SEX | DATING | RELATIONSHIPS

I hear over and over from women who email or meet with me: "Why can't I allow myself to be vulnerable with men?" Or: "How come I feel like running every time he seems to take our relationship to the next level?

 

Theresa, an outgoing twenty-nine year old, reflects on an interesting trend she has noticed in romantic relationships when she says, "I always tend to go for guys who don't make a lot of money. I think it's because I like to be in control of money. I like to know a guy needs me or might depend on me."...

For a relationship to be balanced, partners must be able to depend on one another and feel they are needed and appreciated for support they give. If they have been let down in the past, the prospect of needing someone can be frightening. Women with a fear of depending on their partner usually aren't aware of it. Often they complain that their partner is not meeting their needs.

Financial conflict predicts divorce better than any other marital issue. But such arguments are about so much more than money, says Melissa Leong. Here's why you just have to dive in

 

When Heidi Hess was 18-years-old, she married a currency trader.

He was almost 10 years older and handled their savings and investments. She managed their day-to-day finances. She paid the bills, bought groceries for their Toronto home and shopped for their three kids.

Money talk: 20 questions to ask your significant other

She dreamed of vacationing. But he travelled for work and didn’t want to spare the money. She wanted to renovate. He put a bucket down when the ceiling leaked.

“We never said, ‘Let’s sit down and really hear what it is that each of us want. You’re saying you want to travel and I’m saying as the sole financial provider, we don’t have it. If you want to take that holiday, what can we cut? How we can we work as a family to make that happen?’ We never had that in-depth conversation.”

The other night my single mom friend Sarah and I were IMing about how we prefer men who are aggressive in bed.

“I’m the CEO of my entire life!” Sarah complained. “Do you know how hot it is to let someone else take over for 20 minutes?”

“It’s not just in bed – give me a vacation from my life for a while,” I responded. I was referencing my weekend date — a guy I met on OKCupid named Lou who I have pretty much nothing in common with but proved to be the perfect Saturday night activity. For the past few months I’ve been in a dateless funk fueled by disappointment that a love interest didn’t pan out and a long, grey, life-filled winter. Despite being little of what I am looking for in the long-term, this Sicilian-born, Harley-riding electrical engineer from Queens charmed me with a witty profile, flirty and articulate messages and pics that suggested — quite accurately, I found — a darling smile and a 6’3″ body built like a brick shit house...

Hunting for husband material? These signs suggest hunting elsewhere.

 

Amy told me about a recent conversation with the man she thought she wanted to marry:

“Am I the crazy one here? Why do I feel needy and desperate when I talk to him all of a sudden? I thought he loved me! I don’t get it. He practically lives with me and I’ve never even seen his place! I’ve never met a man who spent so much time and energy trying to win me over. He took me on some amazing dates and made love to me in ways I never even thought possible! I fell in love with him! I love him!"

But when I suggested we have dinner with my parents, I didn’t hear from him for a week! He disappeared. No phone, no text, no email. What the heck? I don’t even know where he was for the last week. He travels a lot for work… But before this, he’d call me from wherever he was. Then, out of the blue, he called me Sunday night to say he’s “not ready” to meet my parents. He says, ‘Can’t we just keep things like they were? I love you, baby, but I really like things the way they are now. Why do you have to screw it up?’”

Plus: 5 ways you block love.

 

Are you creating a wedge between you and the men who love you? If you're favoring your masculine side too much, you sure are!

We all want to experience true love. Being in a healthy, loving relationship is an absolutely magical feeling. But if you're a strong, capable, independent woman, you could be unknowingly blocking yourself from love.

What do guys like in a girl?  What makes a guy want to date a girl versus not seeing her as “girlfriend material”?  What do men want in a woman that makes them see them as a catch?”

 

There are going to be differences from guy to guy, but I’m going to try and keep the discussion of “what men want” to the most universal items possible.

I think it’s important to make the distinction between what men want in a relationship andwhat men want with a woman.  Moreover, we also need to factor in what men want in their life.

We need to look at all three areas because they are interconnected.  When you know what men want, then you’ll naturally know what makes a man choose one girl to be his girl for the long term.

First, what do men want in their life?

By Sophia Elise and Lady Sarah

 

The elusive search for Mr. Right keeps women on a relationship treadmill. Even when they feel they have located the perfect partner, they realize later that he was not. Sometimes, instead of kicking Mr. Wrong to the curb, and going out in search of another Mr. Right, they choose to waste their time in an attempt to transform this Mr. Wrong into the Mr. Right they yearn for. Unfortunately, there is no switch to flip, button to push or magic that can be done to turn him into the right guy. Waiting for him to transform himself into Mr. Ideal will not happen either, at least not in this century.

He may come off as the charming nice guy, but be on the lookout for these behaviors.

 

"I didn't see it coming," said Gina (not her real name). "The chemistry was through the roof, the sex off the charts! I thought he was my soul mate. And then he disappeared. I'm devastated." My client Gina had dated another narcissist, a man who cared more about his needs than hers, a guy who ran for the hills when Gina began to fall in love.

 

Pain, rejection, loneliness, abandonment are some of the many things that couples feel when struggling in relationships.

It’s difficult indeed to ignore such emotions, especially when they become a pattern. Many of us are unaware of their root cause and that the key to having a truthful, loving relationship with our partner is to mirror the nurturing relationship we have with our inner child.

