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Science of Relationships - | - Match Me if You Can: Lack of Matching Between Partners Predicts Divorce

Science of Relationships - | - Match Me if You Can: Lack of Matching Between Partners Predicts Divorce | The Science of Relations, from friendship to intimate relations | Scoop.it
Let’s play a quick game. What do all of these celebrity couples have in common?: Kim Kar...
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It may be helpful to determine whether your partner has the characteristics you feel are the most important to you. Even if your partner doesn’t match the exact levels that you desire, as long as the pattern of their attributes fits your preferences, your odds of experiencing marital bliss are increased.

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How to know if someone is flirting with you

How to know if someone is flirting with you | The Science of Relations, from friendship to intimate relations | Scoop.it
Have you ever wondered to yourself, “Was that person just flirting with me?” This may not only happen at a bar or party. It could be after a pleasant exchange at the supermarket, a few shared glances at a coffee shop, or following a more involved conversation at a social event. It is important to read these situations properly because the line between friendly and more than friends can be difficult to discern.

A researcher observed over 200 women in a singles bar to identify 52 flirting behaviors.  Some of the most common behaviors included smiling, glancing around the room, solitary dancing, and laughing. But as mentioned earlier, though these are common, none are clear-cut signs of actual interest

In fact, a recent study Participants accurately detected flirting only 28% of the time. Males who were more interested gave off more dominance signals (e.g. taking up space/leaning forward) during laughter, while women who were more interested engaged in more body presentation. Initial glances you exchange with someone probably do not hold much meaning.  In fact, women with low and high interest gave off the same amount of solicitation signals. Real interest was only discernable if women kept giving signals over time.

 

Incidentally, research shows that direct flirting is what most people prefer.In another study, Women were indeed likely to approach men and opening lines that directly signal interest were perceived as most effective and most direct by both sexes.

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To minimize risk of infidelity, make sure you earn as much as your spouse

To minimize risk of infidelity, make sure you earn as much as your spouse | The Science of Relations, from friendship to intimate relations | Scoop.it
Being the main breadwinner in a marriage may not earn you as much gratitude as you'd hope -- especially if you're a woman, according to a new study.

The research was published in the June issue of the American Sociological Review, and it is based on data collected from the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth.

It should be noted that the people in the study were between the ages of 18 and 32, so the findings may be more relevant for young people in marriages

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If a man lives off his wife's income, there's a 15% chance he'll cheat on her, study says

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Power and Control: Domestic and Intimate-Partner Violence in LGBTQ Relationships

Power and Control: Domestic and Intimate-Partner Violence in LGBTQ Relationships | The Science of Relations, from friendship to intimate relations | Scoop.it
by Carolyn Wysinger No one actually knows this story but me and God. Seven years ago I was in a relationship with another woman. She was beautiful, smart and had a great career. We shared a mutual ...
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Makeup not the key to beauty? What really makes us more attractive

Makeup not the key to beauty? What really makes us more attractive | The Science of Relations, from friendship to intimate relations | Scoop.it

Some women shudder at the thought of leaving the house without a carefully applied layer of makeup. But the trick to appearing more attractive to others may have as much to do with our facial expressions or body language as the cosmetics we wear. 

It's been shown that when women wear makeup they appear more trustworthy and competent than their bare-faced peers. But a widely reported study publishedlast May in the Quarterly Journal of Experimental Psychology had a different take: both men and women think ladies look better wearing less makeup.

Scientifically studied factors of attractiveness, such as facial symmetry, averageness and skin condition, are part of our natural appearance and likely influenced the participants' judgments of attractiveness at some level. These are largely out of our control, or take a concerted effort to change — diets or surgery, for example.

But other parts of our appearance like facial expressions, particularly smiling, increase attractiveness — and are under our control.

For example, women are considered more attractive when they tilt their heads slightly upwards. With head tilting, men find female faces more attractive when they are looking slightly up [See: Selfie], and females find male faces more attractive when they are slightly lowered. 

Other factors contribute to attractiveness beyond the face and makeup, such as hormones or how you smell.

