Lie detector expert and former federal law enforcement investigator Janine Driver tells us the subtle ways to spot deception.
1. He Sounds a Little Funny
Liars are sometimes called "fast talkers," but the speed of their speech varies as much as an honest person's within a conversation. Yet liars will alter their speech rates within a single sentence. Typically a liar might begin to speak slowly, because he's trying to figure out his lie—but once it comes into his head, he tries to spit it out as fast as possible.
Pace isn't the only speech pattern that can trip up a deceiver. Research has shown that a person's vocal tone will waiver from baseline in up to 95 percent of all deceptive statements. If your partner's baritone is on the rise, you may be facing a fib.
"How to be a gentleman in the 21st century, minus any creepy, unintended sexism."
The world works in funny ways. I blame it on mankind’s zealous oversimplification of complex problems. When we discover that a part of our culture is flawed, if we find that the way things are is not ideal, we label it as wrong, making a 180-degree turn in the opposite direction.
Lion Goodman discovers the key o understanding how women communicate and how men can speak their language.
I was talking with my friend and colleague, John, about my relationship, and its challenges. I smiled and said, “Women’s emotional reactions have baffled men forever.”
With his typical wise and cosmic perspective, he smiled, and asked, “Would you like to understand feminine emotion?” What? Someone who actually understands women’s emotions? And can explain them? I said. “Lay it on me, Bro!”
"Open any beauty magazine and you'll see article upon article about what women want in relationships and how to get that. But there's rarely a space for men to express their relationship needs. Thanks to MindBodyGreen for creating that space. Here are 7 things that men really want in a relationship."
1. To feel like your hero
We don’t want to be your Clark Kent. We want to be your Superman. We want you to see us as leaping tall buildings in a single bound and catching bullets. We want to carry you in our arms and show you the world. Or at least feel that way. And I know it’s our job to get there, but nothing gives us more strength than a woman who creates a space that makes us feel invincible. If you make us feel invincible, we’ll make you feel like you’re the most beautiful creature on this planet.
Tired of waiting? Tired of affirmations, positive thinking, blind dates, and online dating?
"Everyone has something challenging they are facing. Your acceptance of your current situation with grace and patience opens you to love and support."
I know it is easy to lose faith when you have just broken up with another disappointing lover. I realize that it is easy to panic when 40 is approaching and you want a baby worse than anything. Of course it feels unfair when you think someone tossed you into the desert without your ok. Distant memories of fruitful times of abundance may torture you and make you want to give up.
"Is your primary intent in being in a relationship to get love, or is it to share your love with your beloved? If it's to get love -- due to your own self-abandonment -- then your challenge in attracting your beloved is to learn to love yourself and share your love.
Most of us would love to be in a loving, committed relationship. Yet, for many, this seems to be elusive. There are some good reasons for this.
1. We Attract at Our Common Level of Self-Abandonment or Self-Love Do you abandon yourself in one or more of these four ways?
- Staying focused in your head rather than being present with your feelings in your body
- Judging yourself harshly, putting a lot of pressure on yourself
- Turning to various addictions to avoid your feelings and to fill up inner emptiness
- Making others responsible for your happiness and self-worth
"Let's face it: When we're newly coupled up, we tend to look at our partner -- and the budding relationship itself -- through a pair of proverbial rose-colored glasses."
Any flaws we detect in our partner are all too easily written off: He shies away from introducing you to his immediate family? It will happen when it happens. She has a tendency to leave dirty dishes and shoes scattered around the house? You're neat and orderly enough for the both of you.
But once you get real about your relationship and consider it for all that it is -- and all that it isn't -- there are some issues that are just too serious to overlook. Below, dating and marriage experts weigh in with 10 red flags they say should be cause for concern in any relationship.
"The suffering caused by emotional withholding can be more excruciating than verbal or even physical abuse. How to recognize it—and what to do."
Confession: I’ve been holding out on you. When I wrote The 7 Deadly Signs of a Dysfunctional Relationship, I left out the eighth: emotional withholding. A reader pointed this out in a haunting comment. Sara wrote:
What’s missing from this discussion is the kind of dysfunction that isn’t tyrannical but instead quietly sucks out your integrity and self-respect because there are NO fights or fireworks. This is the passive-death non-relationship in which every dissatisfaction you express is completely ignored or casually dismissed. Not with a bang but a whimper……….
