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Self sufficiency is a vital part of self love. It's only when you learn to acknowledge your own needs with a more loving attitude can you truly understand what it is to truly love. We do not condone selfishness but we do promote your right to the tools it might take to foster love for yourself in your world. To truly attract love you need to promote self love in your life so that others who rock up to share your time understand what you are not prepared to accept in the name of 'care'.
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German Scientists Prove There is Life After Death

German Scientists Prove There is Life After Death | Self-Love168 |


Berlin| A team of psychologists and medical doctors associated with the Technische Universität of Berlin, have announced this morning that they had proven by clinical experimentation, the existence of some form of life after death. This astonishing announcement is based on the conclusions of a study using a new type of medically supervised near-death experiences, that allow patients to be clinically dead for almost 20 minutes before being brought back to life.

This controversial process that was repeated on 944 volunteers over that last four years, necessitates a complex mixture of drugs including epinephrine and dimethyltryptamine, destined to allow the body to survive the state of clinical death and the reanimation process without damage. The body of the subject was then put into a temporary comatic state induced by a mixture of other drugs which had to be filtered by ozone from his blood during the reanimation process 18 minutes later.


The extremely long duration of the experience was only recently made possible by the development of a new cardiopulmonary recitation (CPR) machine called the AutoPulse. This type of equipment has already been used over the last few years, to reanimate people who had been dead for somewhere between 40 minutes to an hour.

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How to Get Through Tough Times: Four Ways to Boost Resilience | Amplify Happiness Now

How to Get Through Tough Times: Four Ways to Boost Resilience | Amplify Happiness Now | Self-Love168 |

Every one of us goes through difficult times now and again.  Some of us are more resilient and weather the storm with grace.   I have been reading about resilience thinking about my own life and the lives of the amazing clients I get to work with.  Five key themes emerged:


1.  Resilient people are resourceful and have good problem solving skills.

A large part of my work with clients focuses on getting people out of a rut and on a different track.  This can be very difficult to do on your own.  If you don’t want to hire a consultant like me, sit down with a friend and host an improvement brainstorm.  Write or draw the issue in the middle of a large piece of paper and brainstorm every possible solution- even list the ones you have already tried, those you have already considered (and possibly ruled out), and those that seem completely ridiculous or impossible.  Draw or list as many as you can (take a snack break if you need to) and then walk away for a day.  Let these great ideas marinate.  Just by putting them down on paper and sharing them with a friend you are helping change your pattern by doing something different.  New possibilities will arise!

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Are people without kids happier? New studies offer mixed picture

Are people without kids happier? New studies offer mixed picture | Self-Love168 |
Two new studies offer a mixed picture on the answer to the question of who's happier -- parents or people without kids.


 When it comes to who is happier -- parents or child-free people -- most of the research up until now has concluded that it is the childless who are more satisfied with their overall lives.

As a married mom of two, I always find myself reacting a bit defensively to that research.


"I'm happy," I say to myself. I may be stressed, sleep-deprived and sorely in need of "me" time, but I am very satisfied with my life. Isn't it possible that I could be just as happy as someone without kids -- even if they have more time to sleep and take care of themselves?

According to two new studies, the answer might be yes and no.

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Why Pajamas Are The Key To Health And Happiness

Why Pajamas Are The Key To Health And Happiness | Self-Love168 |
By Beth Ricanati, M.D. for

Everyday wellness is about taking care of yourself and feeling good, every day -- and every night. It doesn't just mean eating right and exercising. It also means finding small, simple ways to take care of ourselves and feel good about ourselves. And here's one of the simplest ways out there: Upgrade your pajamas.


Many of us are tired by the end of the day -- way too tired to care what clothes we choose to wear to bed. If we're lucky, we've managed to brush our teeth and wash off our makeup before we pass out on the pillow. But thinking about pajamas? Not so much.


Your bed is simply for sleeping and for sex. It's not a place for eating dinner or sorting the day's mail or catching up on "Game of Thrones". Just because its uses should be limited doesn't mean the bed isn't important. And that's exactly why you might want to think about what you slip on before you slip in.


Feeling good on the inside sometimes comes from looking good on the outside. Wearing your old college sweatshirt to bed, your boyfriend's favorite T-shirt or yesterday's clothes doesn't necessarily do much for your self-esteem. And if you choose to sleep with someone else, getting into bed in these old, often too big and unflattering clothes does not do much to inspire romantic thoughts and behaviors.


