Love n Sex n Whatnot
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Love n Sex n Whatnot
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The Pornocalypse Comes For Us All – ErosBlog: The Sex Blog

The Pornocalypse Comes For Us All: Recently I’ve been seeing lots of tweets and headlines suggesting that Amazon is going through another round of cracking down on porn ebooks, generally burying them deeper and making them harder to f...
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'Hey students, need a summer job?' Controversial billboards for dating site promotes oral sex and finding a 'sugar daddy' as aspirational options

'Hey students, need a summer job?' Controversial billboards for dating site promotes oral sex and finding a 'sugar daddy' as aspirational options | Love n Sex n Whatnot | Scoop.it

Arrangement Finders, a dating website for 'mutually beneficial arrangements,' is causing controversy with two provocative billboards promoting dating a 'sugar daddy' and giving oral sex as aspirational jobs for students. 

 

The billboards, one in Los Angeles and the other in Chicago, which was promptly taken down,  are accompanied by an image of porn star Bree Olsen - the a spokesperson for the site.

 

'Hey Students, Need a Summer Job? Date a Sugar Daddy,' one reads, while the another states: 'Because the best job is a b**w job.'

 

Arrangement Finders, owned by the same company that runs the $90million cheating website, Ashley Madison, which helps married people have affairs, describes itself as 'an exclusive service that connects men and women looking for mutually beneficial arrangements'.

 

Marketing director, AJ Perkins, explained that the website, which launched in 2009, chose Chicago as a site for one of the billboards because the area has the 'most registered users than any other city in the country.'

 

The dating site said it had paid for the Chicago billboard, which went up on February 13 near the intersection of Ontario and Clark streets, to be up for one month.

 

But It only took days for the controversial billboard to be taken down - voluntarily by outdoor advertising company, Urban Core.

 

The neighborhood's alderman, Brendan Reilly, told the Chicago tribune: 'I just told [Urban Core] it was causing some headaches, that there were some families who were upset about it -- families with young children -- because of its proximity to some of the attractions in that area.'

 

One commenter, who supported the removal of the billboard, said: 'I'm not against prostitution (I believe it's their choice, it's never going away, sex trafficking is awful, they need to protect sex workers etc.), but this is an awfully trashy ad.'

 

Mr Perkins, who said Arrangement Finders were 'disturbed' by the billboard's removal after only one week, decided to erect a similar one in Los Angeles instead. 

 

'We are not surprised that some people don't agree with the billboard, but as they have a right to complain, the first amendment gives us the right to keep it up.'

 

Noel and Amanda Biderman, the monogamous couple behind Ashley Madison and Arrangement Finders, defended their sites as a public service, insisting it can help save marriages.

 

Speaking about Ashley Madison specifically, Mr Biderman said last month on ABC's The View: '(Cheating provides) people with an alternative to divorce.

 

'They find themselves in a sexless marriage, they're caught between a rock and a hard place. For many, infidelity becomes that life preserver. It allows them to stay in a marriage, and focus on raising kids together, while pursuing something on the side.'

 

Ashley Madison, founded in 2002 with the tagline Life is short. Have an affair,' has 3.5million members.

 

Mrs Biderman explained she hopes the ads enable couples to talk more easily about cheating.

 

'All I'm saying is that if you bring the conversation front and center, then maybe it's not as big. It can be broken down and you can know how to address it.'

 

But she admitted she would 'be devastated' if her husband cheated on her.

 

'But I would not blame a website,' she said. 'Ashley Madison is not creating cheaters. It is servicing a need out there. And unfortunately, it exists. It's sad.'

 


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Onanistic Inquiries

Onanistic Inquiries | Love n Sex n Whatnot | Scoop.it
A few weeks ago an issue of New York Magazine featured a story about men who were quitting masturbation and finding solidarity and guidance on a Reddit forum
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I Once Believed the Sexual Double Standard Favored Men | Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

I Once Believed the Sexual Double Standard Favored Men | Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross | Love n Sex n Whatnot | Scoop.it
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The untapped wisdom of sex workers

The untapped wisdom of sex workers | Love n Sex n Whatnot | Scoop.it

Leave it to the British tabloid The Sun, which in the past has brought us such considered coverage as "FREDDIE STARR ATE MY HAMSTER", to approach the topics of sex work and relationship advice with all the subtlety of a neon-painted brick: last month they ran a piece with the screaming headline, "I had sex with 1,000 men as £700-a-time hooker ... now I'm an infidelity counsellor."

