The Amused Catholic: an Ezine
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The Amused Catholic: an Ezine
Thoughtful Catholic Hoopla. Collected pieces, mostly humorous, from across the web and blogs. We've got humor. We've got thoughtfulness. We've got art. We've got bacon.
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The Ironic Catholic: Liturgists Worry About Conclavular Distractions During Rehearsals For Holy Week

The Ironic Catholic: Liturgists Worry About Conclavular Distractions During Rehearsals For Holy Week | The Amused Catholic: an Ezine | Scoop.it
The Ironic Catholic's insight:

Metropolis, USA: The liturgical commission of the Metropolis diocese, meeting for a Saturday workshop at RBCU*, was clearly looking a little frayed.

"This is usually not our best month, before Easter Sunday," laughed commission secretary Diana Tuberville, "but the upcoming conclave has our directors of music in a panic.  No one is practicing the parts.  Everyone is swapping papabile articles by John Allen and Sandro Magister and setting their cell phones to popealarm.com ."

 

[click image for more]

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The Ironic Catholic: Preload the ebook readers you're giving this Christmas

The Ironic Catholic: Preload the ebook readers you're giving this Christmas | The Amused Catholic: an Ezine | Scoop.it
The Ironic Catholic's insight:

Well, we're still here, so buy a book already.  Click the annoyed cat for more info.

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The Ironic Catholic: Why I Never Could Be A Franciscan: an Ode to Brother Snowflake

The Ironic Catholic: Why I Never Could Be A Franciscan: an Ode to Brother Snowflake | The Amused Catholic: an Ezine | Scoop.it
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Employees must wash their hands before returning to the work of the Lord…

Employees must wash their hands before returning to the work of the Lord… | The Amused Catholic: an Ezine | Scoop.it
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The Ironic Catholic: Year of ...

"Today the Catholic Church begins a celebration of a "Year of Faith".

In other news Ford launches a "Year of Driving" and McDonald's begins a "Year of Eating"."

 

--Well, exactly. I'm not inspired, yet.

 

P.s. Happy 50th Anniversary, Vatican II! I'm going to speak all in the vernacular today just to celebrate.

 

HT Dean Cummings

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IT CAME FROM ALLEN'S BRAIN!: The Gospel of Melvin, Talk Like A Pirate Day edition

IT CAME FROM ALLEN'S BRAIN!: The Gospel of Melvin, Talk Like A Pirate Day edition | The Amused Catholic: an Ezine | Scoop.it

A certain one there be who came to Cap'n Jesus, an' he said, "Scullmarster, What good thing must I be doin' to secure me spot is safe ports 'til the seven seas goes dry?"

And the Cap'n, he said, "What line o' barnacles izzat? If fer quiet portsa fer all time is what ye seek, then obey the High Admiral's commands!"

"Which be they?" he was askin'.

"Have ye no' read th' list?" bellowed the Cap'n. "Don't be endin' yer fellows' voyage prematurely! No swashin' another man's buckles! No plunderin' ill-gotten booty! Speak truly! Be givin' yer mater and pater their just dues! Be treatin' all as ye treat yerself!"

 

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#MuslimRage: The funniest responses to Newsweek’s “Muslim rage” cover story

#MuslimRage: The funniest responses to Newsweek’s “Muslim rage” cover story | The Amused Catholic: an Ezine | Scoop.it

Humor will save the world.  or at least remind us that we're human.

 

Newsweek asked people to tweet reactions to its new cover story on "Muslim rage." Using the hashtag, #MuslimRage, hundreds of people responded, with many poking fun of the magazine's underlying premise. Author Reza Aslan tweeted, "Memo to those few violent MidEast protesters, this is how you fight Islamophobia. You make fun of it."

 

Here's a sample of a few of the funniest tweets.  [click for full article]

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Never formally cooperate with evil – Guaranteed! — The Curt Jester

Never formally cooperate with evil – Guaranteed! — The Curt Jester | The Amused Catholic: an Ezine | Scoop.it
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The Ironic Catholic: Catholic School Scores Big Enrollment By Eliminating Supply Lists

The Ironic Catholic: Catholic School Scores Big Enrollment By Eliminating Supply Lists | The Amused Catholic: an Ezine | Scoop.it

Yizzeree, SD: Saint Agatha's Elementary school looks like most other Catholic schools: classrooms, desks, chalkboards, READ posters, crucifixes above the doors, kids in plaid uniforms.

 

They have one more thing that sets them apart from the rest: giddy parents.

 

"Oh my gosh, I can't tell you how happy that decision made me. I got down on my knees and started crying," gushed Mary Ellen Yubish, mother of 2nd grader Catherine. The decision she refers to? No classroom supply lists.

 

(click for more)

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The Ironic Catholic: What they don't tell you in pre-Cana

Last Sunday, I was a little stressed. OK, a lot. For reasons not having to do with my family.

 

Had a brisk and grumpy conversation with my husband on the way home from church. At one point, we're figuring out breakfast prep, and have a conversation about bacon.

 

We pull into the driveway. I just sit there.