The inner child is a very powerful voice that resides deep in our being. It talks to us about fear, hurt, needs that are not being met, the safety that it is longing for and the love that it hungers for.

Read more: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-6894/Why-You-Are-Struggling-in-Relationships.html

The whole point of a relationship is to set each other free.

At least enough to gain some intellectual insight that (hopefully) translates over time into a living breathing shift of being.

Turns out, it’s not about making each other happy, or any other kind of imagined perfection. It’s about helping the person in front of you be everything they truly are.

Here are some ways to do that.


Read more: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2012/11/the-whole-point-of-every-relationship-is-probably-not-what-you-think-it-is/

"That’s the point where you really know, you really, really know, that you’ll be able to tell everything you need about a man’s feelings from the way he looks at you. It’s when you’ll stop demanding frivolous gestures and “I love you,” because on the rare occasion you notice him looking at you like that, you know it’s all you’ll ever need..."

"When my client Sandra came to me she was desperate. She thought her boyfriend was going to break up with her soon and she didn’t know what to do. She was an extremely beautiful girl, yet she felt insecure and worried constantly that her partner would cheat..."

 

"...By the time we started working together, she was spending most of her days in bed in a state of constant anxiety. She would wake up and immediately check his facebook and instagram profiles to look for evidence that he was interested in other girls. Even though she didn’t find it, she wouldn’t stop."

 

SHE WAS CAUGHT IN A VICIOUS CYCLE OF RELATIONSHIP SABOTAGE. IT GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS:

I talk about relationships pretty much all day, every day. When it comes to dating and love, everyone asks the same question: Where are all the good men? You guys, this question sucks. It is the wrong question.

 

Why? Because even if there was the perfect location, that wouldn't really help you move toward the relationship you want. You'd just end up hanging around the frozen food aisle of the supermarket or going to a couple of baseball games in full makeup, and let's be real, if that worked, you'd be so married that by now you'd be sick of your husband.

 

The problem is not that you're not meeting enough men -- it's that you're not meeting enough men because you're failing to ask the right question. And that question is: Are you ready for a great love relationship?

Many of us have pondered the concept of soul mates before. What is a soul mate? Do I have one? And if so, where is mine? The idea that there is one special person created just for you is too juicy not to consider. I definitely believe in soul mates, but my definition extends beyond the traditional idea of The One.

 

What I believe is that a soul mate is a person with whom you are unexplainably drawn to be in relationship. Soul mates are brought into your life so that you can grow and expand into the best version of yourself.

Have you ever wondered if there are guys out there that simply will not marry you? Are there certain men from whom you should just stay away because chances are, the relationship is going to be an exercise in frustration for you? You are not alone -- many women think about this all the time. And yes, there are certain types of men that you should just plain avoid because if you were playing the odds, the odds say these guys are just not going to seal the deal with you.

Here are 10 types of men that I, as a professional matchmaker, would recommend you steer clear of:

 

Is your Prince Charming a no-show? That's because men are people—not fictionalized characters. Learn why you may need to wake up from your romantic fantasy to find true love

 

You might have a list that goes like this: "Hot. Smart. Rich. Sweet. Likes his mom. Has hair. Tall-ish." It's your ideal guy, in bullet points, and if you can't find someone who's able to check off every single quality, well then, you'll just have to keep looking. We put our Barbie and Ken dolls away ages ago, but the perfect-mate idea still looms—so much so that it's even popping up in some women's therapy sessions. "I've seen many women who are fixated on finding Mr. Right," says clinical psychologist Jennifer Taitz, Psy.D.

Did you see Ben Affleck’s speech accepting the Best Picture award last night? If not, he made a moving and authentic statement about marriage. Read more about it here.

The part that has people in a tizzy is this:

 

"I want to thank you for working on marriage for ten Christmases. It’s good, it is work, but it’s the best kind of work, and there’s no one I’d rather work with."

Via Do Gentlemen Really Prefer Blondes?: Bodies, Behavior, and Brains--The Science Behind Sex, Love, & Attraction: The number one tip-off that a woman was interested in a man for more than friendship was her own speaking rate.

Did she talk smoothly and quickly (a good sign), or hesitantly and awkwardly?

A short but interesting piece.

Read more: http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/04/what-behavior-signals-if-a-woman-or-man-is-in/

Most men aren't sex-crazed Casanovas, a researcher argues. They're in search of relationships, not one-night stands.

He’s got one thing on his mind and one thing only: sex. Namely, how to get it as often and with as many different women as humanly possible. He’s become a staple of modern comedies, from “Porky’s” to “American Pie” to “Superbad,” and he’s what research psychologist Andrew P. Smiler calls the “Casanova stereotype.”

This popular conception of young men is the subject of Smiler’s new book, “Challenging Casanova: Beyond the Stereotype of the Promiscuous Young Male.” This stereotype “tells us that guys are primarily interested in sex, not relationships,” he writes. “This contributes to the notion that guys are emotional clods who are incapable of connecting with their partners because, hey, they’re just guys, and guys are only interested in sex. “ The result is the belief that “guys shouldn’t be expected to achieve any type of ‘real’ emotional intimacy with their partners.”

Read more: http://www.salon.com/2012/11/18/expert_guys_dont_want_casual_sex/