 

Take a moment to get the sighs out of your system and it turns out the piece contains fairly straightforward - and even considerate - advice from former sex worker Rebecca Dakin, such as, "I just want to help people stay in relationships. My knowledge comes from experience. When I was an escort about 60 per cent of my clients were married, and that gives me a pretty unique insight into how men work and what they want."

 

That didn't stop website Salon from weeping and wailing about the piece, with Tracy Clark Florey unloading on the topic, playing into the tired notion of "bad sex workers versus good sex workers" by saying, of another piece by Kitty Stryker, "Her advice boils down to this: talk with your partner.

 

Rather than giving out grudging blow jobs like doggie treats, communicate openly, honestly and without judgment about your mutual needs and desires. What a concept."

 

But boiling the particular sort of relationship advice espoused by Dakin down to "have more sex with your husband", it is certainly not exclusive to "racy" editorial; Bettina Arndt has been doling out similar rhetoric for years. So why characterise it as specific to sex work?

 

What sets The Sun editorial and the Salon piece apart is that The Sun actually allowed a sex worker to speak for herself, and in an era where much of the dialogue about sex work is dominated by non-sex workers, that's becoming increasingly rare.

 

If there's a titillative or click-baiting side to magazines and sites running "relationship advice from sex workers" pieces - and there's no doubt that in the never-ending quest for traffic, similar articles are commissioned from a rather mercenary stance rather than an egalitarian one - there may also be a positive spin.

 

"Articles, books and workshops that provide a greater understanding of the relationship between clients and sex workers reduce the power of many of the misconceptions about our work," says Janelle Fawkes, CEO of Scarlet Alliance, Australia's peak sex worker organisation.

 

"It's clear that much of the moral panic that frames sex workers as women exploited by clients who are men is based on misunderstanding the level of negotiation and boundary setting that takes place in many sex work interactions and how diverse our communities are."

 

It's a fair assumption to say that many people wouldn't consider talking with clients - a kind of casual counselling - as part and parcel of sex work, which is perhaps why articles such as Dakin's strike a raw nerve with some.

 

"There is a plethora of literature around the spiritual, healing and counselling aspects of sex work," says Scarlet Alliance policy officer Zahra Stardust.

 

"Sex work provides an opportunity to share unique intimacies with strangers - which sometimes also act as opportunities for political activism, social work and friendship. But sex work does not need 'counselling' or emotional connection to make it legitimate. This is just one aspect of a very diverse industry."

 

Indeed, as you might have noticed if you've been unfortunate to read the comments on any article about sex work or, especially, written by a sex worker, everybody has an opinion about the profession. Stardust's concern is that even well-intentioned editorial coverage can be injurious to sex workers.

 

"The danger can be that sex workers are expected to give up significant amounts of our personal time to convince non-sex workers that our work is legitimate," she says. "Social media forums and the speed of digital information sharing means that sex workers' lives are often seen as public property, open for dissection and discussion - by journalists, policymakers and organisations with specific agendas.

 

"Expecting sex workers to give our expertise for free for ill-informed, well-intending research projects, or a fascination with the 'titillating' parts of our work but disinterest in supporting our rights campaigns, is a consistent pattern. These patterns means that many sex workers feel exploited by media."

 

Perhaps, then, diverting the conversation away from tales of woe and exploitation (articles that are, in a bitter irony, exploitative themselves) to relationship and sex advice can be considered a more positive dialogue about sex work.

 

"It's important to support the general community to recognise that sex work is skilled work," Fawkes says. "One way of doing this is by sharing with non-sex workers the tips, tricks and skills that we use in our work as sex workers. There will be some who overlook the value of these opportunities [for] sharing skill and knowledge and who are blinded by their own 'whorephobia'. I think they miss out on a valuable insight."

