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Brothels for disabled people: Guess what? We like sex too

Brothels for disabled people: Guess what? We like sex too | Sex Work | Scoop.it

It doesn't have to be just about sexual activity, sometimes building confidence is just as important 

 

In 2008, an Observer survey found that 70% of people would not consider having a sexual relationship with someone with a physical disability.

 

In 2009, Lucy Baxter, mother of Otto Baxter, who has Down’s Syndrome, said that she would have no problem if her son “went to a brothel in Amsterdam” to have a sexual experience.

 

In 2012, FHM magazine revealed its three sexiest female Paralympians. In the same year, married Paralympian Sarah Storey revealed her first  pregnancy, and Channel 4 screened its first series of a dating show for disabled people with a title that could use serious improvement. The second series ends tomorrow, and the show has done its job- proved that we are very dateable, thank you very much.

 

At the beginning of 2013, Hollywood movie The Sessions, which tells the story of a man paralysed by polio who visits a sex therapist, was nominated for two Golden Globes. Sadly, it didn’t win any.

 

Then, just last week, former madam Becky Adams revealed to the media that she wants to open an accessible brothel for disabled clients in England in 2014. She has already created a free service which connects disabled people with female prostitutes.

 

I’m a woman and I have been disabled since birth. I thanked FHM when they recognised something I have always known - that disabled women can be beautiful, too. I was thrilled to hear that Sarah Storey is pregnant. I’ve seen every episode of The Undateables and I look forward to watching The Sessions.

 

However, back in 2009, I smiled a very embarrassed smile when I heard of what Lucy Baxter wanted her son to do. He’s around my age, and if my mother wanted to have that level of involvement in my love life, I would not have been impressed. But at the time, when I thought about the results of the Observersurvey, it was easy to understand why the Baxters felt they had no other choice but to go to Amsterdam.

 

When I was growing up in the 1990s, there was absolutely no recognition that disabled people had romantic or sexual feelings. But, guess what, world? We do.

 

So I can see that Becky Adams, by her planned actions, wants to show the world that she realises and recognises this very important fact. I thank her for this.

 

In 2009, when Otto Baxter hit the headlines, the Observer survey was much more recent. Today, its five years old, and based on all the progress that has been made in this area since it was released, a little outdated, in my opinion.

 

I would like to hope that a similar survey today would have very different results that would be more favourable towards disabled people.

 

For one thing, Becky Adams told BBC Radio 2′s Jeremy Vine that she had received as many emails from people seeking to work with her as people looking to use the service.  So, non-disabled women today don’t seem to be against the idea of having a sexual experience with a disabled man.

 

I’m pleased to see that Becky Adams is concerned about making her service accessible to people with physical disabilities. She plans to furnish it with ramps, hoists and other helpful equipment.  She told BBC Radio Ulster’s Stephen Nolan that physically disabled people want access to sexual services as much as anyone else, but they can face physical barriers.

"Working ladies often set up in a flat above a chip shop which is difficult to access," she says, "so it is about setting up somewhere that is totally accessible."

Brothels are illegal in the United Kingdom. But Adams has an answer ready for this. She believes that her project has a higher positive purpose, maintaining that: "If you are educating or training people with disabilities with their sexual functions, it is not a brothel." She has invested £62,000 in the project.

She says clients for her current service, called Para-Doxies and running in Milton Keynes, can be men, women or couples, and come from a range of backgrounds.

"We see service men who've been wounded. They are going through traumatic times and so choose not to try and form a relationship. They like to boost their confidence by seeing a lady and maybe having a massage."

The women, who she refers to as body workers, sometimes show men with autism how to chat up girls. Sex, Adams explains, is often not on the cards. 

"A lot of our clients have no ability to perform a sexual experience," she says, "it could be just about holding somebody naked skin to naked skin for an hour."

The not for profit company has been running since last year and Adams says she already receives around 12 enquiries a week. The service aims to help disabled people to find workers and there are experts available to give advice to disabled people, parents and carers, on any legal questions arising.

Adams also told Nolan that she recognises that disabled people can and do form sexual relationships in their own right. This is something I would personally agree with. I feel strongly that disabled people should be allowed to form romantic and sexual relationships for themselves, just like anyone else, whether these are with other disabled people or not. I am pleased to see this is recognised.

