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Herstory
History as this woman sees it. The serious, the kitsch, the opinionated. Companion to http://www.kitsch-slapped.com/
Curated by Deanna Dahlsad
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Easy Love: Is it Easier for Some People to Love than it is for Others? - | - Science of Relationships

Easy Love: Is it Easier for Some People to Love than it is for Others? - | - Science of Relationships | Herstory | Scoop.it
The other day, I asked my kids (7 and 8 years old) to sign a birthday card for a relative that ...
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10 Signs You're In The Wrong Relationship

10 Signs You're In The Wrong Relationship | Herstory | Scoop.it
Let's face it: When we're newly coupled up, we tend to look at our partner -- and the budding relationship itself -- through a pair of proverbial rose-colored glasses.

Any flaws we detect in our partner are all too easily written off: He shies aw...
Deanna Dahlsad's insight:

See also: 13 Signs You’re In A Toxic Relationship

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Just as women’s youth and physical attractiveness figure heavily in men’s initial mate preference, they also determine the intensity of effort men devote to holding on to her.

Just as women’s youth and physical attractiveness figure heavily in men’s initial mate preference, they also determine the intensity of effort men devote to holding on to her. | Herstory | Scoop.it

of [relationship] ‘vigilance’ include calling at unexpected times to see who s/he was with, having their friends check up on him/her, dropping by unexpectedly to see what s/he is doing, not letting s/he out of their site at a party. Examples of [relationship] violence include: hitting the [person] who made a pass at [their partner], slapping the [person] who made a pass a their partner, threatening their partner, and getting his/her friends to beat up the person who was interested in their partner.


Other tactics of ‘mate guarding’ include the ‘concealment of a mate’ (e.g., not taking them out to the party where other males/females will be present), ‘monopolizing of a mate’s time’ (e.g., spending all their free time with their partner so that they cannot meet anyone else), verbal threats, (e.g., threatening to break up with him/her if they ever cheat…), derogation of competition, (e.g., pointing out to their partner the other man/woman’s flaws), resource display, (e.g., buying them an expensive gift), appearance enhancement, (e.g., making themselves ‘extra attractive’ for their partner), sexual inducement, (e.g., performing sexual favors to keep their partner around), physical signs of possession, (e.g., holding their partner’s hand when other men/women are around), and possessive ornamentation, (e.g., asking their partner to wear a ring signifying that s/he is taken).


Men and women differ in how frequently they perform these mate-guarding tactics. Men are more likely than women to attempt to conceal their mates, use possessive markings, (e.g., asking her to wear his jacket), display resources, threaten rivals, and use physical violence toward rivals as tactics of mate guarding. Women are more likely than men to enhance their physical appearance and flirt with other men as tactics of mate guarding.


Our study of 107 newlywed married couples explored predictors of the intensity of effort a person allocated to mate guarding. Men married to young and physically attractive women, those high in reproductive value, mate-guarded them most intensely. These men were more likely than other men to conceal their mates, display emotional outbursts at the slightest signals of infidelity, and threaten other men with violence. Examples of the specific actions these men performed include:


(1) Refusing to take her to the party where other men were present, (2) Insisting that she spend all her free time with him, (3) Yelling at her for talking to another man, (4) Telling her that he would die if she ever left him, (5) Derogating the other man’s intelligence, (6) Staring coldly at the other guy who was looking at her.


Just as women’s youth and physical attractiveness figure heavily in men’s initial mate preference, they also determine the intensity of effort men devote to holding on to her.


Buss, David. "The Murderer Next Door: Why The Mind Is Designed To Kill." Penguin Press; New York, 2005. (p. 146 - 147)

Deanna Dahlsad's insight:

Book here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002IEUVBY/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B002IEUVBY&linkCode=as2&tag=glamkitllc-20

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It involves pajamas and pancakes and equality.

It involves pajamas and pancakes and equality. | Herstory | Scoop.it

A 4-Year-Old Girl Asked A Lesbian If She's A Boy. She Responded The Awesomest Way Possible.

