This is what Graham's sister posted on Instagram on Graham's birthday, January 24th:
On January 24, 1989 I became a big sister. On May 22, 2012 my only brother was ripped away from me. But just because Graham died does not mean I am no longer his sister, or that I am an only child. People think talking to a bereaved family member about their loved one is too painful. This is not the case; in fact, we want the opposite. We want you to speak their names, share your memories, and let us know they will never be forgotten. More damage is done with silence. Thank you to all who let us know that you love and remember Graham.
William has paid the ultimate sacrifice, and we are paying for it for the rest of our lives. I will never accept it, it’s unacceptable, I will never understand it, because it’s not understandable, I can’t see reason with it, because it can’t be rationalised.
On Sept. 11, 1997, I became a bereaved parent when the police informed me that my son, Andrew had an auto accident and he was dead. My life stopped. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to breathe again without my son, let alone survive his death.
Honestly, I am not sure how to describe myself since my youngest, beautiful, healthy, vibrant, precious daughter died suddenly on August 4, 2013 because I no longer know who I am behind this grief fog. However, I am absolutely positive about one thing, and that is I have changed.
Our eldest daughter, Abigail, died aged 12, on 10th February 2013, following a sudden brain haemorrhage at home on 6th February. My mind and body have been churned up inside ever since with so many emotions, thoughts and feelings. I went to the doctor in the early days, not knowing what to do about this and she simply said ‘write about it’, so I started this blog.
So, I will say that today, I miss my brother more than I can possibly explain. Today, I am devastated and sad and angry and empty. Today, I long to bring him back and fix things and try to understand. Today, I would pay a million dollars to hear him laugh or say “hi, sister;” to see that one self-conscious smile that he always wore. Today, I love my brother with all of my being.
Ever since my son, my only child, lost his battle with depression to suicide one year ago, I’ve been living in NeverLand. NeverLand is the place where all the things that will never be are the reality.
When David Heard was commissioned by the Barlow Endowment for the Arts for the Brigham Young Singers, and is dedicated with love and silence to Dr. Ronald Staheli.
Text is from II Samuel 18:33
When David heard that Absalom was slain, he went up into his chamber over the gate and wept, and thus he said, "My son, my son, O Absalom my son, would God I had died for thee! O Absalom, my son, my son!"
Written in memory of choir director Staheli's 19 year old son.
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