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Mentor or Martyr? Beware the Rescuer Trap

Mentor or Martyr? Beware the Rescuer Trap | The Heart of Leadership | Scoop.it

Are you addicted to helping others or is your mentor relationship creating unhealthy levels of interference? Perhaps you’ve fallen victim to the Rescuer Syndrome.


Via Kenneth Mikkelsen
Don Cloud's insight:

Good insights in what it means to be a mentor while avoiding the trap of becoming your mentees "rescuer".  As leaders grow subordinate leaders, it's important to mentor and to help open doors of opportunity that would good for your mentee's growth, but it's even more important that the mentee stands on his/her own feet and is not dependent upon the leader.  Remember, you can show them the doors, but they have to walk through them (you can't do it for them).

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Kenneth Mikkelsen's curator insight, October 9, 2013 4:51 AM

Manfred Kets de Vries is a lighthouse in the leadership development field. I alway enjoy reading his mind - and often recommend people to read his book: "The Leader on the Couch."


You find an article from HBR about it here

John Michel's curator insight, October 9, 2013 1:45 PM

Successful executives seldom get to the top alone. Even the most talented need the help of other people to reach their true potential.

Tony Brugman (Bright & Company)'s curator insight, November 18, 2013 2:53 AM

Useful tips on good mentorship: beware of the Rescuer Syndrome! Written by INSEAD Professor Manfred Kets de Vries. 

 

From the article:

"The “rescuer syndrome” while not an officially recognised disorder is a widely acknowledged phenomenon. It manifests itself when helping turns into a compulsion. (..) Rescuers don’t realise their behaviour is compulsive and dysfunctional – they believe that given all the efforts they make, their efforts are helpful."

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5 Myths Of Leadership - Forbes

5 Myths Of Leadership - Forbes | The Heart of Leadership | Scoop.it
5 Myths Of Leadership
Forbes
When it comes to leadership there is no one size fits all. Every leader has his/her own personality, style, and approach to leading teams.
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The Most Important Decisions That We Make as Leaders

The Most Important Decisions That We Make as Leaders | The Heart of Leadership | Scoop.it
In 2006, I was being interviewed by Saint Gobain Glass for a role in their customer service, production planning and logistics team.

Via Thomas Faltin
Don Cloud's insight:

Every decision a leader makes is tangible evidence of his/her beliefs and values and that reflected of the organizations culture.  Who you hire, grow, develop, and promote says more about your values and that of the organization than any words.

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Leaders Make Mistakes Too– 5 Steps to Redeem a Potentially Fatal Error

Leaders Make Mistakes Too– 5 Steps to Redeem a Potentially Fatal Error | The Heart of Leadership | Scoop.it
I’ve made many mistakes in my time, and the incident which springs to mind, happened only a few years ago.

Via Bobby Dillard, John Michel
Don Cloud's insight:

Full disclosure ... have made my fair share of mistakes as a leader and will likely make more.  It's not that you fall down (or get knocked down) as a leader -- it's how you decide to get back up.

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John Michel's curator insight, October 7, 2013 11:18 PM

Ethics, morality and values based leadership are high on any thought leaders agenda right now. Realisation that materialism, self-gain and profit above ethics is no longer tenable, means leaders now have to be really clear their organisational and personal values, not only have to match, but must be demonstrated on a day-to day basis.

David Hain's curator insight, October 8, 2013 4:16 AM

It's not the mistake, it's how we recover...

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Don’t kid yourself : Six ways to be a more humble leader

Don’t kid yourself : Six ways to be a more humble leader | The Heart of Leadership | Scoop.it
Humility seems to be neglected in leadership development programs. To the extent it is considered by managers rising through the ranks, it is often misunderstood. How can we change this?

Via John Michel
Don Cloud's insight:

Profound and useful insights on humility and working on being more humble.

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John Michel's curator insight, October 7, 2013 11:41 AM

Humility is not hospitality, courtesy, or a kind and friendly demeanour. Humility has nothing to do with being meek, weak or indecisive. Perhaps more surprising, it does not entail shunning publicity. Organisations need people who understand marketing, including self-marketing, to flourish and prosper.

