Quelques outils pour les ADR ....
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Psychotherapy - The School of Life

Having some psychotherapy is just about the most significant and interesting thing you could do to improve your chances of contentment - in relationships, at work, and with friends and family.

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The Secret to Negotiating Is Reading People’s Faces

Focus on the face. The next time you ask an important question in a negotiation, focus on your counterpart’s face for at least four seconds, instead of just listening to the words coming out of his or her mouth.
Tell a story. Negotiators have an easier time controlling their expressions when they’re talking. So don’t ask too many open questions. Instead describe what you want or share an anecdote about another negotiating partner who shared concerns similar to theirs and watch how they respond as they listen. Their guard will lower a little and you’ll be able to see their honest reactions to what you’re saying — knowledge to guide the rest of the conversation.
Present multiple options. As you present a list of choices to negotiating partners, their microexpressions will reveal which they like and which they don’t, sometimes even before they’re consciously aware of their preferences. Watch closely to see what their face tells you about each option.

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Meagan Olsen's comment, September 19, 8:22 PM
I thought this article and research provided interesting information about how to read the little tells that people give us through their involuntary microexpressions that happen in times of intense emotion. As said in the article, these expressions only last 1/25 of a second, so in person it is hard to catch them sometimes, especially when the stakes are high. Wezowski says, “Attention to microexpressions allows you to secretly respond to the feedback your negotiating partners don’t even realize they’re giving, ensuring that you stay in control of the dialogue and achieve better outcomes.”
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Les douze obstacles à la communication

Est-ce que vous communiquez efficacement? Cette semaine, dans la minute de formation «Les douze obstacles à la communication», nous allons appliquer des truc...

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bien vu: aucune écoute

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Christophe André : « La parole sur la gentillesse se libère »

Christophe André : « La parole sur la gentillesse se libère » | Quelques outils pour les ADR .... | Scoop.it

Le Monde.fr version mobile - Le psychiatre et auteur de best-sellers sur l’art du bonheur revient sur son parcours et défend le besoin de bienveillance dont on a selon lui « un besoin biologique ».


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The Power of Empathy and Focusing: Ann Weiser Cornell & Edwin Rutsch

"...I had a story that moved me very much that I heard recently. A woman came into a children's section of a hospital and a child was having an absolute emotional melt down. She had been told she couldn't go home today. And she is screaming, "I want to go home. I want to go home." And all the kind people around her, the aids, the nurses and so on, her mother are offering her, "Here is what you can do instead. Here is a doll. Here is a toy. And she is screaming, "I want to go home!"

 

So the woman walks in and kneels down to the child's level and says, "Sweetie, you want to go home" 

 

And the child stops screaming. There's silence in the room. And her attention shifts. Without even saying another word, now she is interested in the toys and the dolls and the so on. So what we see happening over and over again, is that people hold fixed positions until their position is heard and then there is a shift.  And if we look at the world today, what makes us frustrated, sad, and angry about so many of the things that are going on, is people holding fixed positions, and unable to hear each other, and even the people that we believe in, who we think ought to be the ones who are prevailing, are also hold fixed positions and not hearing or being heard...."

Video transcript:
http://cultureofempathy.com/references/Experts/Ann-Weiser-Cornell.htm

 


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Therapeutic Alliance: What’s Love Got to Do with Therapy?

Therapeutic Alliance: What’s Love Got to Do with Therapy? | Quelques outils pour les ADR .... | Scoop.it

" ...[Therapeutic alliance] is an emotional bond between the therapist and the person in therapy, which includes a shared agreement regarding the goals to work on as well as the form of psychological intervention used (Goldberg et al., 2013).


Goldberg brought up a related construct—the real relationship (Gelso & Carter, 1994)—which involves the “actual, non-transferential relationship between a client and a therapist” which he feels most accurately reflects what we might call love in therapy. The real relationship is theorized to operate in tandem with the therapeutic alliance, combining the emotional bond of therapist and person in therapy with agreement on the tasks and the goals of where the therapy work is headed. “Love has something major to do with effective therapy,” he adds.

