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When I was eighteen years of age I met a girl who was a mum of a three year old but also an identical twin.
The identical twin and I never connected like I did with the first twin I met – we became best friends, having a lot of fun, a lot of tears but our connection was extremely strong.
Recently she rang and invited me to her daughters 18th B’day – the same daughter that I cut the umbilical cord when she was born.
Obviously straight away I said a huge ‘YES’!
My husband, daughter and myself traveled from one state to another to attend the party – my best friend and I embraced and it really felt like ‘coming home’.
As the afternoon went on and people in her family got ready, others began to turn up.
Only once did her twin come and attempt to talk to me – and honestly, I have never trusted this woman nor can I look at her because of how fake she is – makes me feel physically sick inside.
Her question went like this (after not seeing me for over 25 years) –
“Brandon has ASD doesn’t he?”!
I turned to her and replied –
“I don’t usually introduce my children by their labels – but thanks for asking, he is doing really well.”
She replied –
“Oh you can tell me – I have one child with Autism and one with Aspergers and one with Anxiety”
“And do your children have names or are they just introduced by labels.”
Ultimately she walked out and my best friend came and gave me a big cuddle and said
“You know how she is..........sorry”
After about two hours the twin that I don’t trust began to get very drunk. By the time she was spitting out chewed up BBQ chicken she approached me once again and it went like this..........
“Oh Kez....................I owe you a big apology – I was so jealous of your relationship with my sister that I treated you horribly over the years and throughout the years.”
“Yes...I am very well aware of your behaviour and your personal issues in relation to your sisters and mine relationship – but you really need to leave me alone at this moment because you have chewed up chicken flying out of your mouth and if it lands on me, I won’t be impressed!”
“No...No...No....you don’t understand, it was me, I am so sorry, I was Soooo jealous of you. I never had a friendship like you and hers and I wanted that and if I couldn’t be part of it, I wanted to ruin it.”
“I completely understand what you are attempting to say, but firstly you should have said sorry when you were sober and secondly, I don’t care what you have to say now.”
By now she was attempting to put her greasy chicken oiled hands all over me in a way of hugging and touching and drooling masticated chicken which potentially had a journey of finding its way onto my face or clothes.
I ended up putting two kitchen chairs between us and told her calmly but firmly that she needed to leave me alone.
Thankfully she waddled off.
Fast forward another hour or two.
Her daughter with anxiety really hit it off with our daughter and they were both sitting next to me when the boy who (allegedly) has autism came up and began to talk over his sister and interrupt and I said
“Uh, it is not your turn to talk, you wait till your sister has finished and then you can have your turn.”
Well he looked gob smacked at being given a boundary and he ran off into the bedroom.
The sister looked really worried and went to go to him – I asked her to finish what she wanted to tell us.
She continued talking and eventually went to look for her brother – obviously that has been her roll within that family unit of having to take a back step for her brothers who have not been taught boundaries and manners.
Time went by and I needed to use the bathroom – as I walked through the lounge room the ‘family’ which consisted of that twin – her niece and her anxiety daughter were huddled around the autistic boy who was now sheathed in a blanket and they all glared at me and did that eye thing that seems to be the norm in this society that yells – you are now shunned you wicked person!
So instead of being one for dramatics I went and stood with them and the boy who (allegedly) has Aspergers says – “Why did you yell at my brother?”
I looked at him and said
“I didn’t yell at your brother – I spoke to him firmly and directly.”
The anxiety daughter looked at me in tears and said
“I am sorry I don’t know the difference between speaking firmly and yelling.” (As she had stated I yelled at her younger brother).
I asked – “Don’t be sorry. What do you think speaking firmly is like?”
Well at this stage she runs off screaming – “Ohhhhhhhhhh, I can’t handle this...........”
I looked at the mess of this group of people that existed of a heavily intoxicated mother and her three ‘special needs kids’ who were being sniveled and drooled over and ultimately being ‘taught’ how not to be functional in this society and shook my head and said (quietly)
‘F....k me!’ and went back to my family.
And so – once I had done the rounds once more and went into the kitchen to help with the washing up –
The twin came in and began screaming......................with spit and drool falling down her chin and flying around while attempting to waddle and remain on her two feet instead of falling over.
“WHAT THE F...K DID YOU SAY TO MY KID!”
“I will not be answering any of your questions until you keep your eyes open and stand straight and stop floundering.”
“WHAT THE F...K DID YOU SAY TO MY KID – YOU ARE MEANT TO BE A F....ing AUTISM EXPERT AND SUPPOSEDLY KNOW EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG – YOU ARE USELESS PIECE OF SHIT” (And not to worry, her opinion of me is not part of my foundational well being – so her words only hurt her children and her dignity.)
Again I said
“I am not going to explain nor answer any of your questions until you can consciously absorb what I need to say – now go away.”
She began to get closer to me in her drunken stupor while my daughter is looking in the kitchen window from the outside with her poor little face showing worried and confused lines – because you see, my family unit does not have drama like this, we don’t perpetuate lies, jealousy or begin rubbish when we have consumed alcohol because we are quite healthy within all of ourselves – basically we don’t have any ulterior motive to react in this way.
I went back outside to settle our daughter who was standing straight up asking –
“Mum what’s happened, what’s going on?”