Behavioral modification is powerful stuff. Good habits beget better habits, and confidence breeds confidence. The same holds true in the bedroom. Wearing something soft and comfortable can also be flattering and sexy. So even if you are too tired to contemplate snuggling with your partner, or if you're upset about those extra snacks you ate today, put all that aside. If you're going to go to the trouble of changing into sleep clothes anyway, is it really too much trouble to grab this cute or sexy outfit instead of that old and tattered one? No, it's not. It's the same amount of effort, for a lot more reward.

I challenge you to find something that you feel good in to wear to bed. I bet you'll feel better and sleep better (and we all need that). And if you're sharing your bed with a partner, I bet they'll appreciate it, too. Treat yourself to some nice, new P.J.s. You'll be glad you did.

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What Neuroscience Can Teach Us About Compassion

What Neuroscience Can Teach Us About Compassion | Self-Love168 |

Mounting evidence of the impact of contemplative practices like meditation (which we now know can, quite literally, rewire the brain) are finally bringing modern science up to speed with ancient wisdom.

Mindfulness and compassion -- the practices of cultivating a focused awareness on the present moment, and extending a loving awareness to others -- are part of every religion and wisdom tradition, and we're at last beginning to understand the profound impact that they have on the brain, says psychiatrist and mindfulness expert Dr. Dan Siegel. A pioneer in the field of interpersonal neurobiology and executive director of the Mindsight Institute, Siegel discussed the neuroscience of mindfulness and compassion during a keynote address to the Nalanda Institute for Contemplative Science's Mind Science in Action Benefit Weekend earlier this month.


Seigel highlighted findings in the field of interpersonal neurobiology and from his own"mindsight approach" to psychiatry -- both systems revolve around the principle of "integration," which suggests that the linking of different aspects of a system, such as the brain, is at the heart of well-being, resilience, mindfulness and compassion.

"Integration is seen as the essential mechanism of health as it promotes a flexible and adaptive way of being that is filled with vitality and creativity," Siegel writes on his website. "The ultimate outcome of integration is harmony."

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How to Create a Positive Attitude

How to Create a Positive Attitude | Self-Love168 |
A positive attitude is never automatic. You have to work at it! Here's how to become a master of the mind.


A positive attitude--optimism, expectancy, and enthusiasm--makes everything in business easier. A positive attitude boosts you up when you're down and supercharges you when you're already "on a roll."

Here's how to cultivate a positive attitude, regardless of what's happening at work, based upon a conversation with Jeff Keller, author of the bestseller Attitude Is Everything:

1. Remember that YOU control your attitude.

Attitude does not emerge from what happens to you, but instead from how you decide to interpret what happens to you.

Take, for example, receiving the unexpected gift of an old automobile. One person might think: "It's a piece of junk!" a second might think: "It's cheap transportation," and a third might think: "It's a real classic!"

In each case, the person is deciding how to interpret the event and therefore controlling how he or she feels about it (i.e. attitude).

2. Adopt beliefs that frame events in a positive way.

Your beliefs and rules about life and work determine how you interpret events and therefore your attitude. Decide to adopt "strong" beliefs that create a good attitude rather than beliefs that create a bad attitude. To use sales as an example:

Situation: The first sales call of the day goes poorly.Weak: A lousy first call means that I'm off my game and today will suck.Strong: Every sales call is different, so the next will probably be better.Situation: A customer reduces the amount of an order at the last minute!Weak: Customers who change orders can't be trusted.Strong: Customers who change orders are more likely to be satisfied!Situation: A big sales win comes seemingly "out of nowhere."Weak: Even a blind pig finds an acorn once in a while.Strong: You never know when something wonderful will happen!
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Researchers: laughter really is the best medicine

Researchers: laughter really is the best medicine | Self-Love168 |

Aging can bring with it cognitive decline. Everything from full-blown dementia to those frustrating “senior moments,” when you lose track of your thoughts.

Researchers have found that stress can be an aggravating factor. It saps both physical and mental energy as we get older.

It can contribute to high blood pressure, diabetes, and heart disease. Stress releases the hormone cortisol, which can damage brain neurons and make it harder for seniors to learn and remember.

Damaging cortisol

But researchers at Loma Linda University have looked deeper into cortisol’s relationship to memory and come up with a novel theory.

You've heard the expression “laughter is the best medicine?” The researchers take that literally.

The researchers gathered a group of healthy elderly individuals and a group of elderly people with diabetes and had them watch a 20-minute funny video. At the conclusion both groups completed a memory assessment that measured their learning, recall, and sight recognition.

Their performance was recorded and compared to a control group of elderly people who did not view the video. Cortisol concentrations for both groups were also recorded at the beginning and end of the experiment.

