makes them very appealing..

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How Being Independent Improves Your Long-Term Relationship

How Being Independent Improves Your Long-Term Relationship | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
It is important for both parties in a relationship to maintain some level of autonomy and independence. Here are seven ways being independent improves your long-term relationship.

 

People in relationships tend to view themselves as part of something greater than themselves or the sum of its constituent parts. This tendency is reinforced by others outside the relationship who realize it would be impolitic to invite one without the other. However, it is important for both parties in a relationship to maintain some level of autonomy and independence. Not only is this crucial to maintaining a sense of self, but it also helps create more diverse experiences for both parties. Here are seven ways being independent improves your long-term relationship

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How We Teach Men To Abuse Women In Relationships

How We Teach Men To Abuse Women In Relationships | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
We're constantly sending children subliminal messages that not only is it OK to abuse woman — it's what they want. So what happens when these kids grow up and enter into relationships of their own? You guessed it… and it isn't pretty.

 

Think you're not part of the problem? Think again.

The headlines are everywhere: Rape is the worst of crimes against women—against humanity, in fact. We know this intrinsically, but when we read those headlines as adults—long after we have been inculcated with messages that violence against women is actually silently accepted—we give them less weight, and even place blame on the victims. This attitude is, in so many ways, enabled and monstrously encouraged by society, by men, and by women themselves. The worst part: Most people are unaware of it.

 

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10 Ways To Know He's Into You

10 Ways To Know He's Into You | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"Admittedly, it can be hard to read people these days. Does it matter how long it took to return your text? Did they just give you attitude because they only sent one word, or are they just really busy?

 

Is he really into you, or is he just playing you? And, how can you tell?

 

Below are a few general things to pay attention to when a man is courting you, that may help you realize whether or not he is really into you. I hope this insight is helpful, you know, since I’m a man and all."

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10 Ways To Spot A Selfish Dater In Disguise.

10 Ways To Spot A Selfish Dater In Disguise. | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Before your eyes the person you thought had the same plans for the future as you did, suddenly does a "rules" switch-a-rue, but maybe you can catch it before it goes that far.

 

A Selfish Dater is someone who wants to be in a relationship as long as

the relationship revolves around them.


When you met this person, they probably stated that they were finally ready to find the “one”, settle down, get married and have children. Since you were also on this same wanting-to-settle-down-path, hearing this was music to your ears...

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7 Most Overlooked Relationship Killers

7 Most Overlooked Relationship Killers | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

By Terri Orbuch, PhD


It’s been said that money and sex are the leading relationship killers. True? Perhaps.


But, like death by a thousand paper cuts, little things kill relationships, too.


For nearly three decades, I’ve had a front-row seat to thousands of relationships. My ongoing research—a long-term study funded by the National Institutes of Health since 1986—gives me the opportunity to study, closely and over time, critical patterns in marriage and divorce, romance and relationships. Today, here’s what I know for sure:


Small stuff is a big deal.

 
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Ashley Cooper's curator insight, December 26, 2013 5:01 AM

If you have a good relationship then work to keep it good. 

http://v24k.com/see/why-he-is-not-Romantic

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Where has all the courting gone?

Where has all the courting gone? | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Courting is a much sweeter term than ‘dating’. It sounds like it has more intent, more like an agreement that two people enter into with a future in mind. – Kim Cattrall.

 

The way I used to react to it is as follows (imagine me saying this stuff, to myself, out loud, yes, out loud):

 

“Call me old fashioned, but shouldn’t there be some courting when it comes to dating, seduction, love, relationships, etc?

It used to be considered a standard when dating with the goal of a long term relationship. I guess not anymore.

What happened?!

I am serious. Where is the damn effort these days? At least act like you are trying for heaven’s sake.”

 

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Ari Meier's curator insight, December 10, 2013 3:02 PM

The Old Art of Courting Has Died in Today's Hookup Culture.

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The Problem with Being Swept Off Your Feet

The Problem with Being Swept Off Your Feet | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

The problem is that only a narcissist can come in and sweep a woman off her feet.

 

Think about that phrase, “He swept me off my feet.”

That means he left you ungrounded, unbalanced. That stinks.

 

Only a narcissist, someone who must be seen as amazing, can enter and shower someone with that much adoration and attention.

 

You see, the truth is, most people, when interested in someone, will be curious, will show up and want to get to know someone at a reasonable pace, they won’t glom on, declare their love right away and lay on the gifts and adoration.

