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For many years now, men have enjoyed drinking wine. Here at Chateau de Beauforte, we've also been making a list and checking it twice--a list of things you need to know about our very special wine.
10.) We use a lot of grapes. So many, that if you tried to eat all the grapes that go into just one bottle of our wine, you would get very, very sick and not leave the bathroom for some time. We do this because we care.
9.) We still use feet to crush the grapes. You just cannot replicate the flavor with modern presses.
8.) Nightsoil is not illegal in this province and, through a special arrangement with the townsfolk, we are able to impart to you the authentic flavor of the region.
7.) Wine grapes should grow in a happy environment, so every morning, first thing, we get drunk and stand on the balcony of the chateau and laugh as loud as we can.
6.) If cooking with our wine, please remember that it is a delicate product.
5.) When planning your visit to the chateau, please arrange for a guide to lead you around the eastern field, which may still have active war mines.
4.) If we could make just one promise of quality assurance to you, we would ask that we make it after we both have had a bottle of our wine each.
3.) Our founder, Emil Beauforte, once kicked the crap out of Paul Masson--that is what is being depicted in the oil painting you see in our foyer.
2.) Keep your pets healthy and happy and improve the quality of their breath by mixing a shot of our wine in their water bowls.
1.) Have you tried the amazing health benefits of a Chateau de Beauforte wine enema? Come to our province and ask for Ernie Thibodeau.