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Want kids to excel? Help them find daily 'moments of happiness'

Want kids to excel? Help them find daily 'moments of happiness' | Self-Love168 |
Happiness is the key to the overall development of a student, a well-being researcher told educators and students at the ‘What Works’ meet organised by Dubai’s Knowledge and Human Development Authority (KHDA).

“When students are in a good mood, it leaves them far more open to new experiences and activities,” said Nic Marks. “In addition to inspiring creativity and productivity, happy students are better able to build partnerships and are likely to develop a wider range of interests.”

On Monday, Marks highlighted these issues while addressing 300 educators and 300 students at the ‘What Works’ meet.
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» Questions to Spark Self-Discovery - World of Psychology

» Questions to Spark Self-Discovery  - World of Psychology | Self-Love168 |

Self-reflection is a powerful tool for cultivating a fulfilling, meaningful life. When you dig deeper, you can discover “what it is you know, what you think 


Below, you’ll find questions that help you cultivate your self-awareness and lead a life that’s meaningful to you.

“Who am I?”

“The exploration of this question helps reveal your essence as an energetic being,” said Campbell, author of the books Imperfect Spirituality: Extraordinary Enlightenment for Ordinary People andHow to Reach Enlightenment. It also highlights our possibilities and reminds us that we’re more than our bodies, she said.

“What do I need right now more than anything else?”

“Too often, we neglect what we most need to be happy and healthy,” said Molinary, who suggested asking the above question. For instance, you might need sleep, a massage, exercise or rest. Whatever it is, respond to your need. Doing so helps us not only address our short-term needs but also, by extension, our long-term happiness, she said.

“What meaning can I draw from this experience?”

Every experience has a purpose and potential lesson, Campbell said. Of course, the lesson may be tough to swallow, but doing so “prompts awareness, curiosity, compassion, resilience.” In other words, focusing on the lesson helps us keep going in tough times, she said.

“What feeling do I most want to have in my life? What do I want to be doing more of in my life? What do I want to be doing less of in my life?”

Molinary suggested asking ourselves these three questions. They help us explore what we really want and whether what we’re currently doing actually reflects that.

For instance, “we might want a feeling of peace and relief but keep signing up for high-pressure responsibilities,” said Molinary, author of the books Beautiful You: A Daily Guide to Radical Self-Acceptanceand Hijas Americanas: Beauty, Body Image, and Growing Up Latina.

When we’re creating a fulfilling life, it’s important to cut out the things that weigh us down and add the things that lift us up, she said.

“What am I resisting, or attaching to?”

For many of us the fear of not being enough or not having something turn out the way we want shows up as resistance or attachment and prevents growth, Campbell said.

However, when you identify what you’re resisting or attaching to, you can refocus on cultivating acceptance and expansion, she said. “When we are not resisting or attaching, we are free to experience life fully.”

What are my gifts? How can I share them with the world?

Campbell suggested asking these questions. For instance, your gifts might include a great sense of humor, playing the piano, acting with kindness, creating art and volunteering your time, she said.

“How can I celebrate each day, or the moments of my life?”

We tend to forget that every moment is ripe with gratitude and gifts. “This question prompts you to take notice of the good stuff coming in; to pause to give thanks and mark the moments that uplift us all,” Campbell said.

Again, the questions we ask influence the quality of our lives, she said.

“Ask good questions, good things come into your life. Questions fire up our curiosity and they also illuminate the depth of our soul and psyche. This kind of reflection leads to growth, compassion, contribution and appreciation.”

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Use Emotional Intelligence To Become A Self-Aware Leader | Empower the Leader in You

Use Emotional Intelligence To Become A Self-Aware Leader | Empower the Leader in You | Self-Love168 |
If you are self-aware, you are far more likely to pursue the right opportunities, use your strengths, and keep your emotions from holding you back.


Here are 5 tips to help you use emotional intelligence to become a self-aware leader:


1. Stop Treating Feelings As Either Enemies or Friends

It’s far too simplistic, and childish, to divide your emotions into two piles: good and bad. So stop labeling them; instead, become aware of each and every emotion without judging it. Observe it, let it run its course, and remind yourself that the feeling was there to help you understand something about yourself.


2. Be Bold and Lean Into Your Discomfort Zone

The biggest obstacle to observing the entire range of your emotions is the tendency to avoid the ones that produce the most discomfort. If you try to avoid certain emotions because they are uncomfortable, you are caught off guard when they do rear their ugly head. Avoidance is a short-term fix. You’ll never be able to manage yourself effectively if you ignore how to deal with the unpleasant stuff. 

