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10 Things Every Wine Lover Should Know About... Chateau de Beauforte

10 Things Every Wine Lover Should Know About... Chateau de Beauforte | Vloasis humor | Scoop.it

Via Vitabella Luxury Wine / Twitter @Vitabellawine / Also check www.vitabella.fr
Vloasis's insight:

For many years now, men have enjoyed drinking wine.  Here at Chateau de Beauforte, we've also been making a list and checking it twice--a list of things you need to know about our very special wine.

 

10.) We use a lot of grapes. So many, that if you tried to eat all the grapes that go into just one bottle of our wine, you would get very, very sick and not leave the bathroom for some time. We do this because we care.

 

9.) We still use feet to crush the grapes. You just cannot replicate the flavor with modern presses.

 

8.) Nightsoil is not illegal in this province and, through a special arrangement with the townsfolk, we are able to impart to you the authentic flavor of the region.

 

7.) Wine grapes should grow in a happy environment, so every morning, first thing, we get drunk and stand on the balcony of the chateau and laugh as loud as we can.

 

6.) If cooking with our wine, please remember that it is a delicate product.

 

5.) When planning your visit to the chateau, please arrange for a guide to lead you around the eastern field, which may still have active war mines.

 

4.) If we could make just one promise of quality assurance to you, we would ask that we make it after we both have had a bottle of our wine each.

 

3.) Our founder, Emil Beauforte, once kicked the crap out of Paul Masson--that is what is being depicted in the oil painting you see in our foyer.

 

2.) Keep your pets healthy and happy and improve the quality of their breath by mixing a shot of our wine in their water bowls.

 

1.) Have you tried the amazing health benefits of a Chateau de Beauforte wine enema? Come to our province and ask for Ernie Thibodeau.

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Meet the stars of New York's cat cafe

Meet the stars of New York's cat cafe | Vloasis humor | Scoop.it
Meow Parlour, New York City's first cat cafe, is now open.
Vloasis's insight:

They'll create even more grumpy kitties if their prices are what I suspect they will be.

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How to Remove Your Mustache

The Mobember is over and it's time to shave, or remove the mustache (Moustache?) any way possible! You can read my articles here: http://www.electroboom.com ...
Vloasis's insight:

He goes the extra mile for the funny.

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Oy vey, that's not funny: What happened to Jewish comedy?

Oy vey, that's not funny: What happened to Jewish comedy? | Vloasis humor | Scoop.it
Modern comedy was shaped by Jews. That’s ancient history now.
Vloasis's insight:

I'd like to see more Monty Pythons and Mr. Shows.

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Snow-sufferers post their crazy photos

Snow-sufferers post their crazy photos | Vloasis humor | Scoop.it
Snowed in Buffalonians took to Instagram with shots of the winter madness.
Vloasis's insight:

That door fridge thing cracked me up.

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That Fake Yoko Ono/Katy Perry 'Cover' Is Still Worth 1,000,000 Listens

That Fake Yoko Ono/Katy Perry 'Cover' Is Still Worth 1,000,000 Listens | Vloasis humor | Scoop.it
It's obvious why the video below, of Yoko Ono singing a cover of Katy Perry's "Firework," keeps coming back. It is, in a word, amazing.



It's also too good to be true. If only Ono were actually scream-hiccuping over a schmaltzy instru...
Vloasis's insight:

Guess we have to file this one under "Too Bad to Be True"

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The Headboard - a Vloasis original skit

sometimes a little white lie can really boost your ego
Vloasis's insight:

Based on a true story.

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Personal hygiene less important to Brits than internet access, poll finds

Personal hygiene less important to Brits than internet access, poll finds | Vloasis humor | Scoop.it
Britons are so attached to the latest technological gadgets and gizmos that they consider internet access more important than spending time with their families or washing themselves, according to a new poll.
Vloasis's insight:

On the internet, nobody cares what you smell like.

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10 Weirdest Quests

10 Weirdest Quests | Vloasis humor | Scoop.it
From pointless to plain bizarre, take a look at some strange goals people set out to accomplish.

Via F. Thunus
Vloasis's insight:

Kinda makes you feel better about yourself.

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9 Super Funny Bob Odenkirk Characters Everyone Should Know

9 Super Funny Bob Odenkirk Characters Everyone Should Know | Vloasis humor | Scoop.it
Catch Bob Odenkirk on The Birthday Boys TONIGHT 11:30p.
Vloasis's insight:

Odenkirk is awesome!

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This Gold Pill Makes You Poop Glitter | Incredible Things

This Gold Pill Makes You Poop Glitter | Incredible Things | Vloasis humor | Scoop.it
Want to shit gold? I mean, LITERALLY? Just swallow one of these Gold Pills and all your glittery doo-doo dreams will come true. This product is totally for
Vloasis's insight:

I'll wait for the non-boutique version with just regular glitter. Rip Taylor would love this.

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12 Bizarre and Weird Animals You Didn't Know Exist

12 Bizarre and Weird Animals You Didn't Know Exist | Vloasis humor | Scoop.it
Vloasis's insight:

Check out the octopus that looks like a pear.

