"You know where she is" by Charlene Spierer
March 2, 2012
To whom this may concern,
Thoughts on a page. You and I share unique roles; we are both insiders, forever bound by the senseless circumstances of June 3, 2011. You were with Lauren, you know what happened and you know where she is. Maybe you spend every day trying to forget. I am Lauren’s mother. I have a front row seat in this never-ending nightmare. The smallest task requires tremendous effort. Being home, going places for the first time where Lauren has been. Hearing one of her favorite songs. Hearing a song she would love but may never hear. Waiting at a light, waiting in line. Always, always on edge. Always waiting for a phone call which will tell me Lauren has been found or even that the smallest piece of information has made it’s way into the right hands. Waiting to find out if a Twitter rumor is true…waiting to hear if the body recently found is Lauren’s. Imagine waiting to hear if a body that was just discovered is your daughter’s? I spend every day trying to find answers to the questions, which will end this mystery. Whatever the events of the night, you hold the key to what happened to Lauren at night’s end. I wonder if you give Lauren a second thought. I wonder what type person it takes to watch our grief as we face another day. I think about you all the time. I wish for one instant you were in our place, waiting, praying, hoping. I wish you knew what it felt like to have lost a loved one. Missing…The despair that comes from the realization that someone knows the whereabouts of your missing child is indescribable. I wish you could feel that heartache. I would be lying if I said I didn’t wish you were experiencing the same excruciating pain we are. I wish for today, I held your fate in my hands.
Nine months. A lot can happen in nine months. The miracle of life, the joy of a child joining a family and all that she brings.
Nine months is a long time to maintain the silence of one so determined to keep a secret. I know there is not much I can control. I know all of our efforts to date have not resulted in finding Lauren. Nine months is a long time. Memories fade and life goes on but I promise to never let you forget. I promise to be a constant reminder should your memory fail you. I can do that, at the very least. We will never stop looking for Lauren. You should know that we are just as determined to find Lauren today as we were on June 3, 2011.
Hoping today is the day….