 

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'Unconditional Regard' Buoys Kids' Self-Esteem - US News

'Unconditional Regard' Buoys Kids' Self-Esteem - US News | The Science of Relations, from friendship to intimate relations | Scoop.it
Study finds children who know friends will always care are more resilient

Kids who believe their friends like them, no matter what, may be less prone to feeling bad about themselves when things go wrong, a new study hints.

Researchers found that when they had public school students think about times when their friends showed them "unconditional regard," it seemed to buffer them against low self-esteem when they got a bad report card.

Brummelman said, "surprisingly little is known to date about how parents' unconditional regard affects children's self-feelings."

His research has shown, however, that when parents lavish praise on their kids, it can backfire. Brummelman said that if, for example, children are told "you are great" when they do something well, they can interpret that as, "They think I'm great only if I do well."

So, he said, it's a better idea to note your child's effort -- as in, "You did a great job."According to Rivero-Conil, it's important for parents to teach their children, from early on, that setbacks are part of life -- and do not change anyone's value as a person

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Hope for those with social anxiety disorder: You may already be someone's best friend

Hope for those with social anxiety disorder: You may already be someone's best friend | The Science of Relations, from friendship to intimate relations | Scoop.it
Making friends is often extremely difficult for people with social anxiety disorder and to make matters worse, people with this disorder tend to assume that the friendships they do have are not of the highest quality. The problem with this perception, suggests new research, is that their friends don't necessarily see it that way.

"The friends of people with social anxiety disorder did seem to be aware that their friends were having trouble, and additionally saw the person with social anxiety disorder as less dominant in the friendship," Rodebaugh said.

The findings could play an important role in helping people with social anxiety disorder understand that their friendships may not be as terrible as they might imagine. Helping people form friendships is in itself important, because many studies confirm that the lack of strong social networks can leave people vulnerable to a host of problems, including disease, depression and even earlier mortality, Rodebaugh said

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12 ways to teach your children the skill of empathy

12 ways to teach your children the skill of empathy | The Science of Relations, from friendship to intimate relations | Scoop.it

12 ways to teach empathy to your child.
 
 1. Provide consistent emotional and physical support to your child. .....
 
 2. Give your child plenty of physical affection. .....
 
 3. Keep in mind that your child is his/her own person with a mind of his/her own. .....
 
 4. Role-play with your child.v
 
 5. Intentionally discuss the perspectives of others. .....
 
 6. Empathize with your child and then teach your child to problem-solve when he or she experiences negative feelings....
.....

 

 Benefits of Empathy

“Empathy” is the ability to be aware of another’s perspective
and regulate your own emotional responses.
It contributes to emotional stability, resilience,
the ability to overcome adversity,
social connectedness, and

general contentment. 

 Angelica Shiels
 
  


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Marital tension between Mom and Dad can harm each parent's bond with child

Marital tension between Mom and Dad can harm each parent's bond with child | The Science of Relations, from friendship to intimate relations | Scoop.it
Children suffer when mom and dad have problems in their marriage, according to a new study. Dads, especially, let negative emotions and tension from their marriage spill over and harm the bond with their child, says a psychologist. Conversely, moms in poor quality marriages sometimes compartmentalized marital tension and improved the relationship with their child.

The findings drive home the conclusion that the quality of a marriage is closely tied to each parent's bond with their child, Kouros said.

In situations where the quality of the marriage was low, moms appeared to compartmentalize the problems they were having in their marriage by the next day.

"In fact, in that situation, moms appeared to compensate for their marital tension," Kouros said. "Poor marital quality actually predicted an improvement in the relationship between the mom and the child. So, the first day's adverse spillover is short lived for moms."

That was not the case for dads, the researchers found.

"In families where the mom was showing signs of depression, dads on the other hand let the marital tension spill over, with the result being poorer interactions with their child, even on the next day," she said.

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Women May See Tradeoff Between Power at Home and at Work - Association for Psychological Science

Women May See Tradeoff Between Power at Home and at Work - Association for Psychological Science | The Science of Relations, from friendship to intimate relations | Scoop.it

While taking charge of household decisions may seem like a positive role for women, a recent study found that holding power over household decisions may have unanticipated consequences.To test this, they carried out three studies to examine how making decisions about the home would affect women’s ambition in the workplace.

