Do you love me more than your family? Boy : Do you love me more than your family? Girl : No Boy : Why? Girl : Okay, Listen this. When I started toddling, I fell down. You were not there to pick me up. But my mom was. When I went outside, you were not there to hold my finger. But my dad was. When I cried, you didn’t gave me your toys to play with. But my brother and sister did. My family is more precious than anything else. Its after all my family members comes your priority.
Those three Ultimate wishes by Alexander On his death bed, Alexander summoned his generals and told them his 3 ultimate wishes: 1. The best doctors should carry his coffin; 2. The wealth he has accumulated (money, gold, precious stones) should be scattered along the procession to the cemetery, and 3. His hands should be let loose, hanging outside the coffin for all to see. One of his generals who was surprised by these unusual requests asked Alexander to explain. Here is what Alexander the Great had to say: 1. I want the best doctors to carry my coffin to demonstrate that, in the face of death, even the best doctors in the world have no power to heal. 2. I want the road to be covered with my treasure so that everybody sees that material wealth acquired on earth, stays on earth. 3. I want my hands to swing in the wind, so that people understand that we come to this world empty handed and we leave this world empty handed after the most precious treasure of all is exhausted, and that is TIME.
Never let a bad day make you feel like you have a bad life A wise man stood in front of a large audience and cracked a very funny joke, everybody laughed like crazy. After sometime, he cracked the same joke again,this time, very few people laughed. He cracked the same joke again and again until everyone got tired of it and started wondering what he was doing when he saw that there was no more laughter in the crowd. He smiled and said, “You can’t laugh at the same joke again and again, but why do you keep crying over the same thing over and over again?” Never let a bad day make you feel like you have a bad life. Just because today is painful doesn’t mean tomorrow won’t be great.
Give me a second Little Johnny Johnny: Is it true that a billion years for us is just a second for you? God: Why, yes it’s absolutely true! Johnny: Is it also true that a billion dollars for us is just a penny for you? God: You’re absolutely right! Johnny: Well in that case, may I have a penny? God: Absolutely! Just give me a second.
Cuckoo’s Nest Rajan, from Hyderabad , appeared on ‘Kaun Banega Crorepati’ and towards the end of the program had already won 50,00,000 Rupees.“You’ve done very well so far,” said Amitab Bachan, the show’s presenter, “but for a Crore Rupees you’ve only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?”“Sure,” said Rajan. “I’ll have a go!”“Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest? a) Sparrowb) Thrush,c) Magpie,d) Cuckoo”“I haven’t got a clue.” said Rajan, “So I’ll use my last lifeline and phone my friend Ranga back home in Hyderabad.”Rajan called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.“That’s simple, it’s a cuckoo.” cried Ranga.“Are you sure?”“Cause I’m sure.”Rajan hung up the phone and told Bachan, “I’ll go with cuckoo as my answer.”“Is that your final answer?” asked Bachan.“That it is.”There was a long, long pause and then the presenter screamed, “Cuckoo is the correct answer! Rajan, you’ve won 1 Crore Rupees!”The next night, Rajan invited Ranga to their local pub to buy him a drink.“Tell me, Ranga? How in Heaven’s name did you know it was Cuckoo that doesn’t build its own nest?”“Because, you damn fool, he lives in a blooming clock!”
Fear is choice A passenger touched the Taxi driver on his shoulder to take the taxi aside to buy something. Driver screamed, lost control of car, went up on footpath and stopped few centimetres from a shop. Passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realise that a little touch would scare you so much”. Driver replied, “Sorry its not your fault, its my 1st day as a cab driver, I’ve been driving a van carrying dead bodies for the last 25 years and was worried that I’m still driving a dead corpse”
Man Loves Car More Than His Wife A Man went to the police station for filing report for his missing wife. Man : I lost my wife (Ramola), she went for shopping and still not reached home yet.Inspector: What is her height?Man: I never noticed. Inspector: Slim or healthy?Man: Not slim can be healthy. Inspector: Color of eyes?Man: Never noticed. Inspector: Color of hair?Man: Changes according to season. Inspector: What was she wearing?Man: Saree/suit/ I don’t remember exactly! Inspector: Was she going in a car?Man: Yes! Inspector : Tell me the number, name and color of the car.Man: Sir, it was a Black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 liter V6 engine, generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode and it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door and then the Man started crying… Inspector: Lets search for the car!