Ash Beckham is awesome. She also happens to be gay, and she thinks it's hard for straight people coming out of the closet.

Deanna Dahlsad's insight:

This not just about being gay -- it's about the hard conversations we all face, the fact that not having those conversations is killing us, that living with any sorts of stress and fear is being closet.

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Deanna Dahlsad's curator insight, November 14, 2013 12:22 AM

This not just about being gay -- it's about the hard conversations we all face, the fact that not having those conversations is killing us, that living with any sorts of stress and fear is being closet.

Deanna Dahlsad's curator insight, November 14, 2013 12:23 AM

This not just about being gay -- it's about the hard conversations we all face, the fact that not having those conversations is killing us, that living with any sorts of stress and fear is being closet.

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Women in hetero romantic roles

Women in hetero romantic roles | Herstory | Scoop.it
We can have discussions until the end of time about how women are put into hetero romantic roles far too often in media and how often this is done in an extremely problematic and sexist way. We can...
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Women are afraid of meeting a serial killer. Men are afraid of meeting someone fat.

Women are afraid of meeting a serial killer. Men are afraid of meeting someone fat. | Herstory | Scoop.it

When Strangers Click, a 2011 documentary about online dating.

It reminds me of that famous Margaret Atwood quote: “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.” It also reminds me of something written by one of the mods of Sex Worker Problems: “Misandry irritates. Misogyny kills.”

I mean, it’s just true.

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1950s: Jail Jamas- perfect gift for the newly married

1950s: Jail Jamas- perfect gift for the newly married | Herstory | Scoop.it
Jail Jamas, 1950s

 

..genuine prison stripes

 

gift card "Lose all hope ye who enter here"

 


Via k3hamilton
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Laura Brown's comment, March 28, 2013 1:18 AM
Cute!
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People Who Can't Control Themselves Control The People Around Them

People Who Can't Control Themselves Control The People Around Them | Herstory | Scoop.it

When people can't modulate their own anxieties and insecurities, one partner's options and priorities are sacrificed on the alter of the other's fears, whether those options are a new baby, a new job, or new sexual behavior. You also fear that if your partner doesn't need you, because he or she can take care of himself/herself, then he or she wouldn't want you or choose you. This makes you fear your partner becoming more emotionally autonomous as much as you fear it in yourself.

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Deanna Dahlsad's comment, March 18, 2013 3:39 PM
You see this culturally too, in politics.
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Your Nostalgia May Not Be My Nostalgia: An Aesthetic Response To Vintage Smut

Your Nostalgia May Not Be My Nostalgia: An Aesthetic Response To Vintage Smut | Herstory | Scoop.it

I believe in the empowerment of aesthetic response. I believe it’s just as important — perhaps even more so –to do with porn and erotic materials than it is with Art.

 

Understanding your reactions, positive and negative, makes you a more self-aware human being. A wiser human being. To me, this is the intellectual version of an opposable thumb because it separates us from the simple wankers. And when it comes to our relationships, it is just as important to be able to articulate our reactions so that we can share them with our partners. Having struggled to do this for ourselves, we become aware just how difficult the process is and therefore we have greater understanding when our partners share their struggled-to-arrive-at reactions. Simply put, talking about turn-ons, turn-offs, and why we have them means not only increased intimacy, becoming better lovers, but we can then select erotica materials for mutual enjoyment.

 

In the case of this photo, and those like them, my negative feelings are deeper than the words “tacky” and “silly”. Deeper and more painful.


Via Gracie Passette, Deanna Dahlsad
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Marriage In My Lifetime & Yours - Sex~Kitten.net

Marriage In My Lifetime & Yours - Sex~Kitten.net | Herstory | Scoop.it

"The battle for equality was won years ago," some say ~ usually with a dismissive air, like we should just get over it because it's ancient history.

It's not over, and even the things we 'won' are like those 40 acres and mules ~ not here yet.