 

- See more at: http://theboulderpsychic.com/2013/10/21/the-problem-with-being-swept-off-your-feet/#sthash.wVkRSXbJ.dpuf

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Why Not Me? On Men and Relationships

Why Not Me? On Men and Relationships | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

Nick Jurczak explores several reasons why a relationship depends on more than just the desire to have one.

 

What makes me, out of everyone else so damn special? Why am I able to achieve something that they cannot? Facebook reinforces these sorts of questions because when each of us sees someone enter a relationship they ask, “How can someone like that get a relationship and I can’t?” This is something that I have to deal with often and quite frankly it’s irritating and I’m sure that I am not the only college student, man or woman, who really has to deal with something like this.

 

Do you wanna know why you’re not in a relationship at this exact time and place? Here may be some reasons:

 

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Ashley Cleins's comment, December 6, 2013 2:26 AM
very nice
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3 ways you may be lying to yourself, settling in love & not even know it

3 ways you may be lying to yourself, settling in love & not even know it | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Are you making these 3 big mistakes and possibly settling in love? Click to read what they are and learn what to do instead to be lucky in love.

 

Love .What a wonderful and confusing thing!

Just when we think we have a grasp on understanding ourselves, the way we relate to others, how to be in relationship, things come along to turn it all upside down.

 

Especially when we have so many conflicting messages and advice coming in around how to navigate our love lives.

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Can Your Intimate Relationship Survive This?

Can Your Intimate Relationship Survive This? | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"Our relationship with our intimate partner or spouse is the most important relationship of our lives.


It is the centerpiece around which everything else in our lives revolves. Or at least it should be.


This significant other, our love relationship, can define our happiness and well-being, our sense of security, and even our self-confidence and self-esteem. When things are going well with our beloved, life is generally good. Even when other parts of our lives are difficult or challenging, having the loving support and presence of your partner make these challenges easier to tolerate and overcome."

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7 Reasons Most People are Afraid of Love

7 Reasons Most People are Afraid of Love | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
What keeps us from finding and keeping the love we say we want?

 

No matter what the timeline, the story of lost love is one most of us can tell. This leaves the question “why do relationships fail?” to linger heavily in the back of our minds. The answer for many of us can be found within. Whether we know it or not, most of us are afraid of really being in love. While our fears may manifest themselves in different ways or show themselves at different stages of a relationship, we all harbor defenses that we believe on some level will protect us from getting hurt. These defenses may offer us a false illusion of safety or security, but they keep us from attaining the closeness we most desire. So what drives our fears of intimacy? What keeps us from finding and keeping the love we say we want?

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The Sacred Art of Listening: Nourishing Loving Relationships.

The Sacred Art of Listening: Nourishing Loving Relationships. | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"When we’re fully in that listening presence, when there’s that pure quality of receptivity, we become presence itself.

What happens when there’s a listening presence?


When we’re fully in that listening presence, when there’s that pure quality of receptivity, we become presence itself. And whether you call that God or pure awareness or our true nature, the boundary of inner and outer dissolves and we become a luminous field of awakeness. When we’re in that open presence, we can really respond to the life that’s here. We fall in love.


This state of listening is the precursor or the prerequisite to loving relatedness...

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The One Question You Should Never Have to Ask While on a Date

The One Question You Should Never Have to Ask While on a Date | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Guys (and ladies), next time you are romantically/sexually interested in someone, use eight simple and powerful words.

 

Dating. It can get freakin' crazy town up in here.

 

One thing has been coming up a lot lately in conversations with clients and friends is the idea of first dates.

 

And what I realized is that the one question that you never want to have to ask on a date: "So, is this a date?"

 

I've been on dates (and non-dates) where that was the question one (or both of) us was asking ourselves. And if that is happening, then it's time to shift our strategy.

PAT NOVAK's insight:

Men...take the lead!

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He Loves Me, I Love Me Not: How to Date Without Losing Yourself

He Loves Me, I Love Me Not: How to Date Without Losing Yourself | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Here's how to date without "me" being swallowed up by "we." Maintain who you are and what's important to you while maintaining your relationship.

 

I used to think I knew how to date – then, you know, I started dating.


Like most women, I’m independent, ambitious, and some might say I have feminist tendencies. Because of this, when I think about how to date and how the relationship will enhance my life, losing myself during the relationship never crosses my mind. Yet it happens. Every. Single. Time.


It’s a gradual progression: I make microscopic compromises here and there, not realizing the eventual impact they’re going to have on my big picture. In the moment, they’re “no big deal.” I draw a line, then I move it. Before I know it, I’m looking in the mirror and don’t have a clue who I’m seeing. I recognize myself physically, but not emotionally. It’s vile.