Don’t minimize an emotion because it’s not comfortable. You are being arrogant if you think you can control it by using this tactic. Instead, be bold and learn about the emotion so it no longer controls your behavior.


3. Learn What Pushes Your Buttons 

We all have buttons that produce predictable reactions. When the right ones are pushed, we can scream, throw tantrums, or burn with anger. Knowing who, or what, pushes your buttons and how it happens is critical to developing the ability to take control of the situation.

Knowing where your buttons are opens the door to managing your reaction to their triggers.


4. Keep A Beady Eye Focused on Yourself At All Times

Personal surveillance can produce a mother-lode of important information about how you tick. Observe how you react to situations in conversations, meetings, or one-on-one. 

Notice your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors as each of the situations unfold. Slow yourself down so the fast-thinking emotional part of your brain doesn’t overtake the slower-thinking logical part of your brain.

You are in the best position to surveil yourself in all situations, so take the opportunity to notice what your hot button looks and sounds like. Again, this self-awareness will enable you to calibrate your reactions.


5. Stop and Ask Yourself WHY You Do the Things You Do

Your emotions often show up uninvited and unexpected, so stop acting surprised when they do. Emotions serve an important purpose—they are clues you need to pay attention to in order to fully understand yourself.

Even when the emotions are painful, you need to trace them back to their origin to understand their purpose. Pay attention to them, spend time looking for why this emotion surfaced at this time, who triggered it, and in what context?

Self-awareness provides you with the ability to understand why you do the things you do so you can choose your responses instead of reacting to situations around you.

We can all become more self-aware leaders if we learn how to read our own emotions.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7

How has self-awareness helped you become a more effective leader?

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Why so many people--including scientists--suddenly believe in an afterlife

Why so many people--including scientists--suddenly believe in an afterlife | Self-Love168 |
Heaven is hot again, and hell is colder than ever


Recent polls across the developed world are starting to tell an intriguing tale. In the U.S., religion central for the West, belief in heaven has held steady, even ticking upwards on occasion, over the past two decades. Belief in hell is also high, but even Americans show a gap between the two articles of faith—81 per cent believed in the former in 2011, as opposed to 71 per cent accepting the latter. Elsewhere in the Western world the gap between heaven and hell believers is more of a gulf—a 2010 Canadian poll found more than half of us think there is a heaven, while fewer than a third acknowledge hell. What’s more, monotheism’s two destinations are no longer all that are on offer. In December a survey of the 1970 British Cohort group—9,000 people, currently 42 years old—found half believed in an afterlife, while only 31 per cent believed in God. No one has yet delved deeply into beliefs about the new afterlife—the cohort surveyors didn’t ask for details—but reincarnation, in an newly multicultural West, is one suggested factor. So too is belief in what one academic called “an unreligious afterlife,” the natural continuation of human consciousness after physical death.

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Deepak Chopra and Oprah's 21 Day Meditation Challenge

Deepak Chopra and Oprah's 21 Day Meditation Challenge | Self-Love168 |
I believe there is a reason that the idea of practicing meditation is popping up everywhere around me.

It means that I am supposed to be meditating, and as your mild mannered morning show host, am supposed to be encouraging you to meditate as well. It seems that it is time for this practice to find its way into the mainstream, and I am one media member who will happily hop on the mindful bandwagon.

When I hear that household names like Katy Perry, Jennifer Aniston, Ellen, Oprah, Russel Simmons, Russel Brand and many, many more find refuge from their crazy and successful lives in stillness, it makes me think they may be on to something.

I became interested in it after establishing a yoga practice and feeling the incredible power that breathing mindfully through the poses brought to me. When I need to assume a pose that was difficult, and I breathed properly, it allowed me to do what I thought I couldn’t do.

Now, Oprah is ready to take it to the masses with Deepak Chopra and the 21 Day Meditation Challenge.

I signed up, and went to the resources page, where Chopra took me through the basics of meditation. That’s great, because while sitting in stillness isn’t difficult, it’s not second nature.

Will you join me on this 21 day quest toward inner peace?

Read More: Deepak Chopra and Oprah's 21 Day Meditation Challenge |
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Positive and Negative Thinkers' Brains Revealed

Positive and Negative Thinkers' Brains Revealed | Self-Love168 |

The ability to stay positive when times get tough – and, conversely, of being negative – may be hardwired in the brain, finds new research led by a Michigan State University psychologist.

The study, which appears in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, is the first to provide biological evidence validating the idea that there are, in fact, positive and negative people in the world.