 

We may have come a long way, baby; but we're not there yet. In my lifetime I've seen, heard, and read plenty. Sometimes it's laughable ~ until you realize that real people lived this way, causing your heart to ache, your stomach to churn, and your ire to rise.


Via Gracie Passette
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Gracie Passette's curator insight, March 2, 2013 12:47 AM

Can a husband legally force his wife to have sexual relations when she doesn't wish to? The answer and many other answers in Wives Legal Rights, by Richard T. Gallen, a Dell Purse Book, © 1965, will astonish and sicken you.

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Lessons Of Love In Weddings - Here's Looking Like You, Kid

Lessons Of Love In Weddings - Here's Looking Like You, Kid | Herstory | Scoop.it

In Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Marilyn delivers the punch about men and women to a disapproving father who doesn’t want his son trapped by a gold digger. As Lorelei Lee, Marilyn says, “Don’t you know that a man being rich is like a girl being pretty? You wouldn’t marry a girl just because she’s pretty, but my goodness, doesn’t it help?”

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Elmer Gantry: A Reason To Get Up In The Morning

Elmer Gantry: A Reason To Get Up In The Morning | Herstory | Scoop.it

What may have begun as the vengeful opportunistic act of a lover scorned (deflowered and left to prostitution) is quickly shown to be more complicated, exposing more than unfinished business but unrequited feelings between the two.

Deanna Dahlsad's insight:

Lest you forget, Shirley Jones won an Oscar for her role of prostitute Lulu Bains in this film.

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The Knack (And How To Get It) In Romance & Fashion - Here's Looking Like You, Kid

The Knack (And How To Get It) In Romance & Fashion - Here's Looking Like You, Kid | Herstory | Scoop.it

The Knack… and How to Get It was a British film released in 1965 about the sexual revolution in swinging London-town, complete with a Greek chorus of disapproving members of society’s “older generation”. In the film, bookish teacher Colin (played by Michael Crawford) is frustrated by the womanizing ways of his housemate, Tolen (played by Ray Brooks).

 

The film opens with a series of mannequin-esque women in tight sweaters and short skirts, robotically waiting in line to get with Tolen.

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Deanna Dahlsad's curator insight, February 25, 2013 5:54 PM

Could be called "It's A Mod Mod Mod World" ;)

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A Slip of a Girl: It's Not The Lingerie; It's Your Relationship

A Slip of a Girl: It's Not The Lingerie; It's Your Relationship | Herstory | Scoop.it

"[The] old wives tale about women not wanting lingerie resurfaces every year. So I wanted to talk about it."

Deanna Dahlsad's insight:

" In other words, why would women say they don't want lingerie for Valentine's Day?"

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The “Yes, No, Maybe” Chart – A Tool For Talking About Consent

The “Yes, No, Maybe” Chart – A Tool For Talking About Consent | Herstory | Scoop.it
Jamie Utt offers a "Yes No Maybe" Chart to help couples talk about their limits---and their fantasies.

Via Craftypants Carol, Gracie Passette
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When we use sexist, misogynist language: one man's examination ...

When we use sexist, misogynist language: one man's examination ... | Herstory | Scoop.it
Then consider its definition “Pussywhipped: (slang, vulgar, of a man) submissive to or dominated by one's wife or other female partner, frequently with the connotation that this submissive behavior is for the prospect of sex” ...
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Study: Couples who share housework have a higher risk of divorce | The Raw Story

Study: Couples who share housework have a higher risk of divorce | The Raw Story | Herstory | Scoop.it

“In these modern couples, women also have a high level of education and a well-paid job, which makes them less dependent on their spouse financially. They can manage much easier if they divorce,” he said.

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Happily Abused: How to Use a Woman's Faith and Trust to Make Her a Willing Accomplice to Her Own Abuse | RH Reality Check

Happily Abused: How to Use a Woman's Faith and Trust to Make Her a Willing Accomplice to Her Own Abuse | RH Reality Check | Herstory | Scoop.it
Christian woman's advice to abused wives reads like a handbook for ascetic self-mortification.

