Lou Krisnik, seen here crossing the finish line in a practice heat, thinks the new sport is "a banger idea," ...but does the Olympic committee?
In an unprecedented movement to return to the original Greek format (competing in the nude was the tradition in ancient times), the Sunderland United Health Council has proposed a series of new events, the most notorious of which was added on a lark.
"We just had some time to kill," explained councilman Mike Edwards, "and really, I thought they were going to edit it out."
The proposed event to which Edwards refers is officially named "The 98 Meter Arousal Run," a competition in which nude men must run 98 meters while furiously masturbating, and be "popping" when they cross the finish line. From the rules, "If you cross unpopped, you're disqualified."
In addition to the awkward gait necessitated by the event, one of the unique quirks in the event is what happens if all runners are not ready when they reach 98 meters.
"If that happens," said Edwards, "they all just kind of stand there, whacking it, ready to leap across when they're popping. It's another element to the competition, and strategy is very much a factor."
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