Greetings, all! Enjoy some of my most-enjoyed humorous and thought-provoking posts and sightings from the web and blogosphere. If you want to suggest a post, feel free--click on the suggest button (see those tabs up top?). Get a feed through RSS. And my own stuff is at http://www.ironiccatholic.com . Laugh, think, and enjoy! --IC
Washington, DC: A politician, whose handler begged he/she not be named due to illness, has in his/her own words, "owned up."
"Easter was so--so freeing, it felt like the perfect time to be completely honest: I don't agree with a whit of it. Natural family planning, the pro-life movement, marriage defined as an exclusive union between a man and a woman. It's all wrong. Yeah, so is male-exclusive ordination. Wow, do I feel so much more myself in saying that out loud," said the politician, smiling.
Metropolis, USA: The liturgical commission of the Metropolis diocese, meeting for a Saturday workshop at RBCU*, was clearly looking a little frayed.
"This is usually not our best month, before Easter Sunday," laughed commission secretary Diana Tuberville, "but the upcoming conclave has our directors of music in a panic. No one is practicing the parts. Everyone is swapping papabile articles by John Allen and Sandro Magister and setting their cell phones to popealarm.com ."
Staten Island: After the drama of abdicating the Petrine ministry for the first time in 600 years, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI was seen at the Staten Island Ikea looking for "one good solid chair."
"I brought the cat and swept out the apartment, but I forgot I needed a great big chair," admitted the frail man in lightly accented English. "It's true I am retiring to a life of prayer, but I do not think God will begrudge me a place to sit down. And the Chair of Peter must remain vacant until the new Pope is elected. So I was thinking, maybe a La-Z-Boy. I hear they fold back and are very comfy."
New York, NY: Catholics worldwide planning on giving up social media this Lent--facebook, Twitter, and the like--are caught in an existential crisis now that Pope Benedict unexpectedly announced his resignation and the conclave to elect a new successor to St Peter will occur smack in the middle of Lent.
"I announced it and everything," moaned Cynthia Madison, a 22 year old parishioner at St. Aloysius Church in downtown Manhattan. "I mean, who am I supposed to get this news from now? CNS? EWTN? C-freakin-NN?"
Wow, I don't know about you all, but I was just so grateful to see the gold and white decor come down at Church. Creche packed away, needled trees in the chipper, poinsettias dead and composted, Christmas music in the dusty back files. I just feel so...relaxed, entering fully into ordinary time....
Metropolis, USA: A group of Catholics who write for a popular blog called Rockin The Church traditionalists have accused Pope Francis of changing the weather patterns in Italy to mimic the southern hemisphere for a blustery Easter morning.
"I have tried to hold my tongue," said the blogger known as DamnTheClownMassesAndEveryoneElse, "but I must upgrade the volume of my critique from the warm confines of my supportive group of saved friends on facebook to the callous and cold wide world of the Internet. I am deeply regretful to have to call out the Holy Father during such a solemn week and on his Holiest of days, but this morning was the last straw, and justice must be served. He has clearly imported Argentinian weather to the sacred land of Rome. Everyone knows that Easter must be Springlike. This morning's increasingly cold weather indicates the Pope is rejecting an age old tradition. No doubt this will lead to the increased use of silver as a precious metal and women's ordination. This cannot, and will not, stand."
Another blogger who goes by MaryWoreBlueCombatBoots agreed. "By all means, we know Christianity is a European religion. Eggs and new life go with a Springlike Eastertide. Changing Rome to fit the Southern hemispheric patterns means that we will serving pumpkin pie at the Easter table. Dried leaf collages for Easter rather than daffodils. It screams of death...a symbolism of death for a religion that is being killed. And Happy Dead Easter to you too."
Houston, TX: St. Hugh of Hungary Catholic Church's evangelization committee has run into "a huge stumbling block" to the New Evangelization: Valentine's Day in Lent.
"This is a stumbling block to the faithful and we need to be on top of this, to find out what can be done to avoid sacrifice during Lent. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing," announced Mark Thomas, the chair of the committee.
The committee's agenda for Wednesday night, Feb. 6th, states: "New business: open forum to brainstorm ways to give up chocolate for Lent and yet eat it on Valentine's Day."
Kitties. Tragically, there are no kitties in the gospel. If only Jesus had said "Let the little kitties come to me."The Pharisees were all in a dither about whether this was work or leisure, and Jesus would have decided not to invite unnecessary trouble.
New York, NY: St. Calibertha Church's Sunday School, at 100 Sesame St., has introduced a holiday practice updated for the little ones of the 21st century: The All Vowels Antiphons.
"The traditional O Antiphons are lovely but O gets all the attention," argued A, who was decked in festive advent purple fur over his everyday foam self. "The Spirit of Christmas is equality, so the other vowels and I, I mean A, we thought he should share."
"Sharing is the reason for the season," piped up E. "U and I and others have always said so."
"And we never knew Y all the attention went to O," pouted Y. "Sure he's round and pretty like a bowl full of jelly, but we have feelings, you know. I've stuck out my tongue at him forever and he never noticed. I am sad," he said, upward wings drooping.