The women who imagined themselves as holding total power over household decisions expressed less interest in advancing in the workplace than women who imagined themselves sharing household decisions equally with a spouse.

These results show that, for women, imagining a life in which they wield power in the private sphere reduces their interest in pursuing power in the public sphere,” they write in the journal Group Processes & Intergroup Relations. “Exercising power over household decisions may bring a semblance of status and control to women’s traditional role, to the point where they may have less desire to push against the obstacles to achieving additional power outside the home.

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This Is Your Brain on a Break Up

This Is Your Brain on a Break Up | The Science of Relations, from friendship to intimate relations | Scoop.it
Sure, the pain is all in your head, but that doesn’t mean it’s not real.

Lucy Brown, a neuroscientist at Yeshiva University, explained to me why. From her 20 years of researching brains in and out of love, she says that when you “hunger” for somebody, it’s less of a metaphor than you might think “The system that makes you attach to somebody else is at the very same level of thirst and hunger systems,” she says. Which is part of the reason that breakups are so insanely painful.

 “The parts of the brain that deal with cognitive things, like perception, those are more individual and depend on your personality,” she says, “but the basic drive toward another individual, another person, the drive for emotional union, the drive to be with them, is at this unconscious level.”You see, one of things we do when we fall in love (aside from feeling like we’re high all the time) is begin to fold the other person into our identity. The “better half,” as they say. 

Psychologists have a scale for this, called the Integration Into Self Scale. Whether or not you’re madly in love with the person you’re consciously uncoupling with, you lose part of yourself when you split. You brought them into your sense of who you are — they’re your partner after all — and now that half is gone.

“It is like breaking your wrist,” Brown says. “You do need to set aside time to take care of it, take care of yourself, but it’s time that heals a broken wrist, and it’s time that heals this wound of breaking up with someone too.” This is terrible news, since after a breakup you’re sad all the time and being sad basically sucks. 

 “When you’re depressed, nothing has any meaning,” she replied. “When you’re sad, everything does.”

But calm doesn’t come from telling the wild animal of the broken-hearted discursive mind to shut up. Instead, Piver says the calm comes from sitting down, making space, letting the wild animal go crazy, and watching it subside.“That watching, that being with, is a statement of power,” Susan says. “You are saying ‘okay, let me look at this,’ as opposed to feeling just completely at the mercy of it. You’re taking a seat of power.”

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Do women talk more than men? It's all about context

Do women talk more than men? It's all about context | The Science of Relations, from friendship to intimate relations | Scoop.it
A new study has been able to tease out a more accurate picture of the talkative-woman stereotype we're so familiar with -- and they found that context plays a large role. Using so-called "sociometers" -- wearable devices roughly the size of smart­phones that col­lect real-time data about the user's social interactions -- the research team was able to tease out a more accu­rate pic­ture of the stereo­type.

For their study, the research team pro­vided a group of men and women with sociome­ters and split them in two dif­ferent social set­tings for a total of 12 hours. In the first set­ting, master's degree can­di­dates were asked to com­plete an indi­vidual project, about which they were free to con­verse with one another for the dura­tion of a 12-hour day. In the second set­ting, employees at a call-center in a major U.S. banking firm wore the sociome­ters during 12 one-hour lunch breaks with no des­ig­nated task.

They found that women were only slightly more likely than men to engage in con­ver­sa­tions in the lunch-break set­ting, both in terms of long- and short-duration talks. In the aca­d­emic set­ting, in which con­ver­sa­tions likely indi­cated col­lab­o­ra­tion around the task, women were much more likely to engage in long con­ver­sa­tions than men. That effect was true for shorter con­ver­sa­tions, too, but to a lesser degree. These find­ings were lim­ited to small groups of talkers. When the groups con­sisted of six or more par­tic­i­pants, it was men who did the most talking.