 

Part of the therapeutic alliance includes a positive attachment contracted around the mutually defined treatment plan for therapy. The role of the therapeutic alliance is central to psychotherapy, and the effect is independent of the type of therapy used. The quality of the therapeutic alliance accounts for approximately 30% of the clinical outcome, while the guiding theory or model used accounts for 15% (Walsh, 2013).

 

In other words, therapists are all different, but the methods or theories they use are far less important in terms of a person feeling better (Germer et al., 2005). This means that the alphabet soup of therapy acronyms (e.g., EMDR, CBT, DBT, ACT, etc.) are relatively minor ingredients to what really fills the therapeutic bowl: a person’s individual characteristics (participation, motivation, problems, background) and the therapeutic alliance (Walsh, 2013)..."


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Breaking out of the Drama Triangle - by Sharie Stines, Psy.D

Breaking out of the Drama Triangle - by Sharie Stines, Psy.D | Quelques outils pour les ADR .... | Scoop.it

"...1. Realize that you are repeating a pattern. Stand back and observe your pattern. Most likely you are being triggered in some way, or manipulated by someone close to you. In order to change the pattern, you need first to identify it. Once you are aware of your part, play a different tune.  Sing a new song. Don’t do the same thing you have always done. Take a contrary action.


2. Under any circumstance, do not become defensive. Keep a neutral attitude. Even if you feel defensive (especially if you feel defensive) do not act from that mental state. Use a non-reactive, non-emotional, easy-going tone. Make statements that stop the conflict, for instance, use terms such as, “Perhaps you’re right.” “That could be.” “Interesting point.” “Nevertheless…” Remind yourself to not get “hooked” into the drama.


3. If you find yourself feeling like a victim, learn to take responsibility for yourself instead of blaming others for how your life is turning out. Even if you truly are the victim, do not conclude that you are powerless to take care of yourself under the circumstances. Take the energy you feel about being victimized and convert it into determination. Resolve to yourself that you will figure out how to solve your problem without the other person’s assistance. This will help you develop your own personal power.


4. If you find yourself feeling like you’re taking on too much responsibility, back off, allowing others to take on their own responsibilities, even allowing others to fail if that happens. Sometimes others need to face consequences for their own decisions. Remind yourself that you are not responsible for other people’s choices – even if that person is your child. Also, realize that everyone has a right to personal agency – that is the right to determine their own destiny (God-willing).  It is more healthy for a parent to let children learn the hard way than to jump in and fix everything for them. This goes for other types of relationships as well. Allow others the dignity to figure out their own lives. Remember that when you rescue others: you are sending them the implied message that they are not sufficiently competent to handle the matter themselves.


5. Refrain from the following: blaming, criticizing, accusing, lecturing, scolding, monitoring, threatening, preaching, obsessing, over-reacting, or under-reacting. Instead, focus on being neutral. Ask yourself, “How can I bring a blessing to this situation? Or, how can I be a soothing presence right now?”  If the other person is unwilling or unable to participate in a healthy interaction, figure out a way to remove yourself physically from the encounter until a better time.
Remember the term FOG. FOG stands for Fear, Obligation, Guilt.  If you feel any of those feelings, consistently, in a significant relationship, you are most likely dealing with a manipulator. You need to remember to get out of the FOG. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated. On the other hand, if you are trying to make another person feel consistently Fearful, Obligated, or Guilty, you are the manipulator and are not operating with emotional health. Be direct, honest, and live with integrity.

6. Realize that when a person is living in active addiction and abuse, you will not be able to have a healthy relationship with the person until he or she, too, is in a real process of recovery. If the person is a recovering alcoholic, he or she will be sober and working an actual program.  If the person is a recovering abuser, he or she will be seeking help from accountability partners and will actually be introspective and thoughtful. If your loved one is not healthy, don’t think you can have a healthy relationship with that person. The best thing you can do is focus on your own emotional growth. Remember, recovery is for those who want it, not for those who need it."

[click on the title for the full article] 

 


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Dimitris Tsantaris's curator insight, January 18, 7:23 AM

"The drama triangle is a social model of human interaction – the triangle maps a type of destructive interaction that can occur between people in conflict. The drama triangle model is a tool used in psychotherapy, specifically transactional analysis.