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Class helps locals lose their Boston accent

And for some it can be wicked hahd. Produced by Scott LaPierre
Vloasis's insight:

Both ways sound fine to me.

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7 Health Reasons to Have More Sex

7 Health Reasons to Have More Sex | Vloasis humor | Scoop.it

 If you really need an excuse (or several) to heat things up in the bedroom, we've got you covered: Besides the obvious reasons one might have sex—love, pleasure, baby-making—science shows that...

Vloasis's insight:

"Sex lowers your blood pressure"  ...WTF kind of sex are they having?

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10 Bizarre Situations There’s Actually A Word For

10 Bizarre Situations There’s Actually A Word For | Vloasis humor | Scoop.it
There are billions of words in the world, but there are an infinite number of situations and experiences to be had. Some experiences are so rare, we never think to name them.
Vloasis's insight:

Lay one of these words down on your next audience!

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Literary History's Best Celebrated Failures

Literary History's Best Celebrated Failures | Vloasis humor | Scoop.it
Whether you entertain delusions of grandeur or merely write to justify alcoholism, The Biographical Dictionary of Literary Failure is a book for you.

Via Charles Tiayon
Vloasis's insight:

Bet you've never heard of Elise La Rue...(I hadn't).

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10 Ridiculous Pop Culture Jokes That Later Came True

10 Ridiculous Pop Culture Jokes That Later Came True | Vloasis humor | Scoop.it
The public sometimes has trouble distinguishing reality from comedy. And while the best comedy has some basis in reality, that doesn’t seem to be what the comedians were going for in the following cases.
Vloasis's insight:

Teenage greasy faces are still an untapped source of energy.

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Artistic Ideas

Artistic Ideas | Vloasis humor | Scoop.it

Funny little Art pic

Vloasis's insight:

^ What to do when you've made too many raisins.

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Outlandish Pasadena Doo Dah Parade: ‘Crazy,’ ‘awesome,’ ‘fantastic’

Outlandish Pasadena Doo Dah Parade: ‘Crazy,’ ‘awesome,’ ‘fantastic’ | Vloasis humor | Scoop.it
PASADENA >> A boisterous crowd cheered on unabashedly absurd shenanigans Saturday as the 37th Occasional Doo Dah Parade once again unleashed its unique brand of insanity on Pasadena.The peculiar procession once again stormed Colorado Boul...
Vloasis's insight:

Hey, every city needs a doo dah parade!

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Ricky Gervais: 10 Erotic Bathtub Selfies That Will Probably Make You Pregnant

Ricky Gervais: 10 Erotic Bathtub Selfies That Will Probably Make You Pregnant | Vloasis humor | Scoop.it
Possibly NSFW...
Vloasis's insight:

The Viking one...lol.

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'White Noise' For Your Nose Cancels Out Nasty Odors

'White Noise' For Your Nose Cancels Out Nasty Odors | Vloasis humor | Scoop.it
Scientists have high hopes for "white noise" for the nose.

It turns out that two researchers have found the mathematical formula to create an olfactory equivalent of "white noise," which they say could be used to cancel out any...
Vloasis's insight:

Something white for my nose, you say?

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Allow Benedict Cumberbatch to Narrate an Explicit, Erotic Sherlock Sex Scene

Allow Benedict Cumberbatch to Narrate an Explicit, Erotic Sherlock Sex Scene | Vloasis humor | Scoop.it

For its December issue, Elle UK steps into Benedict Cumberbatch's "world of delicious contradiction." Delicious, it is. Cumberbatch uses rich, excessively descriptive language to pinpoint what...

Vloasis's insight:

Keep in mind, this might be a potential sex scene with Watson.

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Man Caught Having Sex With A Chicken...AGAIN

"A man whose animal cruelty conviction led Indiana lawmakers to pass a law making sexual relations with animals a crime faces another charge of sexually abusing an animal. Forty-two-year-old...
Vloasis's insight:

Chicken mills = no penalty. Lone pervert = four years in jail.

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"MORE WALKING (AND TALKING) DEAD: PART 2" - A Bad Lip Reading of The Walking Dead Season 4

Rick is pretty sure that's not a thing... Like on Facebook! http://www.facebook.com/badlipreading Follow on Twitter! http://twitter.com/badlipreading
Vloasis's insight:

You're not the glue police, Rick!

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Oh snap! Popular sexting app Snapchat sued by sisters

Oh snap! Popular sexting app Snapchat sued by sisters | Vloasis humor | Scoop.it
Oh snap! Two sisters whose images have been closely tied to the popular sexting app Snapchat have sued its founder because their likeness is now associated with so-called 'snapchat sluts.'
Vloasis's insight:

The most eye-opening thing about this article, for me, was the assertion that the company's worth is 10 billion.  Holy crap...I hadn't heard of them until now!

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Which Cult Film Are You?

Which Cult Film Are You? | Vloasis humor | Scoop.it
Whether you're a tech geek, a wannabe gangster, a visionary, a nail fetishist, a fantasy nerd, a musician, or a social worker, there's a cult film that reflects your personality and your lifestyle! Take the quiz to find out which cult film you are! Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com
Vloasis's insight:

Thanks to Oxy for posting this.

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