"In the one set­ting that is more col­lab­o­ra­tive we see the women choosing to work together, and when you work together you tend to talk more," said Lazer, who is also co-director of the NULab for Texts, Maps, and Net­works, Northeastern's research-based center for dig­ital human­i­ties and com­pu­ta­tional social sci­ence. "So it's a very par­tic­ular sce­nario that leads to more inter­ac­tions. The real story here is there's an inter­play between the set­ting and gender which cre­ated this difference."

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Young Men Want Intimacy Too

Young Men Want Intimacy Too | The Science of Relations, from friendship to intimate relations | Scoop.it
A new study finds that boys want relationships, not just sex

Teenage boys have only one thing on their mind, or so the saying goes. But a new study published in the American Journal of Men’s Health based on interviews with 33 14-to-16-year-old boys suggest that adolescent males actually do desire the intimacy of a relationship over sex.

Researchers at Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health interviewed young men recruited from a clinic for low-income, Medicaid-eligible, predominantly African American adolescents who lose their virginity at an earlier age than the national average. The researchers intentionally focused on this single demographic because African American males, according to previous studies, are more likely than white or Latino males to value “masculine norms” such as sexual aggression, a preoccupation with self-satisfaction and objectification of women.

The boys told their interviewer that they felt close to a girl (all but one identified as heterosexual) when they felt they could trust her—they could share difficulties in their family situation without being judged or worrying about becoming the object of gossip. These girls were identified as “wife material.”

What’s more, the boys reported that women were the ones who initiated both the relationships and sexual contact

However, many boys reported “getting burned” by becoming so emotionally involved with women: their confidence was betrayed by their girlfriend or the girlfriend was unfaithful.

 

The young boys did, however, subscribe to some gender roles: several males described their role as a boyfriend in terms of being a protector or caretaker

These discoveries that young men are as emotionally vulnerable as young women aren’t entirely new: a 2006 study of multi-ethnic ninth grade boys found that they ranked intimacy above sexual pleasure in terms of relationship goals.

“Our study supports the view that hegemonic masculinity is a learned set of beliefs and suggests that early to middle adolescence is a critical development time frame for learning masculinity,” the researchers conclude. “This information may be of use to adolescent sexual health programs to foster the development of a healthier version of masculinity.

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Tammy Sykes's curator insight, January 1, 2015 4:21 PM

Article referring to the desires of young men not just wanting sexual relationships but wanting to connect on a more personal and intimate level.  Does this reflect a change in the masculinity traditionally associated with males?

 

Module 4 - SOCI 330

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Teaching Empathy - Encouraging Appropriate Behaviour

Teaching Empathy - Encouraging Appropriate Behaviour | The Science of Relations, from friendship to intimate relations | Scoop.it

These days, bullying is rampant.  From locker rooms to social media, kids gang up on other children, leaving them in tears or worse, causing them to consider or attempt suicide.  


When you read the constant reports about such merciless bullying, you have to wonder, how can you teach children to be empathetic? Are our children lacking Empathy?

....


 What is Empathy? According to New York Times blogger Jessica Lahey, “In order to be truly empathetic, children need to learn more than simple perspective-taking; they need to know how to value, respect and understand another person’s views, even when they don’t agree with them.” ... Modeling Empathy. But how do you model empathy?  One of the most important ways to teach empathy is to model empathetic behavior.  ... Peer Pressure. One of the biggest reasons for bullying is peer pressure. .. Fighting the Cliques. One of the biggest reasons for bullying is the crowd mentality.... Empathy Fosters Diversity. Empathy involves more than simply feeling sorry for other people – it involves doing something about the situation if they are suffering..



 

 


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Group memberships boost self-esteem more than friends alone

Belonging to multiple groups that are important to you boosts self-esteem much more than having friends alone, new research has found. The researchers compared group memberships to the number of friends people had, and found that having a large network of friends did not predict self-esteem, but belonging to multiple groups did. The authors argue that groups provide benefits that interpersonal ties alone do not; namely, meaning, connection, support and a sense of control over our lives.

Working with groups of school children, the elderly, and former homeless people in the United Kingdom, China and Australia, their studies showed consistently that people who belong to many groups, whatever their nature, had higher self-esteem. However, this relationship was only apparent when people considered the group in question to contribute to their sense of who they were -- that is, when they were a basis for social identity.