"How to recognize the signs of a rotten relationship---before it's too late"
Relationship hell is the worst, right? For anyone who’s been there—and I know I’m not alone—there’s nothing more heartbreaking than the sickening feeling of something warm growing cold, something sweet going sour, something compassionate turning contemptuous, something supportive becoming destructive, and your source of love and healing becoming the cause of toxic damage. Suddenly, what seemed to be working so well is not, like the shiny car you drive off the dealer’s lot that collapses down the road in a heap of broken parts. “But I was just in heaven,” you say. “How did I get to this infernal place?”
While most women won't let go easily or without great effort to save your sinking ship, there are a few ways to lose the woman you love forever
"Love is the greatest refreshment in life.”~ Pablo Picasso
We’re all artists when it comes to creating our own life, and while we know that love is the greatest gift we can give, and the greatest gift to receive, keeping love alive in the midst of time’s inevitable wear and tear is the real art we need to master.
"Secrets of how to be passive in a relationship and be miserable. Just don’t do anything. You’ll soon be out of that relationship."
You and your partner were never soul mates.
You were understanding but never submissive. You were kind enough to understand when your partner overlooks your dinner date but you were assertive enough to point it out. You were at your toes when the atmosphere turns manipulative. You were vigilant on any verbal abuse.
You always knew how to give and take. There was balance of good and evil between you as a couple.
Sounds familiar? Are you tired of an assertive relationship? Don’t wait standing there. Do something. It’s the cheesy month of love and you should be doing something. Or should I say- should be NOT doing anything instead.
Here are 5 secrets on how to be passive in a relationship and be miserable!
If so, you first need to know how to recognize the real thing. Since often, it’s the woman who sees it, before the man.
As a relationship expert & love coach, I’ve found the primary indicator of real love is when your body, your heart & your mind all converge on the same undeniable truth: this man was made for you. There’s also an unflinching awareness that you were made for him. Basically, if you would bet your life (and his) that no other woman could ever love him better than you, then you’ve found the One.
But, let me warn you…Love is not easy. Once the starry-eyed phase has progressed into the inevitable power-struggle, that’s when the real work begins. But it’s good work, and it provides the most direct access to intimacy. Relationships are the most intense personal growth workshops that exist. They’re the places you dive deep into your darkest shadow work. Love is not for the faint-hearted; it’s a gladiator sport. And that’s why I’m such champion for the highest, most resilient form possible, True Love.
"Finding your soul mate is basically finding that one person (arguably one of several) who has the right traits – traits that are relevant to you as an individual. In other words: You have to find a person whom you can put up with and who, more importantly, can put up with you,"
Plus all that lovey-dovey stuff, of course. If love isn’t much more than the way that you perceive a person, then you need to find someone who you can perceive as being amazing for as long as you live. Just as importantly, you need to find a person who can put up with all of your sh*t.
Because, let’s be honest, we all have a lot of sh*t that our soul mates will need to put up with. Here are 10 traits that your soul mates should have and that, ipso facto, you should have in his or her eyes:
"I'd like to start this off by saying that I believe it is 100% the responsibility of an individual to control their own actions. If a man is going to be a gentleman, he should be a gentleman towards everyone – not just a certain type or class of people. It is dependent on who he is, not who they are."
That being said, today’s dating world is tricky. People talk about courtship and romance as if it is some fabled tale of unicorns and leprechauns. The truth is, these things are alive and well, and we find them if we stop settling for less than we deserve, and have the discipline to be patient and only accept the love and respect we should receive.
If women accept less, then (some) men will continue to do less. Here are a few suggestions to help bring back chivalry and romance.
There's definitely an art to flirting—and we have the science to back it up.
News flash: Flirting works. In fact, studies suggest that flirting skills could be even more important than looks in helping you attract a partner. And experts agree:
"It's not the most physically appealing people who get approached, but the ones who signal their availability and confidence through basic flirting techniques like eye contact and smiles," says Monica Moore, M.D.