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Be Grace-Full

Be Grace-Full | The Heart of Leadership | Scoop.it
  I do not at all understand the mystery of grace - onl…

Via John Michel
Don Cloud's insight:

A perfect article for a Sunday and before starting the week -- see for yourself. 

 

The coming week will offer opportunities for you to offer grace ... or perhaps to be the recipient of grace ... or even to reflect back on our lives/careers on moments when grace was offered to us. 

 

Cherish the opportunities and be humble enough to pay it forward.

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John Michel's curator insight, October 6, 2013 10:15 AM

Got Grace?

Don Cloud's comment, October 6, 2013 7:33 PM
John Michel, thank you for writing this! In itself, it is a piece ... an apportionment of grace.
Peace Overtures's curator insight, October 6, 2013 8:08 PM

Coming from the heart in business is a choice and it gets easier with practic. This article is an inspiring example of the power our heart-centered decisions ripple and continue to ressonate long after the act occured.

 

See attached Alignment Process session to help with letting go to the heart. http://wp.me/p2xRQh-jJ

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The Seven Decisions of Decisive Leaders

The Seven Decisions of Decisive Leaders | The Heart of Leadership | Scoop.it
Decisiveness is a strength and weakness. I often hear complaints about bosses who can’t make decisions. Then there’s the leader who makes all the decisions. In both cases the results are the same. ...
Don Cloud's insight:

Great questions that every leader should ask him/herself to improve decisionmaking throughout the organization.

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Tough Choices: The Science Behind Making The Right Call

Tough Choices: The Science Behind Making The Right Call | The Heart of Leadership | Scoop.it
Keep your friends close, you'll need them when it comes time to make a tough decision. (Tough Choices: The Science Behind Making The Right Call http://t.co/paKoUl8OnG Great read!

Via Dean J. Fusto, John Michel
Don Cloud's insight:

Sage advice on improving tough calls.  The tougher the call to be made, the more time you should take to mull it over.  That said, at some point, you still need to move forward and make the decision.

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John Michel's curator insight, October 6, 2013 12:17 AM

The bad news is our decision-making is hampered by the fog of human irrationality. Fortunately, science has shown us that there are tricks and habits we can use to improve our judgments and better light the path ahead.



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5 Reasons Why Most People Never Discover Their Purpose

5 Reasons Why Most People Never Discover Their Purpose | The Heart of Leadership | Scoop.it
Living and working with purpose is a process of self-discovery--and one most of us never let ourselves undergo.
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Ivon Prefontaine, PhD's curator insight, October 5, 2013 4:16 PM

The idea that we need to turn inward to find our purpose is both interesting and accurate.

Don Cloud's comment, October 5, 2013 9:21 PM
Ivon, I agree wholeheartedly. In fact, am trying to help my daughter through this process (she graduates high school this year). But it's tough ... society has already put all the "checkboxes" in place.
Ivon Prefontaine, PhD's comment, October 5, 2013 9:24 PM
It is Don. We lose a lot of kids and adults due to the check box approach.
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Tap Into Emotional IQ to Become a Great Leader

Tap Into Emotional IQ to Become a Great Leader | The Heart of Leadership | Scoop.it
Truly innovative, successful individuals get to where they are not by selling a product, but by selling what they believe. What drives their success is the ability to inspire, and at the core -- it is emotional IQ.
Don Cloud's insight:

"Don't sell a product.  Sell a dream."

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Management & Business | Tolero Feel Good Friday Quotes 10-4-13 | Tolero Solutions

Management & Business | Tolero Feel Good Friday Quotes 10-4-13 | Tolero Solutions | The Heart of Leadership | Scoop.it
A little motivation and humor are good for business. We post motivational business quotes at the end of each week - end your week on a feel good note.

Via Scott Span, MSOD
Don Cloud's insight:

Go for it!

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Multitasking Makes Managers Less Thoughtful

New research on electronic devices at meetings. The disruptive fate of the e-cigarette. And why women aren't becoming scientists. These stories and more in this week's scouting report on provocativ...

Via Don Dea
Don Cloud's insight:

Thanks for sharing Don!  I could not agree more. 

 

There's a time and a place to use mobile devices -- but that time and place is NOT in meetings nor requiring everyone to be tied/responding to their electonic devices all day.  You CANNOT lead by email/text ... so what environment have you set if everyone is tied to their electronic leash all day ... and after work.

