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Good Vibrations by The Beach Boys from Sounds of Summer
I, I love the colorful clothes she wears
And the way the sunlight plays upon her hair
I hear the sound of a gentle wordOn the wind that lifts her perfume through the air...
Ever faced people who bother you? I’m sure all of us have faced such people before. It’s okay when we have to face them just once or twice, but there are times when these people emerge in facets of our life where we have to deal with them on an ongoing basis. They can be business associates, fellow colleagues, friends, or even family members and relatives. In such cases, we have to learn how to deal with them. Here are my 9 tips to handle such people:9 Ways To Manage People Who Bother You1. You can only change yourself.When dealing with people, always remember that it’s not about changing others, but about changing yourself. You can try to change others, but you may not succeed doing so. The best way to address the situation is to change how you perceive it and how you react to it. By changing that, everything else will subsequently change as well.2. Draw your boundaries.Be clear on what you will tolerate and what you will not tolerate. Then stick with it. You have your own personal space and it’s your perogative to protect your space. By drawing the boundaries, even if just mentally, you are clearer of the kind of behaviors to expect from others. If you don’t do so, it’s easy for you to be pushed over by others, especially since such people tend not to be conscious of personal boundaries. You’ll wind up shrinking in a corner and feeling miserable, and you wouldn’t want that.3. Be upfront about where you stand.If the person has a history of spilling into your personal space, then let him/her know where you stand the next time you communicate. People aren’t mind readers, and sometimes they may not be aware that they are infringing on your space. Giving the person some indicators will help. If he/she tends to take up a lot of your time, then let him/her know that you have XX minutes at the onstart of the conversation. That way, you are being fair by informing him/her in advance. If you prefer to communicate via email/text/chat/other channels, then let him/her know too.4. Be firm when needed.If the person does not stick within the boundaries, then enforce them. Give a gentle reminder at first. If he/she still does not get the hint, then make a call and draw the line right there. I used to be very relenting in my communications. I would attend the person for however long it took. In the end it enroached on my personal space, and I wasn’t sure if all that time and energy I spent ever did anything too. As I gradually pushed back and became firm on my boundaries, I was a lot more fulfilled. I realized if I wasn’t meeting my needs, I couldn’t be helping anyone with theirs.5. Ignore them.Ignoring is effective in the right moments. When you respond, you give them a reason to continue their behavior. If you just ignore, they don’t have a choice but to seek out someone else. Not only that, it also hints to them about their behavior and helps them do some self-reflection.6. Don’t take it personally.Most of the times, these people behave the same way around others too. I had a friend who was very negative. She always had something to criticize whenever we were together. At first I thought she had something against me, but after I observed her interacting with our common friends, I realized she was like that with everyone else too. Realizing it wasn’t anything personal helped me deal with her objectively.7. Observe how others handle them.Watching others deal with the same person you find annoying can be an eye-opening perspective. Even if the person may be at his/her wits-end handling the individual, just observing from a third party’s point of view can give you insights on how to manage. The next time you are with this person, get someone else into the conversation too. Take a back seat by broaching a topic that’s relevant between the two of them, then play the silent role in the situation. Observe how the other party handles him/her. Try this exercise with different people – from savvy networkers, someone you find difficult to deal with as well, someone similar to you, etc. You will get interesting results.8. Show kindness.Often times, they act the way they do because they are looking for an empathetic ear. Hear what they have to say, and be empathetic towards them. Give them some friendly act of kindness. Don’t impose on them, but just be there and empathize. It might well do the trick.There was once when I had a long talk with a client on an issue she was facing. Later in the week, I sent her an sms telling her that ultimately it boiled down to her, and as long as she believed in herself, there was nothing insurmountable. Many weeks after that, we were catching up, and she told me how the message was really encouraging for her. She normally deleted all her smses but left that one in her phone. A little kind act from you may take little effort on your part but mean the world to others.9. Help them.Beneath the facade is really a cry for help. Check with them if they need any help, or if there is anything you can do to help them. Sometimes, it’s possible they require help but they don’t know how to articulate it. Help them to uncover their problem, then work with them to analyze the issue and discover the solution. It’s important to still let them take charge in the situation, because the end outcome is you want them to learn to take control of the situation, and not grow dependent on you for help.
Soundtrack for the movie Cocktail 1988.
Gotta love the beach chemistry!
