When someone comes to us in distress and begins to describe an event that we remember or experienced differently, our first impulse is often to correct the other person. After all, we may reason, if the other person just got the story right, she would no longer feel distress, right? So we set about to educate, to correct the facts or interpretations that we know are different from her version....
Putting empathy before education can make a world of difference in our daily interactions. It makes it possible to receive everyone with consideration. The phrase “empathy before education” can serve as a handy reminder to take the time to really hear the other person before we hurry to offer our own interpretations. Then we can shift the focus away from the past—even if it’s the very recent past—in order to make connecting agreements in the present and future.
This Sunday tele-event is for those who would like to deepen their experience with the three modes of Nonviolent Communication: Self Empathy, Self Expression and Empathy for Others. No previous experience needed. You will be held in this co-created nurturing container of the Wisdom Circle facilitated by Mair Alight, Certified Trainer/Consultant with the Center for Nonviolent Communication (www.cnvc.org) and Collaborative Trainer with BayNVC..
The format of this tele-event: a check-in at the beginning, followed by rounds of silence (5-15 minutes) followed by each person sharing the experience they had in the silence as the others of us listen. Check-out round at the end of the call.
Pass is always an option! Once we have listened around the circle, we go again into the silence, repeating this until the session is complete.
In a culture that emphasizes judgment, criticism, punishment and blame, the need to be heard and to matter are two of the greatest unmet needs. Smith teaches that true empathy meets those needs.
Smith says, "People want empathy and not sympathy." She teaches that often sympathy, the expression of pity, is confused with empathy, total presence, hearing and acceptance of another's reality. To practice true empathy, we learn to put aside a life time of cultural conditioning. That takes a lot of practice.
Smith teaches when we are empathetic, we do not judge or blame, agree or disagree, wonder what he can do to help, or how we might respond. . We sit in quiet, still presence with an open heart. This requires gentle attentiveness to our own state of mind.
Empathy is a fashionable concept at the moment and I celebrate this. Learning to listen with empathy is, I believe, the most important step towards a more peaceful and sustainable world.
Applying the NVC approach to empathy means listening to what someone is expressing beyond the words they use. Most people have been educated to express mainly their judgements and analysis. So being able to hear their unexpressed feelings and needs is a great gift to them – it’s reaching out to what is really alive in them and not only staying in the relatively narrow realm of the mind. If their judgements are directed towards me then empathy is also an essential act of self-protection!
Irmtraud Kauschat is a medical doctor in Germany who works with alternative medicine, Compassionate Communication (NVC) and restorative conflict processes. She uses empathy in her medical practice and has done conflict mediation in Kenya.
Empathy is like creating bridges between people. The opposite is like a big river between people where they are separated.
Compassionate Communication/ Nonviolent Communication (NVC) trainer. How we can build a culture of empathy? Use the phone and Skype to ask for good empathy when upset about a relationship (in order to support that relationship, not for bitching/gossip). Use social networking to set up empathy connections as well as share funny pictures of cats Don't forget to talk and listen to the neighbors
Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling.
Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being...
I want to give you the gift of empathy And to rid myself of lifeless thought limiting what I see It’s taken me a while but I’ve come to see at last How much I miss the present with eyes fogged by the past So if I take some time before I answer you I am clearing away my projections So your divinity can come through ~ Dr Marshall Rosenberg~
Newt Bailey talks about Empathy and the group gives him Empathy. In this video, Nonviolent Communication (NVC) trainer Newt Bailey talks about his experience and the nature Empathy at his NVC practice group in Walnut Creek California and the group gives him Empathy. January, 24, 2011. (Video on Vimeo)
' There is an attention to everything when you are empathizing. For example, in discussing an idea in business, if I’m paying attention to you fully, I get way more than just your ideas. I might hear hesitancy or enthusiasm when you talk about the idea, and if so, I want to hear about that as well.'
The basic 40-hour mediation training is designed to give participants the skills and tools they need to serve as neutral third party mediators. This is an experiential training using a wide range of formats including role plays, videos, lectures, discussions, and skills demonstrations.
To be truly at ease with yourself and those around you is transformative. The first step is to approach every conflict – whether internal or external – as an opportunity. When we understand and communicate our needs with clarity, and with deep empathy for the universality of those needs, conflict leads to connection. The illusion of separation from self and others crumbles. Finally, we are at home in the world.