“It’s the first time we’ve been able to find a brain marker that really distinguishes negative thinkers from positive thinkers,” said Jason Moser, lead investigator and assistant professor of psychology.

For the study, 71 female participants were shown graphic images and asked to put a positive spin on them while their brain activity was recorded. Participants were shown a masked man holding a knife to a woman’s throat, for example, and told one potential outcome was the woman breaking free and escaping.

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'Crucial' climate talks set to begin

'Crucial' climate talks set to begin | Self-Love168 |

World leaders including US President Barack Obama are holding a summit on climate change at the United Nations.

The aim at the New York meeting is to galvanise member states to sign up to a comprehensive new global climate agreement at talks in Paris next year.

"Climate change is the defining issue of our time. Now is the time for action," UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon said ahead of the summit.

Mr Ban will discuss the issue with 125 heads of state and government.

With so many nations attending the summit at the UN headquarters and so little time at the one-day meeting, three separate sessions will run simultaneously in three different rooms.

The BBC's Nick Bryant says it will be a feat of huge choreographic complexity.

Mr Ban has organised the summit and on Sunday took part in a climate change march in New York with thousands of protesters - including Hollywood actor Leonardo DiCaprio, who has recently been appointed a UN representative on climate change.

On Monday heirs to the Rockefeller family, which made its vast fortune from oil, were reported to have announced their intention to sell investments in fossil fuels and reinvest in clean energy.

The Rockefeller Brothers Fund is joining a coalition of philanthropists pledging to rid themselves of more than $50bn (£31bn) in fossil fuel assets.

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10 Ways to Make Your Relationship Magically Romantic

10 Ways to Make Your Relationship Magically Romantic | Self-Love168 |

Creating magical moments in your relationship is something everyone thinks about, but few people do. Perhaps it's because they actually can't think of exactly what to do. Here are ten "acts of love" that you can do with and for your partner to bring a little more romance into your relationship.

1. Make your morning time special by bringing your partner a cup of coffee while he or she is still in bed. If you're willing and able you can also serve them breakfast in bed. It will make your partner feel cherished and the kindness will be returned.

2. Make the time at the end of the work-day when you first see one another extra special by giving each other a 10 second hug and kiss. You will both feel more deeply connected throughout the evening. Also remember to touch your partner affectionately throughout the day, not just when you want to be romantic.

3. Make time to make-time. Plan a romantic rendezvous during the week. You can get a room at a local hotel or plan to have the house all to yourselves. Just the anticipation of being together in this way will add spark to your romantic life.

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Giving thanks helps your psychological outlook

Giving thanks helps your psychological outlook | Self-Love168 |

While it seems pretty obvious that gratitude is a positive emotion, psychologists for decades rarely delved into the science of giving thanks. But in the last several years they have, learning in many experiments that it is one of humanity's most powerful emotions. It makes you happier and can change your attitude about life, like an emotional reset button.

Especially in hard times, like these.

Beyond proving that being grateful helps you, psychologists also are trying to figure out the brain chemistry behind gratitude and the best ways of showing it.

University of Miami psychology professor Michael McCullough, who has studied people who are asked to be regularly thankful, said: "When you are stopping and counting your blessings, you are sort of hijacking your emotional system."

And he means hijacking it from out of a funk into a good place. A very good place. Research by McCullough and others finds that giving thanks is a potent emotion that feeds on itself, almost the equivalent of being victorious. It could be called a vicious circle, but it's anything but vicious.

He said psychologists used to underestimate the strength of simple gratitude: "It does make people happier … It's that incredible feeling.

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What REALLY turns women on: Which female body parts are most sensitive

What REALLY turns women on: Which female body parts are most sensitive | Self-Love168 |
Canadian researchers analysed the effects of light touch, pressure and vibration on the female body to find out exactly where the most sensitive areas are.


The results give an unprecedented glimpse into exactly how women become aroused.

The team say their work could have implications for those undergoing breast augmentation and gender reassignment surgery.

The Canadian team at the Université du Québec à Montréal analysed thirty healthy women aged between 18 and 35 years old.

They were were assessed on the perineum (clitoris, labia minora, vaginal, and anal margin), breast (lateral, areola, nipple), and control body locations (neck, forearm, abdomen).

Researchers did not look at other areas such as sucking toes.

The team asked the women to get undressed and lie on a table covered in a bed sheet. 

Participants were asked to wear goggles to blindfold them during testing.

They then used scientific instruments to apply the various forms of touch.

The researchers applied stimulation for 1.5 seconds, then waited for five seconds before asking the women if they felt it.


