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Understanding Situational Erectile Dysfunction with Sex Therapy: Not All E.D. Needs Viagra. Does Yours?

Understanding Situational Erectile Dysfunction with Sex Therapy: Not All E.D. Needs Viagra. Does Yours? | SexSmart.com | Scoop.it

Here is something that a qualified sex therapist from Boston and elsewhere knows, which the general public doesn’t: There are many situations in which erectile instability is caused by something transitory and situational. Contrary to what big pharma would like you to believe, it is possible to get over E.D. without the use of drugs, and in some cases, this is a much better choice.


Because of male socialization, men do not really tell other men the truth about their sexual experiences. (If you want to read an oldie-but-goodie great book on male sexual socialization, read Bernie Zilbergeld’s book, “The New Male Sexuality.”)

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Boston Sex Therapist Asks: What Is Emotional Neglect and Why Is It Important to Understand It?

Boston Sex Therapist Asks: What Is Emotional Neglect and Why Is It Important to Understand It? | SexSmart.com | Scoop.it
Even subtle kinds of emotional neglect have a huge effect on children’s development, particularly in the early years of life. It is so sad to realize that the impact of emotional neglect is the most damaging when the child is too young to speak to others. Practicing Boston sex therapy, I once had a patient, let’s call him Jeffrey, whose mother was a terrible alcoholic. Jeffrey was left alone for hours and days while his mother was drinking. When you are ignored that profoundly and decidedly, it is almost impossible to believe that another person will care about you. Jeff was once in an adult child of alcoholics (ACOA) group, and he noticed a young woman there who was attractive. But he was unable to reach out and make any kind of contact with her.
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Cruel Conversations and the Couples Who Have Them: Boston Sex Therapist on Becoming Curious About a Destructive Pattern

Cruel Conversations and the Couples Who Have Them: Boston Sex Therapist on Becoming Curious About a Destructive Pattern | SexSmart.com | Scoop.it
I was watching the movie Le Weekend with Lindsay Duncan and Jim Broadbent the other day. From the perspective of a Boston sex therapist, this movie is a busman’s holiday. Two Brits going to Paris for an anniversary celebration. The two characters were well educated. He was a professor, she a teacher. They had been together for many decades. They were dependent on each other. He had had an affair 15 years ago. She would have nothing to do with him sexually, and he was literally crawling on the rug in a Paris hotel, on his hands and knees, just pleading with her to let him sniff her. It was never totally clear which came first the chicken or the egg, whether she had stopped being sexual with him because of the affair, or whether he had had the affair because she was so closed off sexually. At one point, she literally pushed him down in the street, and he hurt himself. Then he got up and walked on with her, acting like it was perfectly normal. She apologized, but still.
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Boston Sex Therapy: Touch is Really the Key to Good Sex in Long Term Relationships

Boston Sex Therapy: Touch is Really the Key to Good Sex in Long Term Relationships | SexSmart.com | Scoop.it
I know that a lot of you have not grown up in affectionate families. You’re likely to not love touch, if this is your family background. People who grow up in cold and unaffectionate families have to learn to like touch. It’s strange, but true. I often send my Boston sex therapy patients who feel touch is weird to see legitimate, licensed massage therapists. This can be the first step to learning that touch really does feel good. For those of you who feel that you could never let yourself be touched by a stranger, a very gentle beginning might be to sit opposite your partner or a friend and trade foot massages.
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These Boston Sex Therapy Exercises Can Help Revitalize Your Sex Life

These Boston Sex Therapy Exercises Can Help Revitalize Your Sex Life | SexSmart.com | Scoop.it
"In order to reconnect sexually, the two of you have to reconnect emotionally and re-consider your definition of sex. If your idea of sex these days has morphed into “scientifically timed intercourse,” you will have to tap aspects of your emotional and sensual relationship, which have remained unscathed during infertility. When you take the time to recreate a sexual, sensual, emotional bond of touch and In order to reconnect sexually, the two of you have to reconnect emotionally and re-consider your definition of sex. If your idea of sex these days has morphed into “scientifically timed intercourse,” you will have to tap aspects of your emotional and sensual relationship, which have remained unscathed during infertility. When you take the time to recreate a sexual, sensual, emotional bond of touch and trust, you’ll find yourselves growing closer instead of more distant.
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Boston Sex Therapy Notes: Physically Violent Home Affects Sexuality

It’s minimized, because “child abuse” is a legal term, and most abusers are not reported. It’s hard to get statistics that sift out just physical abuse, because many different kinds of abuse tend to cluster together in dysfunctional families. In one single family, you could have emotional abuse, neglect, physical abuse, physical violence between the parents, and/or literal sexual abuse. But literal sexual abuse is not the most common kind of abuse, actually. What you need to know is that in huge research studies, when people were asked direct questions about their experience that got around their emotional defenses against seeing themselves as “victims”, more than half of people studied reported familial violence, abuse and neglect! And among my Boston sex therapy patients, many have sexual problems caused by physical violence, neglect, and emotional abuse, as those who have problems because of overt family-of-origin sexual abuse.
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Prisoners of Parenthood:  How to have Hotel Sex without the Hotel—Tips from Your Boston Sex Therapist

Prisoners of Parenthood:  How to have Hotel Sex without the Hotel—Tips from Your Boston Sex Therapist | SexSmart.com | Scoop.it
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Sex Therapy Guide: In Evaluating Vaginal Pain, Don’t Forget Penis Size

Sex Therapy Guide: In Evaluating Vaginal Pain, Don’t Forget Penis Size | SexSmart.com | Scoop.it

Women, are you having pain with intercourse? There are a lot of reasons for vaginal pain, but there is one quirky one that many medical providers fail to evaluate: a partner’s large penile girth.

