"Let's face it: When we're newly coupled up, we tend to look at our partner -- and the budding relationship itself -- through a pair of proverbial rose-colored glasses."
Any flaws we detect in our partner are all too easily written off: He shies away from introducing you to his immediate family? It will happen when it happens. She has a tendency to leave dirty dishes and shoes scattered around the house? You're neat and orderly enough for the both of you.
But once you get real about your relationship and consider it for all that it is -- and all that it isn't -- there are some issues that are just too serious to overlook. Below, dating and marriage experts weigh in with 10 red flags they say should be cause for concern in any relationship.
"The suffering caused by emotional withholding can be more excruciating than verbal or even physical abuse. How to recognize it—and what to do."
Confession: I’ve been holding out on you. When I wrote The 7 Deadly Signs of a Dysfunctional Relationship, I left out the eighth: emotional withholding. A reader pointed this out in a haunting comment. Sara wrote:
What’s missing from this discussion is the kind of dysfunction that isn’t tyrannical but instead quietly sucks out your integrity and self-respect because there are NO fights or fireworks. This is the passive-death non-relationship in which every dissatisfaction you express is completely ignored or casually dismissed. Not with a bang but a whimper……….
"How to recognize the signs of a rotten relationship---before it's too late"
Relationship hell is the worst, right? For anyone who’s been there—and I know I’m not alone—there’s nothing more heartbreaking than the sickening feeling of something warm growing cold, something sweet going sour, something compassionate turning contemptuous, something supportive becoming destructive, and your source of love and healing becoming the cause of toxic damage. Suddenly, what seemed to be working so well is not, like the shiny car you drive off the dealer’s lot that collapses down the road in a heap of broken parts. “But I was just in heaven,” you say. “How did I get to this infernal place?”
While most women won't let go easily or without great effort to save your sinking ship, there are a few ways to lose the woman you love forever
"Love is the greatest refreshment in life.”~ Pablo Picasso
We’re all artists when it comes to creating our own life, and while we know that love is the greatest gift we can give, and the greatest gift to receive, keeping love alive in the midst of time’s inevitable wear and tear is the real art we need to master.
"Secrets of how to be passive in a relationship and be miserable. Just don’t do anything. You’ll soon be out of that relationship."
You and your partner were never soul mates.
You were understanding but never submissive. You were kind enough to understand when your partner overlooks your dinner date but you were assertive enough to point it out. You were at your toes when the atmosphere turns manipulative. You were vigilant on any verbal abuse.
You always knew how to give and take. There was balance of good and evil between you as a couple.
Sounds familiar? Are you tired of an assertive relationship? Don’t wait standing there. Do something. It’s the cheesy month of love and you should be doing something. Or should I say- should be NOT doing anything instead.
Here are 5 secrets on how to be passive in a relationship and be miserable!
If so, you first need to know how to recognize the real thing. Since often, it’s the woman who sees it, before the man.
As a relationship expert & love coach, I’ve found the primary indicator of real love is when your body, your heart & your mind all converge on the same undeniable truth: this man was made for you. There’s also an unflinching awareness that you were made for him. Basically, if you would bet your life (and his) that no other woman could ever love him better than you, then you’ve found the One.
But, let me warn you…Love is not easy. Once the starry-eyed phase has progressed into the inevitable power-struggle, that’s when the real work begins. But it’s good work, and it provides the most direct access to intimacy. Relationships are the most intense personal growth workshops that exist. They’re the places you dive deep into your darkest shadow work. Love is not for the faint-hearted; it’s a gladiator sport. And that’s why I’m such champion for the highest, most resilient form possible, True Love.
"The more women I talk to, the more I realize that the gentleman is a rare breed. The mission of the New Chivalry Movement is to bring men (and women) together who strive to be the best versions of themselves and love and respect those around them.
As the gentleman has become less prominent, so have the respectful acts that define him.
Here are 8 acts of chivalry we often overlook and should work to bring back.
"You over there! Don’t be shy…orgasms are as much a part of women’s health as dental floss—but a lot more fun. For all the things you’ve been dying to find out as well as things you’ve never even thought of, expand your knowledge about the “big O” with this list of enlightening facts."
1. Orgasms can relieve pain. Got a headache? Maybe you should have sex after all. “There is some evidence that orgasms can relieve all kinds of pain—including pain from arthritis, pain after surgery and even pain during childbirth,” notes Lisa Stern, RN, MSN, a nurse practitioner who works with Planned Parenthood in Los Angeles and blogs at Gynfizz.com. “The mechanism is largely due to the body’s release of a chemical called oxytocin during orgasm,” she says. “Oxytocin facilitates bonding, relaxation and other positive emotional states.” While the pain relief from orgasm is short-lived—usually only about eight to 10 minutes—she points to past research indicating that even thinking about sex can help alleviate pain.
