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On Love and Loss

On Love and Loss | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Here is a beautiful and bittersweet poem by Veronica Shoffstall entitled "After A While" - a fine counterpart to Susan Sontag's collected learnings on love.


After A While

After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security.



And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,


And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,


And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.


After a while you learn...
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.


So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.


And you learn that you really can endure...


That you really are strong


And you really do have worth...


And you learn and learn...


With every good-bye you learn.

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What Your Mama Never Told You. Tips for Concious Connection.
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This Is the 1 Thing Ruining Your Relationship

This Is the 1 Thing Ruining Your Relationship | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Avoid this cognitive trap

 

"Simply put, when your mind can’t accept and validate multiple realities, your relationships will suffer."

 

Those of us who spend our lives helping people with their relationships talk a lot about behaviors. We encourage couples to say this instead of that and to act in this way instead of in that way. We also talk a lot about emotions – how to manage them and express them in constructive ways.

 

While behaviors and emotions matter in relationships, the emphasis we put on them forces one of our central human attributes onto the back burner: our thoughts.

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The best way to text with someone you want to date, according to Aziz Ansari

The best way to text with someone you want to date, according to Aziz Ansari | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Ah, modern romance.

 

"Dating in the 21st century is confusing. We have complicated ways of connecting that didn't exist 20 years ago, and much of our conversation with romantic partners happens over text message."

 

Comedian Aziz Ansari is here to help us out. For his new book, "Modern Romance," Ansari worked with sociologist Eric Klinenberg to explore how we date in the digital age. They talked with hundreds of single people across the world, asking how they connect with romantic partners.

Ansari and Klinenberg discovered the entire culture of finding love has evolved dramatically, fueled in part by the advent of cellphones and the explosion in online dating.

 

They also found that a lot of people have questions about texting etiquette.

 

Here are some of their tips.

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7 Things Your Wife Isn't Telling You She Needs

7 Things Your Wife Isn't Telling You She Needs | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
What your wife really needs from you.

 

What does your wife need to be truly content in your marriage? 

 

We asked marriage therapists and relationship coaches to share the most common things women say they need from their spouses. Here's what they had to say: 

 

1.  Women want a spouse who's aware of their wants and needs. 

Awareness isn't simply about remembering your anniversary or bringing home flowers every now and then. Awareness in a relationship means so much more than that, said Heather Gray, a life coach and writer based in Wakefield, Massachusetts.

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Here's What True Love Is (And What It Isn't)

Here's What True Love Is (And What It Isn't) | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Did you know that some languages have many words for love — each one a different permeation of the many facets of love? For example, Sanskrit has 96 words for love. Ancient Persian has 80. Sadly,

 

Did you know that some languages have many words for love — each one a different permeation of the many facets of love? For example, Sanskrit has 96 words for love. Ancient Persian has 80.

Sadly, English has only one word, which greatly limits our understanding of what love is and what it isn't.

Love is that which supports the highest good in you and in others. Love recognizes that whatever truly serves one serves all, and what does not serve one serves no one.

Love creates unity, not divisiveness, and never pits one person against the other. When love is our guiding light, we practice choosing compassion and caring rather than fear.

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How to Improve Your Relationships With Mindfulness 

How to Improve Your Relationships With Mindfulness  | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
We all want to have better relationships with people, but many of us are unsure of how to accomplish this. These four simple practices can improve your relationships significantly.

 

"Give the ones you love wings to fly, roots to come back, and reasons to stay." -- Dalai Lama

 
 Do you have trouble understanding relationships? If so, then you're not alone. Relationships can be one of the most difficult challenges of the human existence. Whether they are relationships with family members, friends, or romantic partner, conflicts in relationships can cause us stress, unhappiness, and even separation.
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Bruce Joseph Pimentel's curator insight, October 23, 2015 10:29 AM

We need to spend a few minutes each day implementing choices that will improve our relationships!  Be careful to pick your battles carefully.

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Attracting Love.

Attracting Love. | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

What is the vibrational quality of your relationship?” asked my spiritual mentor.

 

"This stumped me. I had to think. I could feel what she was getting at… I knew it was lacking. You see, this is the work I am doing right now and it is based on the teachings of Abraham-Hicks."

