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In this workshop, you will learn to stop being so hard on yourself, handle difficult emotions with greater ease, and motivate yourself with kindness rather than criticism with Dr. Kristin Neff, the leading expert on self compassion. Join us online as Dr. Neff presents her workshop at the Ecumenical Center. Together, we'll learn to respond in a kind, compassionate way whenever we are experiencing painful emotions. We all want to avoid pain, but letting it in—and responding compassionately to our own imperfections without harsh self-condemnation—are essential steps toward living happier, more fulfilling lives. Through discussion, mindfulness practice, and self-compassion exercises, you will gain practical skills and take essential steps toward living a happier, more fulfilling life. more about Kristin Neff http://cultureofempathy.com/References/Experts/Kristin-Neff.htm
In Nonviolent Communication we come to understand empathy as the capacity to be fully present with another, accompanying them as they experience and/or express what is alive for them in a given moment. We learn how to differentiate between empathy and other ways of being with another (such as sympathy, reassurance, advising, educating, etc.) We hone the skill of being a spacious, non-judgmental presence as we listen. We become skilled at hearing the feelings and needs being expressed. by Leah Boyd
Self-compassion can help the newly divorced get through one of the most difficult periods of their lives, researchers suggest. They explained that self-compassion -- a combination of kindness toward oneself, recognition of common humanity, and the ability to let painful emotions pass -- "can promote resilience and positive outcomes in the face of divorce." University of Arizona researchers studied 38 men and 67 women... By Robert Preidt
SUNDAY, Sept. 25 (HealthDay News) -- Self-compassion can help the newly divorced get through one of the most difficult periods of their lives, researchers suggest. They explained that self-compassion -- a combination of kindness toward oneself, recognition of common humanity, and the ability to let painful emotions pass -- "can promote resilience and positive outcomes in the face of divorce." The University of Arizona researchers studied 38 men and 67 women with an average age of 40 who were married for more than 13 years and were divorced for an average of three to four months. Those with higher levels of self-compassion were able to recover faster from the emotional impact of divorce.
Find out why applying the Golden Rule to yourself can boost your confidence and may help you achieve your goals. It happens to the best of us: You beat yourself up for losing your patience with the kids or for having that extra scoop of ice cream after dinner. But according to new research in the growing field of self-compassion, people who are too hard on themselves are more likely to suffer from depression, anxiety and pessimism. They also tend to feel more isolated and have poor coping skills. Individuals who are less critical of themselves, on the other hand, typically have a higher sense of competence and self-worth and lead happier, healthier lives. By Robin Hilmantel
This is a moment of suffering
Suffering is part of life
May I be kind to myself in this moment May I give myself the compassion I need. This is a mantra that Kristin Neff, author of Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind, shared on my radio show recently when I asked her how do you begin to be kind to yourself. Her book is an eloquent mix of strong social science research and her own personal stories of finding the power of self-kindness during the discovery and healing process of her son’s autism.
Since the 1980s, educators in California and elsewhere have been urged to help children build self-esteem to make them feel good about themselves and reduce discipline problems. Now, some researchers are saying a better approach is to cultivate self-compassion in children, to help them accept their struggles and guard against self-absorption. There's a burgeoning area of psychological study focused on self-compassion. Kristin Neff, a University of Texas at Austinprofessor and pioneer in the field, has conducted research showing people who are more self-compassionate have less anxiety and depression and tend to be happier.
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Self-compassion may help curb the self-critical thoughts and emotional distress that fuel overeating. If you’ve ever tried a diet or another “no-fail” weight-loss recipe only to meet more failure than success, you’ve probably wondered what’s wrong with you. Rather than beat yourself up for not trying hard enough, you ’d do better to try a new ingredient for sustainable weight loss: self-compassion. The assertion that kindness, not self-discipline, is the missing ingredient in most weight-loss plans is supported by a growing body of psychological research
A common but not frequently recognized side effect of traumatic life experiences is an excessive harshness towards self, which often times co-exists with a healthy degree of care and concern for others.
While this harshness towards self can be expressed in a multitude of ways, a commonality is the existence of different standards – be it the standard regarding fairness, worth, acceptability, love, etc…– for yourself and others; with the standards for self being more stringent, unrealistic and possibly even unattainable.
Phrased another way, you judge yourself with more rigorous criteria than you use for anyone else.
If you don't know of Kristin Neff, you should. And if you do, you'll no doubt want to know more. Why? Because Neff, the world's leading self-compassion researcher, has developed a mind-altering prescription that just might change your life.
Why we should stop chasing self-esteem and start developing self-compassion.
The great angst of modern life is this: no matter how hard we try, no matter how successful we are, no matter how good a parent, worker, or spouse we are - it's never enough. There is always someone richer, thinner, smarter, or more powerful, someone that makes us feel small in comparison. Failure of any kind, large or small, is unacceptable. The result: therapist's offices, pharmaceutical companies, and the self-help aisles of bookstores are besieged by people who feel they're not okay as they are. What to do?
One response has come in the form of the self-esteem movement. Over the years there have been literally thousands of books and magazine articles promoting self-esteem - how to get it, raise it and keep it. The pursuit of high self-esteem has become a virtual religion, but research indicates this has serious downsides.
Kristin Neff at Books inc in Berkeley, CA (June 2, 2011) talking about her book, Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind. Kristin teaches readers how to silence self-criticism and replace it with self-compassion in order to fulfill their highest potential and live happier, more fulfilled lives. For more and transcripts http://bit.ly/m2rCN2Video by Edwin Rutsch
In societies that encourage us to compete with each other, compassion is often seen as a weakness.