“There is a secret about human love that is commonly overlooked: Receiving it is much more scary and threatening than giving it. How many times in your life have you been unable to let in someone’s love or even pushed it away? Much as we proclaim the wish to be truly loved, we are often afraid of that, and so find it difficult to open to love or let it all the way in.”
~ John Welwood
Most of us are not talented receivers when it comes to love. Whether or not we are able to give love has surprisingly little to do with its polar opposite of being able to open to the love coming towards us.
"There is nothing sexier for a woman than a man: the sides and the aspects, the edges and the angles. And there’s nothing that can make a woman’s heart and flesh tremble more than an unshakable, unyielding core that can be sensed through all these layers and facets."
This is an ode to men.
There is nothing more appealing than a smart man. But the man who possesses both mental and physical strength is irresistible. A man who can fight with his bare hands as fiercely and determined as with his words. A man whose strength embodies both self-possession of a warrior and a paternal love. Who is capable of killing in order to protect his family, and who can hold a child with all his love and tenderness.
"Before we met, I knew that I wanted to be in a committed relationship and I understood why that was important to me, but I just did not know how, when or where it was going to come together."
Five years ago, I met the man I now call my husband in the small town of La Fortuna in Costa Rica.
Call it a chance meeting, fate, or divine will, but truth be told I carved the path towards that first encounter. Before we met, I knew that I wanted to be in a committed relationship and I understood why that was important to me, but I just did not know how, when or where it was going to come together. As far as carving paths go, isn’t that how it often feels?
We may know the what and the why, but the how, when and where only become clear with time and effort.
In my mid-twenties, I learned that taking your female friends to a gay bar is like taking a vegetarian to a butcher shop. There is a lot of meat, a lot of prime cuts, and even a little tripe, but nothing they can eat.
It's a dirty secret of a subculture of the gay male world about women: That they're essentially unwelcome, unless they come to us as a Real Housewife, a pop diva, or an Tony award winner–or an unassuming fag hag. To anyone just coming out of the closet and hoping to get his bearings in the gay male community, the attitude towards women is simple: They are just objects whose function is to serve gay men. Maybe it happens when gay men get too comfortable in newly-discovered safe spaces–where they get to call the shots as their proudly out new selves. Or maybe it happens through cultural conditioning. Whatever the cause is, it becomes clear: If there isn't any kind of transactional exchange happening, then women lose their value in gay male subcultures.
"Our relationship with our intimate partner or spouse is the most important relationship of our lives.
It is the centerpiece around which everything else in our lives revolves. Or at least it should be.
This significant other, our love relationship, can define our happiness and well-being, our sense of security, and even our self-confidence and self-esteem. When things are going well with our beloved, life is generally good. Even when other parts of our lives are difficult or challenging, having the loving support and presence of your partner make these challenges easier to tolerate and overcome."
You've been there-slash-know exactly how this goes down: Girl meets guy, guy asks girl on first date, they have a bomb ass time. Guy asks girl on second date, makeout sessions ensue. Guy asks girl on third date, which also goes swimmingly, and then girl never hears from him again. He might have died for all she knows. This leaves girl bummed/hurt/confused/and repeatedly asking her friends "Why would he do that? It's so unlike him!"
Now's the time to remind yourself that you didn't invest that much time into this relationship, and that this scenario unfortunately comes with the territory of dating. But that doesn't make it feel any less crappy after someone disappears after the first few dates.
Relationships provide the opportunity to teach us many lessons. Whether it's between parent-child, friends, or even strangers, we can learn so much more about ourselves in relation to others.
On some level, every relationship is sacred as it holds opportunity for us to grow. However, there's something distinct about the intimate relationship shared by lovers. Our partners are not defined by genetics or familial bonds. We're not necessarily thrown into proximity by way of work or school environments. We choose willingly to enter into relationship with them. In addition, there's the added component of physical intimacy.
Here are five characteristics of healthy, sacred relationships:
This isn't about desperation or cheap sex—it's shamelessly chasing what you want.
When you hear the term “pickup artists,” what—or who—do you envision? If you’re anything like me, you think of men: Slithery, sexist men banded together to forge underground alliances of high-fiving bros, with the solitary shared goal of bedding women.
