From play money games to the nosebleeds, online poker is filled with assholes who will use chat to demean other players and celebrate their own superiority, real or imagined. (Its almost always imagined). You cant win an argument with such people, because its not like they are actually interested in debating to reach logical conclusions. Most of them are willing to sacrifice real money EV in order to feel like big shots at the virtual tables by blabbing instead of focusing on their games, so theyre certainly not going to lose a war of words over something as trivial as reality. And, even if you could convince them that you bought your chips and have the right to use them however you want, its not worth your time. So here are three better ways of dealing with them. Turn them off. This is really the way to go. Other methods are really just for fits of boredom. 99% of the time, you should just leave chat off. Online poker legend, Dusty Schmidt recommends turning off chat for
It took 121 years, but has Redbox finally stocked the definitive account of Lizzie Borden? Its here at last, fellow Shithousers, and the truth is exactly as we expected. It seems sweet, acquitted Lizzie never died. Shes just resting until she can, whenever the time is right, possess the bodies of assorted Fall River women to carry out the revenge shes long sought.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUIUklvtH8U Taglines it will blow you away! When there s no one else to turn. He s Back Blasting Death And Destruction. Did you find subtitles for this one? No, and it was very talky. Fortunately, you ll have no trouble at all following the plot if you ve ever seen a Charles Bronson movie. Or a ripoff of a ripoff of one. Subtitled or no, could you explain the plot? Franco Nero stars as Paul Kersey Carlo Antonelli, an ordinary citizen fed up with the rampant crime and the indifference of the police. After being savagely mugged during a bank robbery, Antonelli decides to collect evidence against his assailants by blackmailing Tommy, a low-level thief (Giancarlo Prete). Grudgingly, a bond will develop between the two men Typical examples of Italian scuzziness None that I can think of no, wait, there s this: under coercion, Tommy takes Antonelli to the squalid apartment of a female informer. When Antonelli begins to question the woman, she ste
What is this life if, full of care, We have no time to stand and stare? -W.H. Davies, 1911. In 1911, W.H. Davies feared a lack of time to stand and stare. Thats because in 1911 people still worked. There were few opportunities for lazy reflection. Seventy years later, roots rocker Tom Petty expressed a similar fear when he penned the lyric THE WAAAAA-AIIIIII-AAAAI-TIIIING IS THE HAAAAAARDEST PART. And now, in 2013, with our antidepressants and our robots and our glowing screens, we have nothing better to do than stand and stare. Stand. And. Stare. We Millennials are criticized by Generation X for being lazy and entitled. Generation X: the same generation that brought us Slacker and that Ben Stiller movie with Winona Ryder. Its a fair criticism assuming, of course, that the hypocrisy of a critic cant invalidate their criticism. They were terminally bored by the picket-fence-and-mistress model of success. But the Generation Y life is defined by waiting:
Scott Weidemeyer Game Master extraordinaire, delivery driver for the Donut Taco Palace II, fully ensconced basement dweller of the most supreme vintage is an asshole. Hes a nerd, yes, in the grandest classical tradition, but instead of misunderstood, cuddly, and even, dare we say, attractive, hes the most slovenly slab of sumbitch seen in many a cinematic moon. To the credit of writer/director Andrew Matthews and theres much credit to be had, given this mans connection to the supremely watchable documentary Best Worst Movie Scott hasnt a redeeming quality to be found anywhere in his sad, man-boob of a flesh cocoon, which means we can be spared the expected third act swing into sentimentality, or last-minute reversal that points to the saint within. No, Scott is an obnoxious, selfish, deluded creep from beginning to end, and if we dont outright root for his destruction, we can at least rest assured that he wont learn a damn thing along the way. Theres no aw-
If the three stooges built a nuclear submarine, I probably wouldn t want to go anywhere near it, but it sure would be entertaining to witness from afar. On an unrelated note, our three NFL experts are back with picks for week six. Dick is the veteran of the group, with a long record of picking NFL games. If you want more picks and some hockey talk, follow Espo on twitter. If you enjoy seeing TCOTs reduced to ashen husks, follow Dan K. LAST WEEK S RECORD: DAN K 3-1 DICK 2-2 ESPO 2-2 DAN K s Parker Lewis locks. PITTSBURGH STEELERS +2.5 AT NEW YORK JETS Full disclosure: I m a Steeler fan. However, I ve resigned myself to a 4-5 win season and am confident in my ability to look at this game objectively. The Steelers are bad in most aspects of the game. While sieve would have been an accurate descriptor of the offensive line in recent years, the 2013 incarnation resembles ..a sieve somebody unloaded on with a a 12-gauge I guess? Losing the best offensive lineman on the team in the first
Alex Winter: Before Bill & Ted, there was Hermosa. A mere kid, caught up in a scene he couldnt possibly understand. Larger forces were at work, and the lanky lad was destined to die alone on some nameless rooftop far from home. His mother, far too young. A prostitute. Unfit to bathe herself, let alone raise a young man in the big city. His father, well, who knows? Any number of walk-throughs in a hovel just right for crushing dreams. Then came Fraker. A mentor. Some stranger who seemed to give a shit. Take this package to that guy, and heres a piece for protection. Such power! And a few bucks didnt hurt. Even some pussy for those cold nights. But he still longed for mama. When he last saw her, her eyes betrayed a vacancy he couldnt handle. Shed seen too much of life and was ready for the grave. Some nights he cried, until Manny slapped him around. He needed men, not mamas boys. He learned from the best. So whyd he go after Kersey alone? Always take a buddy, always
Ender’s Game- Film Review Fair Value of Ender’s Game: $11.50. It’s a cold sprinting synopsis of the book, but it still packs a solid cathartic impact in the resolution. Why Didn’t You Boycott Orson Scott Card?