Adams has been criticised for putting two vulnerable groups - disabled people and sex workers - together through her services. 

Defending her service, and the people involved in it, Adams says: "We have a very small number of ladies, most of whom have come from the nursing profession or caring profession. They see themselves as holistic body workers, rather than prostitutes," and apparently most work on a voluntary basis.

Does the service cheapen the idea of sex? Adams doesn't think so:

"From the comments we get from clients, they have a much better human experience afterwards, because many of them were in residential care all their lives and have no human experience.

 

"After his first session with a body worker, one client said that he hadn't realised women have warm skin."

 

All that is left for me to say as a disabled woman and a feminist is - although I don’t think I’d use it myself - I hope Adams’ planned centre will be open to disabled women as well as men.

 


Via PunterPress
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Developing Sex Worker Led Research

Developing Sex Worker Led Research | Sex Work | Scoop.it

For those that saw me at the conference, you most likely were handed a card about my new project, AIT Research, which has been about 2 years in the making and has finally come to fruition. This was originally a partnership between myself and a few activist friends who wanted to develop our own nationwide research survey on human trafficking in the sex trades. Since then, one of our original partners has dropped out of the project, but along with SWOP-Michigan’s Crysta Heart, we’ve created a platform to promote and develop sex worker led research that we hope will uncover some “truths” about our industry, as opposed to much of the biased research about the industry that comes from outsiders.

 

Our first AIT research project, The Erotic Labor Market Survey, or “ELMS” focuses on human trafficking in the various erotic labor/sex industries and was launched last week. With this survey, we hope to gain more accurate stats on how often trafficking occurs in the industry and whether or not workers, clients, and staff of industry establishments are properly educated on how to respond to trafficking situations when they are confronted with them. This project was our own direct response to the trafficking PSA that we created in 2012. One of the conversations that came out the the writing process of that video was that we create a survey for not just sex workers, but for clients and other industry personnel (staff at strip clubs/escort services/porn companies, etc.) on whether or not the can identify a trafficking victim and how they would respond if they did come across one. As we stated in that video, WE are the ones most likely to come into contact with individuals in coercive situations, yet because of the wall between us and most anti-trafficking organizations and efforts, there is little knowledge and education being done about what to do about it.

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Of Feminism & Inequality In Porn & Sex Work

Of Feminism & Inequality In Porn & Sex Work | Sex Work | Scoop.it

The Feminist Times has an excellent series on sex work, covering a diverse range of issues. (Sadly, it is only found by searching for the hashtag #SexIndustryWeek, as if finding it on Twitter was more important than a person being able to find all the discussion on the site.) Because it is a diverse series, there are plenty of articles I do not agree with; but that’s what makes it a good discussion, so, please, do take the time to read them. However, there’s one article in particular that raised my hackles and prompts me to write today ~ primarily because it has gone without comment. Such absence of comment might make people think it is “right”. And it is not.

The article is #SexIndustryWeek: Dworkin Was Right About Porn, by VJD Smith of Glosswatch. In it, Smith uses the words of Andrea Dworkin to align all porn as patriarchal misogyny abusing and raping female victims:

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Deanna Dahlsad's curator insight, April 9, 10:27 PM

Some of the assumptions feminists make about sex work and porn; insightful.

Deanna Dahlsad's curator insight, April 9, 10:28 PM

Negative aspects involved in feminist arguments against porn and sex work.

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A Look Inside A Phone Sex Hobbyist's Mind

A Look Inside A Phone Sex Hobbyist's Mind | Sex Work | Scoop.it
When phone sex operator come phone sex consultant Lynn met Tom, a man with some pretty strong phone sex calling habits (he has over 500 phone sex operators in his list of favorites alone!), she dub...

Via Craftypants Carol, Gracie Passette
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Gracie Passette's curator insight, April 6, 5:49 PM

Phone sex, sex addiction, hobbyists...

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OK, So Here's The Thing... #sexwork #erotica

OK, So Here's The Thing... #sexwork #erotica | Sex Work | Scoop.it

When I began writing erotica and non-fiction articles on sexuality I took a pen name for privacy. But it might surprise those of you who do not write to know that one of the biggest reasons was to separate one writing career from another.

