The Art and Science of Thriving
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Pay It Forward: Give And Ye Shall Receive

Pay It Forward: Give And Ye Shall Receive | The Art and Science of Thriving | Scoop.it

To forge connections and relationships – the kinds of relationships that reap major, long-term rewards – you need to start by putting value into the system, not by asking, asking, and asking some more with the small hope that every now and then someone will say, "Yes." You can’t make withdrawals before you make meaningful deposits. Remember, the world doesn’t owe you anything. Never expect people to respond based on your needs. Everyone has needs. Other people may feel your pain but it is in no way their responsibility to help you. Thankfully, there are lots people that will anyways, because the world can be a wonderful place. So try this: Give when you aren’t asked. Offer a quid without expecting a pro quo. Pay it forward (as opposed to pay it back). Give, give, and give some more. When you’re sincerely generous, the system starts paying you back. Here are some things you can give: 1. Unexpected compliments. We all enjoy a gift on our birthday, but surprise gifts? We love those. We also love unexpected praise because, like a gift given "just because," unexpected praise is even more powerful and can make an even bigger impact. Take a look around. Maybe a coworker has done something awesome. Sure, it’s not your job to praise her… and that’s the perfect reason to do so. (She expects her manager to compliment her, but not you.) Or maybe you just finished a great book; send the author a quick note -- or better yet, leave an Amazon review. Or maybe you love a product or service; take a second and ask to personally thank the person who made or delivered that service. I promise he or she will be delighted by the interruption – and by the public praise for a job well done. Every day people around you do great things. Most of those people don't work for or with you; in fact, most of them have no relationship with you, professional or personal. Compliment them for something they would least expect. Just make it genuine and sincere. Expected feels good. Unexpected makes a huge and lasting impact. 2. Critical feedback on products or services. Praise is awesome, but sometimes what a person really needs is constructive feedback. (I enjoy when customers compliment HubSpot tools, but I love when they let me know specific ways we can improve those tools.) Just make sure your feedback is thoughtful and considered. “That was awful!” is descriptive but not particularly helpful. Just pretend you’re giving feedback to a friend: Be clear, be precise, be honest… but also be considerate. And don’t give feedback in hopes of a refund or some other consideration. Give input simply as a way to help others and not yourself. We all know what we know, but by definition it’s impossible to know what we don’t know. Taking the time and effort to give feedback for the sole purpose of helping another person know what they might not know can be an incredible unexpected gift. 3. Useful referrals. Many people ask for referrals. (Some ask moments after they first meet you, making you feel like nothing more than a stepping-stone.) Certainly respond to those requests that make sense, but go a step farther and actively think of helpful referrals you can make. You know a number of people with incredible talents. You know a number of people who don’t have access to the right resources. Simply put them together. They’ll both benefit. And they’ll likely return the favor for you. 4. Smart introductions. Just like we can all use more friends, we can all use more connections. Everyone, no matter how high up the entrepreneurial or professional food chain, can use more connections – but not just any old connections (most of us have too many of those); the right connections. How do you know when an introduction makes sense? You have to know the other person’s needs. Malcolm Gladwell doesn’t need an introduction to a great book agent; but an unknown business thinker with awesome things to say – but no formal publishing outlet to say it – could definitely use that introduction. Jason Calacanis doesn’t need an introduction to a savvy VC; a kid with an awesome idea but limited resources could definitely use that introduction. Think of it this way: To give a gift that is personal and thoughtful, you first have to know what the other person wants or needs. Introductions work the same way. Determine what the other person needs, and then make a smart introduction. (Tip: Get permission first if you can, and make sure the intro would be welcome). 5. Time. Many companies hold or sponsor charity and fundraising events. If you believe in the cause, offer to help. Just make sure you’re sincere; it’s incredibly easy to sniff out a person who wants something more than just the good feelings that result from helping a great cause. 6. The answer to the unasked question. Some people are hesitant. Some are insecure. Some are shy. Whatever the reason, some people will ask a different question than the one they really want answered. For example, when someone asks me what I think about venture capitalists -- often what they really want to know is whether their idea is likely to get funded -- and how to go about navigating that process. Behind many questions is the unasked question. Pay attention. Answer the question that is asked, but think about the question left unsaid, and answer that question, too. Why? That’s the answer the person asking the question doesn’t just want. That’s the answer he or sheneeds.