[...]

Karpman used triangles to map conflicted or drama intense relationship transactions. The Karpman Drama Triangle models the connection between personal responsibility and power in conflicts, and the destructive and shifting roles people play. He defined three roles in the conflict; Persecutor, Rescuer (the one up positions) and Victim (one down position). Karpman placed these three roles on an inverted triangle and referred to them as being the three aspects, or faces of drama. Karpman, who had interests in acting and was a member of the Screen Actors Guild, chose the term "drama triangle" rather the term "conflict triangle" as the Victim in his model is not intended to represent an actual victim, but rather someone feeling or acting like a victim.
 

The Victim: The Victim's stance is "Poor me!" The Victim feels victimized, oppressed, helpless, hopeless, powerless, ashamed, and seems unable to make decisions, solve problems, take pleasure in life, or achieve insight. The Victim, if not being persecuted, will seek out a Persecutor and also a Rescuer who will save the day but also perpetuate the Victim's negative feelings.

 The Rescuer: The rescuer's line is "Let me help you." A classic enabler, the Rescuer feels guilty if he/she doesn't go to the rescue. Yet his/her rescuing has negative effects: It keeps the Victim dependent and gives the Victim permission to fail. The rewards derived from this rescue role are that the focus is taken off of the rescuer. When he/she focuses their energy on someone else, it enables them to ignore their own anxiety and issues. This rescue role is also very pivotal, because their actual primary interest is really an avoidance of their own problems disguised as concern for the victim’s needs.
 

 The Persecutor: The Persecutor insists, "It's all your fault." The Persecutor is controlling, blaming, critical, oppressive, angry, authoritative, rigid, and superior.
 

Initially, a drama triangle arises when a person takes on the role of a victim or persecutor. This person then feels the need to enlist other players in to the conflict. These enlisted players take on roles of their own that are not static and therefore various scenarios can occur. For example, the victim might turn on the rescuer, the rescuer then switches to persecuting — or as often happens, a rescuer is encouraged to enter the situation."


Read more: 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle

-

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Deux passions valent mieux qu'une

Deux passions valent mieux qu'une | Quelques outils pour les ADR .... | Scoop.it
Pour être heureux, avoir une passion, c'est bien. Selon une étude, en avoir deux, c'est mieux.
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Cinq tendances autour de l’authenticité, ce fabuleux vecteur d'innovation

Cinq tendances autour de l’authenticité, ce fabuleux vecteur d'innovation | Quelques outils pour les ADR .... | Scoop.it
Avec l’avènement du digital et d’une communication marque-consommateur plus interactive, réelle et exigeante, les marques ont (enfin) compris l’intérêt de privilégier le rapport personnel avec leurs audiences.

Via Inventive.fr, Corinne Chauffrut Werner , Nicolas Calvo
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élémentaire..

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7 astuces simples pour interagir avec des personnes négatives | DantotsuPM.com

7 astuces simples pour interagir avec des personnes négatives | DantotsuPM.com | Quelques outils pour les ADR .... | Scoop.it
Avez-vous jamais interagi avec des personnes négatives ? Si vous l’avez fait, vous savez que l'expérience peut être vraiment déprimante. Voici 7 astuces sur comment vous pouvez interagir avec les personnes négatives.

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Bien-être au travail: votre fatigue n'est pas liée à ce que vous faites, mais à ce que vous ne dites pas | Philippe de Lapoyade

Bien-être au travail: votre fatigue n'est pas liée à ce que vous faites, mais à ce que vous ne dites pas | Philippe de Lapoyade | Quelques outils pour les ADR .... | Scoop.it

Toute personne souhaite qu'on lui parle de manière directe, calme et respectueuse. Mettre en accord cette attente avec la réalité est la clé pour garantir un environnement de confort et de bien-être relationnel au travail.