Vaginal pain is far more common than most people think, and for many women, it’s a taboo subject. It’s a complicated subject too.  If you are suffering from vaginal pain, run right out this minute and buy When Sex Hurts: A Woman’s Guide to Banishing Sexual Pain by Goldstein, Pukall, and Goldstein.

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Boston Sex Therapist on Lack of Luster among Couples Experiencing Infertility

Boston Sex Therapist on Lack of Luster among Couples Experiencing Infertility | SexSmart.com | Scoop.it
Among the many challenges sex therapy in Boston could help overcome is the effect of infertility on sexual intimacy. Going through the experience of infertility is one of life’s greatest stresses. Unfortunately, just as you are going through this terrible situation with your spouse and need to feel close, your sexual intimacy is affected by the trauma of the fertility problems you are facing. Life is so ironic! You fell in love with your spouse. Life was good. Life was sweet. Sex was great. You (finally!) felt enough attachment, love, and commitment to another person to want to make a baby as an expression of that love. Sex was especially wonderful too, in the beginning, when you were looking forward to creating a child who was the direct expression of your love for each other.
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Boston Sex Therapist to Guys: Here’s the Secret to Getting More Sex from Your Long Term Honey (If You’re Straight)

Boston Sex Therapist to Guys: Here’s the Secret to Getting More Sex from Your Long Term Honey (If You’re Straight) | SexSmart.com | Scoop.it
As a Boston sex therapist, I’ve heard all those things desired and missed by my female clients, but if I had to pick one thing that they complain about over and over again, one thing that is missing in their relationships with a male spouse, it would be being listened to. If you aren’t interested in her as a human being with her own passions, interests, and issues, or if you can’t remember what she has been focused on or worried about in the last few days or weeks, trust me, she won’t be interested in you as a sexual being. I’d like you to become curious about whether your wife or long-term girlfriend feels you listen to her and know what’s going on in her life or not. Try this for me: ask her if she feels you are interested in her.
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Sex Therapist in Boston: Having Sex When Not in the Mood is a Bad Idea

Sex Therapist in Boston: Having Sex When Not in the Mood is a Bad Idea | SexSmart.com | Scoop.it
There is a trend lately for sex therapy in Boston to lean on the Nike slogan “just do it” when working with straight women whose desire is way less than their husband’s. Just to be clear, I mean sex therapists telling women to “Just do it” meaning: “Just go along to get along” with your husband, so that the husband won’t feel rejected, be cranky, and act miserable. (This phenomenon also may apply equally well to gay women in long term relationships.) Now, mercy sex (as we sex therapists call it) is a perfectly good strategy to use periodically. But I have to say, my clinical experience has led me to believe that a consistent use of this strategy actually makes the woman’s desire problem worse in the long run. There is a much better, more constructive, healthier and happier solution to the problem of mismatched desire. It just isn’t a quick fix, that’s all.
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Boston Sex Therapy Deals with the Reality of Infertility

Going through the experience of infertility is one of life’s greatest stresses. Unfortunately, just as you are going through this terrible situation with your spouse and need to feel close, your sexual intimacy is affected by the trauma of the fertility problems you are facing. Life is so ironic! You fell in love with your spouse. Life was good. Life was sweet. Sex was great. You (finally!) felt enough attachment, love, and commitment to another person to want to make a baby as an expression of that love. Sex was especially wonderful too, in the beginning, when you were looking forward to creating a child who was the direct expression of your love for each other.
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Boston Sex Therapist on Painful Sex: How to Ask for Sex to Stop “Right in the Middle”

It is important to be honest whenever you are feeling uncomfortable sexually. Ideally, I’d like you to be able to tell your partner the moment any significant discomfort occurs. But for now, if you have held secrets about past painful episodes with your partner, this is the time to “fess up.” Sometimes it helps to write down some notes when you are about to have a difficult conversation. In my practice as a Boston sex therapy consultant for two decades now, I usually recommend the following introductory exercise for you and your partner to get you ready to talk about painful experiences you have had being sexual with each other in the past.
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Sexless Marriage: Boston Sex Therapist Discusses How to Break Out of the Panda Syndrome

Sexless Marriage: Boston Sex Therapist Discusses How to Break Out of the Panda Syndrome | SexSmart.com | Scoop.it
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