“Don’t panic beautiful girl, it was a long time coming and it was someone who needed to vent a lot of jealousy and anger towards me, but we will talk later because it is someone’s birthday.
Let’s just get through this and get back home.”
At that moment the girl with (supposed) anxiety – came up to me and said
“Kerri I am very sorry for being me”
“Don’t ever apologise for being you – yet how about giving someone a chance to advocate for them self before running off, hey.”
She smiled, nodding with her eyes bright and wide and said ‘SURE!’ - We both hugged and she sat with us for the rest of night laughing and giggling.
The night went on and to show how much this twin loathes me and reacts in relation to me – her own sister (my best friend) - was not able to acknowledge my hand in delivering the 18year old because of fear of how her twin would react.
Yes it hurt but it is not something I was going to give to much energy to because it was out of my control.
After the speeches I went and sat with our daughter and the girl when her brother with Autism (allegedly) - came up to me and said
“Hello, can I sit with you please”.
“Hello there..........and absolutely you can sit with me!”
Well he sat with us and then his little brother came over and sat with us and we all got on, the kids enjoyed my time, continue to ask questions, play games and giggle.
The twin - (the mother of the three special needs kids and the one that vomited all the anger to me) – was still drinking, dancing and being pathetic in her behaviour AND NOT ONCE did she glance around to check on her three special needs children!
The next morning – thank God! I went to the bathroom and the little boys were sitting near it playing with the cat and the ‘autistic’ boy said
“Good morning, did you have a good sleep?”
“Well good morning to you – young man, I had a great sleep – thankyou for asking me. I am leaving now but it really was such an honor and blessing to have met you!”
“Thankyou, I hope we meet again – I really like you.”
So I did my business and walked out to get ready to leave.
I did not give the hung-over twin one bit of energy – because you all know that my biggest mantra is;
‘Do not give your energy to anything you don’t want to grow or what is not worthy of your energy’
And she certainly was not.
Upon leaving – children said a great goodbye, her anxious daughter hugged me tightly and her and our daughter had formed a new friendship together.
Why am I sharing this long long story?
For a few reasons and many inconsistencies and of course being an analyst:
1) Because as parents we really do need to make sure we have all of our own personal issues in control or at least acknowledge our downfalls so that we don’t unintentionally or intentionally project them onto our innocent and vulnerable children.
I knew I had to alter a lot of things – a lot of my behaviours, perceptions etc - if my children were to survive and grow strong and in one piece.
2) Nothing grinds on me more than when a parent introduces their child based on the ‘labels’ – example:
“Hello this is my daughter, she has anxiety – this is my oldest son, he has autism – this is my youngest son and he has aspergers..........................”
This shows me straight away that the parent is only seeing their child through the eyes of the man made label – I am not saying they don’t love their child – that has nothing to do with it – BUT kids are more than their labels and to introduce a child to strangers and exposing their vulnerabilities simply opens the door to an altered perception from those who may struggle with ignorance.
Society won’t see your child as anything other than...........................that label. And more importantly, the child won’t know themselves other than anything but a label.
3) If someone has supposedly got three special needs children, would that someone not make sure they or their partner were sober and of alert condition to keep watch over these ‘vulnerable’ ones.
4) If someone knows their child has ASD/Autism/Aspergers, would they not be careful to not yell viciously and behave in such a manner that would ultimately scare their children – and of course make their ‘anxious’ child even more anxious.
Sometimes taking a breath and thinking first before reacting instantly – hence the emotive regulation being a necessary element in parenting – the parent would have seen that no damage was done by me to her young, they all gravitated back to me within an hour and were laughing, giggling and yes BEHAVING! Not one meltdown, no negativity and everyone taking turns - etc.
Upon years of proof this woman has shown me that my innate perception was correct and she is a malicious and manipulative individual.
So this means that her children will be subjected to that behaviour on various levels because they cannot get away or remove themselves from the toxic environment.
So when we have dramatic, malicious individual, who is a parent who is unable to control and manage her own emotive responses and unable to challenge the ill conceived perceptions they harbour, that can only lead to her bred ones growing up with similar if not same reactions and behaviours to external stimuli.
It concerns me because ‘professionals’ do not do any back checks, they never seem to take ten steps back and ask a ‘why’ – to the way kids may be behaving a specific way.
They don’t require us parents to answer more for our way of being but rather take our version of events to be gospel and medicate the child.
I mean imagine if every parent reacted that way when their child ran off due to being asked to wait and allow someone else to speak – my God – may he help us all.
This is going on and not only in my vision/experiences, it’s everywhere, where no one advocates for the kids – but rather allows needy parent/s to remain the victim under the signage of ‘I have special needs children’. I knew of one parent who took her friends kid’s ADHD Ritalin and gave it to her son to see what would happen, if it would ‘fix’ him!
The one and only disclaimer I will put in this – is I know not all parents are this way and it was not meant as a dig to anyone out there – it is simply stating facts.
I hope you read this with the intention I meant and I am looking forward to beginning to answer your questions.
Not all will be such long emails but without the first, middle and last scenarios, stories cannot be related to nor completely understood - if of course you feel you cannot handle these emails - please feel free to unsubscribe.
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