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Christophe André et la méditation en pleine conscience

Christophe André et la méditation en pleine conscience | Quelques outils pour les ADR .... | Scoop.it
Médecin psychiatre, auteur de nombreux best-sellers, Christophe André médite aussi depuis des années et pratique la pleine conscience. Cette méthode apprend à vivre ancré dans la réalité, en étant pleinement attentif à l’instant présent.
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J'adore ses livres.
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«Transformer la relation hiérarchique plutôt que la remplacer»

«Transformer la relation hiérarchique plutôt que la remplacer» | Quelques outils pour les ADR .... | Scoop.it
Jacques Lecomte, docteur en psychologie, expert en psychologie positive, a notamment publié (Éd. les Arènes).
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Notre cerveau, roi des réseaux

Notre cerveau, roi des réseaux | Quelques outils pour les ADR .... | Scoop.it

Le cerveau est un immense réseau social où les neurones interagissent comme les « amis » de Facebook.

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Neurosciences : notre voix influence nos émotions @Psylefil

Neurosciences : notre voix influence nos émotions @Psylefil | Quelques outils pour les ADR .... | Scoop.it

Neurosciences : notre voix influence nos émotions @Psylefil

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How Do We Increase Empathy?

How Do We Increase Empathy? | Quelques outils pour les ADR .... | Scoop.it
Dacher Keltner, who runs the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California at Berkeley, says that having people think about suffering activates the vagus nerve, which is linked to compassion. He also cites evidence that uplifting stories about sacrifice boost empathy, as do various kinds of contemplation — prayer, meditation, yoga.

Keltner says that going out into nature also appears to encourage greater compassion. Feelings of awe, such as those generated by incredible images from space, seem to do the same thing, he says.

Professor Pinker, in his superb book “The Better Angels of Our Nature,” explores whether the spread of affordable fiction and journalism beginning in the 18th century expanded empathy by making it easier for people to imagine themselves in the shoes of others. Researchers have found that reading literary fiction by the likes of Don DeLillo or Alice Munro — but not beach fiction or nonfiction — can promote empathy.

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Therapy wars: the revenge of Freud

Therapy wars: the revenge of Freud | Quelques outils pour les ADR .... | Scoop.it

"...Perhaps the only undeniable truth to emerge from disputes among therapists is that we still don’t have much of a clue how minds work. When it comes to easing mental suffering, “it’s like we’ve got a hammer, a saw, a nail-gun and a loo brush, and this box that doesn’t always work properly, so we just keep hitting the box with each of these tools to see what works,” said Jules Evans, policy director for the Centre for the History of Emotions at Queen Mary, University of London.
 

This may be why many scholars have been drawn to what has become known as the “dodo-bird verdict”: the idea, supported by some studies, that the specific kind of therapy makes little difference. (The name comes from the Dodo’s pronouncement in Alice in Wonderland: “Everybody has won, and all must have prizes.”) What seems to matter much more is the presence of a compassionate, dedicated therapist, and a patient committed to change; if one therapy is better than all others for all or even most problems, it has yet to be discovered. David Pollens, in his Upper East Side consulting room, said he had some sympathy for that verdict, despite his passion for psychoanalysis. “There was a wonderful British analyst, Michael Balint, who was very involved in medical training, and he had a question he liked to pose [to doctors],” Pollens said. It was: “‘What do you think is the most powerful medication you prescribe?’ And people would try to answer that, and then eventually he’d say: ‘the relationship’.”..."


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Mindfulness Pain Relief Distinct from Placebo Effect

Mindfulness Pain Relief Distinct from Placebo Effect | Quelques outils pour les ADR .... | Scoop.it

"There is an accumulating body of evidence that mindfulness meditation, defined in this study as “a cognitive practice based on developing nonjudgmental awareness of arising sensory events,” can reduce the subjective experience of pain in various settings. However, scientists have yet to determine how mindfulness practice is able to lessen the experience of pain. Some have suggested that it reduces the anxiety that often accompanies a painful experience, while others speculate that it works similar to a placebo.

 

To investigate whether mindfulness meditation engages the same pain relieving neural mechanisms in the brain that are associated with the placebo effect, a team of researchers, led by Fadel Zeidan from the Wake Forest School of Medicine, used neuroimaging to compare patients using mindfulness and various placebo treatments.

Psychosocial contexts have been shown to have a powerful effect on the experience of pain as well, and some scientists have wondered whether the “nonspecific” components of mindfulness, such as the silence or positive interaction with the therapist, rather than the therapy itself might be influencing the results of past studies.