 

They profess that we are all magnets attracting to us that which we emit—which means that if we are focusing on what we want, we are attracting that to us; conversely, if we are focusing on what we do not want, we are attracting that to us as well.

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3 Reasons Why You Need to Have Boundaries in Love

3 Reasons Why You Need to Have Boundaries in Love | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
There is no time for excuses when setting and working within your own set of personal boundaries in love. You have got to stick to the boundaries!

 

You have met Mr or Mrs Right.  For the first few weeks things are going swimmingly well.  Ok, there are a few little niggles but you let it slide.  Why?  Well, it’s early days and you do not want to ruin this perfect bubble of romantic bliss.  But as the weeks progress, you both settle into the relationship.  Those “little niggles” that you let slide have now become big niggles and they are really upsetting you.  Where did it all go wrong?  The answer is simple: You did not stick to your love boundaries.

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When A Woman Commits

When A Woman Commits | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

I’m actually embarrassed that I used to speak the way I did to some of the couples I knew who were consciously working at having committed relationships. I was of a young and foolish mind and approach, presuming that my life education had given me such extensive knowledge of relationship that I could have fathomed what it was like for committed couples to be co-creating something so complex and delicate together.

My training was to not disappear into someone, to not lose myself. I was prone to getting watery and ineffective in the face of intoxicvating romance: my oceanic, devoted Pisces nature made me a goner when it came to love. I would fall in, lose myself, put the tryst before everyone and everything else, lose sight of my path and purpose, and leak away all the power I had been amassing for full potentiation into turned-on womanhood....

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9 Signs You're In Love With A Narcissist

9 Signs You're In Love With A Narcissist | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

Narcissists are appealing for good reason: they're charming, compelling and don't hold back on the compliments. By the time you realize just how toxic a narcissist can be, you've likely already been duped into developing feelings for him or her. 

 

Of course, not everyone you date who's vaguely self-absorbed has full-blown narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). It's important to note that narcissism exists on a spectrum, said Dr. Craig Malkin, an instructor of psychology at Harvard University and the author of Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad -- and Surprising Good -- About Feeling Special.

 
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7 Clues The Man You Love Is A Bad-Ass Wizard.

7 Clues The Man You Love Is A Bad-Ass Wizard. | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Magical people tend to love each other.
So he may have just told you straight-up, “Baby, I’m a wizard.” And if he neglected to speak up about it, then the altar laden with sigils and the ever-burning incense in the corner of his room plus all those NLP tricks he pulled on your first date (hey, they worked! he got himself into your bed, didn’t he?) and also the piles of books by Castaneda and Crowley on his shelves were probably some damn easy wizardly tip-offs.
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Why women leave men they love - What every man needs to know

Why women leave men they love - What every man needs to know | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"As a marriage counsellor, working with men and women in relationship crisis, I help clients navigate numerous marriage counseling issues. While many situations are complex, there’s one profoundly simple truth that men need to know. It’s this – Women leave men they love."

 

They feel terrible about it. It tears the heart out of them. But they do it. They rally their courage and their resources and they leave. Women leave men with whom they have children, homes and lives. Women leave for many reasons, but there’s one reason in particular that haunts me, one that I want men to understand:

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5 Ways to Detect Toxic People.

5 Ways to Detect Toxic People. | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
When you finally start to open up and let people in how do you protect yourself from people that aren’t healthy for you?


Since the skills of open-heartedness, feeling and connection aren’t nearly as practiced as putting up walls there is a greater possibility that toxic people make their way into your life. Being open-hearted requires practice and a new skill set.

When you start to exude the yoga glow people are attracted to you. I wouldn’t go so far as to say yogis turn into gods or goddeses but for people who take on a serious practice of getting rid of their walls, self awareness, connection and spirituality start to radiate a quality of being that attracts others to their light.

