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Mourning: from end of life and last rites to kaddish and good griefwork
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How to Recognize Complicated Grief | The Center for Complicated Grief

Judith van Praag's insight:

Sometimes people say of their relationship that it is complicated. 

Complicated grief is not just complicated. 

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Special Concert: "Kaddish - I am Here" - YouTube

On September 8, 2011, a unique concert featuring the stirring words of Holocaust survivors, performed by the Jerusalem Symphony Orchestra - IBA, soloists and...
Judith van Praag's insight:

Kaddish is the prayer for the living.

Hearing a gazzan or cantor, or the rabbi sing brings solace to the mourners.


This haunting modern piece is too much for me, now.

Perhaps another day. 

 

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Life-affirming observations from Holocaust survivors’ offspring - Books

Life-affirming observations from Holocaust survivors’ offspring - Books | Mourning & Griefwork Worldwide | Scoop.it
A collection of essays by a gamut of successful second- and third-generation survivors proves surprisingly uplifting
Judith van Praag's insight:

Yes, an article about the way children of Holocaust survivors have dealt with their parents' experience belongs under the tab Mourning & Griefwork World Wide.


Someone asked me recently whether I knew any 2G people growing up in the Netherlands. Well, yes, at the time every Jew was a survivor or a chid of survivors. All my friends were either survivors or 2G.

 

Within that group there were those who seemed less affected by the Shoah, and were able to focus better on their work and career than others. 

 

Couldn't that just be a matter of personality, you wonder. The way not all people are cut out to take on the presidency of a country, while others thrive on leadership? 

 

As Marisa Fox-Bevilacqua writes in her article, editor Menachem Rosensaft,  founding chairman of the International Network of Children of Jewish Survivors limited his authors to noteworthy figures in their respective fields.


Thus he was able to present the upside of this heavy heritage, how it can be a catalyst instead of a yoke.

Duh!

Of course the stories of SUCCESSFUL 2G and 3G will be uplifting.

 

“The overwhelming majority of contributors to this book had the benefit of parents who did not overburden their children with trauma,” says Rosensaft, whose own mother was a distinguished figure during and after the Holocaust, saving lives as a doctor in Auschwitz and serving as a principal witness in one of the first post-war tribunals against Nazi war criminals.

“If you grew up in a home in which the Holocaust was presented not as an all-enveloping trauma, but rather as ‘this is what it was, and this is what we did, and this is who I was before, during and after,’ then you better integrate it and draw strength from it as opposed to being suffocated by it.”

 

What am I trying to say? What do you say?

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Storycorps: Grief in the Digital Age

Storycorps: Grief in the Digital Age | Mourning & Griefwork Worldwide | Scoop.it
Here at Qeepr, we take the mission of Storycorps to heart. We both believe that everyone's story matters, we both want to collect and archive the things that people find important and we both believe that digital technology is the best way to keep memories alive for future generations. Sto
Judith van Praag's insight:

The mores of old regarding grief and mourning have all but disappeared in today's society. Often it's up to the mourners to educate those around them. But what do they know?

Animation films such as the one we link to above reach a scala of viewers, animated stories speak to so many. Who hasn't watched the elderly couple, intrigued by their voices, they're exciting even in old age, they ARE storytellers, and who won't listen and watch what happens next.

 

These moving images truly bring stories about death, and dying to life.

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'Exposure Therapy' May Relieve Prolonged Grief Disorder - HealthDay

'Exposure Therapy' May Relieve Prolonged Grief Disorder - HealthDay | Mourning & Griefwork Worldwide | Scoop.it
Reliving the death of a loved one can help survivors, researchers say
Judith van Praag's insight:

When does grief become a disorder? We will always grief the death of a lost loved one. With each year that passes the pain may be less sharp, but each year there may also be another element of loss. Not seeing your own child grow up means that you miss out on graduations and other milestones your child would have passed. Each time that happens, you may feel a pang of loss, and sadness may be yours, again. That's only normal, and to be expected. Still, if you grief deeply and that deep grief doesn't get any less, you may be suffering from prolonged or complicated grief. If that's the case, you may need professional help. 

Remember, therapy will not make you forget your loved one, therapy can help you deal with your loss, give a place to your loss in your life. 

 

"We need not walk alone." ~ The Compassionate Friends.