Film Review- The Fifth Estate Get ready for TWO WHOLE HOURS of people STARING AT MONITORS WHILE FROWNING! YEAH! 128 minutes long, R for . insufficient bribery of the MPAA, I suppose (no nudity or violence) Fair Value of The Fifth Estate: -$3.00. I could begrudge this film on a flight. If you need a film to explain the Wikileaks saga to Grand Aunt Connie, who still believes that computers are run by magic elves, then this glossy and heavy handed piece will suffice. But it s less of a story and more a slow burn Two Minutes (or Two Hours) Hate of America s latest Emmanuel Goldstein of the week. Transparency Only Reminds Us How Transparently Shitty This World Is. I was once a part of the chairborne brigade that believed that the Collateral Murder story was going to lead to a new Church committee, and significant reforms of America s intelligence and military communities. I also believed that Occupy would revitalize the Left, that Barack Obama was going to reform American government, a
Our three NFL experts, or the three wise men as they are never called, are back with picks for week Seven. Dick is the veteran of the group, with a long record of picking NFL games. If you want more picks and some hockey talk, follow Espo on twitter. If you enjoy seeing TCOTs reduced to ashen husks, follow Dan K. WEEK 6 RECORD DAN K 2-2 ESPO 2-2 DICK 1-3 OVERALL RECORD DAN K 5-4 ESPO 4-4 DICK :3-5 DAN K San Diego Chargers 7 at Jacksonville Jaguars Well, we saw history made last week with a record setting 27 point spread between the Mannings and the Costa Concordia Wreckage of the Jaguars. Regardless of how bad the Jags are (they are very bad), almost 4 TDs is much too high for an NFL point spread. These guys are still ostensibly professionals who likely saw the odds as a major affront and used it as motivation. Hell, at one point the score was 21-19 until Denver pulled away. So anyway, we learned that Jacksonville still sucks but are at least capable of scoring some points now that B
Scottsdale International Film Festival Quick Reviews, Part One- Twilight of the Snowbirds It was a warm generic day, the kind that could be found in any Southwest suburb on any majority of days. Misters spritzed the swaying seniors, wobbling in their orthopedic canes. I was in Scottsdale, at a slightly upscale metroplex. Across the way from the rush line, I glanced at the infamous Amy s Baking Company- the one business in the strip mall that wasn t advertising a special for the festival attendees. This was the 13th festival, the Phoenix metro s 13th bid at maintaining that it was a world class city, and not an abrupt boom town of comfortable senescence. As I looked over the crowd, recognizing perhaps two other people that appeared under 40, I reflected on my first two days of films and realized: this was a festival themed around retirement. From Congress to Decoding Annie Parker, each film that I d seen was in some way or another about the aging, reconciling the
El Fantastico Mundo de Juan Orol (The Fantastic World of Juan Orol) Lights! Camera! Inaction! 94 Minutes, Spanish with subtitles Fair Value of El Fantastico Mundo de Juan Orol: $14.00. It s a stylish, strange comedy of delusion, about a fascinating man. Film-making requires dedication and obsession, which is why some terrible directors manage to be prolific movie makers despite all ridicule and failure. Sebastien de Amo s premiere film is a biopic of Juan Orol, el Rey dos B s, a man generally considered the worst director in the history of Mexican cinema. Considering such anti-masterpieces as Alucarda and the Blue Demon series, that title is hard won. Juan Orol made 57 films, most famously Gangsters Contras Cherros- Gangsters v. Cowboys. Between his wooden characters, love of bathos, and his ability to make good box office gross, Orol was an unintentional surrealist , a Mexican analogue of Roger Corman. The film depicts Orol s rise from failed athlete to schlock auteur. His
Decoy/1946/Monogram Pictures/76 min. Jean Gillie as Margot is tougher than any American femme fatale of the era. Talk about raw deals. The hardest, greediest, most daring femme fatale in all of classic film noir Englands Jean Gillie in Decoy is not widely known today, beyond a fervent cult following. But rest easy, fatale fans, I am joining the charge to get the word out on Ms. Gillie. I may even become motivated to get off my famously comfy sofa and take to the streets to spread the word. Though that seems a tad drastic, especially since Ive just achieved the perfect arrangement for my pillows Well, let me start by telling you about it. Made in 1946 by director Jack Bernhard, who also directed Blonde Ice, this is another hard-core noir story with a totally heartless seductress, a wildly improbable plot and a grimly pessimistic take on human nature. First, the dame: Dainty, devious and always dressed to a T, Margot Shelby (Gillie) wants the $400,000 that her jaile
Film Review- Decoding Annie Parker 91 Minutes, R for masectomy scars Fair Value of Decoding Annie Parker: $8.50. Samantha Morton deserves this year s Academy Award for Best Actress. But before watching this film, ask yourself: how many slow cancer deaths do I feel like watching today? This is a heavy plate of misery for anyone to swallow. Subtle as a masectomy and heavier than an MRI sequencer, Stephen Bernstein s film is a grueling horror film of the banal. It s everything that you probably didn t want to know about the experience of breast cancer. I predict it s going to be one of the most demographically and gender skewed films of the decade, in terms of popularity. For middle aged woman, it will be a brave triumph, a film that shows the world the ordeal of breast cancer. For men .well, if your spouse or girlfriend takes you to see this film, it means that you ve committed the most horrible offense short of actual grounds for divorce. In the long run, this film is going to win a fe
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