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Want To Be Happier? Retrain Your Brain

Want To Be Happier? Retrain Your Brain | Self-Love168 |

Over the course of several months, I studied the concept of my own happiness. I found that happiness was not an end game for me, rather it was a re-frame of my thinking in each situation. Here are just some of the re-frames that helped me get to a state of happy (or happier).

Abandon Self-Judgment and Develop Self Worth


When I picked my core value at the workshop, my reaction was not to be happy about it. Here’s what went through my head in real time: “Oh, look my value is so different from the other entrepreneurs. Oh I am so clearly not fierce enough to succeed. Darn, maybe I’m not even an entrepreneur. I am likely going to fail because my values are inconsistent with others in the room.” This type of self-judgment was killing me—and it’s really destroying my gender. We are our own worst critics, and it is self-doubt—even doubt about what makes us happy—that holds us back the most.


Put Yourself First

I was recently at a conference where a woman panelist talked about how she balances her life. She described the concept of “selective neglect,” how when we as women balance it all, something always gets neglected and suffers. Whether it’s work, kids, friends, or partners, you have to work within the confines of a 24 hour day and just select what will get neglected that day. There is definite truth to that thinking, but the thing we must never neglect is ourselves. As women, we tend to put others first—taking care of everyone else and putting ourselves last.  For me, I found that when I retrained my brain to put myself first, I was a happier mother, leader, wife, and friend. It takes time and energy to train your brain that it is not selfish to put yourself first—rather, it’s selfless.


Abandon the Judgment of Other Women

We as women tend to have a lot of feelings about other women’s choices. We write and speak about them constantly, whether we’re talking about feeling sorry for Marissa Mayer’s baby or blasting Gwyneth Paltrow for comments taken out of context. I believe strongly that this judgment comes only from a place of insecurity and lack of confidence about our own choices. If we felt confident in our own child rearing or work/life balance strategies, would we feel the need to blast and judge other women for their choices? When we use energy to judge others, we direct energy away from ourselves. We may subconsciously feel better about our own choices when we condemn the choices of others, but ultimately, the criticism of other women perpetuates the feeling and need to justify that your own choices are “right.” When we accept that our choices are right “for us,” we become happier.

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8 Things to Remember When Everything Goes Wrong

8 Things to Remember When Everything Goes Wrong | Self-Love168 |

Truth be told, happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them.  Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren’t wrapped so tightly around your struggles.  Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost.  Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts; it’s what you do with what you have left.

Here are a few reminders to help motivate you when you need it most:

1.  Pain is part of growing.

Sometimes life closes doors because it’s time to move forward.  And that’s a good thing because we often won’t move unless circumstances force us to.  When times are tough, remind yourself that no pain comes without a purpose.  Move on from what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you.  Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing.  Every great success requires some type of worthy struggle to get there.  Good things take time.  Stay patient and stay positive.  Everything is going to come together; maybe not immediately, but eventually.

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Looking For Happiness In All The Wrong Places

Looking For Happiness In All The Wrong Places | Self-Love168 |
Like a butterfly, happiness is always elusive: We search everywhere for it, seeking that one moment that makes all things feel good, only to find it slips away, changes or isn't as we thought, and once again we're lost in the quest to find it....


Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. -- Nathaniel Hawthorne

Like a butterfly, happiness is always elusive: We search everywhere for it, seeking that one moment that makes all things feel good, only to find it slips away, changes or isn't as we thought, and once again we're lost in the quest to find it. We know it's near, but where is it hiding? Are we even looking in the right place?

In our crowded and competitive world, this search is becoming ever more urgent. A recent article on The Huffington Post stated how there are "over 75 million Google search results for the term and 40,000 happiness-related books available for purchase on Amazon ... And it's not necessarily helping us to become any happier."

Maybe we need to change direction or find a new approach. As the Dalai Lama says, we all want to be happy and have the right to be. But after years of working with the mind, both training and teaching, we know that to find lasting happiness we have to look to ourselves, beneath and beyond the mind and its endless distractions, beyond ideas and fantasies of the way life should be, to see the wonder that lies within.

However, easier said than done. It can seem far easier to believe that we're the dust on a mirror and could never be so beautiful as our radiant reflection beneath the surface. Yet how sad to believe that we can't be happy when happiness is our true nature! When we finally get it that self-centeredness doesn't lead to happiness, when we realize the pit of emptiness inside is never really satiated no matter how much we feed it, or when we've just had enough of chaos and suffering, then we crave something more genuine and the longing for real, inner happiness arises.