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On co-dependency in relationships (and how to overcome it)

On co-dependency in relationships (and how to overcome it) | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Co-dependency might best be described as a love addiction. You may be in a great, loving relationship, but when co-dependency creeps in, you start needing each other for all the wrong reasons. These relationships can grow to be very destructive and emotionally exhausting. You end up losing yourself and your sense of self-worth. But it's all good: there are ways to break the destructive cycle and still keep your love in tact. Here are some common character traits of a co-dependent, and guidelines
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7 Ways To Get Over Your Fear of Rejection And Achieve Lasting Love

7 Ways To Get Over Your Fear of Rejection And Achieve Lasting Love | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"For a relationship to be balanced, partners must be able to love and trust themselves first. They must feel they are needed and appreciated for support they give. If you have been let down in the past, the prospect of needing someone can be frightening. You may fear depending on your partner but may not be aware of the source of it. Achieving interdependence in a relationship is possible but takes time and intention. Love is uncertain. It's inherently risky because your partner could leave you at a moment's notice, betray you, or stop loving you."

 

Truth be told, an unconscious fear of rejection can cause you to sabotage a relationship or stay in a self-destructive one too long -- even though you may not be aware of it. Relationship expert Margaret Paul, Ph.D. writes "Since people attract each other at their common level of woundedness or their common level of health, an unavailable person's fear of commitment likely mirrors your fear of commitment." For many, a fear of intimacy may translate into testing a relationship by picking a partner who is wrong for you or playing it safe by distancing yourself.

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7 Reasons You Keep Falling For The Wrong Guy

7 Reasons You Keep Falling For The Wrong Guy | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
...And how to attract Mr. Right.

 

Are you ready to settle down, just not with any of the guys you've been dating lately?

 

Below, relationship experts share seven reasons you may be attracting the wrong types of men -- and how to break out of your relationship rut and find Mr. Right. 

 

1. You fear being alone. 

When you think of "single" as a dirty word, you're prone to date people you should stay clear off, said Elisabeth J. LaMotte, a couples psychotherapist and founder of the DC Counseling and Psychotherapy Center.

 

"Women who know how to enjoy their own company and build an independent, fulfilling life are in a much better position to choose a worthy and suitable partner," she said. "When you feel anxious or afraid to be alone, you usually haven't developed a strong enough sense of self. That can lead you to choose romantic partners from a place of desperation rather than a place of strength."

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8 Signs you Don’t Feel Emotionally Safe in your Relationship

8 Signs you Don’t Feel Emotionally Safe in your Relationship | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

Important: This article is about emotional safety in relationships, not physical safety or physical abuse.

 

Emotional safety is the elephant in the room in many relationships. Unfortunately, many of us don’t have the vocabulary to discuss it with our partners.

 

Still, emotional safety should be priority number one. If you don’t feel at ease in your relationship, every other element of the partnership is compromised, especially honest communication.

Here are eight signs that you may not be feeling safe in your relationship.

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How Smart Women Let Masculine Traits Sabotage Love

How Smart Women Let Masculine Traits Sabotage Love | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Get in touch with your femininity to find lasting love! 
 

"If you’re a smart and successful woman, being professional, in charge, driven and strong are masculine traits that bring you much career success. You’ve been able to reach key goals and objectives and may even have been promoted to positions of greater responsibility. But, if the love you desire has eluded you, the recognition you receive for your hard work can’t make up for what’s most important in life – true love."

 

Letting your masculine energy be dominant makes it easier for your feminine energy to become dormant. Losing touch with your feminine energy keeps you from love because men find femininity attractive. If you want to be loved, cherished and respected, applying masculine traits to love is a losing proposition. There was a time when I unknowingly applied masculine traits to love. I was used to operating from my masculine energy Mondays through Fridays from 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Even after work, this masculine side followed me on dates that didn’t blossom into any lasting relationships.

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Cultivate an Abundance Mindset to Attract Love

Cultivate an Abundance Mindset to Attract Love | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

Here’s the deal: how we view the world impacts our chances at love.

 

Don’t fall into the scarcity trap, study up on using an abundance mindset, instead. 

Our modern, online dating world seems to be a virtual buffet of choice and possibility. We click through profiles, swipe through our phones, and we’re presented with hundreds of potential dates at any given moment. The dating world seems ripe with opportunity on the surface, but deep down inside, you’re wondering if this abundance of love is for everyone but you. 

 

Well, let’s start with one simple fact.

There are more than seven billion people on planet earth…that means a wealth of possibilities for love! Does this sound overwhelming and impossible, or do you feel excited and hopeful for the opportunity that awaits you?