“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” ~Wayne DyerWhen I was twelve years old I got back from a weekend at my aunt’s house with my mom. We came home to find my father dead in bed. I remember my mom’s screams causing many of our neighbors to come over to see what had happened.The experience shut me down. I don’t know how else to put it. My father was young: fifty-three years old. It was a huge shock to everyone.Apparently, he was too proud to get a pacemaker. He died of a heart attack.My oldest sister was on her honeymoon. She had just gotten married a week before. My other sister was away at college. When they came home they were hysterical, just like my mom and the rest of the family.I felt like I had to be the strong one because I was the man of the house now. I was very quiet and reserved about the whole thing. This gave the impression that I was handling it well.Things were not well, though. I never dealt with it in a proper way. I never received therapy or any other kind of help. I buried the experience deep down—so deep that I can barely remember him.I rarely even spoke about it with anyone. I may have had only a handful of conversations about it by the age of thirty.I thought I was okay with it, but I was damaged.I realized somewhere in my late twenties that it affected me. I felt an intense emptiness inside. I’d become sad at times for no reason. I’d feel like crying but couldn’t.I tended to lean toward the negative. The future always seemed uncertain and scary. I have always thought I would die young. I couldn’t see myself living past the age of forty. It influenced relationships in ways I didn’t realize until recently.It impacted my ability to express emotions, because I’d decided that being strong meant holding them in. I wouldn’t have been able to write this a year ago.I managed to make it to the age of twenty-nine without having my heart broken; in fact, I was only five months away from thirty when it happened. It was a traumatic experience for me, probably because it was the first time.The abandonment aspect was hardest part. I was depressed. I felt certain that something was wrong with me. I blamed myself. I hated myself. My confidence and trust were shaken. I felt abandoned. I thought I would never recover. I felt damaged yet again.Some time later I reconnected with someone I dated briefly in college. I’d always considered her “the one that got away.” We began dating and things were great for a while. We were in love and best friends. But even though we were really enjoying each other, I was not okay.I shared more of myself with her than anyone ever before, but I was never truly comfortable. I had confidence, insecurity, and abandonment issues. I was always worried that she would leave me.I was so afraid that I constantly needed validation. The vulnerability was eating me up inside. I tried to hold on too tight to feel a sense of control. Eventually she felt suffocated and broke up with me.It was a self-fulfilling prophecy really—I lost her because I was afraid I would.I don’t blame her, though. She is an amazing, beautiful, brilliant woman. It wasn’t a healthy relationship which made things hard on her—I get that. In a way I’m grateful for this. It was a wake-up call.The break-up hasn’t been easy, but I’ve managed better than I could have ever imagined. I made it a point to try to remain positive, to not let it consume me. I have chosen to view it as a learning experience.I started writing in a journal every day to get through it and understand myself better. One night I was feeling down, but I wanted to steer my thoughts in a positive direction. I started making a list of things I would learn from the break-up.They included things like not dwelling on the negative, loving myself, being confident, and being less critical of myself. In the middle of the list I wrote the words:“I can choose what affects me.”By the time I finished the list, those words lingered. I repeated them over and over out loud. Every time I said them I felt more powerful. I felt more control over my life. I repeated different variations of the theme:I can choose what affects me.I can choose to not be damaged.I can choose to not be afraid.I can choose to not let this break-up depress me.I can choose to look at mistakes as learning experiences.I can choose to be confident.I can choose to be happy.I can choose to feel loved.I can choose.Every time I said a phrase, I felt a chill in my body. Tears started flowing, but I wasn’t really crying. It felt like they were escaping; like I was letting go of this deep sadness I’ve carried for so long.It was an awakening, a healing. It was one of the most significant and amazing experiences in my life.I wrote the words “I can choose” on my hand as a reminder. They give me the power to take control of my life. Every morning I write them again. Eventually, I won’t need a visual reminder.Whenever I feel my thoughts become negative, I look at my hand and remember that it doesn’t have to be that way. We don’t have to be slaves to our pasts. We don’t have to go through life with emotional scars.We don’t have to let negative experiences define us.We all have power over our lives. It may be difficult to see, but it’s always there. We always have a choice.
It is hard work, but it is worthwhile.