 

To account for this possibility the researchers also set up a “sham” mindfulness group that incorporated the “nonspecific” elements of meditation but did not follow mindfulness techniques. The sham treatment was set up to lead the participants to believe that they were practicing actual mindfulness therapy. Indeed, “there were no significant differences in ‘perceived meditative effectiveness’ between the mindfulness and sham mindfulness meditation groups.” Interestingly, however, only the actual mindfulness group showed increased scores on mindfulness measures after the intervention.

The research team found that mindfulness meditation engaged different brain regions than the “sham” meditation and placebo cream interventions. In addition, those in the mindfulness meditation group showed the greatest reduction in pain.

 

The sham mindfulness did produce a significant reduction in pain scores, but these decreases appeared to be correlated to lower respiration rates, leading the researchers to suggest that the effect was due to the relaxation response produced by the “nonspecific” elements of the intervention. Mindfulness meditation, on the other hand, produced even greater reductions in pain intensity and unpleasantness that were independent of respiration rates. The researchers suggest that these pain reductions were achieved through neural mechanisms unrelated to typical breathing-related relaxation techniques..."

[click on the title for the full article] 

 

 


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Dimitris Tsantaris's curator insight, December 17, 2015 10:49 AM

Zeidan, F., Emerson, N. M., Farris, S. R., Ray, J. N., Jung, Y., McHaffie, J. G., & Coghill, R. C. (2015). Mindfulness Meditation-Based Pain Relief Employs Different Neural Mechanisms Than Placebo and Sham Mindfulness Meditation-Induced Analgesia. The Journal of Neuroscience, 35(46), 15307-15325.
 

Abstract

Mindfulness meditation reduces pain in experimental and clinical settings. However, it remains unknown whether mindfulness meditation engages pain-relieving mechanisms other than those associated with the placebo effect (e.g., conditioning, psychosocial context, beliefs). To determine whether the analgesic mechanisms of mindfulness meditation are different from placebo, we randomly assigned 75 healthy, human volunteers to 4 d of the following: (1) mindfulness meditation, (2) placebo conditioning, (3) sham mindfulness meditation, or (4) book-listening control intervention. We assessed intervention efficacy using psychophysical evaluation of experimental pain and functional neuroimaging. Importantly, all cognitive manipulations (i.e., mindfulness meditation, placebo conditioning, sham mindfulness meditation) significantly attenuated pain intensity and unpleasantness ratings when compared to rest and the control condition (p < 0.05). Mindfulness meditation reduced pain intensity (p = 0.032) and pain unpleasantness (p < 0.001) ratings more than placebo analgesia. Mindfulness meditation also reduced pain intensity (p = 0.030) and pain unpleasantness (p = 0.043) ratings more than sham mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness-meditation-related pain relief was associated with greater activation in brain regions associated with the cognitive modulation of pain, including the orbitofrontal, subgenual anterior cingulate, and anterior insular cortex. In contrast, placebo analgesia was associated with activation of the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex and deactivation of sensory processing regions (secondary somatosensory cortex). Sham mindfulness meditation-induced analgesia was not correlated with significant neural activity, but rather by greater reductions in respiration rate. This study is the first to demonstrate that mindfulness-related pain relief is mechanistically distinct from placebo analgesia. The elucidation of this distinction confirms the existence of multiple, cognitively driven, supraspinal mechanisms for pain modulation.


Significance statement

Recent findings have demonstrated that mindfulness meditation significantly reduces pain. Given that the “gold standard” for evaluating the efficacy of behavioral interventions is based on appropriate placebo comparisons, it is imperative that we establish whether there is an effect supporting meditation-related pain relief above and beyond the effects of placebo. Here, we provide novel evidence demonstrating that mindfulness meditation produces greater pain relief and employs distinct neural mechanisms than placebo cream and sham mindfulness meditation. Specifically, mindfulness meditation-induced pain relief activated higher-order brain regions, including the orbitofrontal and cingulate cortices. In contrast, placebo analgesia was associated with decreased pain-related brain activation. These findings demonstrate that mindfulness meditation reduces pain through unique mechanisms and may foster greater acceptance of meditation as an adjunct pain therapy.

 http://www.jneurosci.org/content/35/46/15307.abstract ;

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How to Deal with Narcissistic Rage?

