How's Your Family Really Doing?
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WATCH: Dr. Brené Brown On Why Shame Is 'Lethal' and the Antidote is Empathy.

WATCH: Dr. Brené Brown On Why Shame Is 'Lethal' and the Antidote is Empathy. | How's Your Family Really Doing? | Scoop.it
Shame and vulnerability researcher Dr. Brené Brown has studied the power of these intensely painful feelings as a professor at the University of Houston's Graduate College of Social Work.

 

By keeping quiet, Brown says your shame will grow exponentially. "It will creep into every corner and crevice of your life," she says.

 

The antidote, Brown says, is empathy. She explains that by talking about your shame with a friend who expresses empathy, the painful feeling cannot survive. "Shame depends on me buying into the belief that I'm alone," she says.

Here's the bottom line: "Shame cannot survive being spoken," Brown says. "It cannot survive empathy."


Via Edwin Rutsch
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Important info about the negative effects of shame.

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Past is a nice place to visit , not a place to stay

Past is a nice place to visit , not a place to stay | How's Your Family Really Doing? | Scoop.it
Past is a nice place to visit - Sayings with Images on We Heart It / visual bookmark #68135910

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Same goes for the future. Best to return to the present moment.

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Amazon.com: How's Your Family Really Doing? eBook: Debra MacMannis, Don MacMannis: Kindle Store

How's Your Family Really Doing? - Kindle edition by Debra MacMannis, Don MacMannis. Download it once and read it on your Kindle device, PC, phones or tablets.
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FREE kindle version available now for 3 days only! Check it out and pass it on to family members and friends.

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» Learn How to THINK Wisely - Mindfulness and Psychotherapy

» Learn How to THINK Wisely - Mindfulness and Psychotherapy | How's Your Family Really Doing? | Scoop.it
Cheerios recently came out with a commercially challenging our mental models and opening up the space to learn how to THINK wisely.

Via Virtual Global Coaching
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Great reminders for all of us--and coming from a cereal box, no less!

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Freedom vs Happiness

Freedom vs Happiness | How's Your Family Really Doing? | Scoop.it

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Helpful reminder for learning to live with gratitude for the present moment.

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Panda little's curator insight, July 24, 2013 6:32 AM

Freedom vs Happiness

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Speed Bump by Dave Coverly on Creators.com

Speed Bump by Dave Coverly on Creators.com | How's Your Family Really Doing? | Scoop.it
Debra Manchester's insight:

All families need a sense of humor.

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The Misnomer of 'Motherless' Parenting - New York Times

The Misnomer of 'Motherless' Parenting - New York Times | How's Your Family Really Doing? | Scoop.it
New York Times
The Misnomer of 'Motherless' Parenting
New York Times
SOMETIMES when my daughter, who is 7, is nicely cuddled up in her bed and I snuggle her, she calls me Mommy. I am a stay-at-home dad.
Debra Manchester's insight:

Information for men who are the primary caregivers or want to adopt kids.

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Dorothy Retha Cook's curator insight, March 19, 2016 7:56 AM

Information for men who are the primary caregivers or want to adopt kids.

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Having Feelings is OK

Having Feelings is OK | How's Your Family Really Doing? | Scoop.it
“It’s okay to cry for our losses. It’s okay to mourn the dreams that didn’t pan out. It’s okay to hurt and not have things figured out.”
~ C.
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What would the world be like without them?

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Bipolar Disorder 101, Tips and Tricks (for Survival) | Tear Lines

Bipolar Disorder 101, Tips and Tricks (for Survival) | Tear Lines | How's Your Family Really Doing? | Scoop.it
... you feeling unbearably isolated. If you don't feel like you can trust any of your current friends or family enough to really open up to them, try to find another person with bipolar disorder to confide in through support groups.

Via Mary E. Berens-Oney
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Helpful advice if someone you love has bipolar disorder.

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The power of gratitude~Bodhipaksa

The power of gratitude~Bodhipaksa | How's Your Family Really Doing? | Scoop.it

Robert A. Emmons, Ph.D., is the world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude. He’s a professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis, the founding editor-in-chief of The Journal of Positive Psychology, and the author of Thanks! How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier, and so he’s written a lot about the benefits of gratitude.

Gratitude is, of course, an important aspect of joyful appreciation, or mudita, which is the practice that we’re exploring at the moment as part of our 100 Days of Lovingkindness. So here are a few ways that Dr. Emmons has shown gratitude can enhance our lives.

