Johnson and Johnson CEO Alex Gorsky (on phone): Is Eric there, please?
Receptionist: May I ask who’s calling?
Gorsky: Alex Gorsky.
Receptionist: Did you say, “Alex” as in “Alexandra”?
Gorsky: Yes, but just plain Alex.
Receptionist: Please hold.
(A beat as Gorsky is placed on hold. Music is heard—the Clash’s rendition of “I Fought the Law.” After a minute or so . . .)
Attorney General Eric Holder: This is Eric.
Gorsky: Eric, it’s Alex Gorsky.
Holder: Alex. Hey. That’s weird. My assistant said there was a girl named Alexandra on the phone.
Gorsky: No just Alex! There are a lot of guys who are named Alex, O.K.?
Holder: Alex Rodriguez of the Yankees, right?
Holder: Yeah. We may be investigating him too. Just sayin’
Gorsky: So listen. I think we should meet.
Holder: What, like, for dinner?
Gorsky: No. For a business meeting.
Gorsky: Why? Would you ever want to have dinner?
Holder: It doesn’t have to be dinner. A walk would be nice. Maybe a coffee?
Gorsky: Both sound great. Let me tell you the reason I’m calling. A few of the guys over here—the board, for example—we’re a little concerned about some . . . money stuff. Like, that maybe you guys are still thinking of, uh, bringing charges against us.
Holder: Yeah, we’re definitely planning on doing that.
Gorsky: Huh. And this is something you feel strongly about?
Holder: Pretty strongly, yeah.
Gorsky: I see. And you have, like, evidence and stuff?
Holder: I can’t really talk about that, but yeah . . . like, boatloads.
Gorsky: Can I ask you a question? So you’re definitely suing us?
Holder: Can’t really talk about it.
Gorsky: How do you like being a lawyer?
Holder: I like it. But I can’t say I love it. You know?
Holder: Law school was a fallback. I had no idea what I wanted to do.
Gorsky: Same. No sane person becomes a pharmaceutical company CEO.
Holder: Is there a lot of science in your job?
Gorsky: So much. And I’m terrible at science.
Holder: I know.
Gorsky: Funny. What do you call twenty-five attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?
Holder: Here it comes . . .
Gorsky: Not enough cement.
Holder: You guys paid all the taxes on foreign profits, right?
(Both laugh really hard.)