How to Deal with Narcissistic Rage? | Quelques outils pour les ADR .... | Scoop.it

"..."Narcissistic rage” is a term coined in 1972 by Heinz Kohut. It occurs when the narcissist perceives he is being personally “attacked” by someone else. When his exaggerated sense of self-worth or sense of entitlement is challenged it often leads to narcissistic rage. Narcissistic rage is a reaction to” narcissistic injury”, i.e., a perceived threat to their self-worth or self-esteem. Narcissistic rage can be either explosive or passive-aggressive, although most people associate the explosive type with the term ‘narcissistic rage’. The explosive rages are just that- explosive, volatile outbursts which may be verbal, physical, or both. A passive-aggressive rage is manifested as withdrawal into a lengthy, sulky silent treatment. Both are means to punish the offender. It is also not uncommon to find an explosive rage followed by passive-aggressive rage (the silent treatment).

 

For Kohut, narcissistic rage can also be related to narcissists’ need for total control of their environment, including “the need for revenge, for righting a wrong, for undoing a hurt by whatever means”. It may also involve self-protection and preservation, with rage serving to restore a sense of safety and power by destroying that which had threatened the narcissist.

 

To the narcissist, the rage is justly directed towards the person that they felt slighted or challenged them; to observers, the rage is irrational and unjust. The fuming rage impairs their cognition, therefore impairing their judgment. During the rage they are prone to shouting, fact distortion and making groundless accusations.

 

There are several differences between anger and narcissistic rage. Anger is a natural reaction to a frustrating or annoying event. Anger occurs from a rational cause and dissipates after expressing it. The volcanic rage the narcissist feels is different from the anger that people usually feel; it is either irrational or severely blown out of proportion (for example, significant rage as a reaction to an insignificant remark or action).

 

Therefore, any challenge, disagreement or even mildly negative remark from another person is considered criticism, rejection or mockery. Narcissists perceive these as an all out assault or total betrayal, and go to war with the person who dares to do that to them. A mere slight is apt to result in shouting, screaming, and making absurd accusations against the victim for having such atrocious intentions and actions.

 

Narcissists utilize “projection” during their rages. They accuse the victim of being selfish, inconsiderate, jealous, dishonest, or conceited but what they are actually projecting is their own feelings of inadequacy in those areas.

 

Narcissists can, and often do, contradict themselves in the same breath. Sometimes they claim they said something which they did not actually say, blaming the victim for not listening. Or they do actually say something but claim they never did..."

 

 [click on the title for the full article] 



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EXERCICE SIMPLE POUR AIDER À CHANGER LES CROYANCES | LaPresseGalactique.org

EXERCICE SIMPLE POUR AIDER À CHANGER LES CROYANCES | LaPresseGalactique.org | Quelques outils pour les ADR .... | Scoop.it

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comment stimuler les hormones du bonheur - Inten-Sité

comment stimuler les hormones du bonheur - Inten-Sité | Quelques outils pour les ADR .... | Scoop.it

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De l'engagement des talents à l'intelligence collective

De l'engagement des talents à l'intelligence collective | Quelques outils pour les ADR .... | Scoop.it

Et si la slow transformation permettait de passer de l’engagement des talents à une intelligence collective pérenne et durable ?


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gerardvanklaveren's curator insight, October 11, 2015 7:50 AM

Slow management compatible ?

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L’improvisation théâtrale au service de votre prise de parole en public

L’improvisation théâtrale au service de votre prise de parole en public | Quelques outils pour les ADR .... | Scoop.it
Que ce soit dans notre vie personnelle ou dans notre vie professionnelle, nous avons tous été confronté un jour à la parole devant un auditoire. Cet exercice est d’ailleurs souvent une profonde source de stress et d’inquiétude pour nous. j’ai donc testé pour vous un atelier découverte organisé par Décalez ! un organisme de formation spécialisé dans l’improvisation théatrale pour justement « dédramatiser » cet exercice et découvrir notre personnalité d’orateur

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