Paris Hilton: Why aren't I ever in the news? Publicist: Well, because no one cares about you anymore. Paris Hilton: I keep seeing Amanda Bynes and Lindsay Lohan on TMZ and "Entertainment Tonight" and everywhere. It's not fair. Publicist: Well, you've already done the whole drunk driving and fake prison stint. Plus you're 40. Paris Hilton: And I was a whore waaaay before Kim, yet her whole family is more famous than I am now. Publicist: Yeah, but no one wants to see you talk on the phone while getting fucked again. Paris Hilton: Well, what about that blue jay. Didn't it attack some gay guy with its beak? Everyone seems to be talking about that. Publicist: Well, it wasn't a bird, it was actually a player for the Toronto Blue Jays named Yunel Escobar, and it wasn't very nice. Paris Hilton: Wait, you mean all I have to do is insult gay people for no reason and I'll be all over the media again? I gotta go.