And that's when we also get it that happiness arises naturally when we stop trying to find it, stop looking for it, and instead focus away from selfishness, self-centeredness and self-gratification.

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The Optimism Bias

The Optimism Bias | Self-Love168 |
Those rose-colored glasses? We may be born with them. Why our brains tilt toward the positive (in spite of all the negative)


We like to think of ourselves as rational creatures. We watch our backs, weigh the odds, pack an umbrella. But both neuroscience and social science suggest that we are more optimistic than realistic. On average, we expect things to turn out better than they wind up being. People hugely underestimate their chances of getting divorced, losing their job or being diagnosed with cancer; expect their children to be extraordinarily gifted; envision themselves achieving more than their peers; and overestimate their likely life span (sometimes by 20 years or more).


The belief that the future will be much better than the past and present is known as the optimism bias. It abides in every race, region and socioeconomic bracket. Schoolchildren playing when-I-grow-up are rampant optimists, but so are grownups: a 2005 study found that adults over 60 are just as likely to see the glass half full as young adults.

You might expect optimism to erode under the tide of news about violent conflicts, high unemployment, tornadoes and floods and all the threats and failures that shape human life. Collectively we can grow pessimistic — about the direction of our country or the ability of our leaders to improve education and reduce crime. But private optimism, about our personal future, remains incredibly resilient. A survey conducted in 2007 found that while 70% thought families in general were less successful than in their parents' day, 76% of respondents were optimistic about the future of their own family.

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Happiness and Kindness

Happiness and Kindness | Self-Love168 |
Happiness and Kindness By ellenlakeSince the field of positive psychology burst onto the scene in the late 1990’s, there has been an explosion of research into and interest in the concept of “happiness”. It is well documented that “happiness” plays a significant part in a person’s sense of well-being and life satisfaction. One of the core qualities of happiness that has been identified, is the quality of “kindness”.

It would seem, from recent studies, that happiness and kindness have a reciprocal relationship. Happy people tend to demonstrate and acknowledge acts of kindness and, in reverse, being kind to others makes people feel happier.

One study published in the Journal of Social Psychology in 2010, divided 86 participants into 3 groups. One group performed daily acts of kindness for 10 days. A second group carried out some new activity each day for 10 days. The third group were given no particular instructions. A significant and relatively equal increase in the perception of happiness was reported by both the first and second groups .Performing acts of kindness, even for just 10 days, did make people feel happier.

In another study, people reported feeling happier when they intentionally remembered buying gifts for someone else, as compared to when they intentionally remembered buying gifts for themselves.
When we are on the receiving end of acts of kindness, we are more likely to experience gratitude. The emotion of gratitude is another emotion which is reciprocally linked with happiness. The quality of kindness, however, involves giving rather than receiving, and incorporates positive life skills such as empathy and compassion.

Empathy is the ability to be intellectually and emotionally aware of what is going on for someone else. In order to perform an act of kindness, we first have to feel motivated to do so. Experiencing an empathic connection to another person fuels this motivation. On an even deeper level, we are more likely to perform an act of kindness if we feel compassion for another person. Compassion is a form of empathy but has a quality of a greater appreciation of the suffering that someone is going through. Compassion is also associated with a stronger desire to ease the suffering that is being witnessed.

A simple act of kindness can remind us that we are all connected and can foster enhanced social relationships and a greater sense of community. This holds true for both the one “giving” and the one “receiving”. In this way, acts of kindness can have a ripple effect, positively influencing community and society.

Performing acts of kindness and observing acts of kindness teaches us that our behaviour matters. It is a simple and tangible way to demonstrate that small actions we carry out can make a difference in someone else’s world and ,ultimately, our own world. Fostering a positive relationship between actions and outcomes, especially actions that are simple and easily achievable, promotes a sense of individual empowerment. People who witness that their actions can make a difference are more likely to challenge themselves and are more adaptive when responding to change.

In short, the quality of kindness does make a difference and acts of kindness are simple actions we can all do to promote happiness in others and ourselves. As Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama said so eloquently, “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”

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Searching for Happiness? Here's How to Find It

Searching for Happiness? Here's How to Find It | Self-Love168 |
It may be that the easiest way to kill happiness is to pursue happiness. A desperate search for happiness will likely put too much emphasis on self, and that could backfire.
Instead, scores of research projects suggest, it's better to put the emphasis on others.


How to Be Happy at Any Age

The oddest thing about happiness is some people are happy even in dire circumstances, and others are sour when it seems like they've got it made, suggesting that happiness is in your genes, and it's a key part of your personality. Either you've got it or you don't.