 

Some easy tips to consider ... these worked for my organization on many occasions ... and they promoted much richer human (vice electronic) interactions:

 

1) Ban electronic devices from meetings--period.  This does 2 things:  a) everyone is focused on the meeting so it's more productive, and b) everyone has to actually prepare for this meeting so it's more productive [they cannot rely on their device].  From my experience, my meetings got shorter but more content rich and decision focused.

 

2) As a leader, purposefully minimize email usage to only that which is necessary ... that means send and respond to far less emails.  If you are the one sending emails, then you are the one generating email churn that your folks feel they must respond to.

 

  a) After work, check your email once when you get home and then once right before bed.  If there's an "emergency" which requires your attention, let you people know to CALL you.  If it's that important, it's worth the phone call.  This will filter out a lot of the chaff, not just for you but for your folks.  It also empowers their decision making and problem solving.

 

  b) Use your mobile device to monitor email ... I tried to limit it to looking for messages from my boss or my boss' boss.  These may require your attention.  Besides that, everything else is informational.  Remember, if something important comes up after hours, your folks should call.

 

Finally ... just a sanity check ... does anyone think it's possible to build trust and relationship by electronic transactions?  Most would say no -- and if this is the case, then why would leaders hinder themselves by inserting mobile devices between yourself and your people?

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Don Dea's curator insight, October 5, 2013 2:44 AM

Studies from Clifford Nass's Communication Between Humans and Interactive Media Lab clearly indicate that those who engage in media multitasking are unable to ignore irrelevant information and have difficulty identifying which information is important. Even watching that stream of type crawl across your television screen during the evening news makes you less likely to retain information from either the program or the crawl. Media multitasking makes managers less thoughtful and more inclined to exercise poor judgment, Nass says. And companies that encourage people to respond instantly to e-mail make the problem worse. At the very least, managers should insist that employees bring no electronic devices to meetings. 

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Trust

Trust | The Heart of Leadership | Scoop.it

Via Cruise Line Class
Don Cloud's insight:

Patricia, thanks for sharing -- I like this a lot.

 

That said, I would offer that the wrong words are highlighted/bolded. 

 

Specifically, the word "bond" is not highlighted/bolded -- and it should be ... when it comes to leadership, it's the most important factor.

 

Powerful bonds distinguish the link between great leaders and their people from good leaders who have a mere relationship with them.  Bonds distinguish strong leaders who are committed and "all in" versus average leaders who are merely involved.  Bonds between leaders and followers will energize people to act on their own for the greater purpose ... the "why" of the group.  These bonds are the sinew between leader, followers, and greater purpose that combine in a way that the whole is much greater than the sum of its parts -- that are planted, nurtured, grown, and developed -- that transform a mere collection of people into a living organism that we call an organization.

 

Just sharing a thought that struck me as I pondered the profound meaning of this slide.  Thanks again!

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Cruise Line Class's curator insight, October 3, 2013 11:04 AM

Trust is the foundation & the key to all successful relationships! 

 

How full is your trust bank account?

Ivon Prefontaine, PhD's curator insight, October 3, 2013 1:10 PM

Truer words were never spoken.

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5 Questions that Inspire

5 Questions that Inspire | The Heart of Leadership | Scoop.it

  It is not the answer that enlightens but the question. ~ Eugene Ionesco.  In observing my days I notice that almost every interaction with my team either presents or invites a question. 


Via David Hain
Don Cloud's insight:

Strong leaders ask good questions ... and enable their people to figure things out on their own.

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David Hain's curator insight, October 9, 2013 2:50 AM

Want better outcomes?  Ask better questions...

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Do It Yourself Leadership: Mintzberg and I - Forbes

Do It Yourself Leadership: Mintzberg and I - Forbes | The Heart of Leadership | Scoop.it
Do It Yourself Leadership: Mintzberg and I Forbes Some people seem to always be looking for the things that could make them a better leader; the 7 habits of effective people, the 21 laws of leadership, the 12.5 strengths of leaders, top 10...
Don Cloud's insight:

Being a better leader means carving out the time to think and work on becoming a better leader!

 

There are no shortcuts ... what time are you spending today, this week, this month, this year, working on being a better leader.