 

Gratitude enhances positive emotions: Emmons points out, as I have elsewhere, that we quickly habituate to pleasant circumstances, and that our positive emotions tend to wear off quickly. We’re wired as novelty seekers, and while we may celebrate some new development in our lives — a nice spell of weather, returning to health after an illness — the enjoyment quickly wears off, and we’re left with the existential “meh” that is so familiar to many of us. In fact we generally start seeking things to be discontented with. But when we consciously practice gratitude, we appreciate life’s benefits and are less likely to take them for granted. We find that we celebrate the many ways that goodness is woven into the fabric of life, and we feel more joyful and engaged.“

 

Gratitude blocks toxic, negative emotions: such as envy, resentment, regret — emotions that can destroy our happiness,” Emmons says, using language almost identical to Buddhist teachers of the last 2,500 years. He points to research suggesting that gratitude reduces the frequency and duration of periods of depression, and that people who are more grateful are less prone to envy and resentment. And this is exactly what we’d expect; resentment and envy are the direct emotional opposites of joyful appreciation. If you’re experiencing appreciation and gratitude, it’s impossible to feel envious or resentful at the same time.

 

Gratitude protects against stress: People who tend to be grateful bounce back more quickly from adverse circumstances, loss, suffering, and injury. They’re more emotionally resilient. Their ability to seek the good prevents them from focusing too much on the negative in situations. Someone who’s of a grateful disposition who suffers a disability is more likely to focus on the things they can do rather than to dwell on the things they can no longer do.

 

Grateful people have a higher sense of self-worth: When we lack gratitude, we’re more likely to think that the world is against us and that nothing is going right in our lives. Therefore we think that we’re not worth much. Gratitude makes those kinds of cognitive distortions less likely. When we’re grateful we value what we have rather than focusing on what we don’t have. We may feel grateful just for being, for having air to breathe. We recognize that even when some things are not going the way we want them to, the vast majority of circumstances are conspiring to support us. When we look at ourselves, we appreciate our own qualities, and see someone who is basically loved and supported by the universe.

 

I’d add to Dr. Emmons’ thoughts by pointing out that gratitude is a powerful reinforcer of social connections. People love to be appreciated and rejoiced in. When we expression our gratitude and appreciation of others, we cement powerful bonds, and feel connected. Those social connections are not only of practical benefit — people who like us are more likely to help us, but those people are more likely to be there for us emotionally. And feeling that we’re a part of a rich social network, which is more likely if we’re grateful to others, helps us to feel less alone with our problems. Studies have shown that feelings of isolation are actually as damaging for our health as cigarette smoking, so feeling connected to others provides valuable benefits to our physical and mental health.

 


Via Jim Manske
Debra Manchester's insight:

What are you grateful for?

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Tips from "Marriage Boot Camp: Bridezillas" counselors - WTXL ABC 27

Tips from "Marriage Boot Camp: Bridezillas" counselors - WTXL ABC 27 | How's Your Family Really Doing? | Scoop.it
Tips from "Marriage Boot Camp: Bridezillas" counselors
WTXL ABC 27
TALLAHASSEE, Fla.
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Some great practical advice.

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Over-protective parents are linked to teenage depression

Over-protective parents are linked to teenage depression | How's Your Family Really Doing? | Scoop.it
Teaching ''helicopter parents'' and ''tiger mums'' to control their emotions could be the key to preventing mental illness in their children, researchers say.
Debra Manchester's insight:

Teaching parents how to develop confidence in young children is crucial to healthy development.

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How Words Can Heal--What Is Your Story?

How Words Can Heal--What Is Your Story? | How's Your Family Really Doing? | Scoop.it
“There exists, for everyone, a sentence - a series of words - that has the power to destroy you. Another sentence exists, another series of words, that could heal you. If you're lucky you will get ...
Debra Manchester's insight:

Learn the ways that writing can help in the healing process.

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Parenting for College: Three Things I'd do Differently

Parenting for College: Three Things I'd do Differently | How's Your Family Really Doing? | Scoop.it
If you saw last week’s post, you already know we've just returned from an exhausting round of college tours with our son, who is a rising senior. In that post, I shared what we learned from the tou...
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Important info for parents of high school kids preparing for college apps.

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Amazon.com: How's Your Family Really Doing? eBook: Debra MacMannis, Don MacMannis: Kindle Store

How's Your Family Really Doing? - Kindle edition by Debra MacMannis, Don MacMannis. Download it once and read it on your Kindle device, PC, phones or tablets.
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FREE for limited time only!

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Study: Music Can Induce Empathy

Study: Music Can Induce Empathy | How's Your Family Really Doing? | Scoop.it

Press Release

-- According to a new study, empathy is something that can be learned and taught. The research was conducted at the University of Cambridge and the results were published in the Psychology of Music (July 2013). The lead author of the study, Tal-Chen Rabinowitch, predicts that one day school districts will have the option to add “empathy education” to their curriculum. “Perhaps the most important thing the study tells us about the development of emotional empathy is that it is amenable to intervention,” Rabinowitch said. “We now have the (very friendly and enjoyable) tools to influence and enhance emotional empathy in children, a significant building block for shaping a more empathic and other-minded society.”


Via Edwin Rutsch
Debra Manchester's insight:

Music is the universal language. See a wonderful example of music and lessons to build social and emotional intelligence in children at KidsEps.org.

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Thoughtful Parenting: Star charts and stickers 101 - Steamboat Pilot & Today

Thoughtful Parenting: Star charts and stickers 101
Steamboat Pilot & Today
Steamboat Springs — When young children are learning a new skill, star charts and stickers are popular.
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Good tips for using positive reinforcement with young children.