Via Religulous
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You’re In The Exact Bad Relationship You Want?

You’re In The Exact Bad Relationship You Want? | Herstory | Scoop.it
Attitudes & judgments like this blame us, and that blame & further victimization has much to do with why we do not have the “exact love life we want.”
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Mocking Feminism in (Vintage) Advertising

Mocking Feminism in (Vintage) Advertising | Herstory | Scoop.it

How marketers sometimes co-opt social movements for corporate greed - and, in this case, misogyny. Which is not unlike what individual men have done themselves, twisting "being feminist" into a way to get laid.

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Why men like going to strippers | thenakedtruth

Why men like going to strippers | thenakedtruth | Herstory | Scoop.it

For men (MASCULINE) the draw to women (FEMININE) can be like a revitalisation of their very being. Men who surround themselves with more feminine energy tend to have more motivation, confidence and drive for life.

 

"Masculine men are attracted to forms of feminine energy: radiant women, beer, music, nature etc.” – David Deida

 

Read more: Why men like going to strippers | thenakedtruth http://bit.ly/IuVTVq

 


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Curated by Deanna Dahlsad
An opinionated woman obsessed with objects, entertained by ephemera, intrigued by researching, fascinated by culture & addicted to writing. The wind says my name; doesn't put an @ in front of it, so maybe you don't notice. http://www.kitsch-slapped.com
Other Topics
A Marketing Mix
Adventures in advertising and marketing - the contemporary, the historical, and the hysterical. http://deanna.dahlsad.com/
Antiques & Vintage Collectibles
Collecting old things; heirlooms and new to you things! Companion to http://www.inherited-values.com/
Colorful Prism Of Racism
Racism past and present. Companion to http://www.kitsch-slapped.com/category/colorful-prism-of-racism/
Consumption Junction
Consumerism meets marketing; who & what manipulates the free market of goods & services. See also: http://www.kitsch-slapped.com/category/ze-big-mouth-promotions-stuff/
Crimes Against Humanity
From lone gunmen on hills to mass movements. Depressing as hell, really.
Cultural History
The roots of culture; history and pre-history.
Dare To Be A Feminist
I do. http://www.kitsch-slapped.com/category/hey-sister-can-you-spare-some-social-change/
For Art's Sake-1
Art, crafts, and the people who make them. To inspire and purchase. Companion to http://www.ululating-undulating-ungulate.com/
Herstory
History as this woman sees it. The serious, the kitsch, the opinionated. Companion to http://www.kitsch-slapped.com/
In The Name Of God
Mainly acts done in the name of religion, but also discussions of atheism, faith, & spirituality.
Kinsanity
Let's just say I have reasons to learn more about mental health, special needs children, psychology, and the like.
Kitsch
Mostly vintage and retro "badness" but you can decide how delicious it is. http://www.kitschy-kitschy-coo.com/blog/
Nerdy Needs
The stuff of nerdy, geeky, dreams.
Readin', 'Ritin', and (Publishing) 'Rithmetic
The meaning behind the math of the bottom line in publishing and the media. For writers, publishers, and bloggers (which are a combination of the two).
Sex Positive
Sexuality as a human right.
Vintage Living Today For A Future Tormorrow
It's as easy to romanticize the past as it is to demonize it; instead, let's learn from it. More than living simply, more than living 'green', thrifty grandmas knew the importance of the 'economics' in Home Economics. The history of home ec, lessons in thrift, practical tips and ideas from the past focused on sustainability for families and out planet. Companion to http://www.thingsyourgrandmotherknew.com/
Visiting The Past
Travel based on grande ideas, locations, and persons of the past.
Walking On Sunshine
Stuff that makes me smile.
You Call It Obsession & Obscure; I Call It Research & Important
Links to (many of) my columns and articles.