 

My husband kindly begins rubbing my shoulders. I start to relax.

 

After a minute, I say "So you knew I was that stressed, huh?"

 

And he responded, "Well, no. I was just thinking about bacon."

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IT CAME FROM ALLEN'S BRAIN!: Revenge of the "Passion of the Sheep"

IT CAME FROM ALLEN'S BRAIN!: Revenge of the "Passion of the Sheep" | The Amused Catholic: an Ezine | Scoop.it

Remember the creepy sheep cake from last year?  It's been topped.  With an American flag.

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The Ironic Catholic: Pope Emeritus Shows Up In Ikea Looking For A Chair of Retirement

The Ironic Catholic: Pope Emeritus Shows Up In Ikea Looking For A Chair of Retirement | The Amused Catholic: an Ezine | Scoop.it
The Ironic Catholic's insight:

Staten Island: After the drama of abdicating the Petrine ministry for the first time in 600 years, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI was seen at the Staten Island Ikea looking for "one good solid chair."

"I brought the cat and swept out the apartment, but I forgot I needed a great big chair," admitted the frail man in lightly accented English.  "It's true I am retiring to a life of prayer, but I do not think God will begrudge me a place to sit down.  And the Chair of Peter must remain vacant until the new Pope is elected.  So I was thinking, maybe a La-Z-Boy.  I hear they fold back and are very comfy."

 

[...click image for more.]

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The Ironic Catholic: To Assuage The Self-Esteem of Letters: The A-E-I-O-U and sometime Y antiphons

The Ironic Catholic's insight:

New York, NY: St. Calibertha Church's Sunday School, at 100 Sesame St., has introduced a holiday practice updated for the little ones of the 21st century: The All Vowels Antiphons.



"The traditional O Antiphons are lovely but O gets all the attention," argued A, who was decked in festive advent purple fur over his everyday foam self.  "The Spirit of Christmas is equality, so the other vowels and I, I mean A, we thought he should share."



"Sharing is the reason for the season," piped up E.  "U and I and others have always said so."

 


"And we never knew Y all the attention went to O," pouted Y.  "Sure he's round and pretty like a bowl full of jelly, but we have feelings, you know.  I've stuck out my tongue at him forever and he never noticed.  I am sad," he said, upward wings drooping.

 

 

[click on title for more]

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The Ironic Catholic: Friday's QOTD

The Ironic Catholic: Friday's QOTD | The Amused Catholic: an Ezine | Scoop.it

I am a Thomist. From the Tank Engine persuasion, that is.

--Nonius Michael Fonsecae

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The Ironic Catholic: Exclusive: Watch Me Go Quietly Insane Through A Theologically Wacked VBS Song

The Ironic Catholic: Exclusive: Watch Me Go Quietly Insane Through A Theologically Wacked VBS Song | The Amused Catholic: an Ezine | Scoop.it

I try to be bigger than this, honest I do, and I love VBS. Every year my kids like it and they come home with good insights about the topic of the week. And this year's probably had the best "take home" CD of songs yet...catchy and fun and some were even theologically touching and deep. Then there were two songs near the end....

 

In order not to publicly humiliate the artist of this song, I am not going to name it, or him, or the VBS program. But for goodness sakes, I have been having a running debate with this song, which my kids want to listen to every day, for nine weeks straight. (If you are thinking, hey, you're the parent, turn it off, remember that the rest of the album is great and I am usually in the middle of helping a child potty train or something). I have officially snapped. At least my mental cry of theological anguish may entertain you.

 

This song is about St. Peter, and has a rousing go go go! refrain. By the end of the song, I only wish I could. It begins like this:....

 

[click image for more]

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The Ironic Catholic: If Garrison Keillor Authored the Apocalypse

The Ironic Catholic: If Garrison Keillor Authored the Apocalypse | The Amused Catholic: an Ezine | Scoop.it

It's been a quiet millennium in Lake Wobegon, my hometown.... [click for more]

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The Ironic Piratical Catholic: Psalm 42, New Revised Pirate Version

The Ironic Piratical Catholic: Psalm 42, New Revised Pirate Version | The Amused Catholic: an Ezine | Scoop.it

Psalm 42

To a pirate marooned, or facing th' Cat O Nine Tails.

 

1 As th' jolly roger longs fer streams o' water,
so me soul thirsts pants fer ye, me God.
2 Me soul thirsts fer God, fer th' liv'n God.
When can I go an' rendezvous wi' God?
3 Me tears have b'n me burgoo day an' night,
while people say t' me all day long, “Where be your bleedin' God, bucko?”...

 

[click for more]

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The Ironic Catholic: Breaking: Cardinal Dolan To Offer Closing Prayer at National Green Party Convention, Minnesota Independence Party Convention, Local Burger King Grand Opening

The Ironic Catholic: Breaking: Cardinal Dolan To Offer Closing Prayer at National Green Party Convention, Minnesota Independence Party Convention, Local Burger King Grand Opening | The Amused Catholic: an Ezine | Scoop.it
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The Ironic Catholic: 10 things that ought to count for white martyrdom

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