Music video by Billy Joel performing The River Of Dreams. (C) 1993 SONY BMG MUSIC ENTERTAINMENT
Having a teenager lost in his or her cellphone — texting friends and communicating with parents in monosyllabic grunts — has become a trope of the Internet age. But teens are not the only ones distracted by their devices.Many parents have the same problem. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm one of them.A couple weeks ago, my 12-year-daughter, Ella, staged an intervention. She and my wife basically threatened to take my phone and break it."Sometimes at night you'll just stand around and ... you'll have your phone out and you'll just type and you'll just stand there," Ella says.Ella can be a brutal mimic. And as she describes my distraction, she strikes up my smartphone pose: the phone balanced against my belly — thumbs madly typing away — (as if by holding the phone that way no one will notice that I'm on it)."Lila's ready to go to bed, everybody's trying to get people to read to them and you're just standing there in the middle of the hallway reading your texts and texting other people," she adds.Hearing from my oldest that I'm ignoring her little sister stings."Has that gotten worse?" I ask."It hasn't really changed; it got worse when we moved to California," Ella says.That was when I started covering technology."Do you feel jealous of my cellphone? Do you get mad at it?" I ask.That earns an eye roll and a laugh."No, why would I get jealous of a cellphone?""I don't know," I say. "Do you feel like you are competing for attention?""Yeah."With that she wins the argument.And Ella isn't the only kid who feels this way about her parent's relationship with devices.Dr. Catherine Steiner-Adair, a clinical and consulting psychologist at Harvard, recently wrote . For her book, Steiner-Adair interviewed more than 1,000 kids from the ages of 4 to 18. She talked to hundreds of teachers and parents."One of the many things that absolutely knocked my socks off," she says, "was the consistency with which children — whether they were 4 or 8 or 18 or 24 — talked about feeling exhausted and frustrated and sad or mad trying to get their parents' attention, competing with computer screens or iPhone screens or any kind of technology, much like in therapy you hear kids talk about sibling rivalry."Steiner-Adair says one of the challenges we all face is that these devices are wired to grab our attention and keep it. She says the most successful apps are popular, even addictive, because they in our brains."Yes, when you are plugged into your screen the part of your brain that lights up is the to-do list," Steiner-Adair says. "Everything feels urgent — everything feels a little exciting. We get a little dopamine hit when we accomplish another email — check this, check that. And when a child is waiting by or comes into your room and it's one of those mini-moments and you don't know — that's the hard thing about parenting — you don't know if this is the ordinary question or they're coming with something really important. It's very hard as a grown-up to disengage and give them your attention with the [same] warmth that you give them, the same tone of voice that you greet them if they interrupt you when you're scrambling eggs."A couple of years ago, my daughter got a laptop for school. And because she was becoming more independent, we got her a phone. We set up rules for when she could use this stuff and when she'd need to put it away. We created a charging station, outside her bedroom, where she had to plug in these devices every night. Basically — except for homework — she has to put it all away when she comes home.Steiner-Adair says most adults don't set up similar limits in their own lives."We've lost the boundaries that protect work and family life," she says. "So it is very hard to manage yourself and be as present to your children in the moments they need you."Steiner-Adair says that whether you are a parent or not, carving out time to turn off your devices — to disconnect from the wired world and engage with the real people who are all around you — is one of the best gifts you can give yourself and the people your love.After my daughter's little intervention, I made myself a promise to create my own charging station. To plug my phone in — somewhere far away — when I am done working for the day. I've been trying to leave it there untouched for most of the weekend.And while I still find myself reaching for it — or checking my pocket — leaving my phone behind is also kind of freeing. Last weekend, instead of checking Twitter and reading tech blogs I built a treehouse.
The importance of disengagement and setting up boundaries. - "Parents often complain that smartphones keep their kids distracted from conversation. What happens when it's the other way around, when kids can't get their smartphone-glued parents' attention?"
Adults face tech challenges. I know school managers who cannot greet someone properly due to their inability to look away from their PDA. Is that example we want for children?
Work-related stress is a fact of life. Everyone feels it at one time or another. And with 42 percent of workers saying workplace stress has driven them to a job change, according to a recent Monster poll, we’ve decided to uncover some ways to deal with stress once it hits.Is it you or your job?Alexandra Levit, author of “Blindspots: The 10 Business Myths You Can’t Afford to Believe,” says first, the stressed worker must identify the following: Is it me or is it my company or industry?“Are you reacting to work or to life?” she says. “You want to assess whether you’re taking your own negative reactions and unproductive ways of coping with stress to the situation, especially if it’s your first [job].”Levit says many industries — she uses the legal field as a good example — require a lot from employees, specifically the ones newest to the industry.“People, especially in their first five years out of school, they don’t have balance,” she says. “Work is the top priority and that leads to a lot of stress.”Levit suggests setting boundaries between work and life to the extent possible. And try to avoid being at the office or thinking about work 24/7 if you can.‘Should’ is a bad word.Work stress can at times be attributed to a mentality that the company or a worker’s superiors should be doing things differently.For people thinking this way, Levit says: “Stop using the word ‘should.’”“People get stressed out because they’re frustrated, they think things should be a certain way,” she says.It’s important to reframe those thoughts, and to think about how you, as a worker, might be able to better operate under the circumstances.“’It is what it is’ is one of my favorite sayings,” she says, adding that there’s a lot of truth in that seemingly dull workplace axiom.Be preparedEven if you realized the stress is attributable to you, and you’ve stopped saying “should,” odds are you’ll come up against a stressful situation on the job.So get ahead of it, Levit says.Levit, at a prior job, said she was put in charge of coordinating 300 media interviews with 150 executives at a press event.“I wanted every single one of those interviews to happen,” she says, “but when you have that many moving parts it’s not going to be perfect.”Prior to the event, she sat down with a friend to prepare. She and her friend built a hypothetical scenario where interviews were falling apart all around her. She developed a plan in case something that catastrophic happened.“In your mind, it becomes much less threatening” when you make a plan, she says. “And when you find yourself in that situation it’s not as stressful.”Get movingSometimes you just need to work it out physically. Levit says it’s important to get in the gym or go for a run outside whenever you can.“Exercise really does decrease the stress response,” she says. “Even 20 minutes on the treadmill can make a big difference.”Meditation works for some, but if it’s not for you, there’s always good old-fashioned deep breathing.“If you force yourself, close your eyes and breath in and out 10 times, it’s amazing the difference it makes,” she says.
Stress is a driving factor in people’s job changes. This article provides guidance on how to stay stress free while at work.
Beer mixology isn’t about improving beer, it’s about improving the cocktail. It’s also about easing the craft beer novice into the joys of the flavors we’ve already fallen in love with. The malt, the hops, the bold flavors that can all stand up to a few mixers and even another liquor is just another reason [...]
These look appetizing. Worth a try!
Love to see signs of spring in nature like this little birdie! Many parts of the country are still experiencing some very cold temps. There is hope for Spring and warmer climate, friends!
We all want to be happy. But we have preconceived notions or beliefs about what needs to happen in our lives before we can be happy. Maybe we need to get that dream job. Or we need to have a million dollars in the bank. Or maybe we need to have the body of our dreams. Or we need the perfect relationship in order to be happy.The list goes on. Yes, these things may indeed make us happy. Or then again, they may not.When we set goals, we also have the tendency, once we’ve achieved them, to replace them with new goals. So you may find that you still don’t feel happy after you’ve achieved that “big goal” because you’ve just replaced it with an even bigger goal that you now need to achieve before you can be “truly happy”.But by doing this, we stack the odds against ourselves. And if we play this game in order to find our happiness, then there’s a good chance that we’ll spend the rest of our lives chasing down the dreams that may ‘one day’ make us happy.What if I told you that you don’t need any of those things in order to be happy in your life and that you can be happy today? The key to happiness is learning how to be happy right now, while you work on achieving your goals, instead of waiting until you’ve achieved those goals to be happy.Here are 6 simple tips that you can start applying today:1. Practice Daily GratitudeNo matter how bad we think our problems are, you can almost guarantee that there’s someone out there with much bigger problems than us. You may have heard the saying “I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet”. We need to be grateful for everything we have in our lives and practicing daily gratitude is a great way to train our minds to have an attitude of gratitude.One technique for doing this is called “3 good things”, where every night, you simply write down three things that went well that day and casually reflect on why they happened. According to a study conducted by Seligman, Steen, Park and Peterson (2005), people who performed this daily exercise for a week, were happier and less depressed at the one-month follow up.So start making your “3 good things” list today.2. Be Present Both Mentally & PhysicallyWhatever you’re doing, make sure that both your mind and body are present. Don’t eat dinner with your family while you’re thinking about work. Don’t do work, while you’re thinking about what you’ll do this weekend. Always be present and let your mind focus 100% on what you’re doing.If you’re having dinner with your spouse or partner, then try not to think about anything else but enjoying dinner with them. Even if you’re doing something as simple as drinking a glass of water, you can be present. Enjoy the moment and taste of the water as you sip it slowly. Try to find at least one situation every day where you can practice being present.Simply start by focusing on your breathing. Focus, slow down and appreciate being in the moment.3. Stop Resisting What You Can’t ControlStop resisting the things in your life that you can’t control and aren’t the way that you want them to be. Stop worrying about what other people do or say. Start accepting things for how they are, regardless of whether you think it’s right or wrong. Accept it as a fact.Let’s say that you are frustrated because a work colleague isn’t doing what you think they should be doing. The more you think about that situation, the more frustrated you get. You give them feedback. Maybe you argue with them. But the situation doesn’t improve or maybe it gets even worse.So you have a choice — you can keep resisting or you can accept the situation without judgement. You simply acknowledge it as a fact. There is no right or wrong. It’s just the current reality. When you do this, the resistance starts to melt away and the negative emotions inside your head and heart also start to disappear.Identify one situation where you feel you have some resistance and simply accept that situation for what it is.4. Avoid Negative People & SituationsAnother cause of negative emotions and unhappiness are certain people or situations. You probably already know who those people are — they are the ones who seem to only see the negative side to every situation. They are often pessimistic, angry, critical and rarely have anything constructive to say. These people not only create unhappiness for themselves, but they also often drag down others around them by spreading this negative thinking ‘poison’.If you want to be happy, you have to avoid these people and situations as much as possible. Unfortunately, that’s not always so easy, since these people are often our friends or family members. So if you can’t completely avoid these people, then it’s worth planning ahead and deciding how you’ll deal with them in future situations. The next time you find them being negative, you could either politely tell them that you’d prefer not to discuss that particular topic with them and change the subject. Or you could try to guide them into more positive thinking by asking them questions such as “how do you think you could solve that problem?”.Don’t allow negative people or situations to also drag you down into unhappiness.5. Accept 100% Responsibility For Your LifeIf we want to be happy, then we have to stop blaming others for what happens in our lives. We need to stop seeing ourselves as victims. I have a family member who I love very much, but she is constantly blaming other people and situations for everything in her life that she’s not happy with. She sees herself as a victim and feels helpless about changing things.In order to be happy, we have to take full responsibility for everything that happens in our life. When we take full responsibility, we take back control of our life and start to acknowledge that our thoughts and actions create the results in our life, not other people or situations. When we take back control of our life, we stop being victims. Instead we feel empowered to start creating a better life for ourselves.Be honest with yourself, are you accepting full responsibility for what happens in your life?6. Be of Service To Others.One really powerful way to increase your happiness is to focus on helping others. You can give money to charity — but there are more fulfilling ways of helping others.Instead of giving money, give your time. Get involved with a charity or donate a few hours to help with a local community project. Or just perform small random acts of kindness with no expectation of getting anything back e.g. help a struggling mother dealing with her kids and bags of groceries. Or buy a coffee for the person standing in line behind you.According to Sonja Lyubomirsky, (a professor of Psychology at the University of California, Riverside and author of The How of Happiness), research shows that almost any type of random act of kindness boosts happiness. So make a habit of performing at least one small random act of kindness every week.So if you want to feel happier in the present moment, then start by choosing one of these 6 tips and take action today. At the same time, keep working on your goals, but don’t rely on them alone to make you happy. Choose to be happy right now. As self-help author and motivational speaker Tony Robbins says “there’s a huge difference between achieving to be happy and happily achieving it”.Omer Khan is a husband, father and creator of the Relax Focus Enjoy blog. He’s passionate about personal productivity and helping people to create more time to do what they love. He lives with his family in the ‘sunny’ Seattle area. Pick up your free e-book “Recharge Your Life” when you visit Relax Focus Enjoy.Read more at http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/6-tips-to-being-happy-in-the-present-moment/#T5y1ScemZeWkHvO2.99
Happiness in the now is something my son (pictured above) has no problem finding. He takes great joy in the mundane and simple tasks. I learn a lot from him.
With warmer weather on the horizon and longer days filled with sunshine ahead it’s time to officially THINK SPRING! What better way to share that spring has sprung than with PEEPS!This year PEEPS® Easter offerings include: PEEPS® Marshmallow Chicks (in colors: yellow, purple, pink, orange, green and blue) PEEPS® Marshmallow Bunnies (in colors yellow, purple, pink, orange, green and blue) PEEPS® Party Cake Flavored Marshmallow Chicks PEEPS Chocolate Dipped Marshmallow Chicks PEEPS® Chocolate Dipped Mousse Flavored Marshmallow Chicks PEEPS® Chocolate Mousse Flavored Marshmallow Bunnies PEEPS® Large Marshmallow Bunnies PEEPS® Chick in a Hollow Milk Chocolate Egg PEEPS® Chocolate Covered Marshmallow Chicks (Individual Size) PEEPS® Rainbow Pop PEEPS® Sugar-Free Marshmallow Chicks PEEPS® Peepsters® (bite sized chocolate candies filled with sweet marshmallow crème)These delectable treats can be found nationwide at grocery and mass retailers, PEEPS & Company retail stores or at: www.peepsandcompany.com.This year we have put together some fun materials including our product fact sheets, PEEPS® Fun Facts infographic and some Easter recipes that we hope will spark some creative ways to incorporate PEEPS® this spring! Also check out our website, www.marshmallowpeeps.com, to see fun ways our fans use PEEPS® in recipes, crafts and artwork sharing their own #peepsonality!My Take on the PEEPSWhen I received the box of peeps last week, I was completely shocked to see the breadth and depth of PEEPS that were available. I know the colorful birds that we always see around this holiday, but there were so many other varieties that were sent (as you can see in the image above). Of course we were thrilled as this opened up so many options for Easter Baskets (which will be a ton of fun this year) as well as for making some cool desserts too.I jumped over to www.marshmallowpeeps.com to check out the recipes that they had and the first one I saw was perfect for a treat for my youngest’s kindergarten class as we had all of the ingredients. I ended up making the PEEPS Rice Krispies Treats and not only were they pretty easy to make, but they were delicious (I had to taste them too!).All-in-all these Easter treats were so much fun, and I have to say how much I am impressed with the wide array of choices that you get when you are looking at PEEPS. You no longer are looking at only the little marshmallow birds.So as you get ready to fill your Easter baskets, I highly encourage you to grab some of these amazing marshmallow treats for your family (and yourself)!
You know Spring has arrived when you see Peeps everywhere! So many Peep-luscious options, including sugar-free. Some cool, creative recipes links found here too. Enjoy!
Music video by Ludacris performing My Chick Bad Remix. (C) 2010 DTP Records, LLC
Show me the Monday! #Baddest
Wait 24 hours before getting mad and reacting about anything. If it doesn’t bother you in 24 hours time, it probably isn’t important enough to get mad over. When you feel extremely angry, wouldn’t it be amazing to throw a juvenile temper tantrum without someone having you committed? I admit, when I see a kid losing his marbles in the cereal aisle, I don’t cringe. I envy. At a certain age you start holding back on the immediacy of your emotions, and who can blame you? These days, being too happy is considered naïve, being too sad is an automatic clinical diagnosis, and being too angry is a complete waste of energy. You’ve heard it all. Suck it up. Let it go. Move on. Anger isn’t worth it. Right? Wrong. Anger is the most important emotion you have. When you’re angry, it’s a red flag that something needs to change, and when you’re extremely angry, something needs to change right now. There are two ways you can deal with anger depending on the situation at hand: as it happens, or as a building block toward bigger life changes. In the moment, decide which fork in the road you should take, then use one or more of the options below:When You Feel Extremely Angry…1. Let it HappenYou’ve been given a wide spectrum of emotions for a reason, so use them. Suppressing your anger is unhealthy. It can lead to ulcers and heart disease, never mind the damage it can do to your relationships and overall sense of well-being.When I feel extremely angry and find myself holding back, I just think of Meg Ryan in French Kiss: A healthy person is someone who expresses their feelings… Express, not repress… You know what happens to people who shut everybody out? They fester. Inside. Fester and rot.This might seem strange, but try it! The next time you’re not expressing yourself, just picture a little Meg Ryan on your shoulder: “Fester fester fester, rot rot rot.”If you attempt to hide or ignore your anger, it won’t go away. It might subside for a certain amount of time, but eventually it will manifest itself elsewhere.Don’t apologize for or excuse your anger. You’re angry for a valid reason, and acknowledging it is the first step toward resolving what’s bothering you.2. Separate Emotion from ActionYou’ll likely want to pull a Godzilla and destroy everything in your path, but it’s important to take a step back and feel the emotion before you take action on it, especially when you feel extremely angry—let the anger take its course. Prematurely deciding to take action may cause more angst than waiting to give perspective to your anger.After you’ve cooled off, you might find: the situation wasn’t as big a deal as you thought. in the long run it will lead to better things for you. it will take more than an outburst to solve the issue.Or, you might find your anger was triggered by something completely different.3. Identify WhyExtreme anger typically stems from a build-up of smaller annoyances. It’s like lighting a match: a person or situation rubs you the wrong way and your suppressed emotions flood to the surface. What’s awkward about this level of anger is when it strikes: it tends to hit at inconvenient times, such as while you’re at work or out with loved ones.The problem isn’t the delay in dealing with your anger, it’s when the delay turns into avoiding it altogether. Either the initial rage subsides and you try to shrug it off, or you’re so consumed by your schedule that you simply add it to the pile of unresolved issues.The next time you feel extremely angry, don’t just promise yourself you’re going to deal with it at a more appropriate time—pencil in alone time. Make it happen.4. Cool Off with ExerciseA great outlet to reduce tension is physical activity: use your anger as fuel for a healthier lifestyle.Test various workouts and figure out which are most effective at calming your anger. Some people prefer aggressive exercise, such as kickboxing or running, while others find quieter activities more beneficial, such as walking, gardening, or (gasp!) cleaning.5. Delay Your ReactionIf you’re in a situation where dealing with your anger immediately isn’t an option, inhale deeply. As you exhale, count to ten or repeat a phrase that helps you relax. Keep doing so until you feel centered again.6. Distract YourselfIf you turn your attention elsewhere, it will help you focus on the present moment and prioritize your emotions.Think of a pleasant memory, read a book, find your happy place (or borrow Happy Gilmore if you have to).7. Do Your HomeworkIf you feel extremely angry because of something that’s out of your control, like losing a promotion to someone else, do your homework before reacting. Look beyond what’s happened and find out why it has. Look past someone’s actions and look at their intentions: most of the time, they haven’t intended to hurt you.There are always underlying circumstances—a cause and effect—and it’s crucial to look at a situation from every angle so all perspectives are taken into account. Nothing diffuses anger like logic.If afterward you’re still angry, find out how others have moved on from similar situations; be the one to come out a better person.8. Don’t Play the VictimThe worst thing you can do is blame the entire universe for your problems.Yes, this person did you wrong, and sure, that situation could have worked out better, but you have a mind of your own: your life isn’t happening to you, so why are you acting like it is?Until you take responsibility for your part in what’s happened—how your reaction to this person and that situation lead you to where you are today—you’ll just keep making the same mistakes and fanning the fire instead of putting it out.Don’t ask, “Why me?” Ask, “What now?”9. Find a Safe HavenWe all have our “spot”: a primary place we go to think or relax. This can be a room in your home that’s just for you or a piece of the forest you’ve claimed as your own. It doesn’t matter where this spot is, as long as going there makes you feel calm and helps you re-energize.When you feel extremely angry, you’re physically and emotionally overstimulated—the demands on your time are inevitably getting to you. If the situation allows you to leave and take a time-out, do so and immediately visit your spot.Sometimes all you need is a change in environment (and pace) to calm yourself down and gain perspective. During these quiet moments, see if you can think of ways to cut down or cut out the triggers that are making you angry.10. Look Before You LeapIf there’s a chance someone has betrayed you, your first instinct will likely be to confront and lash out at them.While I’m a believer in always following your instincts, in this instance I encourage you to step back before confronting them and evaluate the situation: did you hear this through the grapevine? Does it seem plausible or out of character for them? What will you say when you confront them? What do you want to know?Line your cards up and give them a chance; you don’t want to automatically assume the worst.If it’s someone you’ve had problems with in the past, do your best to be specific about your anger. Focus on the situation at hand.If you batch together all the anger you’ve ever felt toward them, this will obviously lead to more anger, and a much larger argument than necessary.11. Discuss Your Anger with Someone TrustworthyWhen you’re having a frustrating day or going through something that’s causing ongoing stress in your life, find someone trustworthy to talk to. This can be a family member, a close friend, or someone you work with. Even if they don’t offer specific advice, the simple act of sharing what’s bothering you might help you find a solution.There have been many occasions where I went into a conversation asking a question, and found the answer during my stream of consciousness rant.12. Listen to MusicMusic is one of the best things to have in your dealing-with-anger arsenal for several reasons: Listening to aggressive music that matches your mood allows you to work through the emotion productively. Listening to slower music (such as acoustic) allows you to slow your thought process and calm down. Listening to specific songs with lyrics that relate to what you’re going through help you put your own experiences into perspective. Turning up the volume allows you to drown out your thought process when “the little things” are irritating and distracting you.Decide whether you’re going to use music to work through or distract from your anger, and hit play.13. Write an E-mailAfter you’ve argued with someone, are wronged by them, or your anger toward them is lingering longer than it should be, create your own closure by writing them an e-mail.Write out your fury in stream of consciousness format, then continue to revise the e-mail as you think of new things you would’ve liked to say at the time.Get everything out of your system about the issue on your own time, as the words come to you. Once you have nothing more to say and you’ve perfected the e-mail… delete it.Use erasing the e-mail as a symbolic gesture toward letting go of what’s bothering you. Trust me, you’ll feel a lot lighter afterward.14. Make a ListMake a list of all the things, people, and situations that make you angry. Be as specific and detailed as possible, and then rate each item from 1 – 5, with 1 equaling Annoyed and 5 Infuriated. Next, determine whether you can cut back on it in your life or cut it out entirely.With the items that have to stay, plan ways to reframe how you feel about them so they don’t send you off the deep end. Do everything you can to phase out what infuriates you, no matter how long it takes—nothing is worth jeopardizing your heart health.15. Disconnect from Your TriggersThere are always little things that set us off, no matter how trivial.Me? Shopping on weekends turns me into a total nutcase. (I won’t even get into the story about the guy who held everyone up trying to return a microwave he apparently hadn’t used, despite the fact that there was food stuck in it!) Not only do I not shop on weekends, I never shop during peak hours: this allows me to fully enjoy my shopping experience.Be mindful of your triggers. It doesn’t matter why something makes you tick, just recognize that it does and do what’s necessary to work around it—for yourself, and for those who cross your path.16. RedecorateYour home should always be a place that relaxes you. If your home feels less homey and more mental institution-y, take the time to turn it into an oasis.Declutter, use stress-reducing colors, and why not try feng shui—it couldn’t hurt, right?17. Watch a Funny Movie/ShowWhen you’ve tried everything and still can’t shake your anger, why not laugh it off? (Literally.)Laughter soothes tension, encourages muscle relaxation, and lightens your mental load. While there’s a lot of controversy surrounding the studies on how laughter improves your health, who cares? Laughing doesn’t suck. Anger does. Period.18. Put Yourself FirstMany of us don’t put our health first, even though it’s on our minds constantly.But if you become more mindful about doing so—cutting back on things like caffeine and nicotine, getting more sleep, exercising regularly, and decreasing stress—guaranteed your emotional fuse wouldn’t be tested as often.19. Do Something RelaxingWhat activities do you enjoy most? Which ones put you completely at ease? Are there activities that you love but never make time for?Reconnect with the things you love to do. Doing what you enjoy will make you feel more fulfilled, and feeling fulfilled will automatically lessen your desire to feel angry.20. Use Anger to Fuel ChangeI love anger because I’ve mastered how to use it, and you can too.There was a time when my life turned out exactly how I swore it never would, and I was so exhausted from the simple act of surviving I had no idea how to make the necessary changes.Then something happened, something small that was as insignificant as burning your toast in the morning, and that was it. I was done. I had a Scarlett O’Hara moment and refused to live one more day with things the way they were. That anger propelled me to where I am now: building the writing career I’ve always wanted, surrounded by everything and everyone I care about. It gave me the adrenaline rush necessary to see things through.But maybe you’re not burnt out like I was. Maybe it’s fear holding you back: A fear of failure. A fear of success. A fear of disappointing others. Whatever your fear, anger trumps fear in the rock-paper-scissors of life. It will productively push you to where you want to be, but you have to let it.Own your anger. Don’t let it own you.