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’ The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed.. ‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favourite passions and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else the small stuff. ‘If you put …
Formal Apologetic Letter to Lecturer Santosha Sundaran is a university student in Mumbai. The Lecturer ordered him to write an apology letter showing why he didn’t submit an assignment. Dear Lecturer, I’m sorry I could not do the homework on time because I was tired after watching television. Thank you.. The Lecturer warns him to write a formal letter with formal English or reflective of a university student lest he be punished. This is what Santosha Sundaran wrote… Dear knowledge conduit, My sovereign persona is thoroughly apologetic for my sordid academic behavioural inactivity or academic hibernation as regards the assignment. Unfortunately, our smart Samsung HDTV was visually competitive in relation to the assignment, prompting me to fall prey to its seduction to the detriment of the assignment. Ultimately, my exhaustion directed my nocturnally loyal body to my bed thereby rendering me half dead albeit still breathing in the process. Best Regards.Santosha Sundaran
Online Love Girl : Dad, I’m in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in India and he lives in UK. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook had long chats on WhatsApp, proposed to each other on Skype, And now we have had two months of relationship through Viber. I need your blessing and good wishes daddy. Dad: Wow! Really!! That’s nice! Then why not get married on twitter, have fun online. Buy your kids on e-bay, send them through g-mail and if you are fed up with your husband. Sell him on OLX.
Those good old Innocent Indian days when Once Choosing color of Sketch pen was a tough process. Catching the seat near the window in a bus was called obsession. Getting a toffee as a birthday treat from friends made our day. Being the 1st to finish copying from the Blackboard was the moment of pride. Hiding Your answer from your friend was not called Selfishness. When Homework was the last torture & you thought all elders are ideal. Sleeping Early was a Routine. Owning a Cycle was like owning everything. To Look Pretty was to put loads of Talcum powder and a neat comb. Awesome were those childhood days I miss those days!
Hat Seller and the New Generation Monkeys A hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few hours later, he woke up and realized that all his hats were gone. He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they had taken all his hats. Pathan sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down. While thinking he started to scratch his head. The next moment, the monkeys were doing the same. Next, he took down his own hat, the monkeys did exactly the same. An idea came to him, he took his hat and threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that too. So he finally managed to get all his hats back. Fifty years later, his grandson, also became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather father. One day, just like his father, he passed by the same forest. It was very hot, and he took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor. He woke up and realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on the tree. He remembered his grandfather’s words, he started scratching his head and the monkeys followed. He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed. Now, very convinced of his grandfather’s idea, he threw his hat on the floor but …
Its LOVE When.. Its love, when a little girl puts her energy to give dad a head massage. Its love, when a wife makes tea for husband and take a sip before him. Its love, when a mother gives her son/daughter the best piece of cake. Its love, when your friend holds your hand tightly on a slippery road. Its love, when your brother messages you and asks did you reach home on time. Love is not just a guy holding a girl and going around the city. Love when you send a small message to your friends to make them smile. Love is actually a name of “care”..
Best Husband Wife Jokes Collection Part 1 A man in Hell asked Devil: Man: Can I make a call to my Wife? Devil: Yes, you can. After making call he asks Man: How much do I need to pay? Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free. Wife: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? Husband: Yes, it means.. Without Information, Fighting Everytime! Wife: No darling, it means – With Idiot For Ever Wife: I wish I was a newspaper, So I’d be in your hands all day. Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper, So I could have a new one every day. Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping Pills. Wife: When must I give these to him? Doctor: No no. These are not for him. These are for you.
A king and a Queen have a big problem A king and a Queen can’t have kids! They decide to go to a local sorceress, and she tell them that they have to take the hair of a fox, the saliva of a dragon, and a chip of a mushroom rock, mix them together, and drink it, and they will have a baby. So, they did all those things, and it worked and they had a baby. But then a very big problem came. The baby was born with a bolt on his belly button. It gets in the way, and once the baby is older, it really annoys him. So, the family go to the sorceress again. They ask her how to remove the bolt, and she asks if they are sure that they want to get rid of it, they say yes, but she still asks them, and they say they are sure. She says they shouldn’t, but they demand it. So she says that they have to cross the 8th river, hop among the 11th mountain, and enter the 5th forest, and walk straight until they find a cave. Inside, they will find the lion beast, and if they kill and they decapitate the beast, they will find a No 8 spanner under it’s tongue. So they cross the Eight river, hop to the Eleventh mountain, enter the Fifth forest, walk straight, find the cave, and with effort, the kill the lion beast. With even more effort, they decapitate it, lift it’s …
Humor Punches admist of Poetic Couple WIFE: I wrote your name on sand it got washed..I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack. HUSBAND: God saw me hungry, he created pizza. He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi. He saw me in the dark, he created light. He saw me without problems, he created YOU. WIFE:Twinkle twinkle little star You should know what you are And once you know what you are Mental hospital is not so far HUSBAND:The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass and flowers too. If rain makes all things beautiful Why doesn’t it rain on you? WIFE: Roses are red; Violets are blue Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo. Don’t feel so angry you will find me there too Not in cage but outside, laughing at you
Never get over excited I remember there was a girl I really loved but I never had guts to tell her.One night I sent her an SMS saying “I love you so much and I wanna date you tell me how you feel”. A few seconds late, I received a message on my phone. I was so scared to open it that night and decided to check it the following morning when I am less nervous. When I woke up the next day, I said my prayers, did my morning chores, brushed my teeth, took a bath, combed my hair then climbed back to my bed and gently picked up my phone to read the message. So I started reading……. Dear customer,you have insufficient amount to complete your request,please recharge your account and try again.
