I’m actually embarrassed that I used to speak the way I did to some of the couples I knew who were consciously working at having committed relationships. I was of a young and foolish mind and approach, presuming that my life education had given me such extensive knowledge of relationship that I could have fathomed what it was like for committed couples to be co-creating something so complex and delicate together.
My training was to not disappear into someone, to not lose myself. I was prone to getting watery and ineffective in the face of intoxicvating romance: my oceanic, devoted Pisces nature made me a goner when it came to love. I would fall in, lose myself, put the tryst before everyone and everything else, lose sight of my path and purpose, and leak away all the power I had been amassing for full potentiation into turned-on womanhood....
Narcissists are appealing for good reason: they're charming, compelling and don't hold back on the compliments. By the time you realize just how toxic a narcissist can be, you've likely already been duped into developing feelings for him or her.
Of course, not everyone you date who's vaguely self-absorbed has full-blown narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). It's important to note that narcissism exists on a spectrum, said Dr. Craig Malkin, an instructor of psychology at Harvard University and the author of Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad -- and Surprising Good -- About Feeling Special.
Magical people tend to love each other. So he may have just told you straight-up, “Baby, I’m a wizard.” And if he neglected to speak up about it, then the altar laden with sigils and the ever-burning incense in the corner of his room plus all those NLP tricks he pulled on your first date (hey, they worked! he got himself into your bed, didn’t he?) and also the piles of books by Castaneda and Crowley on his shelves were probably some damn easy wizardly tip-offs.
"As a marriage counsellor, working with men and women in relationship crisis, I help clients navigate numerous marriage counseling issues. While many situations are complex, there’s one profoundly simple truth that men need to know. It’s this – Women leave men they love."
They feel terrible about it. It tears the heart out of them. But they do it. They rally their courage and their resources and they leave. Women leave men with whom they have children, homes and lives. Women leave for many reasons, but there’s one reason in particular that haunts me, one that I want men to understand:
When you finally start to open up and let people in how do you protect yourself from people that aren’t healthy for you?
Since the skills of open-heartedness, feeling and connection aren’t nearly as practiced as putting up walls there is a greater possibility that toxic people make their way into your life. Being open-hearted requires practice and a new skill set.
When you start to exude the yoga glow people are attracted to you. I wouldn’t go so far as to say yogis turn into gods or goddeses but for people who take on a serious practice of getting rid of their walls, self awareness, connection and spirituality start to radiate a quality of being that attracts others to their light.
Co-dependency might best be described as a love addiction. You may be in a great, loving relationship, but when co-dependency creeps in, you start needing each other for all the wrong reasons. These relationships can grow to be very destructive and emotionally exhausting. You end up losing yourself and your sense of self-worth. But it's all good: there are ways to break the destructive cycle and still keep your love in tact. Here are some common character traits of a co-dependent, and guidelines
There's a girl in your political science class that you’re attracted to. You’d like to get to know her better, but the thought of even saying hello makes you sick to your stomach.
You’re at the grocery store and you see a colleague from work pushing a cart with his kids. Instead of saying hi and taking part in some small talk, you turn your cart the other direction and do what you can to avoid him.
You’re new in town and would like to make some friends. There’s a men’s group at your church that you go to, but you never come early and you leave as soon as it’s over so you can avoid having to engage the guys in conversation.
How many times have you felt upset by something your male partner said or didn't say, did or didn't do and then found yourself concluding that whatever the issue it results from his very maleness, from the sheer fact that he is a man, that he simply "can't help it." Certain notes are sounded again and again when women talk about trouble with their men: "But you know, that's how men are" or, "He's a man after all, its not his fault" or, "MEN!" Typically the women listening nod and laugh, bursting with agreement. These and other platitudes are recited as a way to minimize their distress and frustration. However, this tendency to dismiss males as genetically deficient reinforces for them the idea that it is not safe to fully be themselves with their female partners.
It’s been interesting to watch this series unfold this week. Though I knew it would be controversial, I wasn’t sure what to expect and how much interest there would actually be in the topic.