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The photo of a lifetime

The photo of a lifetime | Mourning & Griefwork Worldwide | Scoop.it
Many photographers have taken it upon themselves to document stillborn and terminal babies' precious moments after birth.
Judith van Praag's insight:

Photographer Todd Hochberg and I presented back to back at an ADEC (Association of Death Education and Counseling) Conference in 2000. We entered the field of death and dying each for different reasons, but both with the same objective, to offer solace and help people remember short lives that makes such great impressions. Kudos to Todd for continuing to bare witness and create a tangible memory, an image to behold and stroke. For that's what we do.

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The Subject of Death Plays a Part in Popular Culture

The Subject of Death Plays a Part in Popular Culture | Mourning & Griefwork Worldwide | Scoop.it
Bereavement plays a part in several current museum exhibitions, on television shows and in films.
Judith van Praag's insight:

Holy smoke!

If I had read the article before posting it here, I might not have scooped up the writing. 

For one I want to yell at the writer: Get rid of the adverbs. There's no need for "laboriously", somberly, lovingly, nor sassily.

And don't you know "entitled" doesn't mean "title"?  

The show opens "in advance" of Halloween?

 

The curator is quoted to have said "mourning incredibly chic."

Really? As in the thing to do, the thing to be seen doing? 

 

I copied this straight off the page:

"Indeed, bereavement and its handmaiden, melancholy, seem to be sharing a moment of late, taking center stage or hovering in the wings of several current museum exhibitions, on television shows and in films, and in fine art and music, lending a whiff of glamour to a topic most people would prefer to ignore. That aura may partly explain why in recent months many Americans have suspended their dread of the D word to indulge a romance with the Reaper."


Give me a fucking break! 

 

Don't read any more  is my advice to myself and my DEAR, DEAR MOURNER!  Just look at the pictures, and go see the exhibition at the Met, but don't, don't read this crap. 

 

Read my little note below instead. 


In 2002 I wrote a piece for Ouders Online, a Dutch parental magazine about mourning clothes, and how helpful it is when the world around the mourner knows s/he grieves the loss of a loved one. 

 

The New York Times article shows several illustrations; the covered mirror —a bit to fashionable in my mind, you can still see your reflection albeit veiled in black— the medallion with the portrait of an infant are both esthetically pleasing, fashionable if you like, and each reminds me of a personal loss. 

 

The nurse who overheard my requesting a friend to bring my black wool dress to the hospital after the birth and death of our baby daughter, butted in and asked if I didn't have something less morose, something in white perhaps.

"I like to wear black," I snapped at her. "And don't you tell me what to wear to our baby's funeral."

 

Again: Don't bother reading the article, just go see the show. 

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Save A Grave

Save A Grave | Mourning & Griefwork Worldwide | Scoop.it
Encouraging Preservation, One Gravestone at a time. Find everything you need to know about cemetery and gravestone preservation. Learn how to Save A Grave from not being seen. We hope to encourage you to volunteer at your local cemeteries that are neglected.
Judith van Praag's insight:

Applauding this organization for its endeavors. Makes me think of the people who traveled to Poland to uncover a Jewish cemetery which turned into —The Polish Jewish Cemetery Restoration Project.

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Son installs interactive QR barcode on his father's gravestone

Son installs interactive QR barcode on his father's gravestone | Mourning & Griefwork Worldwide | Scoop.it
IT developer Joe Davies used the technology to give people visiting his father, Merchant Seaman Charles Davies's grave, an interactive look at his life.
Judith van Praag's insight:

It's been years since I first learned about the possibility to place QR code on a gravestone. I immediately started thinking about the website for my father and mother, our family. I purchased the domain name StudioVanPraag and when the time comes, I'll do the same as Joe Davies, connect the past with the present and the future. 

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Qeepr | Send Condolence Messages-Create Online Memorials

Qeepr | Send Condolence Messages-Create Online Memorials | Mourning & Griefwork Worldwide | Scoop.it
Create a Memorial Profile where you can send Condolence Messages, upload photos, create a Family Tree, and cope with the loss of a loved one.
Judith van Praag's insight:

This is it. This is the way to keep the memories alive Online. I'm all for Qeepr.

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Dealing with grief while at university.

Dealing with grief while at university. | Mourning & Griefwork Worldwide | Scoop.it
Talking to a councillor was the answer for a student blogger, who struggled to cope after the loss of a grandparent
Judith van Praag's insight:

Considering that every school in America seems to have a "nurse" to help students in need, it's more than likely that grieving students will find support in school just like their British peers.

Talking about loss, sharing grief is important.

Don't fret, we need not walk alone.