Via Linda Holroyd, Robin
Karen Switzer-Howse's insight:

You'll always build stronger relationhips when you start by looking for what you can do to help the other person.  

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Robin's curator insight, February 5, 2014 7:40 PM

Praise is powerful.

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10 Easy Things That Will Make You Happier, Backed By Science - The Mind Unleashed

10 Easy Things That Will Make You Happier, Backed By Science - The Mind Unleashed | The Art and Science of Thriving | Scoop.it
Karen Switzer-Howse's insight:

Not only are these ten suggestions on how to be happier simple and easy to do, they are low cost and don't require batteries! 

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Stop Worrying About Making the Right Decision

Stop Worrying About Making the Right Decision | The Art and Science of Thriving | Scoop.it
We can’t always make the right decision, but we can make every decision right.
Karen Switzer-Howse's insight:

The ability to make good decisions is not only an important leadership skill but underlies our ability to combine a rewarding career with a happy family life and a fulfilling personal one.  The role of emotions in decision making has been discounted too often in the past and is often why people regret a choice they've made.

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The complete guide to getting what you want with body language

The complete guide to getting what you want with body language | The Art and Science of Thriving | Scoop.it
If conference calls and even Skype conversations never feel quite the same as sitting in a room with someone, it's because we communicate a vast amount of extra information with every part of our bodies, from the arch of our eyebrows to the...
Karen Switzer-Howse's insight:

Very useful information concisely presented.  Just have to remember #4 and not let a frown get me down.

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Attention regulates emotion - LinkedIn Today

Attention regulates emotion - LinkedIn Today | The Art and Science of Thriving | Scoop.it
Attention regulates emotion
LinkedIn Today
Of course, we've all experienced the opposite: an emotional hijack. That's when we're absorbed by a trigger, and we can't stop thinking about something hurtful or upsetting – even at two in the morning.
Karen Switzer-Howse's insight:

Great article explaing why being able to focus our attention on our emotions gives us back the ability to do something about it, rather than continue to be hijacked by our emotionl responses.

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50 Life Hacks to Simplify your World

50 Life Hacks to Simplify your World | The Art and Science of Thriving | Scoop.it
Life hacks are little ways to make our lives easier.
Karen Switzer-Howse's insight:

There are some great tips here for simplifying and making your life easier - who knew toothpaste could be so useful outside the house!

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15 Habits to Cultivate Lasting Happiness

15 Habits to Cultivate Lasting Happiness | The Art and Science of Thriving | Scoop.it
Raise your happiness set-point with these proven strategies.
Karen Switzer-Howse's insight:

I especially like #s 9 and 11.  What about you?

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Top 10 FBI Behavioral Unit Techniques For Building Rapport With Anyone

Top 10 FBI Behavioral Unit Techniques For Building Rapport With Anyone | The Art and Science of Thriving | Scoop.it
What can an FBI expert on behavior teach you about rapport building skills? A lot.
Karen Switzer-Howse's insight:

His first point was new to me yet it makes so much sense.  All ten of his points will help you improve interpersonal relationships, which are a componet of a thriving life.

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Nonconformity and Freethinking Now Considered Mental Illnesses - The Mind Unleashed

Nonconformity and Freethinking Now Considered Mental Illnesses - The Mind Unleashed | The Art and Science of Thriving | Scoop.it
Karen Switzer-Howse's insight:

OK, somebody must be getting low on patients - this is getting too crazy for words.  