 

Remember, there's a reason they call it a "work out" ... without the work, it's an "easy out."

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How I Hire: 6 Ways I Find and Hire Hardworking Millennials

How I Hire: 6 Ways I Find and Hire Hardworking Millennials | The Heart of Leadership | Scoop.it
Yes, I hear you complain about them every day: Those millennials, they ask about vacation time in the first interview! They get a bad cold and disappear for days! They want my job after a week in

Via Cruise Line Class
Don Cloud's insight:

Great advise on hiring/selecting not just millenials, but anyone.

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How I Hire: Look Into an Applicant's Soul

How I Hire: Look Into an Applicant's Soul | The Heart of Leadership | Scoop.it
Since my life's work has always focused on self-awareness and well being, I have made those two attributes the criterion for people I want to work with. In my course, The Soul of Leadership, I advise (A positive psychology approach to hiring.

Via Luis Valdes, John Michel
Don Cloud's insight:

Interesting questions ... are strong leaders inherently able to see the souls of their people and connect with them?

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John Michel's curator insight, October 8, 2013 4:04 PM

Remember that your own personal well-being, and how you model that in your life, will attract the right people to you.

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The strong correlation between fair leadership and inspiring change

The strong correlation between fair leadership and inspiring change | The Heart of Leadership | Scoop.it
A paper from Journal for Business Ethics suggests fairness in leadership is a powerful motivator inside and outside a company

Via Dr. Susan Bainbridge
Don Cloud's insight:

Integrity and strength of character are at the heart of leadership ... and a culture of "fairness" resonates across and outside of an organization.

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Begoña Iturgaitz's curator insight, October 8, 2013 11:44 AM

It's great to be confirmed by sound research, but many of you already knew...

Cath Daley's curator insight, October 9, 2013 8:16 AM

And I think fairness follows on automatically if you have integrity very high in your values, both personally and as accompany.fairness and integrity go hand in hand

Helena Gonçalves's curator insight, October 23, 2013 5:03 AM

Would you use "fair" to describe your leader?

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10 Ways To Lose Your Best Employees

10 Ways To Lose Your Best Employees | The Heart of Leadership | Scoop.it
Want to hold tight to your talent? Don't do these things!
Don Cloud's insight:

Great insights on how NOT to recruit, retain, or develop your people --> simply do the opposite.

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John Michel's curator insight, October 6, 2013 11:25 AM

Want to unload your most dynamic, highest-potential employees? Keep doing these things:

Cruise Line Class's comment, October 7, 2013 9:21 AM
Don, I have been traveling and have missed reading your articles! I enjoyed reading this article. I particularly agree that not involving or hoarding information will make staff feel unimportant, dis-respected, and un-connected to the mission/purpose.
Cruise Line Class's curator insight, October 7, 2013 9:24 AM

Thanks Don for sharing this article with us!

 

Sharing the company's strategy, priorities, successes, and challenges to each employee is essential.  Then involving your team, asking for feedback makes them feel important, recognized, and valued. 

 

Make it a great day!

 

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Reveling in Each Other’s Strengths « ingeniosus.net

Reveling in Each Other’s Strengths « ingeniosus.net | The Heart of Leadership | Scoop.it
RT @DeborahMersino: "Reveling in Each Other's Strengths at Work" http://t.co/w68SIrhLJK New Ingeniosus post. #education #leadership #nonpro…

Via John Michel
Don Cloud's insight:

Great article ... thanks for sharing.  And I'll piggyback that a leaders purpose is to create this condition/environment:  "the real magic of an organization is realized when employees are able to utilize their top strengths and talents the majority of the time."

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John Michel's curator insight, October 6, 2013 12:00 AM

No matter how well an organization nails its brand positioning, invests in design, grows its digital footprint through engagement and creative campaigns, funds strategies, revamps its membership model, and/or establishes cross-functional teams, the real magic of an organization is realized when employees are able to utilize their top strengths and talents the majority of the time.



Cruise Line Class's curator insight, October 7, 2013 9:27 AM

We use the Strengthsfinder books in many of our Leadership Bootcamps.  The power multiplies when we are aware of our natural talents, and leverage them to overcome obstacles.

 

Make it a great day!