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SCI-Arc Media Archive | Eric Kahn 1956-2014

SCI-Arc Media Archive | Eric Kahn 1956-2014 | Mourning & Griefwork Worldwide | Scoop.it
Judith van Praag's insight:

Listening to Rick introducing other speakers at SciArch is soothing. We say an artist lives on in his work. If the work includes audible data, we can indulge ourselves in listening, remembering what otherwise becomes totally ethereal. 

 

I can not remember my father's voice. He died when I was thirteen. I kind of remember my mother's voice, the way she would announce herself when calling me, but not clearly. I may have a tiny tape from an outdated answering machine, perhaps even a more deliberate recording of her voice on a cassette disk, but no recordings exist of my father's. I remember what he said, but not how he sounded.

 

Record your elders, your loved ones, it can be so soothing to hear their voice when they are no longer here to talk with you.

 

Record their voices, so that they may speak to you from a device. 

 

This said, I do "hear" my parents, if only in the lessons that stuck and guide me in life. 

 

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Henryk Górecki - Symphony No. 3 of "Sorrowful Songs" | Dawn Upshaw. London Sinfonietta, David Zinman - YouTube

Henryk Mikołaj Górecki (1933-2010). Symphony Nº 3, Op. 36, "The Symphony of Sorrowful Songs", 1976. Video Performance and Documentary: http://youtu.be/dp7ij5...
Judith van Praag's insight:

Play this when you're tired of Mozart's requiem. 

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World War I soldier’s room untouched for almost 100 years

World War I soldier’s room untouched for almost 100 years | Mourning & Griefwork Worldwide | Scoop.it
He died almost a century ago, but his boots remain.
Judith van Praag's insight:

Good Grief!

Double innuendo intended. 

Imagine this.

The new owners, each new set of new owners who bought the house during the last century, had to keep the room as it was when the parents received word that their son was killed in action. 

 

Were they were among the fortunate ones, those who actually saw their boy's body returned to them? Or did they obtain uniform pieces, the coat, boots, and feathered cap later, to complete the image, to complete the memory, to complete history?

 

After WWI the intention was to give surviving loved ones something to go by, this was the first time in history that the grief of those who remained without any proof of what happened to their loved ones was acknowledged. You could say The Great War started good grief.

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Destruction and Repair: Art and Writings by Children of Survivors - Kasva Press

Destruction and Repair: Art and Writings by Children of Survivors - Kasva Press | Mourning & Griefwork Worldwide | Scoop.it
Kasva Press has been chosen to publish a unique compendium of essays, poetry, and paintings by the children and grandchildren of Holocaust survivors.
Judith van Praag's insight:

Here's an endeavor that resonates for me as a child of a survivor. Kudos to Chaya Rosen for spearheading this project.

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FUNERIA | Art honors life with unique artist-made cremation urns, original handmade keepsakes and beautiful funerary art

FUNERIA, artistic urns and custom urns. International funerary and personal memorial arts agency FUNERIA, along with its unique contemporary cremation urn gallery, Art Honors Life, is the pioneer and leading resource for original artist made urns, the founder of the respected Ashes to Art biennial urn competition and exhibition, and promotes and sells original urn designs, beautiful, handmade and finely crafted cremation urns and keepsakes in metal, wood, ceramics, biodegradable materials, crystal, glass, and innovative sculptural materials to retail customers, funeral homes and forward-thinking funeral service providers and cremation urn distribution channels throughout North America and worldwide.
Judith van Praag's insight:

Today I talked to a friend about the ashes of her cat. She thought to spread them, I suggested she could keep some separate, save them in a piece of jewelry, a crafted ceramic stone or closed vessel. Something she can touch and stroke. I thought of Funeria as a place to look, for inspiration, perhaps to find what's sought. 

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There's Nothing Wrong With You: On Lasting Grief and How We Deal With Death - Shedoesthecity

There's Nothing Wrong With You: On Lasting Grief and How We Deal With Death - Shedoesthecity | Mourning & Griefwork Worldwide | Scoop.it
After a terrifyingly low period in my mental state over the past few months, I recently googled, “is it normal for grief to be worse in the second year after a death?
Judith van Praag's insight:

Our lost loves ones will always have a place in our hearts, and there are moments in time when sadness is triggered, even after deep grief has passed, after we no longer are in mourning. 