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New Study Links Social Anxiety To Being An Empath

New Study Links Social Anxiety To Being An Empath | The Science of Relations, from friendship to intimate relations | Scoop.it

Written by Amateo Ra|

 

Could social anxiety’s hidden link to empathy give us a greater understanding into the lives of those affected?..

 

Results support the hypothesis that high socially anxious individuals may demonstrate a unique social-cognitive abilities profile with elevated cognitive empathy tendencies and high accuracy in affective mental state attributions.


This helps shed major light on the subject, finding a hidden link between social anxiety and being an Empath. They used specific testing to measure levels of empathy within specific individuals, and found that those same individuals demonstrated high levels of social anxiety-like behavior.


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Social Side of Education - YouTube

Relationships matters in education and in education improvement. This short video explains some shortcomings of mainstream education reform and offers an alternative framework to advance educational progress. Educational improvement is as much about the capacities of individuals as it is about their relationships and the broader social context

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5 Surprisingly Accurate Gender Stereotypes About Sex

5 Surprisingly Accurate Gender Stereotypes About Sex | The Science of Relations, from friendship to intimate relations | Scoop.it
When it comes to sex, there are several gender stereotypes flying around. Learn which ones science has proven fact.
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A bad marriage can literally break your heart, especially if you’re a woman

A bad marriage can literally break your heart, especially if you’re a woman | The Science of Relations, from friendship to intimate relations | Scoop.it
A new study says that people in unhappy marriages are at greater risk for heart disease.

But why is it that women were hurt even more by unhappiness in a marriage? Liu said it's possible that women are more likely to internalize their feelings, feel depressed and be more sensitive than the men in their relationships. They also found that when women were sick with heart disease, it lowered the quality of a marriage, but not when men were sick. Liu said women are more likely to serve in a caregiver role for their sick husbands and be more sensitive to not exacerbating stress, but husbands may not be as sensitive about the relationship when their wives are sick.

Heart health isn't only thing Liu and her team are interested in exploring; next they'll look at the impact of marriage quality as it relates to diabetes, and the health dynamics within couples themselves.

So while a lot of marriage counseling may focus on younger couples, the study authors emphasize that older couples would be wise to pay attention to the qualities of their marriages, too.

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6 Myths About Gender Differences in Dating and Relationships

6 Myths About Gender Differences in Dating and Relationships | The Science of Relations, from friendship to intimate relations | Scoop.it
What research tells us about how gender really affects your love life

Myth #1: Women are more romantic than men

Myth #2: Men and women have fundamentally different ways of handling conflict

Myth #3: A mate’s physical attractiveness is way more important to men than it is to women

Myth #4: Men and women have fundamentally different personalities and different orientations toward relationships

Myth #5: Physical abuse in relationships is almost always committed by men

Myth #6: Women aren’t interested in casual sex

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Tammy Sykes's curator insight, January 3, 2015 3:14 PM

This describes the commonly defined problems between hetereosexuals in personal relationships and defines why there may be more to the problems than gender differences, and some of them are not proven at all.

Good article.

 

Module 4 - SOCI 330

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The Decisive Marriage

The Decisive Marriage | The Science of Relations, from friendship to intimate relations | Scoop.it

New research shows that couples who are decisive before marriage appear to have better marriages than those who simply let inertia carry them through major transitions.

“Couples who slide through their relationship transitions have poorer marital quality than those who make intentional decisions about major milestones,”

People who lived with another person before marrying also reported a lower-quality relationship“Prior relationship experience leaves some kind of imprint on us that we carry forward,” Dr. Rhoades said. “We compare new partners to old partners.”

Couples who started out in a casual sexual relationship were less likely to have a high-quality marriage.