Striving to get ahead, self-criticism, fear, and hostility toward others seem to come more naturally to us.
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...When we experience failure or other disappointments in ourselves, we can bring care and understanding to our hurt rather than punishment. We can view our foibles and imperfections in the larger context of human experience; we are not unique or alone in this arena. We can foster a balanced approach to our negative thoughts and feelings; without dismissing or exaggerating them, we can be nonjudgmental observers, capable of making reasonable adjustments and moving on.We benefit from being our own best friend and so does the world. When we love ourselves, we strengthen our capacity for empathy. Without self-compassion, we cannot be truly compassionate toward others. Psychologist and Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield says, ".... compassion is a circle that encompasses all beings, including ourselves. Compassion blossoms only when we remember ourselves and others, when the two sides are in harmony." by Marcia McConnell Ranch
The power of self-compassion is not just an idea; it's very real and actually manifests in our bodies. When we soothe our own pain, we are tapping into the mammalian care-giving system. In my work I have defined self-compassion as having three main interacting components: self-kindness, a sense of common humanity and mindfulness. Self-kindness refers to the tendency to be caring and understanding with oneself rather than being harshly critical or judgmental. Instead of taking a cold "stiff-upper-lip" approach in times of suffering, self-kindness offers soothing and comfort to the self. Common humanity involves recognizing that all humans are imperfect, fail and make mistakes. by Kristin Neff
Since the 1980s, educators around the country have been urged to help children build self-esteem to make them feel good about themselves and reduce discipline problems. Now, some researchers are saying a better approach is to cultivate self-compassion in children, to help them accept their struggles and guard against self-absorption. There’s a burgeoning area of psychological study focused on self-compassion. Kristin Neff, a University of Texas at Austin professor and pioneer in the field, has conducted research [PDF] showing people who are more self-compassionate have less anxiety and depression and tend to be happier. by Eleanor Yang Su
she shares a tip about self compassion. When the negative chatter starts, think about the words we would use with someone else who is affected by weight stigma. Chances are, our words would be encouraging, motivating and compassionate. Can we do the same for ourselves? Talk to yourself like you would talk to others.
For some, divorce is a bump in the road. For other, it is a tragedy that can take years to overcome – if ever. A new study attempts to explain this variation in outcomes in terms of one particular personality trait — self-compassion. Self-compassion was defined by researchers as a combination of kindness toward oneself, recognition of common humanity and the ability to let painful emotions pass.
As a student of the dharma and psychology, I get very excited to find that many recent research findings are remarkably consistent with dharma teachings. Recently, I published the following blog on my work website about research findings on self-compassion. This is a term coined by psychologist and researcher Dr. Kristin Neff, a faculty member at the University of Texas in Austin. Self-compassion is very similar to the Buddhist concept of maitri. by Iektje van Bolhuis
Shambhala Times Community News Magazine
Learn how to give up insecurity and self recrimination in this tender conversation with Kristin Neff, PhD, author of Self-Compassion. Compassion is one of the most misunderstood yet life-changing skills in our emotional toolkit. It connects us deeply to all of humanity and in doing so offers us access to true open-heartedness. Listen to how in practicing self compassion we give up the painful judgments that turn normal human suffering into failure and replace it with a self soothing voice of kindness.
Most people in Western cultures are pretty self-condemning, at least in the privacy of our own heads. According to researcher Kristin Neff, author of "Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind, people who are self-compassionate fare better in each scenario. Those who receive even that small cue to be self-compassionate about the doughnut are more likely to restrain themselves from binging on the candy later. Those who score highest on the self-compassion test are least likely to get defensive about their flaws and most likely to take responsibility for their mistakes. In a study, those who receive even that small cue to be self-compassionate about taste-testing doughnut are more likely to restrain themselves from binging on the candy later.
Compassion is a huge value of mine. Now I like to use the term open-heartedness, because compassion tends to be specific to the context of suffering. Of course we want to have open hearts in face of suffering, but also want to have open hearts in the face of joy and when we are at our bests and have great successes and achievements.
Just keep our hearts open no mater what happens, positive, negative or even neutral. Open mind and open heart, just trying to stay open...
For me open-heartedness is the core state and it manifests differently. So open-heartedness toward your suffering is compassion, open-heartedness for my suffering is self-compassion, open-heartedness for your joy and accomplishments, there's a term in Buddhism is called Mudita, also called sympathetic joy, so I can feel with you, in your happiness, as well as feel with you in your sorrow.
Kristin studied communications as an undergraduate at the University of California at Los Angeles (B.A., 1988). She did her graduate work at University of California at Berkeley (Ph.D., 1997), studying moral development with Dr. Elliot Turiel.
When something has gone wrong, when there’s been a mistake made, no matter how small, many people are all too quick to point the finger — at themselves...
But there’s something you can build that’s more substantial than self-esteem. Something that doesn’t waver and can actually boost your well-being — and your performance isn’t a factor. According to psychologist Kristin Neff, Ph.D, in her book Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind, that something is self-compassion.
"Buck Up."
"Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself."
"Don't Ruin Everything."
When you are anxious, sad, angry, or lonely, do you hear this self-critical voice? What would happen if, instead of fighting difficult emotions, we accepted them?
Christopher K. Germer,
Sharon Salzberg
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