It’s official. Just got the call from the Vatican. They want me to be the next Pope. I agreed, providing they make a few small changes to their doctrine. Ten tiny changes, to be exact:
1. Reverse their stance on gay people, and encourage people to be who they are. I figure they’ll go for this one, since many of their priests are gay.
2. Reverse their stance on birth control, so people in poor countries like Mexico don’t keep having kids they can’t afford, just so the Church can continue to grow. I checked the bible. Nothing in there about not wearing rubbers, so they should pass this one, too.
3. Reverse their stance on women not being allowed to be priests, because anything men can do, women can usually do better. The Democrats talked about the Republican War on Women, but that’s nothing compared to what the Catholic Church is doing to them....