Installing Husband A woman writes to the fellow of an IT Technical support. Dear Tech Support,Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled another valuable program, Romance 9.5. And then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.What can I do? Reply: Dear Madam,First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.Please enter command: ‘I Thought You Loved Me’ and keep executing it repeatedly. Also try to download Tears 6.2 which is a patch to automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1. Also DO NOT disturb the original package of Husband 1.0. Otherwise new virus Girl Friend 2.5 automatically downloaded into your system. So be careful. In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are no longer supported in this Operating system. Any trials to install will crash Husband 1.0. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.Good Luck Madam!
Humanity Still prevails It was a Sports Stadium. 8 girls were standing on a track for racing. Ready ! Steady ! Bang ! With sound of Pistol all girls started running. Hardly by the time they covered 10 to 15 steps, 1 girl slipped and fell down. Due to pain she started crying. When other 7 Girls heard her all stopped running. Stood for a while, turned back and ran towards her. All 7 Girls lifted that Girl, pacified her, joined hands together, walked together and reached winning post. Officials were shocked. Many eyes were filled with tears. Racing was conducted by National Institute of Mental Health. All participants were Mentally Retarded. What did they teach ?Teamwork,Humanity,Sportsman spirit,Love,Care,&Equality. We Surely can never do this, because we have brains, we have ego, we have attitude. Love everyone. Being human, help others around you.
Santa showers blessings on Banta on Facebook Santa added Banta on Facebook and he innocently accepted.Two minutes later his message came in:Santa: How are you?Banta: I’m fine, Santa. Santa: May the building of heavenly favor collapse on your head.Banta: (no reply) Santa: May the thunder of Blessing strike you and your family.Banta: (no reply) Santa: May God slash you with the axe of life.Banta: (no reply) Santa: May God stab you with the knife of riches.Banta: (no reply) Santa: May you be sentenced to life imprisonment in the eternal jail of success.Banta: (no reply) Santa: May the World Trade Centre of happiness collapse on you and your family.Banta (no reply) Santa: Are you there?Banta: Yes. Santa: You should be saying amen to claim the Blessings. Banta: OK, May the over-speeding trailer of blessings jam and crush you and your family. May the earthquake of happiness swallow you and your family members. May the sea of miracles drown you and your family members in Jesus’ name.Santa: (no reply) Banta: You should be saying ‘Amen’ to claim these prayers.Santa: May thunder fire you! Idiot!
Madmen In A Plane we asked to keep Silence A pilot was transporting a bunch of madmen from Hyderabad, Andhra Pradesh to a psychiatric facility in Mumbai, Maharashtra of India. The madmen were making noise and suddenly, one of them entered the Pilot’s Cabin. MADMAN: Teach me how to fly a plane! PILOT: I would, but under one condition. MADMAN: What? PILOT: If you can get your colleagues to keep quiet. (5 minutes later, the plane was eerily quiet!) PILOT: Wow! How did you get them to keep quiet? MADMAN: I opened the door and asked them to go and play outside!
Tinku’s First Time ABC Tinku had just learned his ABC’s and was very scared of doing them in front of the class. The teacher, though, told him that the best way to conquer his fears would be to just go ahead and do it. So, trembling, he stood in front of the class and began.“ABCDEFGHIJLKMNOQRSTUVWXYZ.”“Very good, Tinku. But you forgot the P. Where’s the P?“It’s running down my legs.”
Logical and Legal relationships A student failed law and decided to make a deal with professor sir, do u know everything about law?Professor:yesStudent: If you can answer this question,I will accept my final marks, if you can’t, you have to give me ‘A’ professor agreed. The boy asked, ‘What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal and neither legal nor logical?’The Professor thought about it for hours and pondered, but no answer. He had to finally give up as he really did not know. He gave the boy his ‘A’ The following day, professor asked same question to his students. He was shocked when all of them raised their hands.He asked one student the same question. He answered: ‘Sir, you’re 65, married to 28 year old, this is legal but not logical. Your wife, is having an affair with a 23 year old boy, this is logical but not legal Your wife’s boyfriend has failed his exam and yet you have given him an ‘A’ It’s neither logical nor legal’The professor collapsed..
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