 

The study authors note that the data simply show associations among past experiences, decision-making and relationship quality, and caution that a number of variables may influence a marriage. A person who had multiple sexual partners and a small wedding is not necessarily going to have a bad marriage. The larger lesson from the study, the authors say, is that couples should make active decisions about their relationships and major life events, rather than drifting through one year after another. Showing intent in some form — from planning the first date, to living together, to the wedding and beyond — can help improve the quality of a marriage over all

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Remembering together - How long-term couples develop interconnected memory systems

Remembering together - How long-term couples develop interconnected memory systems | The Science of Relations, from friendship to intimate relations | Scoop.it

Celia Harris and colleagues at Macquarie University recently reviewed their previously published and new research on social remembering by long-term intimate couples.During a study, the researchers noticed that although couples did more poorly at listing their shared holidays when recalling together, these social sessions were filled with anecdotes and tangents that weren't generated in the solo sessions. This inspired them to depart from testing memory for lists of words and events, and to explore the amount of rich, in-depth information remembered by couples about experienced events. They found these social exchanges led to clear collaborative memory benefits

The authors note that older adults tend to experience the greatest memory difficulties with first-hand autobiographical information, rather than abstracted facts. This is exactly where the couples gained the biggest benefit from remembering together, as evidenced by performance on the in-depth event recall task and the spontaneously emerging anecdotes. It's possible that as we grow older, we offset the unreliability of our own episodic systems by drawing on the memorial support offered by a trusted partner. This might explain why when one member of an older couple experiences a drop in cognitive function, the other soon follows. Our memory systems are more of a shared resource than we realis

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Where You Glance Can Reveal Feelings of Love or Lust

Where You Glance Can Reveal Feelings of Love or Lust | The Science of Relations, from friendship to intimate relations | Scoop.it
There may be something to the cliché of lovebirds gazing into each other's eyes, new research suggests. A glance at a person's face tends to indicate romantic love, whereas looking at a person's body is associated with feelings of sexual desire.
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Are you raising nice kids? A Harvard psychologist gives 5 ways to raise them to be kind

Are you raising nice kids? A Harvard psychologist gives 5 ways to raise them to be kind | The Science of Relations, from friendship to intimate relations | Scoop.it

Think your kids are being raised to be kind? Think again. A Harvard researcher and psychologist has 5 ways to train your child to be kind and empathetic.


Earlier this year, I wrote about teaching empathy, and whether you are a parent who does so. The idea behind it is from Richard Weissbourd, a Harvard psychologist with the graduate school of education, who runs theMaking Caring Common project, aimed to help teach kids to be kind


1. Make caring for others a priority...

2. Provide opportunities for children to practice caring and gratitude...

3. Expand your child’s circle of concern...

4. Be a strong moral role model and mentor...

5. Guide children in managing destructive feelings..


By Amy Joyce 


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Are Making Sacrifices in a Relationship a Good Thing?

Are Making Sacrifices in a Relationship a Good Thing? | The Science of Relations, from friendship to intimate relations | Scoop.it
Have you ever had to quit your job, move far away, or make some similar sacrifice to be with a boyfriend? Maybe you gave your cat away because your guy had terrible allergies? Well, if you have ever had to make a sacrifice like that, you know it comes with lots of mixed feelings. And how you handle those feelings is apparently what can make or break your relationship. Think about what happened after the last time you did something you didn't really want to do for a guy. Did you suppress your emotions for the good of the relationship? Did you downplay how upset the sacrifice really made you? In this new study, researchers examined what really happens to relationships when one partner sacrifices something. And the results are worth knowing: First, if you're the type of person who's OK with making sacrifices, you are probably happy in your relationship: “People who are more willing to sacrifice for an intimate partner are more satisfied with their relationships," the researchers confirmed. In addition, if you're the partner of that person, and you notice that person happily sacrificing for you, it makes you more committed: "Perceiving a romantic partner [to] engage
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Do You Get Overly Attached in Relationships? Take This Quiz - Huffington Post (blog)

Do You Get Overly Attached in Relationships? Take This Quiz - Huffington Post (blog) | The Science of Relations, from friendship to intimate relations | Scoop.it
Do You Get Overly Attached in Relationships? Take This Quiz
Huffington Post (blog)
When you truly love someone you're not interested in possessing the person or keeping him or her in your clutches because you're afraid of losing the relationship.
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