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How Effective People Handle Email

How Effective People Handle Email | The Heart of Leadership | Scoop.it
If you’re like most people, you feel overwhelmed and frustrated by the amount of email you receive. You would rather spend time on high-impact projects instead of digging through your inbox.

Via Dean J. Fusto, John Michel
Don Cloud's insight:

More leading ... less email.  Sound advice.

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John Michel's curator insight, October 6, 2013 12:16 AM

Your career will be made on your ability to get things done, not your ability to answer emails immediately. 

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Do Employees Trust You? 11 Entrepreneurs Reveal How to Build Credibility as a Leader

Do Employees Trust You? 11 Entrepreneurs Reveal How to Build Credibility as a Leader | The Heart of Leadership | Scoop.it
Entrepreneurs share how to effectively increase credibility with employees.
Don Cloud's insight:

Do you lead in a manner that is worthy of your people's trust?

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Are you a "serving" or "self serving" leader?

How can you tell the difference between a "serving" or "self serving" leader?


Via donhornsby
Don Cloud's insight:

Great question.  That said, I would offer only those who serve their people and set them up for success are truly leaders.

 

That is, being self-serving is mutually exclusive to being a leader ... there's no such thing as a "self-serving leader" -- they are just "self-serving."

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Brian K. McArthur's curator insight, October 4, 2013 12:58 PM

a very nice distinction 

Ivon Prefontaine, PhD's curator insight, October 4, 2013 1:29 PM

We need more leaders who are willing to serve in their leadership.

Garth Sanginiti's curator insight, October 5, 2013 4:02 PM

Ken Blanchard: The 4 Keys to Effective Leadership

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Sometimes the Leader Should Follow

Sometimes the Leader Should Follow | The Heart of Leadership | Scoop.it
From my early childhood I was encouraged to be decisive… (RT @tedcoine: Sometimes the Leader Should Follow http://t.co/ihQckxkAqY #humanbiz #leadership #CEO)...

Via John Michel
Don Cloud's insight:

Thanks for sharing!  Leaders can only empower if you give others decision-making authority and responsibility (you have to give both).  Pushing decisions down to the lowest level that is required for making that decision is crucial to productivity and motivation.

 

A good question to ask is, "am I the only one that must make this particular decision?"  If the answer is no, then your job is to move that decision to the right person/people in the organization.  If the answer is yes, then that's a decision you should focus on.

 

One last insight, it is not uncommon for people with problems to want to raise those problems up to a higher level for solution -- thereby passing their problem to you.  Don't fall for it, and don't deny your people the opportunity to grow by having to solve tough problems on their own -- that's how you enable them to grow as leaders.  These are opportunities to push those problems and decisions back down -- the decision gets made at the right level ... your people learn and grow ... and the organization moves forward.  (PS Sometimes folks make mistakes with those decisions ... but let them learn from those mistakes by making them fix it on their own ... don't be tempted to pull the decision back to your level).

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John Michel's curator insight, October 4, 2013 10:29 AM

When a leader acts in a manner that assumes he is the best decision maker — in other words, the most knowledgeable and responsible member of a group — everyone else feels extraneous.

Garth Sanginiti's curator insight, October 5, 2013 4:00 PM

Empowering the workforce to make decisions promotes growth, employee engagement, and responsibility.  All of which benefit the individual and the organization.  Author states, "And when we distributed decisions and invited more people to take ownership in the process, we achieved the central goals of modern business: engaged people and better decisions. It was a win-win, for both our employees and our business success."

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Stop Trying to Engineer Success

Stop Trying to Engineer Success | The Heart of Leadership | Scoop.it

Excellence is complicated and context-specific. And sadly, there are no short cuts.


Via Kenneth Mikkelsen
Don Cloud's insight:

Amen!

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Kenneth Mikkelsen's curator insight, October 4, 2013 9:59 PM

Excerpt from article: 


The fundamental problem with the engineering approach is that simple mechanics do not drive outcomes in complex systems. Where causes and effects are constantly subject to dynamic adaptation, as they are in ecosystems, societies, and organizations, conditions cannot be reproduced.


This post is part of a series of perspectives leading up to the fifth annual Global Drucker Forum in November 2013 in Vienna, Austria.

Taylor Gillard's curator insight, October 6, 2013 10:35 PM

Very interesting on the perception of achievment