This is what the world has come to: The evil marshmallow sacks known formally as owls are no longer content to attack humans in the wild. Instead, these tiny balls of clawed terror are showing up on doorsteps to demand sacrifice, fuck up your home and remind you that you may be at the top of the food chain but an owl can still claw your shit to pieces.
A lawless goat—or a Billy the kid, if you will—is currently in custody in New Jersey on a litany of charges, including disorderly behavior, trespass, and first-degree larceny (for stealing my damn heart.)
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