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12 Things happy people do differently

12 Things happy people do differently | How's Your Family Really Doing? | Scoop.it

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Good reminders for all of us.

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Panda little's curator insight, July 24, 2013 6:33 AM

12 Things happy people do differently

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10 Child Development Facts All Parents Should Know

10 Child Development Facts All Parents Should Know | How's Your Family Really Doing? | Scoop.it
When it comes to parenting, there are almost as many incorrect myths and pieces of bad advice as there are scientifically sound facts passed around. From the
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Good information for parents with new babies.

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How to Navigate a Cancer Diagnosis

How to Navigate a Cancer Diagnosis | How's Your Family Really Doing? | Scoop.it
Unlike many of the most important events in one’s life — graduation, marriage, having a child — almost no one anticipates a cancer diagnosis.
This year, nearly 239,000 U.S.
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Unfortunately, cancer and other medical issues hit many families.

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Tired and Edgy? Sleep Deprivation Boosts Anticipatory Anxiety

Tired and Edgy? Sleep Deprivation Boosts Anticipatory Anxiety | How's Your Family Really Doing? | Scoop.it
A new study finds sleep deprivation could play a role in ramping up specific brain regions which contribute to excessive worrying.
Debra Manchester's insight:

Just one more reason why sleep is so important

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Panda little's curator insight, July 2, 2013 9:52 PM

Gotta get enough sleep..

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Dr. Amen's Blog | EMPATHY VARIES BY AGE AND GENDER

Dr. Amen's Blog | EMPATHY VARIES BY AGE AND GENDER | How's Your Family Really Doing? | Scoop.it

After looking at nearly 80,000 brain SPECT scans over the last twenty-two years, one thing is abundantly clear, the male and female brain are very different.   It was this fascinating difference that led me to write my new book in which I outline six ways the female brain is more capable than the male’s. 

 

Given these differences it’s not surprising that a recent study of more than 75,000 adults showed women are more empathic than men.


Via Edwin Rutsch
Debra Manchester's insight:

A good reminder that we are not all alike.

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John Michel's curator insight, March 28, 2013 1:20 PM

Empathy is the ability to recognize and share other people’s experiences, or the ability to put yourself in another’s position and feel what they feel and it is one the key strengths of the female brain.

Another article that looked at empathy was entitled:  “What Makes a Team Smarter? More Women.”  The article reported on a study in which teams were given a number of tasks involving brainstorming, decision-making, and problem solving. Teams were given collective intelligence scores based on their performance.

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Marriage Advice: What I've Learned About Marriage From Editing ...

Perhaps the most poignant example of this was relationship expert Sharyn Wolf's confession that while she repeatedly doled out advice about how to have a happy marriage and satisfying love life on "The Oprah Show," her own ...
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Excellent article on marriage from the perspective of infirmation on divorce.

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The Yellow Brick Road to Empathy: Mary Gordon at TEDxGabriolaIsland

See Culture of Empathy Builder Page: Mary Gordon
http://j.mp/LDeQli

 

Mary Gordon is recognized internationally as an award-winning social entrepreneur, educator, author, child advocate and parenting expert who has created programs informed by the power of empathy. In 2000 Gordon established the national and international organization Roots of Empathy, which now offers programs in every province of Canada, New Zealand, the USA, the Isle of Man, the Republic of Ireland, Northern Ireland, England, Wales, Scotland, and Germany.


Via Edwin Rutsch
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Empathy is the building block of good communication and connection.

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The Biology of Kindness: How It Makes Us Happier and Healthier | TIME.com

The Biology of Kindness: How It Makes Us Happier and Healthier | TIME.com | How's Your Family Really Doing? | Scoop.it

There’s a reason why being kind to others is good for you — and it can now be traced to a specific nerve.

 

When it comes to staying healthy, both physically and mentally, studies consistently show that strong relationships are at least as important as avoiding smoking and obesity. But how does social support translate into physical benefits such as lower blood pressure, healthier weights and other physiological measures of sound health? A new study published in Psychological Science suggests that the link may follow the twisting path of the vagus nerve, which connects social contact to the positive emotions that can flow from interactions.

 

By Maia Szalavitz


Via Edwin Rutsch
Debra Manchester's insight:

Let's teach kids about kindness when they are young. Here are some tips: http://howsyourfamily.com/teach-children-the-gift-of-giving/

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Marilyne Kubath's curator insight, May 24, 2013 7:59 AM

I think this is true if you do something nice and decent you do feel a bit better about, but if do something a bit mean you feel a lot worse.

Abigail McNeely's comment, June 3, 2013 2:21 PM
I find it so interesting that we in the West need physical evidence to really start believing in something. Not that it's wrong to want evidence, after all that's what critical thinking is about. Thank goodness technology is now helping us catch up with folk wisdom.
Marilyne Kubath's comment, June 3, 2013 2:32 PM
I agree all governments need to relearn this.