Anyone who writes, as a profession or a hobby, knows that over-all perception of erotica authors is poor and no where is this belief held more firmly than within the writing community. "They're not real writers," other they say (or type). It's not just that we dare to write about sex (or even profit from it) but if we write about it, it must be because we "can't really write" and this is our last resort.

Anyone who writes erotica (dirty stories, erotic literature, porn -- whatever you choose to call it) will tell you that writing smut takes extra skill. For not only must you obey all the rules of writing but you must make it arousing too. Just trying to find synonyms for "cock" (without sounding cliched) and "orgasm" (virtually non-existent) is a challenge. But 'the real writers' will giggle and sneer. I've seen the cruelty in writer's groups and online forums firsthand.

Even mainstream editors and publications may reject your work on these very notions, or just from the fear of any association. Even for non-fiction works this happens. Mention you write 'about sex' in any fashion (or have them discover you do so) and you're blackballed. So in order to preserve my professional mainstream writing reputation, I created a pen name upon joining the ranks of smut writers.

You'd think that a group which has experienced such persecution and unfair devaluation would be wiser. But they are not.

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Secondhand Rose: Do I Kiss & Tell? (Or, Why Sex Pros Make Better Bloggers)

Secondhand Rose: Do I Kiss & Tell? (Or, Why Sex Pros Make Better Bloggers) | Sex Work | Scoop.it

Whether an escort, a Dominatrix, porn actor, stripper, a phone sex operator, or 'just' an author, we all learn quickly to take a stage name and live two lives. One life belongs to the entertainer; the other with family and friends.

We do this for several reasons.

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Sex Blogger Directory - Top Sex Bloggers

Sex Blogger Directory - Top Sex Bloggers | Sex Work | Scoop.it
The best sex-positive bloggers on the Web
Gracie Passette's insight:

A growing list of sex positive blogs ~ and you can submit your blog as well.

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Gracie Passette's curator insight, April 1, 4:17 AM

A growing list of sex positive blogs ~ and you can submit your blog as well.

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Phone Sex Operator "Little Black Book" Tool Survey

Phone Sex Operator "Little Black Book" Tool Survey | Sex Work | Scoop.it
Phone sex operator Sarah Collins is developing a website application tool for the PSO industry called Black Book Vault (BBV). Like me, Sarah is a data hound, always using data to improve her busine...
Gracie Passette's insight:

This could be excellent for escorts and other sex workers as well!

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Of Mail Order Romance & Smut

Of Mail Order Romance & Smut | Sex Work | Scoop.it

While it is possible that Ms. Brosmer (or Mrs. Weider) simply signed away rights to her name to some photographer, it is even more likely that she and her husband, body builder turned health and fitness king Joe Weider, simply saw money to be made. It was Brosmer, after all, who was the first model to get residuals every time her photo was published, so why shouldn’t she make money off selling her photos directly to the consumer?

In truth, many of the pinup models and burlesque performers ran their own side businesses, selling photographs, autographs, etc. Lily St. Cyr sold lingerie. Lynne O’Neill, The Original Garter Girl, not only had one of these businesses, but apparently kept quite a bit of the correspondence from fans.

Like the models and performers of today, these women...

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Review Site For Phone Sex Operators

Review Site For Phone Sex Operators | Sex Work | Scoop.it

Tom Cat’s Phone Sex Reviews is not a phone sex directory or topsite, where placement or “ranking” is based on how much a PSO pays or how many “hits” a PSO sends to the site. It is not a bunch of spammy listings or fake reviews. It is a real review site where each and everyphone sex operator listed has actually been reviewed by an experienced phone sex caller.


There’s no “pay to play” schemes, no cheating to get to the top of the list or to get better ratings, no spam or scams for PSOs or callers. While I will be using some affiliate links (primarily for additional information on trends, popularity, and client interests), this review site isn’t about money; it’s all about the phone sex & the phone sex girls. It’s all about callers being able to find quality phone sex operators — and it’s a chance for quality PSOs to get some recognition without having to pay for it.