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Love vs Lust

Love vs Lust | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"As a psychiatrist, I’ve seen how intense sexual attraction is notorious for obliterating common sense and intuition in the most sensible people.

 

Why? Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate. Studies suggest that the brain in this phase is much like a brain on drugs. MRI scans illustrate that the same area lights up when an addict gets a fix of cocaine as when a person is experiencing the intense lust of physical attraction. Also in the early stage of a relationship, when the sex hormones are raging, lust is fueled by idealization and projection–you see what you hope someone will be or need them to be–rather than seeing the real person, flaws and all."

 

 

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Why Nice Guys Finish Last

Why Nice Guys Finish Last | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"....I knew that nice guys finished last. I mean, it’s basically a cliché at this point, right? Everyone knows it. Poor nice guys."

 

But despite how common this knowledge seems to be, a lot of guysstill don’t seem to have realized it. We see men over and over again playing the role of nice guy. They think that if they move slowly and carefully and show women how respectful and gentlemanly they are, and cater to their every whim and listen to those women and do everything they ask of them, those women will be wooed and will fall for them. Instead, what invariably happens? Well, the same thing that always happen to those who move slow – they get left in the dust.

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5 Ways to Make a Man Feel Really Loved.

5 Ways to Make a Man Feel Really Loved. | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
If you wish to be memorable to me, if you want to inspire my unending devotion, then get to know me---see me, hear me and let me know you see me.

 

Below is a list of ways that a woman can really touch a deep place within me.

 

While I am only speaking for myself and not all men, I have a feeling that at least some—if not most—of this will be pretty universal.

A woman who cares about me enough to pay attention in the way I outline below is where I want to be. I’m just another human being wanting to know that I am safe, that I am appreciated and loved for who I am, that I am welcome and wanted on this planet to share my gifts and give my own love.

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Honesty: The Basis For A Good Relationship

Honesty: The Basis For A Good Relationship | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

That day, I learned how cool it really was to be honest with yourself and those around you. It’s not just a way to manage your life and relationships: with honesty, you can also shine a light against paranoia, fear and anger in the world.

 

My first girlfriend and I had it woven tightly into the fabric of our relationship, and that day, we realized we were doing things damn right.

 

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Living with & Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

Living with & Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. ~Mark Twain 

 

We are a psychologically sophisticated society. Emotional difficulties are now shared openly — not only by celebrities but by your average person. It’s not unusual for people to tell friends that they have an anxiety disorder, anger management problem, depression,panic attacks, phobias, eating disorder, substance abuse problem,OCD or ADD.

 

Yet, there is a widespread psychological disorder that most people know little or nothing about. Why? Because its symptoms are largely interpersonal, causing many to view it as a relationship issue, not a mental health one. Also, people shy away from the term because of its unflattering name: Borderline Personality Disorder.

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Flaash5's curator insight, November 16, 2013 1:48 PM

This is crazy I would never do it!!!

Deanna Dahlsad's curator insight, November 17, 2013 12:28 AM

I find this article more than a bit misleading as it does not identify how truly rare Borderline Personality Disorder is; that said, the article does break things down easily -- so easily, in fact, these are decent relationship tips for many relationships.

Creative Counseling's curator insight, June 9, 8:17 PM

Overview of Borderline Personality Disorder

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Has Contempt Crept into Your Communications? Watch Out!

Has Contempt Crept into Your Communications? Watch Out! | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Contempt is one of the most destructive emotions when trying to resolve conflict. How to recognize it, understand it and eliminate it from your communication.

 

Contempt is a relationship killer. It can and does destroy marriages. It can wound a child’s self image, poison the workplace, and push your friends away.

 

 

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The 11 Differences Between Dating a Girl vs a Woman

The 11 Differences Between Dating a Girl vs a Woman | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

Recently, I wrote a post on “The 11 Difference Between Dating a Boy vs a Man“. The post can have the genders swapped and most points would still apply. However, we can’t deny that there are some fundamental differences between men and women – from how we are socialized to the chemical and hormonal differences that naturally occur...

 

A boy is attracted to girls. A man is attracted to women. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up. Also, this isn’t to say that a woman won’t ever have “girlish” or immature tendencies or vice versa. This post refers to one’s maturity and most points would also apply if you switch the genders as well.

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Ashley Cleins's comment, December 6, 2013 2:25 AM
hi beautiful