As it happened, the posts received massive amounts of traffic. And while there was definitely vocal opposition to the arguments I laid out, these were fewer in number than I expected. This may be partly chalked up to the fact that AoM’s readership tends to skew more traditional and religious (even though we actively welcome men from all backgrounds) – guys who are likely more interested in this topic than the general population. But I also have to think that there are tons of men – conservative and liberal alike — that aren’t completely happy with the role of porn in their lives, for whatever reason. I’ve long felt that there are a bunch of things in our culture towards which the media relentlessly presents a viewpoint that supposedly everyone shares, and people don’t feel comfortable publicly admitting that it just isn’t working that way in their own personal lives. I think the idea of porn use as harmless and casual is one of those things.
Mark Manson offers up some refreshingly simple solutions for why you can't seem to find a healthy relationship.
Nobody wins on Valentine’s Day. The holiday puts everyone in an awkward situation.
If you’re not seeing anybody, then it’s an incessant and unnecessary reminder of your solitude. If you are seeing someone, but aren’t serious yet, then you have this awkward, “Should I say something? Should I not?” situation where you’re afraid that no matter what you do, it’ll give the wrong impression. And if you are in a relationship, then there’s all sorts of heightened expectations for chocolate and dinners and candles and violins and puppies and other crap, all of which will at best come across as forced and at worst be entirely disingenuous.
Jordan Gray says that there are seven simple things that basically all men crave in an intimate relationship.
Men are often reluctant to talk about their needs in intimate relationships.
Whether social conditioning or an inability to communicate our needs are to blame, men (who tend to be the less communicative partners in intimate relationships) are prone to silently suffering when their emotional needs aren’t being met by their partners.
Whether you are a man or a woman reading this article, this will give you greater clarity into yourself/partner and what your/their needs are in your intimate relationship.
Let’s put an end to the needless fighting due to miscommunication, the unnecessary sex-less nights, and the verbal shut-downs.
Read through these tips and I promise you’ll never see your relationship through the same lens again.
Here are seven things men want in a relationship...
What's the one thing you should be looking for in a partner? Mark Manson has a pretty good idea, and it's not what you think…
There were a few comments yesterday from people about my post on how to date amazing women saying it was too extreme and that everyone has faults. Well, of course, everyone has faults. It’s impossible to find someone without some emotional baggage or insecurities. The real question is, what does that person do with it?
In the first two articles of this series, I pointed out how to notice emotionally manipulative behavior and how to avoid women who display it. These were women who had problems and baggage and used them as a weapon with the men they date. In this article, I will be talking about the traits that you want to actively look for in a relationship parter when deciding to date or commit to them. To give a hint, it’s looking for people who manage their personal flaws and baggage well. -
"Starting to date again after a breakup is a nerve-wracking experience. What if you get rejected? What if you end up comparing someone new to your ex and it makes you sad? What if your first date as a singleton is a bust? What if… your date is so awkward already that it actually gets better when you accidentally set your hair extensions on fire? (Okay, that last one was stolen from the Anna Farris comedy What’s Your Number?, but hey, it could happen.) It might take some time, but one day you’ll be ready to date again. Here are some signs that it’s a healthy time to start."
"For eight years I’ve been calling in a life partner…
Why did it take me so long? Because I was searching for the elusive “evolved man” – a mythical creature that exists in the dreamy minds of Goddess-type women who preach atop sparkly pedestals claiming they are not “being met” by the men they are currently dating.
I desired a partner who is remarkable, like me. And I would not settle for less until I found “him”… a man who is dedicated to a path of personal evolution, has a high vision of the life he wishes to live, and lives into it every day.
Do you remember the last time you wanted out of a relationship?
A year ago? 2 years? 6 months? This morning?
We all know the sting of being in a relationship on the outs.