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Want To Win The War On Poverty? Rebuild The Labor Movement

Want To Win The War On Poverty?  Rebuild The Labor Movement | Sex Work | Scoop.it
When conservative Ohio Governor and former Lehman Brothers executive John Kasich feels compelled to remind his fellow conservatives that upon entering Heaven, “Saint Peter is probably not going to ask you much about what you did about keeping government small. But he is going to ask you what you did for the poor,” you know poverty has reached center stage.

From the homilies of Pope Francis, to New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio's (pictured) inauguration speech, poverty and its close cousin inequality are playing starring roles in the current political discourse. The President’s 2015 budget proposal, released earlier this month, calls for a significant increase in federal spending on anti-poverty programs, and while these proposals are likely DOA in the Republican-controlled House, Democrats across the land have promised to campaign on the issue leading up to the 2014 midterm races. This year, then, appears little different from much of 2013: the spotlight on poverty shows no sign of dimming.

Via Jocelyn Stoller, Deanna Dahlsad
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And include sex workers in the labor movement; perhaps not unions per se, but in valuing workers & workers rights ~ and sex work as work.

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Deanna Dahlsad's curator insight, March 23, 4:56 PM

Not necessarily all feminist; but unions have their place in feminism and other battles of equality -- and unions are the way to cease this war on the masses.

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Nordic sex-trade strategy gaining steam

Nordic sex-trade strategy gaining steam | Sex Work | Scoop.it
Momentum is building for a new prostitution law modelled on Sweden's rules, heralded by Conservative... - Local - Winnipeg Free Press.
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"It contributes to the stigma and it pushes sex work underground and fuels exactly the kind of things the Conservative government wants to stop," said Ferris.

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Student auctions her virginity for online notoriety

Student auctions her virginity for online notoriety | Sex Work | Scoop.it

Despite the fact that Raine appears thrilled to make the transition “from virgin to literal whore”, in positioning herself “above” sex workers by insisting that she will lose it only for “exorbitant” sums of money, Raine’s project smacks decidedly of classism and whorephobia.


In her book about virginity in America, The Purity Myth, Jessica Valenti wrote, “What’s the difference between venerating women for being f-ckable and putting them on a purity pedestal? In both cases, women’s worth is contingent upon their ability to please men and to shape their sexual identities around what men want.”

Gracie Passette's insight:

As this (maybe not real?) woman proposes to sell her virginity, she slams sex work & feminism.

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I Watched Belle Knox Strip At A Gentlemen's Club

I Watched Belle Knox Strip At A Gentlemen's Club | Sex Work | Scoop.it
Despite my vehement support for Knox, her career and her right to make whatever choices she deems empowering and necessary, the overwhelming emotion I felt was discomfort. It was the least sexy sexual experience I've ever had....
Gracie Passette's insight:

Insightful & honest response. Kudos to Alanna Vagianos for being able to dissect her personal response and individual choice from the rights involved in the discussion of sex work.

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Sex & Disabilities

Sex & Disabilities | Sex Work | Scoop.it
Among the articles in the Feminist Times series on sex work, was a thought-provoking one about people with disabilities. In Nobody’s Entitled To Sex, Including Disabled People, Philippa Willitts, a...
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You can write erotica too!

You can write erotica too! | Sex Work | Scoop.it
In one of my previous posts, I showed you a picture of myself holding this vintage magazine, and I mentioned that aside from the fact that I loved the cover, its image sparked ideas in my mind abou...
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[Serious][NSFW] Redditors who have partaken in the services of a prostitute, what was the experience like? : AskReddit

[Serious][NSFW] Redditors who have partaken in the services of a prostitute, what was the experience like? : AskReddit | Sex Work | Scoop.it
As many details as you're comfortable with.
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An "Ask Reddit" discussion between supposed clients & the curious; and of course there are negative comments from some hobbyists.

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What Is Your City Masturbating To? - Digg

What Is Your City Masturbating To? - Digg | Sex Work | Scoop.it
The Pornhub Insights blog is responsible for post after post of awesome porn data. So when we decided we wanted to know what people were getting off to in cities like Anchorage, Honolulu and Detroit, we knew exactly who to ask.
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Data here for sex workers, perhaps?