 

If your response felt overwhelming and impossible, the feeling of scarcity has probably nudged its way into your mind.

 
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10 Signs You Might Be In A Codependent Relationship

10 Signs You Might Be In A Codependent Relationship | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
If you struggle in certain relationship with certain people, it is possible you might be in a codependent relationship.

 

Codependency. Many people are not  familiar with the term codependency and are often not aware that they might struggle with it. Often a term used in recovery circles or counselling sessions, it is not usually talked about or brought up in regular conversations. The actual definition of codependency is excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically a partner who requires support due to an illness or addiction.

 

In some way shape or form, everyone is codependent on another to a certain extent.  Codependency becomes unhealthy when it affects your overall mental health and happiness.

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Divorcing a Narcissist

Divorcing a Narcissist | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Being married to a narcissist can be tough. But it’s even tougher if you try to divorce a narcissist, which is the topic of the latest Well Book Club.

 

Is there a narcissist in your life?

 

Many people exhibit some narcissistic qualities, but full-blown narcissistic personality disorder afflicts about 8 percent of men and about 5 percent of women. While it’s tough to be married to a narcissist, it’s even tougher to divorce one.

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Five Signs You’ve Found An Evolved Man, And Why You Should Be Scared Shitless

Five Signs You’ve Found An Evolved Man, And Why You Should Be Scared Shitless | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

"For eight years I’ve been calling in a life partner…

 

Why did it take me so long? Because I was searching for the elusive “evolved man” – a mythical creature that exists in the dreamy minds of Goddess-type women who preach atop sparkly pedestals claiming they are not “being met” by the men they are currently dating.

 

I desired a partner who is remarkable, like me. And I would not settle for less until I found “him”… a man who is dedicated to a path of personal evolution, has a high vision of the life he wishes to live, and lives into it every day.

 

Yeah right, like I am perfect and evolved!"

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5 Simple Agreements to Save your Relationship

5 Simple Agreements to Save your Relationship | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it

Do you remember the last time you wanted out of a relationship?

A year ago? 2 years? 6 months? This morning?

We all know the sting of being in a relationship on the outs.

We rarely genuinely want the relationship to end, wanting more for the way it is to come to an end. Here are some agreements you and your partner can adopt to help focus your effort and start to patch things up:

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4 Habits that Signal Relationship Doom.

4 Habits that Signal Relationship Doom. | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
As someone who has long struggled with trying to be the “Valedictorian of Everything,” my ears pricked up when John Gottman was mentioned in one of my graduate counseling classes.

Gottman is famous for being able to predict with 98 percent accuracy—(98 percent! My birth control isn’t even that reliable!)—whether a couple will divorce or not.

In other words, he’s the Valedictorian of Couples’ Counseling.

I had to know more, not only because I wanted to be such a skilled clinician, but because I was curious whether my then relationship was doomed or not (it was, but that’s another story).

So, I dug into his research. And it turns out that after interviewing and following thousands of couples over many years, his results aren’t all that complicated (in theory).

He and his team discovered four conflict patterns that are strong predictors of the end of a relationship. “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,” as they’re nicknamed include:
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Diane Howard's curator insight, September 6, 2015 6:08 PM

Look out for these relationship dangers..

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Single In The City: 5 Signs You're In A One-Sided Relationship

Single In The City: 5 Signs You're In A One-Sided Relationship | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
Every once in awhile, we find ourselves in a relationship that just doesn't seem to be working out, no matter how attentive, honest, or loving we are. This, my friends, is called a one-sided relationship. Many people don’t realize or accept that they’re in one, therefore they spend far too much time giving without receiving. By acknowledging the following signs, you'll be able to detect if, in fact, you’re getting the “short end of the stick.” If that’s the case, whack him with it and keep it moving!
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The 5 Love Languages

The 5 Love Languages | SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS | Scoop.it
We explore Gary Chapman’s best-selling book on the five ways most people “speak” love and show you how to connect more deeply with loved ones.

Kind words mean the world to you — getting a compliment will boost your mood all day — so you return the favor by heaping praise on your spouse at every turn. She will feel so loved! you think.
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