We rarely genuinely want the relationship to end, wanting more for the way it is to come to an end. Here are some agreements you and your partner can adopt to help focus your effort and start to patch things up:
Every once in awhile, we find ourselves in a relationship that just doesn't seem to be working out, no matter how attentive, honest, or loving we are. This, my friends, is called a one-sided relationship. Many people don’t realize or accept that they’re in one, therefore they spend far too much time giving without receiving. By acknowledging the following signs, you'll be able to detect if, in fact, you’re getting the “short end of the stick.” If that’s the case, whack him with it and keep it moving!
"Finding your soul mate is basically finding that one person (arguably one of several) who has the right traits – traits that are relevant to you as an individual. In other words: You have to find a person whom you can put up with and who, more importantly, can put up with you.
Plus all that lovey-dovey stuff, of course. If love isn’t much more than the way that you perceive a person, then you need to find someone who you can perceive as being amazing for as long as you live. Just as importantly, you need to find a person who can put up with all of your sh*t.
Because, let’s be honest, we all have a lot of sh*t that our soul mates will need to put up with. Here are 10 traits that your soul mates should have and that, ipso facto, you should have in his or her eyes:"
"How do you know if you are passive-aggressive? Aside from the obvious wake of people who won’t get close to you, there are certain things to think about to determine if your behavior is passive-aggressive according to a life coach."
Good news, people are not passive-aggressive by nature. It’s their communication and conflict management patterns that are, and these are learned. Luckily, those patterns can change with some insights, skills and relationship help. So, if this post helps you see your passive-aggressive behaviors, you will understand why others find it difficult to be around on you, trust you, and respect you as you would like to be trusted and respected. You confuse them. People move away from folks who purposefully confuse them — if they are smart.
The other day, I shared some signs that may indicate you’ve found true love with the man of your dreams. But what if you have deeper doubts? You know it’s not true love (yet), but you think there may be a chance for your love to grow, given time.
So let’s say your new romantic partner doesn’t seem to need a lot of change. You’re pretty happy with him the way he is. But you still have a few doubts brewing before you’re ready to say, “I do.”
Still, you’re seeing some red flags that are telling you this person is not only NOT “the one,” but that you might actually be in a toxic relationship.
Our incompleteness is the gravitational pull towards one another, as if we inherently know that there is something in the meeting that is more than us and has something to add to our completeness."
I would like to dispel the popular new age myth that we are complete and whole on our own, without each other.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this message and the number of ways it’s been packaged by well-meaning teachers, writers, gurus, etc. And while a part of me wants to take comfort in it (an existential ice cream fix), more often than not it leaves me feeling bereft. Like the way you feel when your heart knows it’s heard a lie even though your mind argues for its veracity.
The truth is, I don’t believe we are actually whole and complete. And I mean this in the dualist sense; because that is the reality we are living in. I believe we came from wholeness and I believe we return to wholeness, but I do not believe we are whole in this manifestation.
Forget about ripped abs, bulging biceps, and a flat stomach, as well as a fat bank account, friends in high places, and your own private jet. These six personality traits power the pull of magnetic attraction.
It’s nearing the end of the day and the weekend’s approaching. Are you getting ready to go home to your lover and making fun weekend plans? Or are you reading advice articles and wondering why, despite your hours at the gym and in those continuing ed classes, that special someone you desire so dearly to date—and perhaps move in with or marry—never seems to materialize? Some people choose a single life, and embracing solitude doesn’t mean staying solitary or feeling unfulfilled. But for those who are seeking—and not finding—the perfect partner of your dreams, the list below offers some surprises on what people truly find irresistible. - See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/6-qualities-make-you-love-magnet-fiff/#sthash.EiNtD0YD.dpuf
This is one of the most common questions our coaching clients ask us. And after Angel and I listen to the specifics of their situation, we often toss a question back at them to further clarify their thoughts and expectations. For instance:
“What do you think a “right relationship” should provide for the people in it?”
Although the answer here is obviously subjective, in all relationships, romantic and platonic alike, there are some clear signs that things are going well. So today, let’s take a look at some signs you’re in the “right relationship,” and corresponding tips that could potentially help you make a “wrong relationship” right:
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