 

Stardust agrees, adding, "As sex workers we also negotiate space, love, sex, family, friendships, communities and work commitments in our personal lives and in our own relationships - there are skills here to be shared as well."

 

While Dakin's relationship advice - for example - might not suit some, despite society's best efforts to cram all sex work into a narrow stereotype, there is a wealth of knowledge being shared by sex workers who engage in a diverse range of work.

 

Fawkes encourages casual readers to keep an open mind when reading pieces written by sex workers.

 

"I hope that what sex workers offer to the community - understandings of sexual expression and exploration, skills and strategies for negotiation and boundary setting, an insight into another person's life - will be recognised and accepted as the extremely valuable gift that it is. An offering to allow others to enrich their understandings of humanity, sexuality and diversity."

 

Crucially, both Fawkes and Stardust are adamant that if the mainstream media wants to call upon the wisdom and experience of sex workers, more needs to be done to support the very work that provides advice that fuels articles such as Dakin and Stryker's in the first place.

 

"This intrigue into the experiences by media must go further than curiosity, fascination or just acceptance... We need anti-discrimination protection. We need law reform and funding that supports our organising, advocacy, health promotion. These are urgent issues for sex workers," they say.

 

"If non-sex workers want access to our expertise, cultural histories and personal stories, they should support the recognition and protection of our human rights."

 

It's a fair swap, wouldn't you say?

 


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The Nu Project’s Nude Photos Tell The Truth About Women’s Bodies

The Nu Project’s Nude Photos Tell The Truth About Women’s Bodies | Love n Sex n Whatnot | Scoop.it

The Nu Project is a no-glamor honest look at beauty and image in our world.

 

Female nudity isn’t hard to come by in the media, but the bodies we see usually represent a fairly limited scope of sizes and shapes. The Nu Project, a collection of nude photographs shot by Minneapolis photographer Matt Blum, seeks to add some variety to the mix. Blum started The Nu Project in 2005 but said it really took off when his wife, Katy Kessler, became the project’s editor.


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malek's curator insight, May 8, 2013 10:09 AM

Honest and direct talk about a taboo in modern day society

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A Tween Wants To Know: Why Are We Calling Each Other Sluts?

A Tween Wants To Know: Why Are We Calling Each Other Sluts? | Love n Sex n Whatnot | Scoop.it
I was recently on WeHeartIt and I came across a post that said: “Twinkle, twinkle little whore Close your legs, they’re not a door.” I was shocked, but also embarrassed about the language because this was another example of slut-shaming, which I...
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Is this the most sexist TV programme in history? Chat show where women strip off as two men critique their naked bodies

Is this the most sexist TV programme in history? Chat show where women strip off as two men critique their naked bodies | Love n Sex n Whatnot | Scoop.it
Creator of Danish show which critiques women's naked bodies with derogatory comments insists it is doing women a favour because the 'female body thirsts for the words of a man'.
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Deanna Dahlsad's curator insight, May 3, 2013 4:35 PM

And you thought American television was terrible.

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My Husband Would Feel Fury and Frustration

My Husband Would Feel Fury and Frustration | Love n Sex n Whatnot | Scoop.it
A separated woman recalls teasing and insulting her husband in front of others
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Middle School Teacher Teaches Kids How to Masturbate

Middle School Teacher Teaches Kids How to Masturbate | Love n Sex n Whatnot | Scoop.it
Is it right? Is it wrong?

Via Andrea Fernandes
Craftypants Carol's insight:

8th grade is a little late to start teaching this, really.

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Andrea Fernandes 's comment, May 1, 2013 2:52 PM
Very confusing reaction from parents about a sex-ed class.
Deanna Dahlsad's curator insight, May 1, 2013 7:45 PM

Another group of parents outraged by facts -- not just those an educator shared, but by the facts that young people are masturbating and, in many cases having sex, as well as the fact that whatever they may or may not be doing now they are going to do -- are in fect expected to do -- as adults.