There is evidence that a gene that is associated with happiness in women doesn't work the same for men. Scientists at the National Institutes of Health and several research institutions announced two years ago that women who had the "happiness gene" said they were happier than women without it.

But the same gene is known as the "warrior gene" because it is also associated with aggressiveness and antisocial behavior.

Maybe that explains why women tend to be happier than men, these researchers concluded.

Although there is much disagreement among the experts, there is some consensus on at least one factor: Having others in your life is critical. The biggest foe of happiness may simply be loneliness.

In the latest study, researchers at Stanford University argue that if you can just make someone else smile, you'll be on the right track. They conducted six experiments involving 543 persons of all ages across the country and concluded that making someone smile is as good for the giver as it is for the receiver.

But, they added, if you set out to make someone happy, instead of just smile, you will probably fail. That's because happiness is a vague, abstract condition and in the end you won't know if the other person is really happy, so you will be frustrated and less happy yourself.

Making someone smile is a concrete goal, they said, so it's easier to achieve. In all six experiments, participants who set out to achieve a concrete goal, like making someone else smile, felt they had succeeded, although those who tried to make someone else happy felt like they had fallen short.

"A prosocial act can not only boost the happiness of the recipient, but it can boost the happiness of the giver as well," said psychologist Jennifer Aaker, lead author of that study, published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology.

Aaker and her associates concede in their study that they don't know if that effect lasts very long, although if you can make someone smile all the time, chances are they're happy. But as for yourself, don't think too much about it.

Psychologists led by Yale University concluded three years ago that happiness has a "dark side" because trying too hard to find it can lead to "disappointment and decreased happiness." Just try to make someone smile instead, the Stanford researchers would say.



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Walmart wants to sell cheaper organic food. Is that good or bad? (+video)

Walmart wants to sell cheaper organic food. Is that good or bad? (+video) | Self-Love168 |
Walmart will partner with Wild Oats to expand its organic offerings and drive down the price of organic foods across the country. Walmart's involvement could mean greater access to organics, but also weaker organic standards and more products manufactured abroad.


The world’s largest retailer announced Thursday that it would be partnering with Wild Oats, a prominent health food label, to expand the organic offerings in its grocery section and drive down the price of organic foods across the country.


“We know our customers are interested in purchasing organic products and, traditionally, those customers have had to pay more,” Jack Sinclair, executive vice president of grocery at Walmart US, said in a company press release. “We are changing that and creating a new price position for organic groceries that increases access. This is part of our ongoing effort to use our scale to deliver quality, affordable groceries to our customers.”

motel168 lifestyle's insight:

If this true this is exceptional news which along side farmers markets should have a positive affect on people's health. We only hope they do not force their tough policies onto these farmers so they end up working for peanuts . . 

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15 Revealing Signs You Genuinely Love What You Do

15 Revealing Signs You Genuinely Love What You Do | Self-Love168 |

Though we would all like to be happier at work, at times it's easy to miss the work-we-love forest for the irritation trees. So I asked Dharmesh Shah, co-founder of HubSpot (No, 666 on the Inc. 5000 in 2013) and a guy who has spent a tremendous amount of time thinking about doing what he loves and creating a company his employees love, how he knows he loves his work.

See what you think. Though some of the following may not be true all of the time, when you love what you do, many should be the case much of the time. There's a results chart at the end, so keep track of how many apply to you:

1. You don't struggle to stay disciplined; you struggle to prioritize. Your problem definitely isn't staying busy and on task. Getting going isn't an issue. Your problem is you have so many things you want to do, you struggle to decide what to do first.

2. You think, I hope I get to... instead of, I hope I don't have to... When you love your work, it's like peeling an onion. There are always more layers to discover and explore. When you hate your work it's also like peeling an onion--but all you find are more tears.

3. You don't talk about other people; you talk about the cool things other people are doing. "I hear Chad just invested in a startup. What are they working on?" "I can't believe Angie won their business back; I'd love to know how she did it." "Cecilia developed a new sales channel. Let's ask her how we can best leverage that."

When you love your work, you don't gossip about the personal failings of others. You talk about their successes, because you're happy for them (which is also also a sign you're happy with yourself.)

4. You think about what you will say, not how you will say it. You don't have to worry about agendas or politics or subtle machinations. You trust your team members--and they trust you.

5. You see your internal and external customers not as people to satisfy but simply as people. You don't see customers as numbers. They're real people who have real needs. And you gain a real sense of fulfillment and purpose from taking care of those needs.

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