"New mental illnesses identified by the DSM-IV include arrogance, narcissism, above-average creativity, cynicism, and antisocial behavior. In the past, these were called “personality traits,” but now they’re diseases"  . - See more at: http://www.themindunleashed.org/2013/11/nonconformity-and-freethinking-now.html#sthash.eQlRr0yA.dpuf

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Why Storytelling Is The Ultimate Weapon

Why Storytelling Is The Ultimate Weapon | The Art and Science of Thriving | Scoop.it
Jonathan Gottschall author of The Storytelling Animal says science backs up the long-held belief that story is the most powerful means of...
Karen Switzer-Howse's insight:

It takes more than logic and data to carry the day.  Let's be honest - data can be pretty boring and there's nothing worse than a big data dump to make your eyes glaze over.  If you want to catch people's attention and get them onboard you need to be able to tell a story that captures the human side.  Because no matter how logical people like to think they are, at the end of the day it's emotions that move people - and a story is the best way to connect emotionaly. 

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Work Life balance Tips | Why Are You Working So Hard

Maintaining a healthy balance between your work and personal life is important in today's busy world. So take a tip and ask yourself why are you working so hard.

 

 


Via onlineworld information
Karen Switzer-Howse's insight:

Too often people get caught up in trying to "balance" their life.  But really "balance" is for the birds!  Consider what it means to be "in balance" - once balanced nothing is moving!  My life was and is neer so peaceful - and static!  Personaly I see life as more of a dynamic equilibrium, in a constant state of flux but overall considering all areas and ignoring none. At any given time you may put more emphasis on one area over another but in the long run - it all "balances" out.

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Susan Taylor's curator insight, November 20, 2013 7:40 PM

Have you ever asked yourself why you work so hard?  As you consider work-life balance, now is not the time to stop asking questions.

 

While balance means something different for everyone, if you are feeling less satisfied in your life, it's time to examine why.  Do you feel as if you are spending more time in one aspect of your life to the detriment of another?  Many of us are "concerned about the scales tilting too heavily into the work realm, at the cost of not having a satisfying non-work life."

 

If this is the case for you, you need to deeply understand what motivates you to work so hard.  Are you seeking a sense of accomplishment?  Do you feel you need to reach certain financial goals?  Do you crave a certain lifestyle?

 

Often times, asking "why" questions will show you that you are working hard as a way to fulfil a perception of how things "should" be.  "In a culture where we are constantly being bombarded with information and images, it's easy to get caught up in this idea."

 

 

 

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Brain imaging research examines processes that underlie decision making - The Daily Texan

Brain imaging research examines processes that underlie decision making - The Daily Texan | The Art and Science of Thriving | Scoop.it
New evidence gathered from brain scans supports the theory that people use specific memories from multiple regions of their brain when making decisions.
Karen Switzer-Howse's insight:

It really is astonishing how little we really know about how the brain functions, even after all the information amassed during the Decade of the Brain.

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2013 Life Sciences Salary Survey | The Scientist Magazine®

2013 Life Sciences Salary Survey | The Scientist Magazine® | The Art and Science of Thriving | Scoop.it
The Scientist opened up its annual Salary Survey to our international readers for the first time, revealing stark differences between average pay in the U.S., Europe, and the rest of the world.
Karen Switzer-Howse's insight:

Interesting overview of salaries in life scienes around the world.  And how disheartening that in spite of equal pay acts and lots of rhetoric about equal pay for equal work there is still a wide discrepancy, as witness this information for the U.S. "In this year’s survey, for example, male respondents in the U.S. reported an average total income of around $111,000 per year, while their female counterparts averaged just $77,000 in annual pay."


What's  missing here?

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10 Motivating Quotes to Help You Change for the Better

10 Motivating Quotes to Help You Change for the Better | The Art and Science of Thriving | Scoop.it
10 quotes to motivate positive change
Karen Switzer-Howse's insight:

I like the one from Steve Jobs - #6.  Which one inspires you the most?

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Is Multitasking Dumbing Down the World?

Is Multitasking Dumbing Down the World? | The Art and Science of Thriving | Scoop.it
The Downside of Multitasking
Karen Switzer-Howse's insight:

It's time to recognize that multitasking isn't the 'badge of honour' some have tried to make it out to be.  If you want better results - STOP multitasking, especially on the realy important stuff. 

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