If you want to master the game, here's a good place to begin: Read up on these interesting facts about flirting:
"Conscious uncoupling." The term sounds so ridiculous: New Age-y, pretentious, righteous -- I could go on and on. Although I've worked as a couples therapist for eons, I have to admit that I never heard of "conscious uncoupling" before Gwyneth Paltrow used it to describe what she and Chris Martin have been up to lately. As I see it, the term means that couples confront their irreconcilable differences by looking into themselves instead of blaming their partners. Each partner takes a reflective, conscious stance toward what role he or she has played in the dissolution of the couple. This is actually a pretty radical point of view when you consider that when nearly all people talk about their divorces, there's always some element of blaming their partner.
"Passive-aggressive behavior is an extremely troublesome but misunderstood phenomenon. People frequently accuse each-other of engaging in it without really understanding what it is. On the other hand, when they encounter the real thing, they’re unable to recognize it and are therefore victimized by those who employ it."
So who is a passive-aggressive person, really? Essentially, it’s someone who engages in the indirect expression of anger. This person is unable to acknowledge to themselves or to others that they are angry, so they unconsciously bury this feeling deep in their psyche. Unfortunately, buried emotions have a way of leaking out, as I’ll soon demonstrate.
"Ever feel as though you always find yourself in situations with the slightly shady? Take off the rose-colored glasses and pay attention to these bright red flags. Your sanity (and friends who care about you) will thank you."
1. Boundaries, What Are Those?
Whether it's a "joke" at your expense, language you don't appreciate, or pressing you to share information you have been clear you deem private, anyone who doesn't respect your right to your own space (emotional, personal, physical or mental) is going to have you going from 0-to-frustrated in no time.
You've been there-slash-know exactly how this goes down: Girl meets guy, guy asks girl on first date, they have a bomb ass time. Guy asks girl on second date, makeout sessions ensue. Guy asks girl on third date, which also goes swimmingly, and then girl never hears from him again. He might have died for all she knows. This leaves girl bummed/hurt/confused/and repeatedly asking her friends "Why would he do that? It's so unlike him!"
Now's the time to remind yourself that you didn't invest that much time into this relationship, and that this scenario unfortunately comes with the territory of dating. But that doesn't make it feel any less crappy after someone disappears after the first few dates.
Relationships provide the opportunity to teach us many lessons. Whether it's between parent-child, friends, or even strangers, we can learn so much more about ourselves in relation to others.
On some level, every relationship is sacred as it holds opportunity for us to grow. However, there's something distinct about the intimate relationship shared by lovers. Our partners are not defined by genetics or familial bonds. We're not necessarily thrown into proximity by way of work or school environments. We choose willingly to enter into relationship with them. In addition, there's the added component of physical intimacy.
Here are five characteristics of healthy, sacred relationships:
This isn't about desperation or cheap sex—it's shamelessly chasing what you want.
When you hear the term “pickup artists,” what—or who—do you envision? If you’re anything like me, you think of men: Slithery, sexist men banded together to forge underground alliances of high-fiving bros, with the solitary shared goal of bedding women.
But thankfully, pickup artistry is beginning to broaden beyond the boys’ club. Leading the female-PUA pack is Arden Leigh, a Las Vegas-by-way-of-NYC “seduction siren” and author of The New Rules of Seduction. With her perfectly winged blackeyeliner and penchant for PUA strategy-speak like “attraction switches,” “social proof,” and “opening the set,” Leigh is turning the pickup game on its head by translating it into a proactive approach that women can use to shamelessly chase what they want.
Read more: 10 Tips From Female Pickup Artists - What is a Pickup Artist? - ELLE
When you are a love addict, you have way less love in your life than you were aiming for. Here's why and how to let more love into your life.
“What we seek in love is finding someone with whom we feel safe to reveal our true self.” ~Karen Salmansohn
I wasn’t always in a relationship, but I was almost always in love.
I even had crushes in kindergarten. I hated school because my grade school teacher didn’t like me. Maybe my crushes let me avoid feeling the void, the loneliness, and the sense that I was not of this world, an outcast.
Being in love let me ignore those uncomfortable feelings. Of course, I did not understand any of this at age six. Now, I do.