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Normal Trailer EN

Normal is a 48 minute creative documentary that brings the real life stories of male, female and transgender migrants working in the sex industry to the screen. Drawing on original interviews with people working in the sex industry in Albania, Italy and the UK, documentary director and anthropologist Nicola Mai reveals their unheard voices.

In Tirana we meet Besnik, an Albanian young man who uses violence to stop his women getting under his skin. In Rome, Catalin is a Romanian minor selling sex to other men as it’s the best job he’s ever had. Having used violence in the past, Adrian, a Romanian young man, now respects his working girl to keep himself safe and out of jail. In London there’s Candy, a Romanian young woman who loves her trafficker to the point of getting convicted for controlling. Alina, a Moldovan woman, decides to work independently in the UK sex industry after having been trafficked. We also meet Cynthia, a transgender woman selling sex to feed her estranged family while waiting to fix her papers.


These voices often go against the grain of popular expectations that most migrant sex workers are exploited and forced to sell sex against their will. Confronting these attitudes, Normal uncovers a layered, human story of migration and sex work. What we hear are unexpected, disturbing, sometimes moving and often contradictory life stories. The viewer is continually challenged by the truth of their words, their dreams and the lives that they lead. All the characters are portrayed by actors, guaranteeing the anonymity and safety of the original interviewees

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Make Sure the Enema Hose is Clamped (And other words of advice from a sex worker)

Make Sure the Enema Hose is Clamped (And other words of advice from a sex worker) | Sex Work | Scoop.it

When people hear the phrase, "Sex Work," they often picture either a prostitute or a dominatrix. What are some other forms of sex work that people may not think of so quickly?

Cam girls, phone sex workers, fetish models, escorts, strippers, porn actors, massage parlor managers … I could go on :) It’s important to remember that “sex worker” is a self- ascribed term. A sex shoppe owner, for example, may identify as a sex worker, as may someone who runs the front office of an escort agency -- or, they may not.

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An interview with Sera Miles.

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Whorephobia on Tumblr

Whorephobia on Tumblr | Sex Work | Scoop.it

It annoys me how everyone on tumblr who is a stripper refers to other strippers as “sex workers”


I AM NOT A SEX WORKER.

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Click for the whole  conversation.

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Safety Shoes For Sex Workers

Safety Shoes For Sex Workers | Sex Work | Scoop.it
The Aphrodite Project, named for the patron goddess of sex workers, has brought the strategies of sex workers' past to solving the needs of sex workers today by inventing what can best be described...
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History & Educational Facts About Sex Work

History & Educational Facts About Sex Work | Sex Work | Scoop.it
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Sex Worker Meetups

Sex Worker Meetups | Sex Work | Scoop.it
Working to facilitate meetups and friendships within the sex worker community. Posts should NEVER include meeting location or personal information. All the posts should be used for is networking for...
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The Old Advertising Mantra

The Old Advertising Mantra | Sex Work | Scoop.it
Magazine Advertising
littlebunnysunshine:
“ 1942-(via File Photo)- by File Photo on Flickr.

Via Deanna Dahlsad
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Anti Sex Work Tirade

Anti Sex Work Tirade | Sex Work | Scoop.it

Consequently, her argument that selling sex is a way of disrupting patriarchy, and thus patriarchal capitalism, falls short for me. Just like the price tag on her education, patriarchal capitalism and free market principles determine the price tag on her body. It’s patriarchal capitalism that will determine she is “shot out” and should retire. And after she’s retired from selling sex, she will have to re-enter a patriarchal capitalist society, “ashamed” or not of her economic choices.

Gracie Passette's insight:

I agree that education is important;  and I'm anti-patriarchy. But this conversation dismisses the factual subject of people, of women, who like sex work. For a myriad of reasons, we like sex work. And that's too shocking for so many brains.


And funny how we never have these conversations about the capitalistic body issues of aging etc. regarding models, athletes, etc.

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Getting Around Ad-Block

Getting Around Ad-Block | Sex Work | Scoop.it
Advertise smarter, not nore aggressively. It used to be up to the visitor to decide, but not anymore. Here's how to get around ad-blocks!
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