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Why I Make Porn With "Real" People - ERIKA LUST

Why I Make Porn With "Real" People - ERIKA LUST | Love n Sex n Whatnot | Scoop.it
On the set of The Good Girl, my debut film!   Have you seen the video of Dove’s latest social experiment yet? If you can’t remember, then you p
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Do Bras Prevent Breast Sagging?: Why We’re Having the Wrong Conversation

Do Bras Prevent Breast Sagging?: Why We’re Having the Wrong Conversation | Love n Sex n Whatnot | Scoop.it
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Thou Shalt Not Search Adult Tumblr Blogs – ErosBlog: The Sex Blog

Thou Shalt Not Search Adult Tumblr Blogs – ErosBlog: The Sex Blog | Love n Sex n Whatnot | Scoop.it
Thou Shalt Not Search Adult Tumblr Blogs: If you’ve got an adult blog on Tumblr, there’s a good chance Tumblr uses robots.txt to exclude the search engines from indexing it. Did you know that?
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Gracie Passette's curator insight, May 17, 2013 5:52 AM

Veddy interesting... However, this does not prevent people from finding smutty adult blogs on Tumblr ~ and quite quickly, I might add.

malek's comment, May 18, 2013 11:20 AM
congrats: more search
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Why the "Sexually Pure Good Girl" Is a BS Myth That Screws Both Women and Men

Why the "Sexually Pure Good Girl" Is a BS Myth That Screws Both Women and Men | Love n Sex n Whatnot | Scoop.it
Why the idea that there are two kinds of women — "good girls" and everyone else?
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Masturbation Scenes in Mainstream Movies, 1970-2000

Masturbation Scenes in Mainstream Movies, 1970-2000 | Love n Sex n Whatnot | Scoop.it
A list of some of the best, and most notable masturbation scenes from mainstream movies between 1970 and 2000.
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Documentary shows mum hiring escort for disabled son

Documentary shows mum hiring escort for disabled son | Love n Sex n Whatnot | Scoop.it

Sex on Wheels will follow sex worker Laura Lee as she speaks candidly about her work helping disabled clients achieve satisfaction.

 

The cameras follow Laura from Belfast when she travels to Yorkshire to meet John, who has learning difficulties, after being hired by his mum Tracy.

 

Tracy says: “I’m very uncomfortable with it, but I have this need to make sure that John is happy, that he is not restricted, that this disability does not steal away my son’s right to lead a normal life.”


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be the sex educator...

be the sex educator... | Love n Sex n Whatnot | Scoop.it
Did ya'll see the NYT Room for Debate about when to start sex education? All four experts say, in short, "Start early, start often." Yes. Yes. Children should learn about sexuality the same way the...
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Yes, I am a Cam Girl and I Have Self-Respect

Yes, I am a Cam Girl and I Have Self-Respect | Love n Sex n Whatnot | Scoop.it
I’m a cam girl and I have self-respect and value. Society shouldn’t shame or dictate what I do with my body. Why is something that I find so empowering and liberating something that would shatter a...

Via Morgane Merteuil
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Your Brain on Sex: An Introduction - Psychology Tomorrow Magazine

Your Brain on Sex: An Introduction - Psychology Tomorrow Magazine | Love n Sex n Whatnot | Scoop.it
Discovering our true sexual desires can be much more than just great. It can be life-changing.
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Anne Frank's diary isn't pornographic – it just reveals an uncomfortable truth

Anne Frank's diary isn't pornographic – it just reveals an uncomfortable truth | Love n Sex n Whatnot | Scoop.it
Emer O'Toole: Instead of banning the diary from schools, as Gail Horalek would like, we should teach girls not to be ashamed of their bodies
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What Would it Look Like if Gender Roles Were Reversed in Advertising? (Video)

What Would it Look Like if Gender Roles Were Reversed in Advertising? (Video) | Love n Sex n Whatnot | Scoop.it
What do you think of these role-reversed ads?
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Music for Wanking: Brian Eno discusses his porno collection with Chrissie Hynde, 1974

Music for Wanking: Brian Eno discusses his porno collection with Chrissie Hynde, 1974 | Love n Sex n Whatnot | Scoop.it
Photo by Lance Loud, courtesy of Kristian Hoffman   Brian Eno’s reputation as an aficionado of rather extreme pornography is by now well-known, but at the time of future Pretender Chrissie Hynde’s 1974 profile in the NME, he was just letting the...
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