But thankfully, pickup artistry is beginning to broaden beyond the boys’ club. Leading the female-PUA pack is Arden Leigh, a Las Vegas-by-way-of-NYC “seduction siren” and author of The New Rules of Seduction. With her perfectly winged blackeyeliner and penchant for PUA strategy-speak like “attraction switches,” “social proof,” and “opening the set,” Leigh is turning the pickup game on its head by translating it into a proactive approach that women can use to shamelessly chase what they want.
Read more: 10 Tips From Female Pickup Artists - What is a Pickup Artist? - ELLE
When you are a love addict, you have way less love in your life than you were aiming for. Here's why and how to let more love into your life.
“What we seek in love is finding someone with whom we feel safe to reveal our true self.” ~Karen Salmansohn
I wasn’t always in a relationship, but I was almost always in love.
I even had crushes in kindergarten. I hated school because my grade school teacher didn’t like me. Maybe my crushes let me avoid feeling the void, the loneliness, and the sense that I was not of this world, an outcast.
Being in love let me ignore those uncomfortable feelings. Of course, I did not understand any of this at age six. Now, I do.
Dating shy guys is not an easy job as you have to know the right ways of flirting to bring the guy out of his shell. Sometimes shy boys can be very discouraging, but do not worry ladies! Make sure you keep yourself more available, you also have to take the lead more often, and with the right tips and a little practice, you will be able to make any shy guy take a double take. So ladies, are you ready to learn all the ways of how to flirt with a shy guy?
The next time you find yourself getting ready to join with someone in a relationship (or even a friendship) ask yourself these questions first.
“Love does not obey our expectations; it obeys our intentions.” ~Lloyd Strom
Recently, I did something radical; I entered into a relationship with the intention of extending love. I consciously set the goal of peace.
It’s with the intention to experience more peace than ever before that the relationship began, and it’s with that same intention that we decided to end the relationship. In between it all, I felt deeply connected, heard, and loved.
What did I do differently this time that allowed me to experience a new level of peace and love? What about this relationship created the space for us to peacefully “break-up”?
Sleeping in separate beds is more common (and more beneficial) than you’d think. Here's how to determine if it could work for you.
“I see lots of clients who sleep in separate bedrooms and have better marriages as a result,” confirms Susan Heitler, PhD, a clinical psychologist in Denver, Colorado, author of The Power of Two: Secrets of a Strong and Loving Marriage and founder of the marriage skills website poweroftwomarriage.com. In Arianne and Nate’s case, she likes to read at night while he likes to play guitar, so they use their alone time for their hobbies. The couple told GMA that they sleep better and they’ve gotten closer.
Here’s why the separate beds thing is more beneficial than you’d think—and how to determine if it could work for you.
Is she needy or distant? Use this guide to understand why she acts the way she does.
Needy women can be among the most frustrating aspects of a man’sromantic life. Fortunately, relationship scientists have devised a way to suss out which women are overly needy and which ones have their heads on straight. Based on the kinds of relationships we have with our parents and our past romantic partners, humans develop a way of relating to significant others that scientists term an “attachment style.” Understanding the psychology of needy women and knowing your woman’s attachment style can reveal a lot about her psychological issues and help you determine whether or not she’s worth dating.
Esther Perel has become a go-to speaker on sexuality and relationships in the world of couples therapy as well as in the luxury self-actualization set.
Perhaps not since Dr. Ruth commandeered American airwaves in the 1980s has there been a public figure with so much of an audience for her work on human sexuality. But if Dr. Ruth was trying to talk explicitly about the mechanics of sex in a pre-Lewinsky, relatively tame media environment, Ms. Perel has captured attention in the era of the oversexed. Instead of offering more explicitness, she writes and talks about the aspects of sexuality that can’t be captured on a screen, the hidden, psychological states that do or do not set the mechanics in motion.
Why modern men want boat rockers, floor shakers, and earth movers in their lives.
Warren Talbot in Life Learning. - Medium
To confident women everywhere,
"I love you. I love all that you are and the confidence you bring to each new day. I love that you make your opinions known in restaurants, legislatures, bedrooms, boardrooms, social causes and your relationships. You not only expect, but demand to be partners in life and in business. You are women who know, and are proud of who you are. You never expect others to guess what you are thinking because you make your thoughts known."
"Before we gained love sense, it was hard to offer an incisive explanation for how love fails. Theories that concentrate on bad behavior and lack of communication skills focus on the symptoms of couple distress rather than the root cause: the overwhelming fear of being emotionally abandoned, set adrift in the sea of life without safe harbor."
What we’ve missed for so long is that discord is almost always an unconscious protest against floating loose and an attempt to call, and even force, a partner back into emotional connection. Here are some of those signs of discord: