Cultural Trendz
Follow
Find tag "fail"
5.0K views | +7 today
Cultural Trendz
Insight. Entertainment. Style.
Curated by Vilma Bonilla
Your new post is loading...
Your new post is loading...
Scooped by Vilma Bonilla
Scoop.it!

Fear of rejection: What are we really afraid of?

Fear of rejection: What are we really afraid of? | Cultural Trendz | Scoop.it

The fear of rejection is one of our deepest human fears. Biologically wired with a longing to belong, we fear being seen in a critical way. We're anxious about the prospect of being cut off, demeaned, or isolated. We fear being alone. We dread change.

The depth and flavor of fear varies for each individual, although there are common elements at play. If we're willing to look, what is our actual felt experience of rejection? What are we really afraid of?

On a cognitive level, we may be afraid that rejection confirms our worst fear -- perhaps that we're unlovable, or that we're destined to be alone, or that we have little worth or value. When these fear-based thoughts keep spinning in our mind, we may become agitated, anxious, or depressed. Cognitively-based therapies can help us identify our catastrophic thoughts, question them, and replace them with more healthy, realistic thinking. For example, if a relationship fails, this doesn't mean that we are a failure.

From an experiential or existential viewpoint (such as Eugene Gendlin's Focusing), working with our fear of rejection or actual rejection involves opening to our felt experience. If we can have a more friendly, accepting relationship with the feelings that arise within us as a result of being rejected, then we can heal more readily and move on with our lives.

A big part of our fear of rejection may be our fear of experiencing hurt and pain. Our aversion to unpleasant experiences prompts behaviors that don't serve us. We withdraw from people rather than risk reaching out. We hold back from expressing our authentic feelings. We abandon others before they have a chance to reject us.

Being human, we long to be accepted and wanted. It hurts to be rejected and to experience loss. If our worst fear materializes -- if our catastrophic fantasy becomes a reality and we're rejected -- our organism has a way of healing if we can trust our natural healing process. It's called grieving. Life has a way of humbling us and reminding us that we're part of the human condition.

If we can notice our self-criticisms and tendency to sink into the shame of being a failure and accept our pain just as it is, we move toward healing. Our suffering is intensified when not only do we feel hurt or grief, but we think something's wrong with us for feeling this.

If we risk opening our heart to someone who rejects us, it doesn't have to be the end of the world. We can allow ourselves to feel sorrow, loss, fear, loneliness, anger, or whatever feelings arise that are part of our grieving. Just as we grieve and gradually heal when someone close to us dies (often with the support of friends), we can heal when faced with rejection. We can also learn from our experience, which allows us to move forward in a more empowered way.

I hope I'm not making this sound easy -- or that we can heal on our own without support. I've often been in the room with clients who have experienced a devastating loss when their hopes and expectations were rudely dashed, especially when old traumas were being reactivated. We may benefit by processing our feelings with a caring, empathic therapist, as well as availing ourselves of trusted friends who know how to listen rather than dispense unwanted advice.

The term "personal growth" is often used loosely, but perhaps one meaning is to cultivate inner resilience by acknowledging and even welcoming whatever we're experiencing. It takes courage and creativity to bring a gentle awareness to what we may like to push away.

As we become more confident that we can be with whatever experience arises as a result of connecting with people, we can initiate, deepen, and enjoy relationships in a more relaxed and fulfilling way. As we become less afraid of what we're experiencing inside -- that is, less afraid of ourselves -- we become less intimidated by rejection and more empowered to love and be loved.

Vilma Bonilla's insight:

Good analysis of the all too human fear of change. ~ V.B.

more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by Vilma Bonilla
Scoop.it!

9 little-known habits of confident people

9 little-known habits of confident people | Cultural Trendz | Scoop.it

"With confidence, you have won before you have started." -- Marcus Garvey

Confidence is often the single differentiator between people who get what they want and people who don't. Those who think and believe they can do something -- run a marathon, start an entrepreneurial venture, ask someone out (and have them say yes), win a competitive promotion, fit into their pre-pregnancy jeans, build a fun social circle, well... they do it.

Our mind is a very powerful tool, and the impact of our thoughts and words cannot be underestimated. Our thoughts create our emotions. Our emotions create our actions. Our actions create our life. Confident people have greater control over their minds and have tuned their mental station to one of "I can."

Here are nine things that confident people do that you can apply to your life:

1. Do not overcomplicate. You want something? Great! Create a plan to make it yours. Keep your eye on the prize and do not get distracted by other peoples noise or by your own ability to over-think.

2. Focus on what you want. Confident people keep a positive vision in mind of the future. They expect good things to happen to them, and as a result they do, as expectation is a very powerful force.

3. Act as if it's already yours. People who are self-assured allow their language and actions to be in line with their outcome. This inspires confidence in others.

4. Use words with intention. Consider the difference with two people discussing their new blog. One could be, "Yes, I am a blogger. You like vintage purses too? Awesome! We must connect -- check out the new images I posted at..." vs. "Well, I am trying to blog but am not sure I am doing it right (nervous laugh)." Who do you think gets the most views and shares?

5. Listen but don't pay heed to others' opinions. Other people are well meaning and sometimes err on the side of caution. Confident people listen to other people but do not let their difference of perspective take them off track. It's your life!

6. Dedicate time to what matters. Confident people are happy to say no to things to make sure they have time and energy for their priorities. Funnily enough, people treat them with more respect as a result.

7. Act humble. Confident types don't talk endlessly about their successes. I was once at a large corporate event and I was speaking to an outgoing and likeable woman who said she "worked in publishing." I found out later that evening that she was the editor-in-chief of one New York's most influential magazines. Confident people let their success speak for itself and don't need to vocalize it.

8. Know failure is sometimes inevitable and don't fear it. Worrying about failure can keep us from doing anything at all. Confident people are still confident even when they fail. When the chips are down they know it will pass.

9. Repeat all of the above! Confidence building takes a lifetime. The more we practice confidence as an attitude, the easier it becomes.

The most successful and happy people are not born the most rich, beautiful or talented. They just believe in themselves and go for what they want. Confidence is also a highly attractive quality in others as we all secretly aspire to have more self-assurance. "I can" and "I can't" thoughts create very different emotional spirals, as the mind is very obedient and follows whichever path we direct it. Which do you choose?

 

Vilma Bonilla's insight:

Good, simple insight into confident thought and behavior.

more...
Ivon Prefontaine's curator insight, March 10, 5:05 PM

Confidence does build over time. It is a process.

Scooped by Vilma Bonilla
Scoop.it!

15 powerful beliefs that will free you from negativity

15 powerful beliefs that will free you from negativity | Cultural Trendz | Scoop.it

    There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference.  The little difference is attitude.  The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.
    ―W. Clement Stone

When I was a teenager I was the primary target of an extremely persistent bully at my high school.  One day I came home in tears and wrote this on the whiteboard hanging on my bedroom wall:  “I hate bullies.  They make me feel like a loser.”

The next day, while I was at school, my grandmother erased what I wrote on the whiteboard and replaced it with this:  “An entire body of water the size of the Pacific Ocean can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship.  Similarly, all the negativity in the world can’t bring you down unless you allow it to get inside your head.”

And from that day forward I felt better.  I made a conscious decision to stop letting the bully get inside my head.  I changed my beliefs about his level of importance in my life.

It isn’t easy to remain positive when negativity surrounds you, but remember that you have full control over what you choose to believe.  You can effectively defend yourself against all kinds of negativity by adopting simple, yet powerful, beliefs that support a positive outlook in the face of seemingly negative circumstances.

Below you will find 15 such beliefs that have helped free me from the grips of negativity.  I have these beliefs written down in my journal, and I review them on a regular basis, as needed, just to keep them fresh in my mind.  I hope you will join me by adopting them into your own belief system as well…

    What other people say about me is their problem, not mine. – Don’t take other people’s negativity personally.  Most negative people behave negatively not just to you, but to everyone they interact with.  What they say and do is a projection of their own reality.  Even when a situation seems personal – even if someone insults you directly – it oftentimes has nothing to do with you.  What others say and do, and the opinions they have, are based entirely on their own self-reflection.

    I am free to be ME. – Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?  Happiness is found when you stop comparing yourself to everyone else and what they want.  Stop living for other people and their opinions.  Be true to yourself.  You are the only person in charge of your life.  The only question is: What do you want to do with the rest of it?

    Life isn’t perfect, but it sure is great. – Our goal shouldn’t be to create a perfect life, but to live an imperfect life in radical amazement.  To get up every morning and take and good look around in a way that takes nothing for granted.  Everything is extraordinary.  Every day is a gift.  Never treat life casually.  To be spiritual in any way is to be amazed in every way.  (Read The Happiness Project.)

    It’s okay to have down days. – Expecting life to be wonderful all the time is wanting to swim in an ocean in which waves only rise up and never come crashing down.  However, when you recognize that the rising and crashing waves are part of the exact same ocean, you are able to let go and be at peace with the reality of these ups and downs.  It becomes clear that life’s ups require life’s downs.

    Even when I’m struggling, I have so much to be grateful for. – What if you awoke today with only the things you were thankful for yesterday?  We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but of appreciating everything we do have.  Stress thrives when your worry list is longer than your gratitude list.  Happiness thrives when your gratitude list is longer than your worry list.  So find something to be thankful for right now.

    Every experience is just another important lesson. – Disappointments and failure are two of the surest stepping-stones to success.  So don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart.  When things go wrong, learn what you can and then push the tragedies and mistakes aside.  Remember, life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes.  We must fail in order to know, and hurt in order to grow.  Good things often fall apart so better things can fall together in their place.

    Not everything is meant to stay. – Change can be terrifying, yet all positive growth and healing requires change.  Sometimes you have to find the good in goodbye.  Because the past is a place of reference, not a place of residence.  Be strong when everything seems to be going wrong, keep taking small steps, and eventually you will find what you’re looking for.  Learn to trust the journey, even when you do not understand it.

    Being wrong is the first step to being right. – Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.  To be creative and productive in life, you must first lose your fear of being wrong.  And remember, a fear like this can only survive inside you if you let it live there.

    I do not need to hold on to what’s holding me back. – You are not what has happened to you; you are what you choose to become.  It’s time to break the beliefs and routines that have been holding you back.  Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer grows you.  Listen to your intuition, not your ego.  When you stop chasing the wrong beliefs, you give the right ideas a chance to catch you.  

    My happiness today is simply the result of my thinking. – Happiness starts with you – not with your relationships, not with your job, not with your money, but WITH YOU.  It is not always easy to find happiness in ourselves, but it is always impossible to find it elsewhere.  Regardless of the situation you face, your attitude is your choice.  Remember, you can’t have a positive life with a negative attitude.  When negativity controls your thoughts, it limits your behavior, actions, and opportunities.  If you realized how powerful your thoughts were, you would try your best to never think another negative thought again.

    Who I spend quality time with matters. – Surround yourself with people who lift you higher – those who see the great potential in you, even when you don’t see it in yourself.

    Drama and judgments are a waste of perfect happiness. – Make a promise to yourself.  Promise to stop the drama before it begins, to breathe deeply and peacefully, and to love others and yourself without conditions.  Promise to laugh at your own mistakes, and to realize that no one is perfect; we are all human.  Feelings of self-worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible.  (Read The Mastery of Love.)

    Most people are judging me far less than it seems. – The truth is, while you’re busy worrying about what others think of you, they’re busy worrying about what you think of them.  Crazy?  Yes, but true.  The good news is this knowledge instantly frees you to let loose and do more of what YOU want.  And while doing so, you’ll also liberate others to do the same.

    I can make the world a happier place. – Do your best to help one person every day in some small way.  By becoming the answer to someone’s prayer, we often find the answers to our own.  When the people around us are happier, it’s a lot easier to smile.

    The work is worth it. – Lose the expectation that everything in life should be easy.  It rarely is.  In fact, there are no shortcuts to any place worth going.  Enjoy the challenge of your achievements.  See the value in your efforts and be patient with yourself.  And realize that patience is not about waiting; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard on your dreams.  It’s knowing deep down that the work is well worth it in the end.

Vilma Bonilla's insight:

Practical tips for productive living. 

more...
No comment yet.
Scooped by Vilma Bonilla
Scoop.it!

How to do a Culture Due Diligence

How to do a Culture Due Diligence | Cultural Trendz | Scoop.it

Recent research by Shikhart Ghosh, senior lecturer at Harvard Business School has found that 3 out of 4 venture backed startups fail. I am sure we all agree there must be something we can do to change this alarming failure rate! We are not claiming that doing a Culture Due Diligence is the Holy Grail; However, we are sure that it would help investors make better investment decisions by letting them assess whether a founding team, startup, or established company has a Minimum Viable Culture to deliver the company’s intended value proposition.

The Parnassus Workplace Fund, is an example of how investing in Culture brings exceptional returns. This fund invests in companies in the “Best Places to Work” lists or in companies that meet similar criteria. The Parnassus Workplace Fund ranks highest in shareholder return compared to 1,303 other peer funds. (Read more here)

Another recent study published by the Journal of Private Equity, states that one of the key strategies for venture capitalist’s to increase the odds of startup success is by focusing on team building in their portfolio companies. But to turn a team into a kill it takes more than just team building, it takes Culture Building to truly build an asset.

Why is Culture such a critical asset for companies today?

It’s a critical asset because companies such as Zappos and many other culture driven high-performing companies have raised the bar and set a new Culture Standard. Up and coming companies cannot expect to succeed without meeting this new standard.

Investing in Culture is also a numbers game. It results in:

33% more benefits (Gallup)

43% more productivity (Hay Group)

37% more sales (Shawn Achor)

300% more innovation (HBR)

-51% turn over (Gallup)

-66% sick leaves (For