Sex Positive

I wanted to write something about the human body in all its naked and diverse glory. I wanted to share the unexpected gift that sex work gave me; forgiveness for all my physical imperfections.

Working as a sex worker for many years I have seen naked bodies belonging to my clients, my co workers and myself in all sorts of positions, settings and lighting. Over the years I have become incredibly comfortable with human bodies and getting naked but that wasn’t always the case.

Taking my clothes off and showing my naked body to someone I just met, AND  having the nerve to expect them to pay me for it, was my first and most persistent fear about starting sex work. Before sex work my experience of being naked in front of people had largely been in the dark, after foreplay and with lots of anxiety. Each time i let my mind wander  what it would be like to do sex work, I would get stuck at the bit where I had to take off my clothes.

And it wasn’t just a concern for the first booking

Sexualities: Identities, Behaviors, and Society focuses on gender, using multiple disciplines, international populations, and theories to explore sexualities. The readings-including several written specifically for this volume-will grab students' attention. Topics range from the motivations of X-rated movie stars to vibrator use to gendered sexual fantasies. Same-sex orientation, people of color, and global populations are considered throughout. Sexualities: Identities, Behaviors, and Society opens with classical and contemporary theories about sexualities, including selections by Freud, Kinsey, and Fausto-Sterling. Subsequent chapters explore the ways in which we learn about sexual activities and develop sexual identities, both heterosexual and same-sex. The discussion expands to include sexual adaptations, sexual media, intersections with violence, and sexual education. The text ends with a key question: How will the next generation be taught about sex?

Research examining the preferences of Facebook dating app, Are You Interested, found men from all different races prefer a partner of another race over their own.

Learn why it is important to talk to your teenagers about the emotional consequences of sex and sexual relationships.

The implication is that with the insufficient “supply” of women, tempting men with a hint of sexuality is too dangerous. This is almost a textbook example of victim-blaming, in which victims of sexual assault or aggression are construed to have been asking for it based on non-verbal cues, such as clothing, demeanor or profession. This sort of rhetoric flares up in large-scale rape cases. While covering the alleged rape of 14-year-old Daisy Coleman, known in the media as the Maryville case, an expert witness on Fox Newssaid, “What did she expect to happen at 1am in the morning after sneaking out?” The example in the New York Times article is a variation on the same concept; the woman is cautioned that she should adjust her behavior because this will either tempt or invite sexual aggression from men. It is not the man’s responsibility to not rape women; it is the woman’s responsibility to not ‘ask for it’.

It may seem redundant to point out the commodification of female flesh in the industry of sex work. However, the issue at hand is specifically the rationalization that it is a simple function of the influx of men that creates conditions fertile for exploitation and predation. Critically absent from this discourse is a question as to why the men in Williston engage in this behavior. Ara Wilson, an associate professor of women’s studies at Duke University, points out that the definition of capitalist markets as “benign vehicles” that merely channel “wants, needs, and desires” overlooks the fact that “desires can be fostered and created.” Anybody can see how a sense of necessity did not precede the existence of consumer goods like smart phones, jewelry, or the millions of toys produced each year. However, with sex work, it’s taken as a given that desire precedes the market, and Wilson notes that a discussion of the creation of desire for sex work “remain[s] surprisingly unexamined”.

I know many of you who read here are, or have been, sex workers. Myself included, of course. We consider ourselves to be sex positive feminists who want sex work to be recognized and respected as work. Most of us believe it should be decriminalized, if not completely legal, even if  we often disagree about how best to achieve those things. But often in our conversions on the subject of (and issues surrounding) sex work, it is clear that many hold onto their own experiences at the expense of seeing the larger picture. Just like those who were harmed come out swinging “against” sex work, we let our feelings color and even cloud our willingness to hear from others.

I really wish the conservatives out there, especially those who are anti-feminist, would get their facts straight; to-whit, feminists are not celebrating “infamous college campus hook-up culture” ~ and especially not at the price of bad or even mediocre sex. Most feminists are, however, sex positive.

Condom fashion collection earns Vietnam Guinness Tuoitrenews A fashion collection titled “Condom fashion mix”, part of the campaign to normalize the use of condoms among youths, earned the Vietnam Guinness recognition as the largest one made from...