I’m excited to share with you this the introductory chapter of my new book. In these introductory pages below, I would like to share the reasons I chose to write the book and develop the Inner Empathy work, explaining how it might assist you in your Nonviolent Communication practice. I also want to share a bit about my own challenges as I developed my work with the hope you might be inspired to move further in your own journey. I believe that Nonviolent Communication can have a significant impact for those of us interested in deep personal growth and facilitating our spiritual path (whatever that is to you). If you would like to experience the Inner Empathy process, schedule a private session or check out our retreats and classes. (The first chapter is contained below. If you prefer to read offline, you can download a pdf of the first chapter.
We are a team of people who share the values and practice of nonviolence, inner wisdom, social action and Empathic Presence. We serve through offering ressources that promote deep personal and social transformation.
This is our full time work, sharing and learning with groups, and co creating communities of practice with people that belong to: Faith communities, prisons, Non profits, government agencies, families, and groups of all kinds.
With Kathleen Macferran & Karl Steyaert, CNVC Certified Trainers & Assessors
Living, learning and sharing NVC in community.To contribute to the sharing of NVC with integrity and consciousnessExploring one’s passion and potential to serve Life.Co-creating a peaceful, sustainable world
This program is for CNVC trainer candidates who would like to:
Explore the certification path in communityCo-create structures for personal and community developmentApply NVC in areas such as building sustainable community, restorative justice, thriving organizations, empowering education, personal healing, family connection and conflict resolutionChallenge themselves to integrate NVC into all aspects of their lives
A Level 1 workshop is 12 - 14 hours of direct instruction. We begin our journey toward open authentic communication by experiencing the healing power of EMPATHY. This workshop includes a small amount of theory and many experiential activities.
Participants will have the opportunity to learn andpractice the components of life-serving thinking and communicating as developed through NVC:
Seek to understand the common humanity of both bullies and victims. Transform disconnecting enemy images to the shared beauty of empathic connection. Develop self awareness and a consciousness based on compassion and empathy. Learn emotional literacy and emotional intelligence. Be the change! Make a difference! In Collaboration With the Centre for Compassionate Communication NZ http://www.cccanz.info/
Mary Mackenzie is a CNVC Certified Trainer and executive director of Peace Workshop International. She is the author of "Peaceful Living: Daily Meditations for Living with Love, Healing and Compassion".
Empathy is like shifting smoothly into gear while the opposite is grinding the clutch and gears. To develope a culture of empathy, first, develop a consistent self empathy practice that you are committed to.
Eric Bowers is a CNVC certified Nonviolent Communication Trainer through the Center for Nonviolent Communication. Eric is also life-long learner of Restorative Systems and is training in Restorative Circles. He has worked as a Children Who Witness Abuse Counsellor and Victim Services Worker.
All that has been integrated into NVC has been known for centuries about consciousness, language, communication skills, and use of power that enable us to maintain a perspective of empathy for ourselves and others, even under trying conditions....
"Empathy, I would say is presence. Pure presence to what is alive in a person at this moment, bringing nothing in from the past. The more you know a person, the harder empathy is. The more you have studied psychology, the harder empathy really is. Because you can bring no thinking in from the past.
If you surf, you'd be better at empathy because you will have built into your body what it is about. Being present and getting in with the energy that is coming through you in the present. It is not a mental understanding."
"I compared empathy to surfing. I said that empathy is like riding on a wave; it's about getting in touch with a certain energy. But the energy is a divine energy that's alive in every person, at every moment.
Unfortunately, many of us are blocked from that divine energy by the way we've been taught to think. But for me, empathy is getting with that energy that's coming through the other person. It's a divine experience. I feel as if I'm really in a flow with divine energy. And when two people connect in that way, any kind of conflict can be resolved so that everybody's needs get met.
When we teach people to empathize with people from other cultures who are behaving in a ways we do not like, we find ways of resolving our differences peacefully. So empathy is a beautiful experience when we have it. And it's powerful to work toward peace in diplomatic relationships based on empathy, not on our usual adversarial tactics.
Now when we can empathize with what's alive in another person, it's amazing how much healing can go on. Unfortunately, there's a lot of healing that needs to happen in the world because of the pain people are in, and I'm often called to help individuals who have been victimized by people with different religious beliefs."
Welcome to the 2012 Empathic Transformation Telesummit: How Compassionate Communication is Changing Our World, a 30-day event I’ll be hosting from March 20th through April 18th.
We’ll be coming together to integrate the consciousness of Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and to co-create a world where we’re all committed to an awareness of universal needs, presence to our own and others experience, seeing beyond right and wrong thinking, and power to seek that which would make our lives more wonderful.