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EMDR Therapy helps relatives to handle murder | Psychology - Faculty of Behavioral and Social Sciences University of Groningen

EMDR Therapy helps relatives to handle murder | Psychology - Faculty of Behavioral and Social Sciences University of Groningen | Mourning & Griefwork Worldwide | Scoop.it
Therapie middels EMDR en CGT helpt nabestaanden moord te verwerken. #rouwverwerking #Ptss #EMDR #CGT
http://t.co/bBxtcm5VDc @univgroningen
Judith van Praag's insight:

Remaining loved ones and even friends and colleagues can benefit from therapy when someone has died, this is even more so after someone has been murdered.

 

EMDR goes a step further, it takes the edge of the pain so that you can think about your lost loved one, miss them, and honor them without having to suffer the recurring aggravated insult that thinking of death by murder triggers.

 

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Mother Wore Father's Tuxedo to Mourn Loss, His Death

Mother Wore Father's Tuxedo to Mourn Loss, His Death | Mourning & Griefwork Worldwide | Scoop.it
Judith van Praag's insight:

If you don't read Dutch, you'll need a translator for this post titled 'Moeder' or Mother in the original publication. It's about my mom wearing my dad's clothes after his death, and how helpful it would be if we still wore mourning clothes so people around us could tell we were grieving the death of a loved one. 

 

Reason for posting this today is a review in The New York Times of a show at the Metropolitan Museum "Death Becomes Her" or the fashion in mourning clothes (and grief expressions) throughout the centuries. 

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International Jewish Cemeteries Restoration Project in Poland

The IAJGS International Jewish Cemetery Project mission is to catalogue every Jewish burial site throughout the world. Every Jewish cemetery or burial site we know of is listed here by town or city, country, and geographic region is based on current locality designation.
Judith van Praag's insight:

Clearing overgrown graveyards, uncovering headstones and plagues of communities that were terminated.

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Edward Hirsch’s Elegy for His Son | Poetry of Loss a Celebration of Life

Edward Hirsch’s Elegy for His Son | Poetry of Loss a Celebration of Life | Mourning & Griefwork Worldwide | Scoop.it

WhyAlec Wilkinson on the poet Edward Hirsch, who confronts the loss of his son in a book-length elegy, “Gabriel.”

Judith van Praag's insight:

Why quote from the article

why something about the structure of

a longitudinal elogy?

Because structure is so hard to find. After loss

And after writing a manuscript

A writer or poet hasn't quite found a form 

Hirsch did.

So we can learn from him. 


"'Writing “Gabriel' required Hirsch, for the first time, to sort through a huge body of material for which he had to find a shape and a form. He found an organizing principle in the model of three-line stanzas. He liked that each stanza had a beginning, a middle, and an end. Usually, the three-line stanza is “a dialect of the underworld,” Eavan Boland pointed out to me. “A signal that the poem is about grief.” This is mainly because it invokes terza rima, the three-line rhyming scheme of the “Divine Comedy.” Dante’s lines rhyme aba, bcb, cdc, and so on, but Hirsch’s lines are unrhymed. Hirsch’s stanzas are also unpunctuated, which allows them to move adroitly and to bear what the poet C. K. Williams described to me as “both trivial things and grandly non-trivial things”—Gabriel’s antics, his humor and presence, but also the weight of Hirsch’s own desolate feelings. Charles Simic told me that the stanzas’ pace and fluidity reminded him of “the way memories pour out of us.” 

 

All I know is how to use white

The words on the page

Pauses or full stops

Moments to reflect.

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Features | Qeepr

Features | Qeepr | Mourning & Griefwork Worldwide | Scoop.it
Features | Qeepr
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Qeepr to link memories of loved ones from graveside to website.

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Eric Kahn, Longtime Design Studio Professor

Eric Kahn, Longtime Design Studio Professor | Mourning & Griefwork Worldwide | Scoop.it
Judith van Praag's insight:

My dear friend is gone, he lives on in our memories. I owe my moniker DutchessAbroad to  "Rick" and his friends; they knew I hopped on an airplane as easily as on my red granny bike in Amsterdam. 

 

There are so many moments that I think "share with Rick". I just keep on doing that, the way I share with my father, my mother, our little girl. They are after all —only in the other room. ~ Phil Red Eagle.

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Sympathy Gifts

Sympathy Gifts | Mourning & Griefwork Worldwide | Scoop.it

Sympathy gifts, keepsakes and memorials to honor, remember a life and send condolences to those who are grieving a loss.

Judith van Praag's insight:

Funereal art and memorial gifts last.

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