The Beach Boys singing Don't Worry Baby released on May 11th, 1964
I'm on a Beach Boys kick. Good tune on any given day. This and Good Vibrations. ~ Don't worry Baby, enjoy! #LoveIt
We've compiled five updos for short, medium and long hair styles, just in time for spring.
It's about time for warm weather and some awesome updos! Click on the image or title above to view the original post and pics.
by Marissa HåkanssonInner peace is not something we need to ‘attain’; it’s present within us at all times. However, experiencing inner peace can sometimes seem difficult.We get so busy in our minds and lives that we end up feeling disconnected from our bodies and inner self. Along with that, we lose touch with our innate sense of peacefulness and ease.So how do we connect with our sense of inner peace?Well, there’s nothing we need to “do” per se to feel peaceful and at ease. Peacefulness arises more out of a non-doing. Out of our ability to simply ‘be’ with ourself and feel connected at a deep level.Because many of us are used to ‘doing’ rather than being connected to our inner self, sometimes we need a little help; something that will gently guide us in the direction of inner peace.In my life, I use four main pathways to help me reconnect with inner peace.I call these ‘pathways’, because in and of themselves, they won’t necessarily result in a state of peacefulness. However, if you engage in them consciously (when you’re genuinely present with yourself and the experience), you’ll find they lead you in the right direction. At least, that’s what I’ve found to be true for myself.I find that the more I integrate these pathways into my life, the more naturally I feel balanced and well within myself. By engaging with them, they prompt a sense of openness and freedom within my whole body and self. And from that place, I can connect with the stillness and inner peace that resides at the core of who I am.The pathways that can support you in creating inner peace are:1. QuietnessCreating quiet spaces in your day is one of the most transformative practices you can integrate into your life. By prioritising being quiet, and resting in that quietness, you’ll naturally create a deeper sense of life balance.I know this to be true from my own journey of managing stress and experiencing exhaustion from a busy life. By introducing quiet spaces into my life, I gradually learnt to create relaxation, ease and wellbeing in my life.I still create and prioritise quiet space in my life now. While the way I create that quiet space may look a little different each day, in essence there’s nothing for me to do other than be with myself and my experience in that moment.2. NatureNature continues to be a haven that helps restore a deeper sense of inner peace. When I feel the presence of nature around me, I feel connected within myself. Being in touch physically with nature helps me feel grounded.If I’m struggling with my thoughts and finding it difficult to be present in my body, I know that being in nature will help me reconnect with what’s real. And from there, it’s easier for me to be calm and connect with a sense of inner peace.3. MovementMoving my body consciously through practices such as stretching, yoga, walking and dance immediately help me feel present and connected to my body. And in doing so, naturally evoke a sense of inner peace.When I feel particularly ‘stuck’ in my thinking or disconnected from myself, consciously moving my body opens up the possibility of experiencing deeper calm and ease.There’s nothing I need to do other than tune into my body and follow what movement feels intuitively right for me. When I make conscious movement a daily practice, I embody peacefulness within the whole of who I am.4. MusicWhen I listen to music that inspires and moves me, I naturally connect to a deeper part of myself. It might be quiet, meditative music, or something entirely different, depending on what feels good to me in the moment.Like the other pathways, music effortlessly brings me back into connection with a sense of inner peace within my whole self.I find that if I’m genuinely present with music, and feel the music immerse my whole body and self, it creates an environment that’s both healing and incredibly empowering. It helps me be present to what is real and moving within me.These are the pathways that help guide me into a space of inner calm and peace. Perhaps you resonate with these, or perhaps you have your own ways of deepening the experience of peacefulness within yourself.
We always have a choice. ~ "Inner peace is not something we need to ‘attain’; it’s present within us at all times."
Peter Gabriel - In Your Eyes Lyrics: love I get so lost, sometimes days pass and this emptiness fills my heart when I want to run away I drive off in my car ...
I see the light the heat...