"Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories."
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I always get a bang out of reading the annual announcement of the Bulwer-Lytton Prize.
The absolute best of the worst opening lines ever written.
If you're teaching creative writing, would you use these as examples of bad writing?
I wouldn't. They are beyond incredibly creative, amusing, and entertaining. And, most of all ingeniously well-crafted.
It's not easy to write this wonderfully badly!
And, by the way, aren't these incredible examples of "creative thinking?"
A couple of my favorites?
12. Ron D. Smith
"As the sun dropped below the horizon, the safari guide confirmed the approaching cape buffaloes were herbivores, which calmed everyone in the group, except for Herb, of course."
Ok. That's funny, but a bit too safe I suppose...
How about this one...?
23. Jim Gleeson
"Gerald began – but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them “permanently” meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash – to pee."
Alright! One more...
6. Jordan Kaderli
"Betty had eyes that said come here, lips that said kiss me, arms and torso that said hold me all night long, but the rest of her body said, “Fillet me, cover me in cornmeal, and fry me in peanut oil”; romance wasn’t easy for a mermaid."
Enjoy! Share at your own risk!
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